#jercy attempts words

a Thought: the batkids looking and acting like a Creacher just as much as The Bat himself

like this:

bc my first thought was if damian leaned into being a Lil Gremlim more he’d very easily exude the same ~vibes as Creacher Batsy

imagine this tiny hellion

looking like a weirdo creature similar to the 6’ night demon he fights crime with

and then i realized, why stop at damian?

why not have dick perching on rooftops looking exactly like a gargoyle, but somehow this statue can jump and move like a monkey in the middle of a concrete jungle?

why not have jason looming in the shadows like a nocturnal bigfoot to scare the shit outta criminals in the alleys? why not have him move like a creature of the night that no one understands the physics of?

why not have tim be a half-zombie lurking around corners at god-knows-why-in-the-morning with his fingers curled around a shot of 5hr energy drink like it’s sauron’s ring and he’s gollum?

why not have cass be a Creacher exactly like bruce but just smaller and arguably scarier when she’s wearing her costume w the stitched up mouth? unlike the Big Bat, you can’t see any part of her face, and she looks like a wholeass Mini Bat but silent, and isn’t that just horrifying? what the fuck kind of expression is she making under that mask?? would a smile be less or more terrifying??

and this doesn’t just apply to the main gaggle of bats—it extends to the rest of the family too: duke, steph, kate, luke, babs, all of them

i guess what i’m saying is that i would like an urban legend version of the batfamily where all of them are funky looking cryptids that somehow communicate exclusively in grunts and fistfights LOL

roy and lian, G+, 1.1k | based on this tiktok and basically copied verbatim loool. just a fun time between roy and lian

read on ao3

Roy pulls his phone out of his pocket, setting it up so he can film himself with one hand. Possibilities of sharing this video with others aside, he just wants to make sure this is actually happening. He frames it so he’s the only one on screen, capturing him sitting on the living room sofa. Just out of frame but within range of the mic is Lian sitting next to him.

“Can you ask me again what you just asked me?” he says. “What was that question?”

She looks up at him with her big brown eyes, obviously confused.

“I don’t think—Daddy didn’t hear you,” he clarifies.

Lian cocks her head to the side, beginning to pick at her shirt, seemingly already bored with this conversation.

But Roy needs to know he heard this right, and he needs it documented.

She looks up from her shirt, turning to look at Roy again. When she finally answers, her tone indicates a mix of confusion and annoyance at her dad’s apparent incompetence.

“Can we have lesbian?”

Roy tucks his lips into his mouth, trying his absolute hardest not to burst out laughing.

Just five minutes ago, they were watching a Pixar film in the living room when Lian had asked a simple question: What’s for dinner? When Roy said he hadn’t decided yet, she’d promptly answered, “Can we have lesbian?”

So, he immediately paused the movie and brought out his phone to film and capture this very moment.

Roy hums a noise of acknowledgement. “Mhm, okay.” He strokes his jaw with his free hand, a poor attempt at trying to cover up the smile threatening to split his face. “Maybe I did hear you right.” He moves the hand on his chin to brush his cheek.

He has no idea what the fuck she’s talking about. Where did she hear that word? What does it have to do with dinner? Is Lian trying to come out to him? How would he even get a lesbian (question mark?) for her?

(He briefly wonders if Dick or Jason are in touch with Batwoman. She’s a lesbian, right? Roy vaguely remembers something about an engagement.)

Lian looks at him expectantly, the corner of her lips tugging into the tiniest frown. Crap, he needs to wrap up this up soon if he wants to avoid a tantrum.

He decides to be honest.

“I don’t know—I don’t know what that is, sweetie,” he admits. He props his free arm onto the backrest of the couch, leaning his head against a fist. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Lesbiaaan,” Lian drawls, as if Roy didn’t hear her say it three times with total clarity now.

He hides his face behind his hand again, unable to stop the grin from growing. He smoothly (as smooth as he can in a situation like this anyway) turns the movement to look like he’s just rubbing his eyes.

“I kn-I know,” he stutters. Shit, he can barely contain himself now.

He takes a shallow breath. “I know what you said,” he tries again, “but I don’t think that word means what you think it means, okay?”

He’s about to explain himself a little more when Lian interrupts him:

“It’s like spaghetti!”

Roy nearly drops his phone.

Lasagna.

She means lasagna.

Lian looks at him with an expression that only says duh! and Roy can’t stop the snort that escapes him. He covers his face again in a last-ditch effort—he never wants his daughter to think he’s laughing at her but, god, he definitely underestimated how raising a kid had its moments.

He clears his throat, getting a better grip of his phone. “Ahem, excuse me. Um.”

Perceptive little girl she is, Lian’s frown turns into one of concern, so Roy answers her before she can divert the conversation.

“Lian, baby,” he says, deciding to completely give up on hiding his smile, “do you mean ‘lasagna’?”

“Yup!” she replies, popping at the P at the end.

Lian smiles back at him, apparently glad that they’re finally on the same page. Roy rubs his forehead again after nodding.

“Yeah,” he says, “I’m sure we can hav—”

His voice suddenly cracks, giggles threatening to pour out of him. He pauses to collect himself, breathing deeply as he rubs his forehead some more.

He needs to get a hold of himself. She’s been patient with him this whole time, and he still needs to figure out dinner after all.

“I’m sure we can have lasagna really soon,” he assures her. “Okay? I’ll try to—” and he can’t help but nod at her encouragingly when her expression turns into one of excitement, “—I’ll try to make sure we can eat that soon, okay?”

Lian makes a happy noise, lifting a hand up to pat him on the chest.

“Yeah!” she exclaims, beaming a huge gap-toothed grin at him, and Roy practically melts.

“Okay, alright,” he says, voice going from slightly hysterical to overwhelmingly fond. He ends the recording before shutting his phone off and putting it away.

Lian faceplants into his chest—getting an oof! out of him in the process—and she shifts around until her little arms are curled around his torso, face tilted up.

(Roy doesn’t care what anyone says—he’s definitely got the cutest kid in the world, probably the galaxy. This is not the first time he’s thought this, and it certainly won’t be the last.)

“So can we have liz…” She struggles with the word. “Laz-laznia—”

“Lasagna.”

“—lasagna. Can we have that today?”

Thinking about what’s in their kitchen, Roy shakes his head. “No, princess, I’m sorry, not tonight.”

“Aww,” she whines, burying her face into his chest. He brings up a hand to stroke her hair—it’s getting long now, several inches past her shoulders, and he makes a mental note about maybe taking her in for a haircut.

Roy hums to himself. There are some leftovers he can probably toss into some sort of meal for tonight, but his little girl wants lasagna. Lasagna can’t be that hard to make, right? Maybe Ollie or Dinah (or Jason?) has a recipe even Roy can manage.

And if all else fails, he’s been on enough late-night missions to know that pre-packaged frozen lasagna isn’t half-bad.

“We can’t have it tonight,” he says, “but maybe after we go shopping this week, we can have some, okay?”

“Yay!” she cheers, looking up to flash that megawatt grin at him again.

He grins back, eyes crinkling at the corners. “You wanna help me make that next time?”

He offers a raised palm to her, and she responds with a delighted squeal, high-fiving him with a satisfying smack!

“Okay, Daddy!”

everyone talks about how sleep deprived and 3-coffees-away-from-becoming-the-walking-dead tim is but i want this energy for bernard too

i want him up at buttfuck in the morning reading about soy grand theory and how the soyification of the world is part of the domino effect that caused movements like we are robin

i want him crouched over a screen with his eyes wide like (O_O) as he pours over hollow earth theories and how hollow earth houses all of the shadow government’s failed experiments to create metas

i want him red-eyed and clutching a can of redbull as he opens another page of how weather control isn’t done by secret towers placed around the world but by ex-members of the justice league who are mind controlled by the illuminati

and most importantly i want him and tim to stumble into each other in the middle of the night like this:

wip game

tagged by: no one bc i just stole this from here lol iight leggo /o/

rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have wips

(note: almost all of these titles have variations on them aka fic 1a.docx, fic 1b.docx, fic 1b 2.docx, etc. to streamline and save space, i’m just listing the base file name then adding the variations at the end. also, i’m only sticking to wips on my phone bc if i had to check my laptop then this list would be embarrassingly long lol)

in order of most recently modified:

1. i know what im doing (jayroylian escape) 1a / 1b / 1c / 2a
2. love for sale thing idk oh god 1a
3. why not the cute hoodie fic gfdi 1a / 1b
4. tiny meow meow broose 1a
5. oh boy
6. like mother, like son (FUCK YEAH GOOD TITLE) 1a
7. IM IN HELL (BATFAM ED) 1a
8. vanxcardia sleep 5n1 a / b / c
9. god please help me
10. some fuckin symbrock thing 1a

tagging: no one bc i’m procrastinating lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if you wanna do this, just say i tagged you~!!

for the small overlap of my followers in the centre of the batman/check please venn diagram: take a trip with me to batfam x omgcp hell lol

some prior notes before i get into this:

1. for my own safety and sanity, i primarily won’t be focusing on the grimdark, death-filled origin stories of the batfamily
2. i will be fucking around with ages, characterizations, and relationship dynamics from both omgcp and dc bc this is my au and i do what i want lol
3. there’s gonna be a fuckton more under the cut bc this is all stream of consciousness and i needed to get it down or else my brain wouldn’t shut up about it /);w;(\

oKAY LEGGO /o/

jack zimmermann is The BatMan

• broody, black-haired, blue-eyed, soft-spoken giant of a man who can terrify others with a glare
• not quite a playboy in his civilian identity as jack zimmermann, but defo a himbo who trips over his own words and generally has no idea what he’s doing if it isn’t about his family or his family’s giant corporation
• also pressure to live up to parents’ legacy as positive figures who constantly made changes to the city they loved? trying to follow in his father’s footsteps as an amazing philanthropist and business man?
• *chef’s kiss*
• he’s awkward and perhaps robotic about it sometimes but he loves his family (old and new) with all his heart and will fight the world to protect them

eric bittle is catwoman the night cat

• flirty chatty, sneaky cat burglar who steals to fund his own interests
• (it’s baking we all know it’s baking lol. he has a dream to start a career in the food industry but he can’t afford it yet so…….. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
• bitty’s got soft hands and quick technique—there’s nothing he can’t break into or break out of so long as he’s got the right tools
• first meeting with jack zimmermann as the batman was unfavourable for everyone involved. eric was a criminal trying to steal a vintage dining set from the local museum and jack was……very jack about it
• their relationship softens as they cross paths more often and they learn about each other’s identities
• bitty left home at a young age and never looked back—he may miss his family dearly but it was for the best
• besides, if he went back home then how could i run into you, mr. tall, dark, and handsome?
• jack is very flustered by him and rightfully so lol
• once he’s more integrated into the batfamily, bitty loves everyone just as fiercely as jack does

hops or bully as robin i/nightwing

• i can’t decide between the two yet for who i’d prefer for the first robin and eventually nightwing
• i love hops for the teasing, pain-in-the-ass robin and eventual titans’ leader, nightwing
• but i also love the idea of (canonically second best dancer of smh) bully being an expert gymnast who came from a family of travelling performers, whose acts are tied deeply to their cultural identities
• this is up in the air for the meantime, but either of em would be excellent nightwings
• whoever’s not robin + louis would also be in this iteration of the titans

dex as robin ii/red hood

• now i gotta be honest, i almost didn’t want to have red hood be part of this bc pain but!! i think dex would be an excellent red hood
• picked up by billionaire jack zimmermann, dex is a kid from the streets who tragically dies in undisclosed circumstances
• his homelife before jack came into it was taking care of his mother and protecting them from an abusive brother
• he takes the mantle as robin with some trepidation at first but comes to love it with all his heart
• after his death and eventual resurrection, he becomes the red hood: an anti-hero who cares for the underdogs, for the forgotten people of the city, fighting crime in his own way in the alleys where he came from
• he goes on his own adventures with his own group of outlaws—nursey, a clever archer with as much dorkiness as he does archery skill, and chowder, a naive but kind and loving alien with godly powers
• (no, neither nursey nor chowder were ever part of robin i’s titans bc i have Opinions™ about this and i want them to be their own ragtag group of heroes gdi)
• (yes, i am just furthering my polyfrogs agenda. also you can’t tell me polyfrogs as joyfire wouldn’t be the best thing ever )

ransom as robin iii/red robin

• a tired ball of chaos, ransom would be such a good tim drake i can feelit
• a bright young man who forces his way into batman’s life after robin ii’s passing and after looking up to both generations of robin growing up
• he deduced jack and co’s identities on his own and then studies up like hella to become the next robin
• he’s slightly terrified to present his findings to The Jack Zimmermann aka The Batman, but his bravery and thoroughness at the very least intrigues jack enough to take him under his wing (pun intended)
  
• ransy’s parents are not pleased when he announces everything to them
• they have expectations of the world from him but at the end of the day they love their son and they love that their son is doing good in the world
• he’s a disaster bi btw
• one of his bffs is holster aka superboy i, who is his righthand man in their team of heroes (young justice titans)
• his other bff is march aka spoiler and basically his first love who is his partner in all things batfamily
• ransom has the dick grayson problem of going back and forth between the same two redheads blondes for several years bc he loves them both very dearly

whiskey as robin iv

• jack’s son who barrels into his life after years of secrecy
• idk who i want to be his ~mother yet
• initial instinct says camilla, jack’s ex, a skilled assassin-slash-mercenary with her own moral code
• her relationship with jack would mirror that of roy and jade’s and whiskey would be lian………….except instead of lian it’d be damian LOL
• camilla kept whiskey as a secret bc she knew who Jack The Batman and Jack The Billionaire was, but she’s forced to give him up when her life comes under threat and she decides he’d be safer with jack
• jack and camilla do not have an antagonistic relationship before nor after whiskey comes into jack’s life, but just from the way whiskey grew up he’s got Some Issues to deal with
• jack allows him to express/release his emotions with combat and detective training, and eventually he becomes the next robin
• ALTERNATIVELY
• whiskey is a clone resulting from the success of experimentation combining jack and kent parson’s dna (think conner kent being the result of clark kent and lex luthor)
• kent is jack’s old flame and partner
• they grew up together and were inseparable for most of their youth until a brutal falling out where jack eventually started his path to become the batman, and kent turned to crime and world domination
• whiskey, again, was the result of an experiment studying human genetics that successfully created a clone of billionaire and masked vigilante, jack zimmermann + the head of the biggest crime league in the world, kent parson
• whiskey comes into jack’s life after discovering his conception and wanted to learn more about his other father
• he also left the league bc i imagine grooming a child to be a murderer in a villain’s syndicate takes its toll and whiskey saw this as his perfect out
• cue the same journey to him becoming robin iv

other notes

• shitty is alfred pennyworth but not an old butler. he is instead jack’s righthand man and best friend. if it wasn’t kent with jack growing up, it was shitty, and shitty stuck by jack’s side after kent left. they know each other as well as they know themselves, and jack would trust his life and family with shits. shitty’s basically his live-in manager and PA, but he loves what he does and he, too, protects the batcave with a shotgun (as well as a foul mouth lol)
• lardo is lucius fox and heads all of zimmermann enterprise’s innovations. she got into a relationship with shitty after years of the two of them dealing with jack’s bs and eventually they two fell in love. she’s a genius and unafraid to put any of the batfamily in their place, especially since shitty won’t. yeeeeeears down the line, once jack puts up the cowl once and for all and she and shitty have their own family, their son picks up the mantle to become the next batman a la jace fox
• tater is the superman to jack’s batman. a loud and kind humanoid alien who was adopted by russian immigrants after crashlanding to earth as a baby and grew up to eventually become superman
• tango is superboy ii and whiskey’s best friend. idk if i want him to be tater’s son, but i do want super sons, and whiskey needs a sunshine alien just like damian lol
• george is wonder woman. i am not taking any questions about this.
• alsoapril is wonder girl in young justice a la cassie sandsmark. i will not be taking questions about this either.
• if she isn’t whiskey’s mom then camilla is batwoman. no questions here as well.
• idk yet who i want as cass and babs but i know want them here somehow. i just dunno yet. maybe farmer as oracle?? ford as orphan?? vice versa??? use jenny and mandy instead???? maybe i should rearrange the whole damn family????? idk yet but don’t worry i haven’t forgotten them~!