#guy fieri
“Where is Flavortown?” you ask again, landing another blow. The sound of it makes you sick, but you’ve gone too far to stop now.
“Y-y-you don’t get it…” your frost-tipped prisoner spits through a mouthful of blood. You wipe the red from your knuckles with an old rag, letting him speak.
“The question isn’t WHERE is Flavortown,“ he says. "But WHEN?"
You think back to your mother’s kitchen: the smell of tomato sauce wafting from a pot, the taste of fresh soup hot on your favourite spoon. Sobs wrack your body. How could you not have seen it?
"It’s okay…” he says. “We all remember our way back in our own time.”
But you are crying too hard to care now, trying to forget the trail of bodies that brought you to this moment, human lives smashed like garlic under the flat of your knife. All to lead you here. The gates of Flavortown. Not an arrival, no. A homecoming.
I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS EXCERPT FROM MY UNPUBLISHED PSYCH-THRILLER “THE GATES OF FLAVORTOWN” WHICH HISTORY WILL SURELY REMEMBER AS BEING THE BOMB DOT COM
I cannot adequately describe what a delightful read the New York Times’ profile of Guy Fieri published today is, but I will leave you with the following our-of-context excerpts that might encourage you to check it out:
- This passage is the perfect explanation of the natural phenomenon that is Guy Fieri:
- No, wait, this passage is the perfect explanation of Guy Fieri:
- On second thought, this is a strong contender:
- I feel like this struck a deep chord in me, insofar as I simultaneously had no idea Guy Fieri had anything to do with Dogecoin, and yet part of me always knew that he is inherently associated with Dogecoin on a fundamental level:
- Photographic proof of the absolute internal fucking consistency of this demigod amongst mere mortals, together with the best and most situationally specific caption I have ever read:
- Actually, I take it all back, this is the perfect, all encompassing description of who Guy Fieri is on an atomic level:
I’m actually really not surprised that Tumblr HQ linked a Dr Phil M&M X Guy Fieri crackship blog as their OTP at the top of the site. Not surprised at all….
Guy FierifromReal Life is a feral scientist
Requested by anonymous
May I introduce you to: Fierigatr
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ALT[A couple more pieces on top, and then the onion and the tomato. And all input is evil, until proven otherwise. The first layer takes roughly about 45 minutes.]
ALT[Acocta powder.]
ALT[Got your trash fries here.]
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ALT[They have a lot of good fat and flavor in them. It’s like if you were to do it at home, but now here I am, seventeen with a bullet. Really ‘ono, and we like that. Amazing tribute that you did for your dad and your uncle.]
ALT[Canada was regarded as a hostage to restrain Britain.]
ALT[This is Jackalopes Neighborhood Dive.]
ALT[Religion is the opiate of the people!]
ALT[Returned at that moment.]
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ALT[Then I went to Germany, studied over there. Yeah. Yeah, so, you know, I went to culinary school. Then I went to Germany.]
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ALT[MAN: Guava ribs in the window. Where do you get ribs with guava sauce? Hence he is one and remains in one. So let’s get into it. We’re gonna season our ribs, take our smoked salt. Love this smoked salt.]
ALT[Three times, to be exact.]
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ALT[…to a joint firing up a hotpot… Smoking, sizzling. …packed with knockout flavors. I’d eat that till I fall asleep. Hi, Grandma Bev. It’s Guy, hanging out]
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ALT[AND SO IT’LL COOK UP FASTER AND MORE CRISP. NOW HOW LONG WILL THEY GO DOWN NOW? THOUGH AFTER FORTY MINUTES SHE STILL HAD NOT SHOWN. SO THEY’LL GO FOR TWO MINUTES. THEN WHAT HAPPENS? THEN YOU PULL ‘EM OUT? THEN WE PULL EM UP, AND WE LET THEM ACTUALLY–]
