vanya: honestly, the best thing I’ve done for myself this year has been replacing ‘I wanna die’ with 'I wanna commit a crime.’ same humor and sentiment without the suicidal ideation

klaus, on google: wow, I love astrology. which planet can I blame for my problems?

diego:earth

allison: you know what? underneath it all, you’re actually pretty nice

five: repeat that disgusting slander again and you’ll be hearing from my lawyers

klaus: so here’s the tea–

ben: for the last time, it’s called a meeting report

klaus: do you want the tea or not?

luther: I didn’t know you were gay!

vanya: what have I EVER done to make you think I was straight?

five: due to personal reasons, I will be insulting god in a staggering display of hubris

allison: five sometimes talks in his sleep. it’s cute

five, asleep: fight me motherfucker,,, square up bitch,,, I think the fuck not,,,

vanya: I child proofed my house but somehow my siblings keep getting in

klaus: people complain about my fanny pack during sex until they realise the snacks are for both of us

klaus: “ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I’m falling asleep already

klaus: “cowards,” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, casual and fun, and dramatic

cha cha: can you tell me where I can find number five’s office?

the handler: yeah. go straight down there, turn left, and look for a broken down, sad old man. follow him

cha cha: and he’ll take me to number five?

the handler: that is five

sissy: has anyone ever told you they love you?

vanya: do my parents count?

sissy:yes

vanya: then no

diego: people treat me like an idiot, so I’m allowed to act like one from time to time. it’s one of the perks

diego: sorry dude, but we need to finish this so we need to handle it professionally and maturely

klaus: name one time I haven’t acted professionally

diego: you’re holding a juice box

klaus: it stops me from spilling my juice!!

five, holding a large box: what would you say if I came home one day with seven kittens?

allison: what’s in the box?

five:

allison: five, what’s in the box?

five: I think you know

diego: you shouldn’t insult people who are bigger than you

five: then I’d never get to insult anyone, and we can’t have that

the umbrella academy as random images I found in my camera roll

luther:

-

diego:

-

allison:

-

klaus:

-

five:

-

ben:

-

vanya:

klaus, coming home with a huge coat:

allison: what’s in the coat?

klaus’ coat, frantically meowing:

klaus:drugs

klaus: ben told me to grow up and I was speechless

klaus: it’s kind of hard to talk with 45 gummy bears in your mouth

Klaus:Diego

Diego: what’s up

Klaus: I only know 25 letters of the alphabet

Diego: how come

Klaus: I don’t know ‘Y’