#lovestory
I distance, i isolate, i’m vague; me & my darknesses are mates. They protect me, talk me out into loving my brightness. I open up, i trust, i let myself go; me & my brightnesses are mates. My darkness & brightness belong to me, they’re whom I’m comfortable with, contradict a myth.
- allisineffable
It all made her think about her entire life, how she’s always been so passive, how she never had the courage to say anything and even the time when she did get the courage to say something? She backed down. She hated herself for being so weak and passive and afraid.
EUPHORIA | S02E02, Ruminations: Out of Touch
Me and you exploring space
Between my craving of wanting to trust myself again and living it all to it’s fullest and my constant urge to loathe the brightest parts of me that cared in-spite everything, lies a fallen apart day with a self raging inwardly. After all thats all i do, as everything zigs, i zag.
- allisineffable
No matter how much i missed you or how much pain i was in, i never would have erased everything we ever had. Even if i was drowning in grief. I’d rather hang on to every moment that you ever held me or every laugh that i ever heard, every shred of happiness that we ever had, i would have rather spent every moment in agony than erase the memory of you.
Facing an eternity without my soulmate, i went off the deep end. I turned into someone that i was not.
- allisineffable
Sunrise
“Sunrises are for the survivors, for the ones who’ve weathered storms, the ones left standing after the hell of a night in the er, the ones holding your hand through darkness because they’ve learned to only need the light inside them. Sunrises are for the few who will survive nightmares with you, who will help you fight monsters and slay dragons. Sunrises are for reality, for the grittiness of it, for the bags under your eyes, messy hair and spotty skin. Sunrises are where life begins.”
Sunset
“Sunsets are for the romantics, for the idealists and the believers. For those fond of the calm, those who’ve been sheltered, who’ve never had to weather a storm. Sunsets are for first dates, for exchanging names and hobbies and talking about dreams. Sunsets are for promises.”
I made a choice it was not made out of love or passion i made it because at that time i thought life is about the simple stagnant things to choose someone and settle with them, i saw life as duty but then he came, just like a mad passionate storm doing no harm but to break the pattern and showering the pattern with the passion i was longing for. I admired, I preferred and i idolized because the part of me that couldn’t be broken down broke and the pieces were what he needed, i was what he needed. Him being my complement and i being his nurturer.
- allisineffable
I am starting to not care about you and i hate it.
- allisineffable
All i do is granting your wishes. You wished to have me, i let it happen. You wished to lose me, i let it happen.
- allisineffable
The sea is He
I preferred sailing the sea than walking on safe sand because Isn’t this what its all about? But the deep sea kept making a choice for me, sending it’s mad waves, stopping me from exploring. The tranquil sea only became mad at my presence it made me think of all the sailors in-front of me enjoying the sea. Despite the mad waves i went for a sail and was pushed back to the shore. He took my soul and left an empty shell of me.
- allisineffable
I helped you find your feet again and you stepped on me first.
- allisineffable
Lonely is the path i’ve chosen, a road that is restless a road that has no turning back. Light is what i am chasing and i will find my light again. I follow my heart because the love i have can lead through the darkness, it will take me back to a place i once knew because i believe in you. I follow my dreams i am just an angel of kindness there is nothing i cannot do because i believe in me. I know someday i will find you and you will find me too the only time i know it’s true is when i hold you close, no clue.
I can handle the sadness well but can the sadness handle me well?
- allisineffable
The letter I finally sent.
I shouldn’t be writing this but i will for my own well being because all i want in this life is to be happy and live a meaningful joyful life. I wanted you to be a part of my life and i wanted to be a part of your life. Because i know for a fact that me and you together are the most iconic duo to ever exist i know that very well. If only you treated my heart well we could’ve been the rarest we could’ve been fire, unstoppable and i was patient i have been patient with you i had faith in you i never gave up on you i stood there by your side through all of the struggles. I was put through hell but still managed to never let go of the inner faith i had in you but you are not making any effort to heal my heart on the contrary you are adding more to it by treating me this way by calling me names by making misconceptions about me. I wanted to see you only to tell you that “ i do not want to lose you at all lets fight and fix this “ i wanted to tell you lets face everyone and everything because me and you are once in a lifetime duo. I made a list of all the places i wanted to go with you. I wanted us to have laughter and only laughter together. I wanted us to have our secret code conversation, to be each other’s best friends to be each other’s “ go to “. I wanted us to be so powerful, successful, extraordinary. To be there for each other to lift each other up to not let go of each other. I wanted you to leave that not good life and create a beautiful life together. Because this is what life is about life is about fighting it is about laughter and joy. Everyone is after mutual connection everyone is after that. Everyone is after having one real thing and we had that. I don’t know if you are on the same mindset but your actions are telling me the opposite and this is the reason i am writing this. You were the man in my life i was seeing you as a shield as a backbone as my man through thick and thin. I don’t know who is the one that you’re hurting me for i don’t know who is that person that pushes you to be this far from me but i know this for sure that no one around you wants the best for you i am excluding your family by all means. But everyone around you is very controlling and has or still is leaving a bad mark on your life and if you pay a close attention all of them is living their lives and their choices. All of the people around you without exception have hurt me and you supported that i will keep the pain i was put through and all of the things i was forced to live inside my heart and will not talk about it. I will try to forget the fact that you stood by them while they were hurting me i will try to forget that you supported them and was a major factor to the pain i was put through. I only had one wish and it was living the life i dreamt of with you the life that was full of laughter and connection and adventure and bonding i wish you let me be myself with you. I wish you never let anyone hurt me i wish you stood up for me i wish you faced everyone who was not supportive of this. I wish those negative words never came out of your mouth towards me. I wish you left everything and came to me to live the life i talked about i wish you were open to me i wish you never left my arms which were your safe place. I wish you never built this huge wall between us, i wish you fought for this. I wish the idea of letting me go was never there. i wish i was not this hurt and heartbroken. i will keep every unuttered words inside my heart this was a small portion of the things i wanted to tell you i don’t like it when i express too much and i sure as hell don’t want to keep having these kind of talks. I want to be happy and live joyfully. You are the man and i see you that way it is your job to fix this to heal my heart to be my hero I hope you do it i hope you make a decision and fix everything and not let me go but if you did not, that will explain everything that will explain if it was real and be an answer to me because i do not want to live this kind of life.
Love is a universal language, but not all know how to speak it.
The places we went was not bound by time. I miss you, i miss the times when we enjoyed each other’s presence. I miss how you brought excitement into my life and how I brought peace into yours. I write, i write for the sake of the feelings within me, the feelings that were never refutable.
- allisineffable
I have always been the one who done things first. It has been the reason of my growth, But no one will be able to feel that gap, To destroy the emptiness that fills my soul whenever i do things first.
- allisineffable
You
“The universe expressing itself as a human”
- allisineffable
You murdered my heart. The murdered do haunt their murderers, Why can’t my heart haunt you?
- allisineffable
I held my breath for you and you watched me suffocate.
- allisineffable
Last night my brain and my soul had an argument about you. My brain was venting out to my soul and was saying how hurtful you’ve been to my soul, my soul couldn’t accept what my brain was trying to imply and kept on rejecting anything my brain put on the table and told my brain “ it’s all ambiguous you do not know him the way i do “ and it was shocking how my heart was sitting as silently as it could ever be.
- allisineffable
Hate the way that i always missed you.
- G-Eazy
He is more myself than i am
Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same
If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.
- Emily Brontë
Guess who is baaack ;)
Last summer we did a pretty photoshoot based on Pietro-Crystal-Johnny story. And this is one of first photos by @dasha-ocean
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