#hegang

I’m now sitting in the New York airport unable to believe that my time in Hegang is over. I wish I could say the time flew by but I can specifically remember times when I swore time was slowing down. But now that it’s over it’s hard to believe all that happened. Maybe it’s because I have been traveling for about 36 hours now but it almost feels like a dream. It wasn’t easy saying goodbye to all of my friends and students, especially knowing I most likely won’t see many of these people, who touched my life, ever again. Hegang gave me some difficult times but it also gave me some spectacular memories and wonderful friends. I will always be grateful for my experience and have a special place in my heart for Hegang, China.

I was asked to write a letter for future foreign teachers at Hegang Number one High School and thought I would share it with you:

It’s funny, I have read so may articles about what it’s like to live abroad. And almost all of them mention making friends with other foreigners. But what if you are the ONLY foreigner? And you can only speak the same language as a handful of people. And everything you see is in a language you don’t understand. I doubt many people will ever be in this situation but it happens to be the situation I’m in.

For those that don’t know me, I am an only child and an extreme extrovert. I remember times when I was little and I would call all of my friends to hang out and no one could play and I would have a mild panic attack thinking about how I had to be alone for the day. And my mom would be like, Lucy chill!!!……It’s funny, you would think as an only child I would be good at being alone but actually I was just good at finding people to be friends with. It really wasn’t until college that I could really be at peace with being alone for a day or more. So, China was a huge step, and I knew it would be.

Now, Im not trying to have anyone feel bad for me, I have made friends. I play volleyball with a group of people twice a week, I have lunch with a group of teachers 4 days a week but about 95% of my dinners are alone. Dinners were always important to my family. We always ate together, and we always talked about our day… So that’s why at dinner… I feel the most alone.

But being alone to the extreme… has really given me the opportunity to grow, more than I think anything else could. I have now found out how to be content alone. Notice I didn’t say happy, I am and will always be an extrovert and being around others brings me the most joy but as the extrovert I am, I have now found a way to be content alone…. Which is HUGE for me.

So for you extreme extroverts out there, it is possible to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face while feeling alone. Interactions with people are what bring me the most joy. So when that was lacking I just had to find new things to bring me happiness, like exercising, listening to music, and just enjoying the sunshine. Hegang has been a great challenge and I feel very lucky that I was given the opportunity to face it and learn how to make myself happy in different ways that don’t involve other people.

I finally had the magical experience in China I was waiting for. I was invited to a KTV…

KTV stands for karaoke TV but its not the karaoke that most americans think of which includes singing in front of a random group of people. At these places, which are incredibly popular in China, guest rent a room and you sing your guts out in front of your friends, in a room with a closed door and comfy couches. Most americans are confused about KTV when they first hear about it because karaoke, to many americans,is all about is having the guts to share your talents or completely embarrass yourself in front a group of random people. 

The best way I can understand the popularity of KTV is to think of an aspect of Chinese culture that is most obvious to me. Shyness! Overall the Chinese culture is much more shy than the american culture (especially the culture I have grown up around). A huge part of Chinese culture is all about “saving face” and not embarrassing yourself or your family. So that makes sense to why they would rather sing around people they know than random people like Americans do but I really had to think why KTV and singing to others, even in a closed room, is so popular? 

Well here is a fun fact… Chinese people have a over all better musical sense than Americans. Yes that is a statement comes with many people that are the exception. But what I am trying to point out is that the Chinese language is a tonal language which helps most of its people have a good musical sense from childhood. So many Chinese people are actually good at singing, or at least not tone def. 

It is also a great way to blow off some steam in a culture that is very stressful and doesn’t really have many ways to blow off steam. Clubs and bars are still a western idea and are not very popular in China (except in places like Beijing and Shanghai). But Chinese people, especially northern Chinese people, are not strangers to alcohol. So this gives self-restrained Chinese people a place to leave stresses and social labels at the door and drink in a safe environment with their friends. 

I can’t even explain how incredibly grateful I am that my boyfriend, Jon, was able to make is first ever international trip and visit me. What I really loved, was watching his eyes open to a new culture and everyone here use his visit to learn more about the USA as well.
One night we had dinner with two of my students and they told Jon they saw on the news that a boy was shot by the police in the states. And they asked why and what it was about. It opened up a great topic about race in the U.S. and we told the students that in the states black people aren’t always treated the same as the white people and life is harder for a black person in the states. We told them different things that make life unfair for blacks in America. One of my students just couldn’t wrap his head around it, “why?”, he kept asking. “Just because of their skin color?”, “That is so horrible!”. My student told me that the only thing he can compare that to is the poor people on China and sometimes people judge them and ridicule them.

If you don’t know Jon or can tell from the pictures, he is a 6'4" black man. When I told him he would get stares when he visited he said he wasn’t worried because he gets stared at a lot, especially when he walks somewhere in the U.S. that is mostly white. But Hegang was different. Yes he got stares… Lots of stares… But none of them had any kind of judgment or unkindness behind them, people stared because they were genuinely curious, and he knew that. And that’s huge that he was able to experience that. I know there will be a lot for him to digest (and of course me too when I get home). But I am so glad he was willing to travel across the world to visit me and affect the minds and lives of people here while allowing them to impact him as well, because that’s what travel is all about.

When some of my students in my year 2 classes found out they didn’t have class in my birthday they told me that since the next day was Labor Day and we wouldn’t have school, that they would throw me a party.
Because of the Chinese culture, non of the girls students’ parents allowed them to come so it was all boys. Before going to dinner we had complete “bro-time” and of course they loved Jon. We were at one of the students apartments. His mom welcomed us at the door and then my student basically pushed his mom out the door so we could all hang out, like any high school boy would do. We talked about all of the necessary topics…. First they talked about video games for what seemed like 80% of the time and LOVED that Jon knew of the games that they played. Then they filled me in on how one of their friends wasn’t their because he had a date with his first girlfriend today. And then of course the most important topic… They taught us Chinese curse words.

After our “bro-time” the boys took us to this amazing Chinese restaurant. They were so sweet and got me a HUGE birthday cake (about 4 times the size of the cake the teachers got me). Jon is still getting used to chopsticks. So, when the boys told him to try the food he struggled to pick up the food and put it on his plate, but when he finally got it, all of the boys cheered! They were so great! One of my students ( the English name he chose was soup) sat next to Jon and helped him out and put food on his plate because he knew Jon was struggling.
When it was time for us to get rice a boy yelled to me “BIRTHDAY NOODLES”… Umm what? So I got a bowl of one Looonnnggg noodle. For this Chinese tradition I had to eat as much of the noodle as I could without it breaking and they count. I think it was whatever number they count to was how many more years I live. I got to 34… I thought that was bad but they told me I did good but hopefully I’ll live longer than 34 years…
My students were amazing and made me and Jon feel so loved! Nothing like a birthday to remind you how blessed you are!