I was asked to write a letter for future foreign teachers at Hegang Number one High School and thought I would share it with you:

It’s funny, I have read so may articles about what it’s like to live abroad. And almost all of them mention making friends with other foreigners. But what if you are the ONLY foreigner? And you can only speak the same language as a handful of people. And everything you see is in a language you don’t understand. I doubt many people will ever be in this situation but it happens to be the situation I’m in.

For those that don’t know me, I am an only child and an extreme extrovert. I remember times when I was little and I would call all of my friends to hang out and no one could play and I would have a mild panic attack thinking about how I had to be alone for the day. And my mom would be like, Lucy chill!!!……It’s funny, you would think as an only child I would be good at being alone but actually I was just good at finding people to be friends with. It really wasn’t until college that I could really be at peace with being alone for a day or more. So, China was a huge step, and I knew it would be.

Now, Im not trying to have anyone feel bad for me, I have made friends. I play volleyball with a group of people twice a week, I have lunch with a group of teachers 4 days a week but about 95% of my dinners are alone. Dinners were always important to my family. We always ate together, and we always talked about our day… So that’s why at dinner… I feel the most alone.

But being alone to the extreme… has really given me the opportunity to grow, more than I think anything else could. I have now found out how to be content alone. Notice I didn’t say happy, I am and will always be an extrovert and being around others brings me the most joy but as the extrovert I am, I have now found a way to be content alone…. Which is HUGE for me.

So for you extreme extroverts out there, it is possible to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face while feeling alone. Interactions with people are what bring me the most joy. So when that was lacking I just had to find new things to bring me happiness, like exercising, listening to music, and just enjoying the sunshine. Hegang has been a great challenge and I feel very lucky that I was given the opportunity to face it and learn how to make myself happy in different ways that don’t involve other people.

China’s National College Entrance Examination— or gaokao, as the test is known in Mandarin, takes place this Sunday and Monday. These two days will decide the destiny for over 10 million Chinese high school students ready to graduate.

In USA, when you apply to colleges you write essays, send your grades, send your test scores, tell them about your extracurriculars. The colleges look at many different things about you to see if you are a good fit. In China, is all about this test. The reading and math classes your parents put you in at age 5, the night classes and weekend classes you have been attending for years, your inability to take a vacation because you always had to study, even during the summer, this is where you see if it all pays off. In a Times article they quoted a Chinese exam tutor who said, “The gaokao is about the most pressure-packed examination in the World, given the numbers, the repercussions, and the stress involved.”

I remember when I was applying to colleges. I was so stressed sometimes I couldn’t eat and there were many tears. I can’t even imagine what all of these students go through here and have so much respect for their hard work and ability to deal with pressure. But many students can’t deal with the pressure. The Globalist states, “Although suicide is the fifth-leading cause of death in China, it has become the leading cause of death among young people. It is estimated that 287,000 people commit suicide every year in China.” This article also stated “The high number of suicides among Chinese adolescents result mostly from the extreme pressure from their families to perform well in school and excel in their studies. In addition to those pressures, teenagers experience feelings of isolation and loneliness which make them prone to attempt suicide.”

Many of these students wake up at 6am to get to school and then stay at school until it’s over at 6pm and then go to more classes or go home and stay up late and do homework. I believe that the way this school system is set up makes it very difficult for students to make great friendships with each other. So, when a student is stressed by the pressure of his or her family, it is hard to reach out and find someone to help them through. My students complain to me almost every day that they have too much homework and at first I was just thinking they were big complainers but then I realized that they are piled on with homework. On Mondays when I ask them how their weekend was they just tell me how they have too much homework and other classes. These kids are under so much pressure that many of them already have grey hair.

These students are under more pressure than I can even imagine, yet they keep moving forward. I talked to a student the other day who is about to take the test and she said she is so excited about her future that she is ready to take the test. These students are put under pressure that I don’t think anyone that age should ever go through, yet I am so impressed by these students bravery to face this pressure and give this test their best shot. I think these students’ attitudes should be recognized and people from all ages, all around the world, should be inspired by them… I know I am.

I finally had the magical experience in China I was waiting for. I was invited to a KTV…

KTV stands for karaoke TV but its not the karaoke that most americans think of which includes singing in front of a random group of people. At these places, which are incredibly popular in China, guest rent a room and you sing your guts out in front of your friends, in a room with a closed door and comfy couches. Most americans are confused about KTV when they first hear about it because karaoke, to many americans,is all about is having the guts to share your talents or completely embarrass yourself in front a group of random people. 

The best way I can understand the popularity of KTV is to think of an aspect of Chinese culture that is most obvious to me. Shyness! Overall the Chinese culture is much more shy than the american culture (especially the culture I have grown up around). A huge part of Chinese culture is all about “saving face” and not embarrassing yourself or your family. So that makes sense to why they would rather sing around people they know than random people like Americans do but I really had to think why KTV and singing to others, even in a closed room, is so popular? 

Well here is a fun fact… Chinese people have a over all better musical sense than Americans. Yes that is a statement comes with many people that are the exception. But what I am trying to point out is that the Chinese language is a tonal language which helps most of its people have a good musical sense from childhood. So many Chinese people are actually good at singing, or at least not tone def. 

It is also a great way to blow off some steam in a culture that is very stressful and doesn’t really have many ways to blow off steam. Clubs and bars are still a western idea and are not very popular in China (except in places like Beijing and Shanghai). But Chinese people, especially northern Chinese people, are not strangers to alcohol. So this gives self-restrained Chinese people a place to leave stresses and social labels at the door and drink in a safe environment with their friends. 

I was taught by my parents at a young age how important manners were, as I know many others were in USA. As an American temporarily living in China it wasn’t hard to notice that the thing my parents told me was so important was missing here. In my first few weeks here I couldn’t tell how to pinpoint this cultural element that I could tell was different every where I looked.

First I thought it was just that the people in China couldn’t be aware of their body. For example, when I went to the grocery store it was always complicated because people would stand in the middle of the isle with their cart blocking the way or cut in front of me in a line or stop right in front of me as I was walking. I decided this was easy to solve and I just had to learn how to say excuse me. But many times as I was (what I thought) politely waiting for the person to notice my eagerness to get past them someone would usually just push past me and the person I was waiting on and even though it looked like to me they both had to collide for one to get past another… the collision didn’t faze either of them. No one said excuse me or sorry or looked for an apology. When I asked an english teacher how to say sorry and excuse me she told me then paused and said, “but no one really says that here”.

Something else I have noticed is that I have yet to have one random person to hold a door for me or see anyone hold a door for anyone else. I’m not saying when I am home a “Prince Charming” always holds a door open for me when I bat my eyelashes. I know it doesn’t happen often that people hold the doors in The States ..but it happens. Like if you are walking into a store and someone is walking right behind you, you will hold the door an extra second so that it doesn’t cause the door to slam in their face… A door has been slammed in my face multiple times here.

Now before you start thinking that the Chinese are some horrible barbaric people you have to understand the country and history of China. It wasn’t that long ago that a LARGE amount of the country was starving and impoverished and people had to make sure they got what was theirs to feed their family.

Now it is country with over 1.3 billion people!

I am currently reading a book about China called : Age of Ambition. Chasing Fortune, Truth, and Faith in the New China. By Evan Osnos. And if you are curious about China I really suggest you to read it. It explains it all!! It has been extremely helpful to me in explaining different parts of China’s past that helps me understand China’s culture now.

The book commented on how the people of China tend to drive, which I would also put in the category of “missing chivalry”. I’m sure you are thinking “I have driven in [insert American city name] I know all about rude drivers. Sure, you can think whatever you want but you have to believe me when I tell you that I wouldn’t mind driving in any and every city in the U.S. but never want to get behind the wheel in China. And this has nothing to do with the signs being in a different language but is solely because every one behind the wheel here, scares me. Pedestrians never have the right away, even when the light says walk. A honk here means "I’m going through wether you move or not”. I have also seen that for some people they have no problem being in the far right lane and then turning left when the light goes green. I’m just trying to explain that when People here get behind a car they don’t stop for anyone or anything.

All of these things really troubled me and confused me until I read a part of Osnos’ book that said that Chinese drivers think “I can’t pause. otherwise, I’ll never get anywhere”. It was funny, that sentence helped put everything into perspective for me.

This is a country of over a billion people with that many people and some of them knowing what it’s like not to have food, so why would they pause to hold a door or say excuse me or let someone go ahead of them? If they they did that they would never get where they are trying to go or what they are trying to get. China is CROWDED and as an American you can’t understand this many people in one place until you get here. I bet if a Chinese person said excuse me to everyone they bump into every day, they would loose their voice. Almost everywhere is crowded and you have to push to get places. It’s not that people are being rude, it’s just how you got from A to B. And if you let one car pass how do you know that the hundreds of other cars wouldn’t take advantage of that.
So even though people laugh at me for saying thank you so much and people push their way in front of me everyday. I just have to understand that’s how it works here. No one is trying to be rude, they are just living their life and get what is theirs, in an a way that is acceptable in their culture. And as an outsider, I have no reason to judge because if I lived here my whole life, I am sure I would act the exact same.

I can’t even explain how incredibly grateful I am that my boyfriend, Jon, was able to make is first ever international trip and visit me. What I really loved, was watching his eyes open to a new culture and everyone here use his visit to learn more about the USA as well.
One night we had dinner with two of my students and they told Jon they saw on the news that a boy was shot by the police in the states. And they asked why and what it was about. It opened up a great topic about race in the U.S. and we told the students that in the states black people aren’t always treated the same as the white people and life is harder for a black person in the states. We told them different things that make life unfair for blacks in America. One of my students just couldn’t wrap his head around it, “why?”, he kept asking. “Just because of their skin color?”, “That is so horrible!”. My student told me that the only thing he can compare that to is the poor people on China and sometimes people judge them and ridicule them.

If you don’t know Jon or can tell from the pictures, he is a 6'4" black man. When I told him he would get stares when he visited he said he wasn’t worried because he gets stared at a lot, especially when he walks somewhere in the U.S. that is mostly white. But Hegang was different. Yes he got stares… Lots of stares… But none of them had any kind of judgment or unkindness behind them, people stared because they were genuinely curious, and he knew that. And that’s huge that he was able to experience that. I know there will be a lot for him to digest (and of course me too when I get home). But I am so glad he was willing to travel across the world to visit me and affect the minds and lives of people here while allowing them to impact him as well, because that’s what travel is all about.

My English teacher friend, whose English name is Supergirl, invited Jon to an adventure on Sunday. She said we would get leave at 5:45am to go to “a hill with flowers”. Now for those of you that don’t know me very well, it takes a lot or something imprint to get me out of bed before 9:00am. So, I was hesitant about “a hill with flowers”. But, like I have said before, you can never say no to a possible adventure when you are in a foreign country.
So we pack in this bus of tourists with some off teacher friends and their kids. After the group leader announces to the bus that we have Americans on the bus and everyone looks at us and waves… I passed out. Jon told me that the whole ride, my teacher friends were handing him all kinds of food to eat… Including potato chips, fried fish, and beer… All before 9 in the morning. ( he ate it all but the beer, he said luckily a teacher told him he didn’t have to drink it then).
When we arrived to the tourist destination…. It was literally a hill with flowers…. But what is more exciting than a hill with flowers?? A tall white girl and a tall black man! We were famous. We had people literally dragging us different ways to take pictures with us. Our hike up the hill took probably about 5x as long because we had so many people ask to take our pictures with us. Mostly women asked for pictures with me, I think it’s because I am what these women are told what what is beautiful.. White, tall and big eyes. And mostly men asked for their picture with Jon, I think if was because he is so tall and has some muscle in him and also because we heard the word “strong” multiple times when they wanted pictures with him.
When we finally got to the top of the hill. It was lunch time. Jon finished off the fried fish, we ate some sausage and had some beef jerky that looked like candy in a candy rapper. After lunch it was lots of running around with the kids and I taught everyone red light- green light and Simon says, they were a hit.
Over all it was a great day. Jon and I learned; more about China’s culture, how to appreciate a hill with flowers, a taste of what it must be like to be a celebrity, and I was shown again that I should never turn down an opportunity to have an adventure.

When some of my students in my year 2 classes found out they didn’t have class in my birthday they told me that since the next day was Labor Day and we wouldn’t have school, that they would throw me a party.
Because of the Chinese culture, non of the girls students’ parents allowed them to come so it was all boys. Before going to dinner we had complete “bro-time” and of course they loved Jon. We were at one of the students apartments. His mom welcomed us at the door and then my student basically pushed his mom out the door so we could all hang out, like any high school boy would do. We talked about all of the necessary topics…. First they talked about video games for what seemed like 80% of the time and LOVED that Jon knew of the games that they played. Then they filled me in on how one of their friends wasn’t their because he had a date with his first girlfriend today. And then of course the most important topic… They taught us Chinese curse words.

After our “bro-time” the boys took us to this amazing Chinese restaurant. They were so sweet and got me a HUGE birthday cake (about 4 times the size of the cake the teachers got me). Jon is still getting used to chopsticks. So, when the boys told him to try the food he struggled to pick up the food and put it on his plate, but when he finally got it, all of the boys cheered! They were so great! One of my students ( the English name he chose was soup) sat next to Jon and helped him out and put food on his plate because he knew Jon was struggling.
When it was time for us to get rice a boy yelled to me “BIRTHDAY NOODLES”… Umm what? So I got a bowl of one Looonnnggg noodle. For this Chinese tradition I had to eat as much of the noodle as I could without it breaking and they count. I think it was whatever number they count to was how many more years I live. I got to 34… I thought that was bad but they told me I did good but hopefully I’ll live longer than 34 years…
My students were amazing and made me and Jon feel so loved! Nothing like a birthday to remind you how blessed you are!

An Irish redhead in London : The Long March

Well hello there dear readers. It’s been a while but, believe it or not, I am still alive and kicking.

I haven’t found the time to blog for a few weeks because I’ve been busy working away at RadioTimes.com, waxing lyrical about everything from superfandomto women in Star Wars,Watership DowntoIrish and UK YA, and even Doctor Who.

In fact, I’ve made it through most of series one and two of…

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My favorite part about japan so far is without doubt the food. Especially in Tokyo there’s nothing you can’t get

I forgot about my blog but Ill start to share my experiences in japan from now on

no one tells you
being an immigrant
is being a stallion
front hooves tied knotted
course rope
chaffing at your ankles
holed up in a greener pasture
gnawing at tender leaves
while watching
acres away
those you love
wild and free, wind
whistling against their cheeks,
a throbbing ache to be with them
but knowing you cannot.

-tied, Kelsey Ray Banerjee