#incorrect superfamily
Steve: *to Peter* Why do you go to sleep so late?
Peter: *looking off into the distance* There’s no rest for the wicked
Tony: He stays up late to watch cat videos.
Aren’t we all?
Steve, stroking Tony’s hair: You’re so tiny and adorable.
Tony, half asleep: I could literally kick your ass right now.
Steve, looking at Tony with heart eyes: I know.
Peter: welcome to my very first vlog in which I will be trying different hair products.
Peter: *sprays hairspray into his mouth*
Peter: well, right off the bat, I can tell you that this is not very good.
Tony: what the fu-
Peter: Tony! Can I ride this scooter Steve gave me?
Tony: sure whatever, I mean I’m not your dad.
Peter, running out: okay! thanks!
Tony, screaming after him: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY-
Peter: everyone keeps telling me what Tony would or wouldn’t want.
Peter: WELL GUESS WHAT, I’M MY OWN DAD NOW!
Peter: I’M GONNA HAVE COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST AND BEDTIME IS NEVER!
Tony, from the afterlife: fuck ‘em up son!
Rhodey: How do you manage all these kids you keep getting?
Tony: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control over them whatsoever.
Tony: This morning Morgan yelled out to me and when I showed up to see what was going on, Peter shot me in the throat with a nurf gun.
*Peter screams from another room*
Steve: What was that?
Tony: I don’t know. I think Peter saw himself in the mirror.
Peter, from afar: MR STARK! THERE’S ANOTHER ME ON THE WALL!
Tony: JUST INTRODUCE YOURSELF! I’M SURE HE IS NICE!
Tony: You can’t make everyone like you, you’re not Peter.
Steve: What? Not everyone likes Peter.
Tony: Who doesn’t?
Steve: Well-
Tony: Names, now, Steve. GIVE ME THIER NAMES!
Tony, deathly hungover: Please tell me I’m imagining that I claimed I was the king of ducks.
Steve, sipping his coffee: I would, but then I would be lying to the king of ducks.
Peter: I would kill for you, Mr Thor!
Thor, gripping his shoulder: Well, that’s not necessary-
Peter: Oh, that’s a relief, because I would do it, but it would weigh on me.
Computer: Please enter password
Steve: Tony
Computer: Too weak
Steve, destroying the computer: SAY THAT AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER
Tony, holding a cauliflower in front of Steve’s face: what is this?
Steve: … a cauliflower?
Tony, to Peter: now tell Steve what you think it is.
Peter, arms folded: ghost broccoli
Peter: oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers.
Tony, crying: please just say fuck.
Tony: Peter! You have to stay awake, you’ve got like 69 stab wounds
Peter:
Peter:
Peter, while bleeding out at an alarming rate:nice
Peter: *points knife at emotions*
Peter: stay back, slut.
Steve: Tony just GO TO THE HOSPITAL-
Tony: who’s stab wound is this????? I didn’t realise it was OUR stab wound????
Steve: I’m going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to react, okay?
Tony: Sure.
Steve: If you want to live give me all your money!
Peter, loudly: Bold of you to assume I have any money.
Tony, over everyone’s shit: Bold of you to assume I want to live.
Peter: Mr Stark, could you please do me a small favour?
Tony: I will literally kill for you, but go on.
Steve: How long are we gonna stand here and let him do that?
Tony: Just give him a minute
Peter: [pushing on a door that clearly says pull]
Random criminal: I’m here to kidnap you
Peter: I’ll have to ask my dad
Random criminal: it’s not a cho-
Peter: He said no
Peter: Do you guys think I could fit fifteen marshmallows into my mouth?
Steve: you’re a hazard to society.
Tony: and a coward. Try twenty.
Peter: There are just some sounds that everyone loves. Like shoes on gravel.
Tony: Rain hitting the roof.
Steve: The crackling of a fire.
Natasha: The snapping of the necks of those who think they can disrespect you.
*Peter suddenly appears in the space ship*
Tony: Peter! You’re back! What happened?
Peter: I was starting to sing Bubblegum Bitch for the 12th time in the soul stone and it just yeeted me out.
*Somewhere far away*
Tony: Peter just did something stupid, I can feel it. Why am I surprised? Don’t you ‘greater good’ and 'please trust me Mr. Stark.’ I wouldn’t trust that boy with a plastic spoon.
Rhodey: This is big dad energy.
