#feeling alone
“(…)
Below my soul
I feel an engine
Collapsing as it sees the pain
If I could only shut it out
I’ve come too far
To see the end now
Even if my way is wrong
I keep pushing on and on and on and on
There’s nothing left to say now (oh)
There’s nothing left to say now
I’m giving up, giving up, he he, giving up now
I’m giving up, giving up, he he, giving up now
(…)“
:’(
[text by: nothing left to say - imagine dragons]
Inner Peace
Did this as an NFT Commission for an anonymous collector. We worked together to make it.
It’s funny, I have read so may articles about what it’s like to live abroad. And almost all of them mention making friends with other foreigners. But what if you are the ONLY foreigner? And you can only speak the same language as a handful of people. And everything you see is in a language you don’t understand. I doubt many people will ever be in this situation but it happens to be the situation I’m in.
For those that don’t know me, I am an only child and an extreme extrovert. I remember times when I was little and I would call all of my friends to hang out and no one could play and I would have a mild panic attack thinking about how I had to be alone for the day. And my mom would be like, Lucy chill!!!……It’s funny, you would think as an only child I would be good at being alone but actually I was just good at finding people to be friends with. It really wasn’t until college that I could really be at peace with being alone for a day or more. So, China was a huge step, and I knew it would be.
Now, Im not trying to have anyone feel bad for me, I have made friends. I play volleyball with a group of people twice a week, I have lunch with a group of teachers 4 days a week but about 95% of my dinners are alone. Dinners were always important to my family. We always ate together, and we always talked about our day… So that’s why at dinner… I feel the most alone.
But being alone to the extreme… has really given me the opportunity to grow, more than I think anything else could. I have now found out how to be content alone. Notice I didn’t say happy, I am and will always be an extrovert and being around others brings me the most joy but as the extrovert I am, I have now found a way to be content alone…. Which is HUGE for me.
So for you extreme extroverts out there, it is possible to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face while feeling alone. Interactions with people are what bring me the most joy. So when that was lacking I just had to find new things to bring me happiness, like exercising, listening to music, and just enjoying the sunshine. Hegang has been a great challenge and I feel very lucky that I was given the opportunity to face it and learn how to make myself happy in different ways that don’t involve other people.
And I want to believe that I’m not mad. That being sad is only for sad people. I’m not like them? I’m worse. Crying here in my lonely world praying that the sun consumes my tears before nightfall - before what’s ugly in me keeps me awake, on edge, gasping the bitter darkness in this world which chokes me.
Trapped in a life that wasn’t meant to be mine.
Imprisoned by the need to be loved.
A body lacking the drive to pursue…anything.
My ‘poem’, not my art (http://art.tavsiyebilgi.com/art-sketches-tumblr-buy-minimal-line-art-woman-with-hands-on-face-art-print-by-nadja1-worldwide-shi-kunstskizzen-skizzenbuch/)
Post link
Some bitch just called me a meth head because of my blisters from my skin disease v.v,
I tried explaining to her I don’t do meth I just have a skin disease but she was sure of her self. What an arrogant bitch! I told her she was one too.
It hurts because I knew people might of thought that ever since some guy offered me drugs . Just because my face has blisters that are painful and huge doesn’t mean I’m on drugs . It makes me want to die when people say that because of the way I look. So I guess I’m going to stay hidden until I’m cured.
My boyfriend tried to comfort me but it still hurts. He doesn’t care if he catches my disease because he loves me no matter what I have or how I look .
The blisters are so painful…
I use a benzoyl peroxide wash to help kill the infection. Also use one tea spoon of bleach with one gallon of water , spray it on my body and let it sit for 5 mins before washing off . Dr told me to do it so I’m sure it’s probably decent for my skin.
For my scars that the blisters leave behind I use :
• vitamin E oil
• grape seed oil
• safflower oil
• Aztec Secret Indian Healing clay mask.
Together they all take away my most deep or darkest of scars . It’s like I never even had them !
“That you are not alone, For I am here with you, Though you’re far away, I am here to stay.”
You Are Not Alone By Michael Jackson
Hey internet, I’m calling on you! If I were to release the little zines/graphics I’ve been making for myself lately onto the internet, would any body care for it? Please let me know if this ever reaches an audience, no matter how small, by supporting this post so I can know if it’s worth putting out there or just keeping to myself.
started a little stream of conciousness and it came out rather reassuring so i felt like i’d share. i know it seems like a lot to read but it really might help
I though I was over you
I though I moved on
I though I was ready to live and love again
But then you apologize and I realized I missed you
But then you wanted to go back to the old us and I agreed
But now you want to leave again and feel lost
Müde
Manchmal fühlt es sich so an, als wäre mein Akku schwach. Jegliche Energie verloren.. Kraftlos
The forest
Slowly
She calls me
Slowly
She makes me disappear.
I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’m so lost.
Life feels like a war I’m pretty sure I’m losing.
It’s so fucking tiring to pretend to be okay all the time.
The worst place in the world is in my own head
I just want all of this to end…
I really don’t know why I keep hoping things will get better.
Maybe I’m not invisible, maybe I’m excruciatingly visible and just completely ignored.
It shouldn’t be this easy to distract people from noticing how broken I am inside…does anyone really see me?
So many people said I wasn’t alone but where were they when I needed someone?
I’m being left behind by everyone I love. Soon I’ll be alone in this dissolving world.
It’s not that I can’t be ok alone, cause I can. It’s that I know now what it feels like to have someone truly there. And continuing on alone knowing what that’s like is torture.
The 7 Day #IChooseMe Challenge
The next seven days, choose YOU.
Choose yourself.
Prioritise yourself.
Take care of yourself.
If you’ve been feeling lost lately, or life has been off track - this challenge is great to bring you back on track.
It helps you have some structure in your life, while allowing you to have fun and plenty of spare time.
I am not a therapist or a doctor. Take this advice as you would from a friend.
With this challenge, you’ll feel a little more fulfilled, happier, and you’ll have a set routine.
You only have to accomplish 6 small goals a day for 7 days to finish this challenge.
Download the tracker PDF to tick mark the goals you accomplish everyday! Download it from my google drive. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Nswwr87sQrFwWvcbexPrsJF5w0F-WyLk?usp=sharing
_______________________________________________
The Night Before Day 1
- Get in bed by 11:30 pm, even if you’re not tired.
- Try to finish all your work.
- Set your phone away from you.
- Download the PDF tracker.
_______________________________________________
Day 1
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with 10 minute stretch. Do this before you eat.
- Read 2 newsarticles.
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful for today.
- Eat at least 1 fruit of your choice.
_______________________________________________
Day 2
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 6 minute, deep breathing meditation. Sit cross legged as you face south east, close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0Yf5SYwqjw&feature=emb_title
- choose a healthy option for lunch. Salads, soups, healthy wraps, a light rice bowl - eat something with lots of nutrients.
-Compliment someone at work/ school today!
-Clean your room.
_______________________________________________
Day 3
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day by telling yourself any 3 affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak out loud. This could be something like …”Today is going to be a good day. I’m capable of accomplishing and handling everything sent my way. I am a positive, healthy person and I genuinely love the person I am, or I am becoming.”
- Drink 2 litres of water today. Add a piece of lemon or mint if that helps!
- Read 5 pages of any book of your choice. If you don’t like reading, then listen to this podcast (start at 1 minute to skip the intro) :
- write down a listofqualities you think you need to work on. It could be things like being on time, working on your anger, etc.
_______________________________________________
Day 4
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a lymphatic drainage massage! This is a 10 minute video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MCezvvbm_A&feature=emb_title
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful fortoday.
- Do a 20 minute workout.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCG4zlvuUok
- Change your bedsheetsandcovers. If you have some lavender mist lying around, spray it under your pillow for a good night’s rest.
__________________________________
Day 5
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 6 minute, deep breathing meditation. Sit cross legged as you face south east, close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0Yf5SYwqjw&feature=emb_title
- Eat a fruit of your choice.
- Read 2 news articles.
- Drink 2 litres of water today. Add a piece of lemon or mint if that helps!
_______________________________________________
Day 6
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 10 minute stretch. Do this before you eat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T41mYCmtWls
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful for.
- Tell yourself any 3 affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak out loud. This could be something like …”today is going to be a good day. I’m capable of accomplishing and handling everything sent my way. I am a positive, healthy person and I genuinely love the person I am, or I am becoming.”
-Call up your mum, family member, friends and have a chat with them. Find out how they’re doing.
_______________________________________________
Day 7
-Sleep in till 9 am today if you like! But if you have work or school, get up at 7 am / 2.5 hours before you have to go.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Put on a face mask of your choice.
- Eat a healthy, filling breakfast. If you can’t eat in the mornings, then have a glass or two of water.
- If you can step outside, go for a 30 minute walk. If you’re unable to, then do some stretching at home.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssaMwhZlIeE&t=3s
- Write down how you felt this whole week. Did you feel better? Was there some structure in your life?
