A/N: Oh man friends. This is ANGST. That’s it. Just angst. I am not sure where the series is going, but it’s going to be a rough read until then. We’re going to pretend that this works with the timeline, k? haha
Pairing: reader x ex!Bucky Barnes, reader x friend!Steve Rogers
Warnings: drug use, alcohol abuse, angst, so much angst, cute worried Steve Rogers, post End Game trauma, drug use. It’s just angsty. Don’t read if that’s not good for you right now.
Word Count: 1907 words
You stumble through the door after a night of forgetting. The sun was beginning to peak through the window, and you yank the curtains closed with a huff. Your shoes come off one by one, and you barely make it to your bed before collapsing, asleep in a just a few moments.
You are awoken sometime later by your phone buzzing. You groan, fumbling around for it on your nightstand when you remember it was still in your purse, which was also, still, around your neck. You sit up, digging through it before finding it. It stops ringing just as you pull it out but seeing a missed call from Steve meant you wouldn’t have answered it anyways. You flop back onto your pillow, scrolling through your missed calls. Over the past few years, he had called you almost every month, but you never answered. All his messages were saved, and you’d replay them occasionally, especially when you were feeling particularly bad about yourself.
While you wait for his inevitable message, you plug your phone in on your nightstand, and stumble to the bathroom. You look in the mirror and chuckle. Your hair is like a lion’s mane and makeup is smeared down your face. The closer you inspect, though, the more you notice the smaller details. Your eyes are bloodshot. Your cheeks sunken. Your skin, always very vibrant, is dull and dry. It doesn’t take long in your self-pity to glance at the small orange pill bottle on the counter.
The first time you took pain meds was for a good reason. You can’t even remember the fight but fighting alongside the Avengers meant you were bound to get hurt once or twice. The Oxycontin took the edge off the pain. It was a welcomed relief from the crazy that was your life. The problem, though, was that you liked the feeling. It took the edge off the pain, yes, but also the edge off life. It didn’t take long until you were getting yourself injured on purpose, dodging a knife a little too slowly, or trying to take on more than you were capable of handling on your own. Then you met Bucky.
You shake your head at that thought and open the pill bottle. It calls to you with promises of peace and you take 2 in your hand and pop them in your mouth, not even needing water to get them down anymore. It only takes a few minutes before they start to work, spreading calm tingles through your body. You wash your face and try to put your hair into a bun, but remember that Steve had probably left you a message. With a huff, you walk back to your bed and sit on the edge. You unlock your phone and click on the New Voicemail notification. Steve’s voice fills the speaker.
“Hey Y/N, it’s… uh… Steve. Obviously. I am not even sure if this is your number anymore, but…” he pauses for a long time, and you swear you hear a sniffle. “Something has happened. Tony is… Tony is gone, Y/N. He’s gone and we’re doing a memorial at the lake house tomorrow. On Saturday. He would have wanted you there, Y/N. We all want you there.” He pauses again, then clears his throat. “Please. Anyways. Uh. Bye.” The message ends and your heart stalls in your chest. You stare ahead, not blinking. A tear rolls from your eyes.
Tony was more like a father to you than your own father was, but you hadn’t talked to him in a few years. Not since the blip anyways. He called, just like Steve, but you never answered. You knew he could track you. He could have showed up any time he wanted, but you also knew that he respected your privacy and knew you needed space.
Thoughts race around your head, dulled by the pain medication that suns through your blood. You feel the walls start to close in and, with shaking hands and unsteady legs, you make your way to the kitchen, to the unopened bottle of vodka that sits on the back of the counter. You open it easily and take a long swig. It burns going down the back of your throat, but you don’t even care. You continue drinking until the bottle feels heavy in your hand. Soon, you feel your head start to swim and you barely make it to the couch before your legs give out and everything goes black.
You wake up in the middle of the night, having slept for almost 18 hours. You feel like shit, of course, your head pounding and your skin crawling. You shuffle to the bathroom, popping 3 more pills before splashing your face with water. You don’t even bother looking in the mirror this time. You close your eyes, steadying yourself, then crawl into bed and wait for the darkness to come again.
You wake up to the sun and wish you didn’t. You roll over and see that it is the next day. There was a part of you that wishes you had just slept through it, but fate wasn’t so nice this time. You lay awake in bed, not even sure if you are going to the memorial. Your black dress hangs in the closet, all pressed and ready, but you stare at the ceiling and weigh the need for closure with having to see Bucky again.
Bucky came into your life in its darkest moments. He gravitated toward you because, like himself, you had your own fair share of demons. You never looked at him like a monster because you knew that everyone just had to do what kept them alive. He was the first person to notice your drug problem and held your hand through the detox and everything that came along with it. You comforted him through his nightmares and helped him through his trauma.
In the end, though, you were too screwed up and he simply wasn’t ready. Everyone knew it was mutual, but when you said you needed to leave, no one questioned why. It was too hard being there, in the compound. At first, you kept in touch with Tony and Steve. But everyone seemed to be moving on and you were honestly happy for them.
Then the blip happened. Life descended into chaos all around you and it was a chance meeting with an old friend that brought the pills back into your life. You ran into him while getting lunch and decided to catch up. He had told you that he was a doctor now, and suggested you go see him about an old back injury that had flared up. It wasn’t until he handed you the prescription for oxy that it even dawned on you that you could get more pills. You held onto that prescription for weeks, staring at it every now and again, before you filled it. And it took weeks before you took the first one. All at once, though, the world slipped away, and you got a good nights’ sleep for the first time in years, and it spiraled from there.
You kept telling yourself you could always stop. But that bottle turned into another, then another, and when your friend stopped prescribing them for you, you turned to your neighbor who you knew dealt. He knew a guy who could get you what you needed and more, but you never said yes to anything besides oxy. Until a few weeks ago when you went to a rave, and you weren’t even sure what you had taken. The days since then have been filled with booze and pills and whatever else you could get your hands on to lose reality.
Now, though, standing in front of the mirror in your bathroom trying to make your face look less sick and trying to make your dress lay right when you were sure it fit correctly, not hanging off your bones awkwardly, you realize that you may have a problem. You sigh.
“A problem for another day,” you say out loud to yourself while popping 3 pills in your mouth, swallowing them with a swig of vodka.
By the time you get to the lake house your bones are shaking. From nervousness or the pills or something else entirely, but you just know you’re shaking. You stare out the windshield toward the house and decide you can’t do it. You’re sure that you’re going to pass out or something. You are ready to put the car back in drive when you hear a knock on your window. You glance over, blonde poofy hair and Steve Roger’s face. You sigh. You put the car in park and turn it off. You take a deep breath before opening your door.
“Hi,” he says softly, looking at you. If he notices your eyes or sunken face, he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he wraps you in a bone crushing hug, which you chuckle at.
“Hi Steve,” you mumble into his shirt, hoping not to wipe off any of your makeup, but you’re pretty sure you do anyways.
“You came.” It’s not a question, but as he pulls away from you, he touches your shoulders softly, almost as if he was trying to convince himself that you really were there.
“I came.” Your words come out a little shaky, but Steve just places his hand in your own. He gives it a squeeze but doesn’t move.
“You’re shaking.” You yank your hand back, cursing the shakes, but you smile, hopefully convincingly.
“Just nervous,” you say, but you don’t think he buys it. He doesn’t say anything, though, just nods.
“Shall we?” he asks, gesturing toward the lake house. You take a deep breath and nod softly. You walk beside him, your knees shaking and your legs threatening to give out. By the time you reach the doors, you are sure you’re going to pass out.
“You okay, Y/N?” Steve asks as you sit on the bottom step of the stairs up to the house, concern lacing his voice.
“Mmhmm, just need a minute,” you squeak out, trying to breathe deeply and get the darkness on the edges of your periphery to disappear. You almost curse under your breath when he squats in front of you.
“What’s wrong?” His eyes are filled with concern, and you want to tell him to go inside, that you’ll catch up, that you’re fine, but you can’t get the words out. You feel like you’re floating, just above unconsciousness, and you can’t move. You can’t talk. You just sit and wait.
“Y/N?” Steve says, probably about ready to call Bruce to come help by the look in his eyes, but you nod weakly.
“I’m fine. Just a bit dizzy,” you lie, quietly. The darkness recedes from your vision, and you decide you’re okay to stand up. Steve scrambles to stand up and help but you know that you’ve spooked him. He knows something is up.
“I’m fine. Let’s get this over with.” It comes out as a mumble, which you don’t mean for it to, but you’re tired and just want to sleep. You climb the steps, Steve’s hand on your arm, his other on your lower back as if he believes you’ll collapse any minute. You walk through the door to the main room and are met by the waiting eyes of the Avengers.
Pairing: Eddie Brock/Venom x former military/mutant!OC (Kasey Eliades)
Series summary: Eddie and Kasey go to a Society of Professional Journalists holiday party together, and their insecurities threaten to tear them apart. Featuring an appearance from the one and only James Buchanan Barnes!
Word count:3,200
Author’s note: Title from the Bring Me the Horizon song of the same name (highly recommend checking out the lyrics). We starting off mostly fluffy and then dissolving into a deep pit of angst. I love sweetheart Eddy as much as the next gal, but y'all, where is the brokenness?? The ego?? The flaws?? We stan an imperfect relationship in this house. Also, Kasey has geokinetic powers as a result of military experimentation that I may cover in some future piece
—
It was the perfect lazy Sunday morning, with no obligations and bright sunlight streaming in through the window blinds in Eddie’s bedroom.
Kasey smiled as she looked up at a still-sleeping Eddie. There he was, peaceful and sweet and dreamy in the early light that illuminated his full eyelashes, the soft lips she could never get enough of. Tattooed arms and inky-black tendrils encircled her waist, rising and falling with each breath she took.
She felt safe, secure. Home.
For a group that was well accustomed to, and even thrived in, chaos, these quiet little moments together were some of the ones they cherished the most.
Kasey sighed happily, savoring Eddie and Venom’s warm embrace for another few minutes before she untangled herself from them and slid out of bed.
She tiptoed into the kitchen, waving at the plants on the windowsill that swayed slightly as she drew nearer, her power stirring the energy inside them.
She opened the cupboards quietly, scanning for ingredients to make the perfect chocolate-chip pancakes to surprise her boys. She assembled everything in a few short minutes and had just opened a bag of coffee grounds when she heard her boyfriend shuffling across the living room floor.
She looked up and grinned at a half-awake Eddie, who had thrown on his tattered orange bathrobe over his pajamas. His hair was sticking up in all directions, and he gave her the kind of adorable, sleepy smile that softened every part of her, a visceral gratitude that they had wound up in each others’ lives.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Kasey said. “I was just about to put coffee on.”
Eddie yawned in response and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder as she turned her attention to the batter.
“Pancakes?,” he mumbled happily.
Venom’s head quickly popped out next to Eddie, his red tongue running eagerly over his teeth.
“With chocolate?”
“You bet.”
“You’re the best, babe.“ Eddie pressed his lips against Kasey’s cheek. "‘M gonna go check the mail.”
Venom was agitated. “But Eddie, she is making us pancakes!”
Kasey shook her head. “They aren’t done, V, and I don’t think even you would like raw batter.”
“We want a taste, now!”
Kasey rolled her eyes, simultaneously exasperated and amused about how the hulking symbiote so frequently behaved like a small child. She reached into the bag of chocolate chips, tossing a handful at Venom, who snatched them out of the air with a grin.
“Delicious. Thank you, sweetest.”
“You’re welcome.”
Venom then retracted back into Eddie, knocking him off balance as he flew from the kitchen to where Eddie was standing at the door.
“Jesus, V, would it kill you to be gentle?”
“Probably.”
Kasey chuckled as the door shut, perfectly used to their squabbling. She turned the coffee maker on and started dolling out generous spoonfuls of sticky batter, letting herself savor the resulting sizzle on the griddle and the delicious, comforting aroma that filled the room.
She had just started stacking a few finished products on the plate, slathering them in butter, when the door flung open.
“Eddie Brock is not cancelled!”
Kasey turned to see a grinning Eddie waving a piece of mail around.
“What do you mean?” she asked, flipping another pancake over.
Eddie rushed into the kitchen, pushing himself up onto the counter next to where Kasey was cooking.
“The Society of Professional Journalists for North Cal does a Christmas party every year. All the big names go and hang out, swap sources, get drunk. I normally avoid these things like the plague, but after everything with the Life Foundation and my very public lobster tank breakdown, I thought I’d be in permanent exile.” He smiled wide, rapping the card with his ring-clad knuckles. “But I’m back in the game.”
Kasey inwardly shared his relief. She knew how devastated Eddie was after losing his show, and she saw how frustrated he was picking up light-hearted freelance pieces that were a far cry from his normal investigative work. But he worked his ass off on them just the same, and she respected him for it. Hopefully, this would be a chance for him to get back doing the work he loved.
She slid another pancake onto the plate and abandoned her post, jumping up onto the counter next to Eddie to bring him into a big hug.
“Hell yeah, you are!” She pulled back to kiss him, smiling at the hum of contentment it elicited from Eddie. “I’m happy for you. Now this breakfast is a celebratory breakfast!”
Venom emerged, planting a deliberately sloppy kiss on Eddie’s cheek. Kasey giggled as Eddie wiped his face, but he was still grinning. It was endearing, seeing him come so alive.
“Yes, congrats, you are not such a loser after all, Eddie!”
“Thanks, buddy.”
Eddie placed a hand on Kasey’s thigh, his thumb rubbing gentle circles against her sweatpants. “Will you come with me?”
“I thought it was a thing for journalists?”
“Yeah, but people bring their partners and spouses.” He paused, rubbing at the back of his neck, a particular nervous tic that Kasey noticed occurred whenever his ex-fiancé was about to come up in conversation. “I took Anne before. And I always feel better when you’re around,” he added hurriedly. A mischievous glint came into his eyes. “And I also selfishly wanna see you in a really hot dress.”
“Oooo, we cannot wait to see either and ravish you, pretty girl,” Venom purred.
“At least you’re both transparent,” Kasey replied. She dropped her head onto Eddie’s shoulder, interlacing her fingers with his. She didn’t want to admit it, but she felt nervous about going. Particularly as Eddie’s first relationship after Anne.
She didn’t have anything against Anne personally,—well, except her telling Eddie he was incapable of love. Which Kasey had firmly told him was bullshit and just Anne lashing out at not getting the reaction she wanted from him. But Anne was a good person. Kasey just found it hard to not compare herself to someone that beautiful, that accomplished, that witty. Someone that Eddie had fully intended to spend the rest of his life with. Someone he had still been in love with long after she had dumped him.
On the whole, Kasey did actually believe him when he said he had moved on and that it ended up being for the best, that he thought Anne was more in love with who she wanted Eddie to be than the actual guy in front of her. But still, the tiniest drop of gnawing, insecurity-fueled doubt would sneak in every now and then. And this was one of those times.
Kasey kept her tone light, feigning nonchalance. “You sure I can hang among the sea of the well-educated liberal elite?”
“What, are you kidding?” Eddie asked incredulously, tilting Kasey’s chin up to face him. “You’re easily smarter than 90% of the people that will be there, myself included.”
“And if anyone is mean to you, we will rip out their brains so they can see just how stupid they are,” Venom added in a growl.
Kasey relaxed a little, reminding herself that Eddie Brock wasn’t someone who forced himself to do things unless he genuinely wanted to do them. He wouldn’t have asked her to go if he didn’t want her there beside him.
The corner of her mouth lifted. “Ok. I’ll go.” Her grin widened. “I too would like to see you looking all professional and extra handsome.”
“Is that so?” Eddie asked in reply, dropping Kasey’s hand so he could slide his along her waist. He leaned in closer and Kasey embraced the dopamine surge as she breathed in his familiar scent, deep and warm and distinctly masculine.
“Mhm.” Their lips met and she framed his face with her hands, deepening the kiss, a soft sigh of pleasure escaping her as Eddie’s tongue slipped into her mouth.
BANG.
The two of them jumped apart, startled, before realizing the source of the noise was the now-empty plate of pancakes clattering to the floor.
“V, you seriously couldn’t have waited?” Eddie huffed.
Venom swiveled to look at his host, narrowing his normally wide, milky-white eyes.
“You two were too busy eating each other’s faces! I wanted pancakes!”
Kasey sighed, smiling. “And I’ll make more, V, don’t worry your pretty little gooey head.” She reached out her hand and Venom slid past Eddie and right into her touch, purring as she scratched at him like a cat.
Eddie grimaced. "You are one hell of a spoiled symbiote, you know that?”
Venom just flashed a toothy grin, sticking out his tongue in response.
“You’re just jealous because I’m her favorite.”
Eddie opened his mouth to retort while Kasey flicked Venom against the side of the head and quickly slid her palm over Eddie’s lips.
“No, no, none of this. We are having a quiet, happy little Sunday together. Be nice.”
“I’malways nice,” Eddie replied.
“I’m nicer,”Venom countered.
“You literally eat people!”
“Only the ones who deserve to be eaten!”
Kasey didn’t even bother to protest this time. She jumped off the counter, grabbing the plate off the floor before heading back to grab more pancake ingredients while the two continued bickering.
By the time she finished the next batch and loaded up three plates, the two of them had moved to the couch but were still at it – something about Venom wanting to go to the duck pond later to see if he could find a new friend for Sonny and Cher. She dropped their plates on the coffee table and took a bite from her own stack, pleased with the fluffy, syrupy final product.
“Thanks, beautiful,” Eddie and Venom said in unison.
A happy little Sunday, indeed.
—
Two weeks went by in a blink, and suddenly it was the night of the SPJ party. Kasey was nervous. She took the day off, knowing she didn’t want to be rushed when trying to get herself fully dolled up – something she was relatively out of practice with. If she wasn’t in her chef jacket, she was either in activewear or some kind of flannel and t-shirt, her hair tied in a high ponytail or bun. Sure, she could do her hair and some make-up on date nights and throw on a cute top and a real bra, but this felt different.
This was a full-scale professional holiday party, with dignified reporters and networking and social scrutinizing. This was something that meant something to Eddie, and while she normally didn’t concern herself with the opinions of strangers (outside of her cooking), tonight, she wanted to make a good impression.
She sighed, thinking of what Eddie had told her.
“I took Anne before.”
Of course, Anne would have been able to mingle effortlessly, gorgeous and eloquent and charming as she was – no one would question why Eddie was with her, it would be apparent. Kasey bit at her lip, then swore when she remembered she had just swiped on a creamy nude color that was now a quarter missing.
“Goddammit.”
She grabbed the tube off her dresser and reapplied it in the mirror. Slapping her cheeks lightly in an attempt to fend off her sense of impending doom, Kasey took a few steps back to appraise her full reflection.
She turned slightly to admire the way the wine-colored dress clung to her curves, the asymmetrical cut across her thighs that showed off just enough skin, the muscle of her toned legs.
The sweetheart neckline and off-the-shoulder cut accentuated her breasts, and the dark mesh sleeves strategically only showed the faintest outlines of her litany of tattoos. Her long hair was done in simple waves, pulled back behind one ear to reveal sparkling studs. She finished the look with strappy black heels, borrowed from a co-worker.
She smiled. She had done it—she looked good, she looked sophisticated, and she felt pretty. Like she was worthy of being Eddie’s date to a gathering like this.
She clapped her hands, hyping herself up in the mirror.
“You are beautiful! You are strong! You are a Kelly Clarkson song! You have parleyed with hostile insurgents, surveyed genetic experimentation, and have been called up as a temporary Avenger! All before age 30! You can handle one fancy Christmas party with a bunch of strangers!
Kasey was pulled out of her pep talk by the rhythmic sound of knocking on her door. Taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she gave herself a quick hug of encouragement. Then she grabbed her jacket and clutch from the table, steadying herself as her heels clicked across the hardwood floor as she walked toward the door.
—
Eddie was nervous. He’d been working tirelessly to rebuild his career over the past few years, and he felt like this was his first chance in a while to show his peers that he still had it. That he wasn’t just some washed-up nobody.
It was also the first real chance Kasey had to see him around other people in his field, and even though she repeatedly told him how talented she thought he was, he still found himself feeling like he had something to prove. He desperately craved the certainty that he was enough for her, that she could be proud of him. Andjusthim, just regular old Eddie, separate from the Eddie with the swirling vortex of extraterrestrial power inside him.
Eddie stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror as Venom floated next to him. Feeling his host’s apprehension, Venom did his best to be encouraging:
“Eddie, you need to relax. We are going to be the center of attention, Kasey will not be able to keep her hands off us! We look great!”
“You’re just saying that,” Eddie grumbled, but he was secretly pleased. ‘Formal’ for Eddie was usually just a leather jacket and his least-faded jeans, but tonight, he figured he might as well look the part of someone in a prestigious reporter crowd. He’d attacked his normally disheveled brown locks with pomade to keep them neatly in place and pulled out one of his rarely worn suits from the back of his closet. It was a deep navy color, offset against a grey t-shirt underneath.
He looked down at his phone’s lockscreen (a candid he took of Kasey gleefully devouring a massive pile of nachos on one of their first dates) and saw it was 6:30, meaning it was time to grab his girlfriend and head out. This was one of those times when Eddie was extra glad they lived in the same building – he didn’t need to fight the end of rush hour traffic, and his hair wasn’t about to get messed up from his helmet.
“Ready, bud?” Eddie asked the symbiote, who bobbed his head vigorously in response.
“Ready!”Eddie grabbed his jacket and walked to the door, waiting before Venom had merged back into his body before he exited and walked down the hall to the elevator.
His anxiety morphed into curiosity as he got off on Kasey’s floor, wondering what she ended up deciding to wear. He had asked a few days earlier, but she had said she wanted it to be a surprise.
Always in sync with his host, Venom filled his head as Eddie approached Kasey’s door, knocking in quick succession.
“This is the most exciting part of today! We have never seen our Kasey in a dress! We already cannot wait to tear it off her.”
Eddie chuckled. “Easy there, Casanova, we still have the whole night ahead of us.”
But then Kasey opened the door, and Eddie was instantly on the same page as Venom. He thought his heart physically skipped a beat or three when he saw her standing there so pretty, so damnsexy. For him.
His wide eyes drank in every part of her, roaming over her breasts, her curves, her thighs. He was always attracted to her, but seeing her this girly was really doing something to him. He forced himself to focus on her face and that the two of them needed to leave, fighting against the growing hardness between his legs.
Venom, on the other hand, could not give two shits about the party.
“Eddie, take her. Now. Look at that beautiful, delicious flesh, just begging for us to taste it.”
“Later, V, definitely later,” he muttered, still awestruck at the stunning woman in front of him. HisKasey.
Kasey didn’t have to hear Venom to get the context of Eddie’s response – judging by the way Eddie was looking at her, the faintest hint of swirling black and white just around the edges, she could tell her boys were happy with how she looked. Veryhappy.
Eddie exhaled, taking Kasey’s hand in his and guiding her into a twirl so he could see her from every angle. shaking his head slightly with a lopsided grin. “You are …”
“Thank you,” Kasey replied, grinning. She ran her hands up his chest, eyeing him up and down. “You look so, so good. How lucky am I to show off the hottest reporter in North Cal?”
She meant it. He had put something in his hair to keep the normally disheveled points in check, and he swapped out his rumpled hoodie and jeans for a crisp grey t-shirt underneath a fitted navy suit, one that made his ocean-blue eyes all the more prominent. Kasey smiled slightly at the sight of his usual bracelets peeking out under the sleeves, the scuffs on his brown sneakers. Still her Eddie.
Venom grinned as his humans kissed, sidling up to Kasey and sneaking a tendril underneath where Eddie’s hand was around her waist.
“I helped style him! Much better than those sad, sweaty t-shirts.”
Eddie pulled back, swatting at the rippling black form.
“Dude, you don’t wear clothes, don’t pretend you’re qualified to give fashion advice.”
“I still have eyes, idiot. And we look great. Our Kasey looks great. We should do something about that.”
Suddenly, Venom’s tendril was caressing her ass, sneakily creeping up the back of her dress before Kasey dragged him off.
“Nope, nope, not now, V.“ She lowered her voice, relishing how Eddie’s grip on her hips tightened in response. "Like this one said, later.”
“100%,” Eddie breathed out, lust straining his tone. He kissed her again, and pulled back, grinning and a little dazed, as he grabbed her hand. “You ready?”
“Mhm.” Kasey turned her attention to Venom. “V? before you disappear, remember that tonight is about Eddie, ok? So best behavior. From both of us.”
“Fine,”Venom conceded. For you, sweetest. But he better find me chocolate for my silence.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Once Venom was out of sight, the two walked out the door and down the hall, the reassurance of their intertwined fingers bolstering both of them in the deepest places where their hurt and fear lived, unseen.
Summary: In the midst of Odin’s death, a will is to be read. Asgard is overjoyed, but still in mourning. It is clear everything will go to one of his two sons, Prince Thor or Prince Loki, and there’s hardly a question as to which will win everything. But what if neither of them does?? What if, with a major catch, a young maid is the name they find written and bound to the throne…
Warnings: violence, angst, potentially some steam…
Pairings: OC x Loki/ OC x Thor (Love triangle)
Key Characters:
Astrid Ivarsdottir
“I am not a game for you to play. I am the player, and I will win.”
Thor Odinson
“I may be kind, but that is not to say I will not strike back in a time of need. Ruling me out is your own mistake.”
Loki Odinson
“You tell me, is it the truth or am I just very persuasive? Even I can’t tell the difference sometimes.”
After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?
This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.
Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Flashback chapter, Major character death, Murder, Blood, Gore, Violence
Part 4
Loki
2012 (After the battle of New York)
Raven and I had used the tesseract to escape The Avengers, now on an unknown planet trying to lay low. It wasn’t The Avengers I was worried about evading. It was Thanos. He had promised that I could rule over Earth, providing I secured and delivered the tesseract. However, I had failed to overthrow Earth and Thanos would likely think I had stolen the tesseract. Unless I either kept running or could talk my way out of the situation.
After explaining the situation to Raven, I had expected her to want to leave. But she had insisted on staying with me even with the potential danger. Even with us not staying in one place too long, she just saw it as she finally could explore the galaxy, always trying to keep me thinking positively. So far, we hadn’t been found, luck had been on our side. But luck would eventually run out.
Thanos and The Black Order eventually found us on Terma, corning us in our temporary home. Raven was already on the defensive before they’d entered the house. I grabbed her by the shoulders, getting her full attention. “Don’t try to fight them, we’re outnumbered. I will get us out of this, but if the worst does happen, I need you to run,” I warned her. “I’m not leaving you.”
Thanos had no quarrel with her, so I was hoping she would be let go. However, if she wasn’t willing to leave me, that could put her at risk. “You may have too, but I promise you I will follow,” I lied. Before she could respond, the door was forced open and in stepped Thanos. I made sure to keep Raven behind me to keep her safe a few seconds more as The Black Order followed behind Thanos.
“You have something of mine, something that you stole,” Thanos declared. “Stole it? If I hadn’t used it to escape Earth, then you never would have gotten it. Now I’ve just been keeping it safe, waiting for you to collect it,” I replied. Thanos stepped closer, The Black Order now surrounding us. “Is that so?” Thanos asked, “we must have just missed you on Xandar and Maveth and Aakons.”
I forced a smile, hoping there was still a slight chance I could talk our way out of this. “That was you? Forgive me, I was under the impression it was someone else,” I chuckled nervously. Thanos did not return my smile or seem amused. He glanced behind him at one of his lackeys before nodding. Cull Obsidian grabbed Raven by her throat and lifted her from the floor.
Raven protested, struggling in his grip. Panic filled me, but before I could conjure the tesseract, Raven used her pyrokinesis on Cull. Instead of dropping her, he threw her violently across the room. Her body landed hard, yet she still tried to get up despite the pain. Quickly I conjured as many clones as I could using them to distract Thanos and The Black Order. As the room erupted into chaos, I made my way over to Raven, hoping to get to her before they could determine I was the real Loki.
My main focus was getting her as far from here as possible, regardless of my own safety. Thanos could do whatever he wanted to me so long as he didn’t touch her. Using my magic again, I concealed myself from Thanos and The Black Order. Halfway across the room, Ebony Maw had fought off several clones now surveying the room for me. When he couldn’t find me, he turned his attention to Raven, who had now gotten to her feet.
Raven hurled another fireball at Maw, who deflected it with ease, now advancing on her. Ebony Maw lifted Raven with his telekinesis, although he started to struggle as she fought back with her own telekinetic ability. Before I had the chance to intervene, Raven was thrown in Thanos’ direction. Thanos picked her up by her throat, her legs dangling uselessly as she clawed at his giant purple hand. Quickly I revealed myself in the hopes he would release her.
“Thanos, stop. You have no quarrel with her. Please, just let her go, and the tesseract is yours,” I bargained. My panic turned to dread as Thanos began applying pressure to her throat, Raven struggling to breathe. Quickly I conjured the tesseract, holding it out for him to take. “Here! Take it. But please just let her go. Please,” I pleaded. Proxima and Corvus forced me to my knees, restraining me before Ebony Maw took the tesseract from me.
Yet Thanos still did not free Raven, amused by her feeble attempts of freedom. Quickly, she was losing air. Ebony Maw checked the tesseract over to make sure it wasn’t another illusion, once satisfied, he nodded to Thanos. “I should have known better than to trust something as important as this with a failure,” Thanos spoke, “you failed your father, your people, failed to secure Earth. And now you’ve failed to protect your wife.” Thanos tightened his grip once more, snapping Raven’s neck with ease.
All I could do was watch in horror as Thanos dropped her limp body to the floor. Proxima and Corvus released me now, having gotten what they wanted. I scrambled over to Raven’s body, desperately using my magic to revive her in any way. Thanos and The Black Order left without another word; they’d gotten what they’d wanted. No matter what I tried, Raven still didn’t move, her eyes cold and lifeless. She was gone.
I held her close, my sobs turning to wails. Thanos was right, I’d failed to protect her and now I was truly alone. She’d been the only person to stick by my side, to see the real me. After Odin had given up on me, as well as Thor and my mother, Raven had stayed. I’d taken vows, made promises to keep her safe, keep her happy. And now they were broken because I hadn’t done enough, I hadn’t been strong enough or powerful enough.
I didn’t know how much time had passed until night arrived. My anguish had turned to rage. Thanos would pay for what he did, I would make sure of it. Stroking Raven’s hair, I knew I couldn’t stay here. But I hated the fact I had to leave her here, that I had to let her go. Removing her wedding ring, I conjured a chain and wore it around my neck. Now came the harder part.
Forcing myself to let go of her, I went outside and found an appropriate spot for a cremation. I couldn’t bear the thought of burying her and leaving her here alone, so a cremation was the next best thing. Using my magic, I conjured an appropriate funeral pyre, making small adjustments here and there. Once complete, I headed back inside, picking her up and holding her in my arms for what would be the last time. Her body had started to lose its warmth by now.
Carrying her to the pyre, I placed her down and closed her eyes. Leaning down, I kissed her forehead, unsure if I should say anything. The only thing that came to mind was ‘I’m sorry’. It felt like we’d hardly spent anytime together, our time unfairly cut short. There was so much we had wanted to do together, could have done together. My eyes filled with tears again, not just mourning the loss of her, but the loss of what could have been.
Taking one final look at her, I then lit the pyre and within a few minutes, it was engulfed in flames. Unable to watch anymore, I turned and left, ready to track down Thanos.
———————————————————————————————————–
After two missed opportunities, I changed my tactic. Instead of tracking down Thanos, I decided to track down infinity stones. Apparently two Asgardians had been spotted on Knowhere at The Collectors museum recently. Whilst there was no proof they had handed over an infinity stone, it was worth a look. If there was nothing there, I had no doubt The Collector knew where I could find more infinity stones. Where they would be, Thanos would eventually show up.
Upon my arrival, I’d used my magic to conceal myself before searching the museum. It was more of a vault than a museum. Finally, I found a red stone stored in a locked container. The reality stone. Now that I knew it was here, I just had to wait for Thanos to come for it. Conjuring a clone, I had them keep watch over the museum and they would inform me the moment Thanos arrived.
It took months before finally Thanos arrived on Knowhere. The Black Order were staying on the ship, likely searching for the locations of the remaining infinity stones. The best time to take Thanos out was now whilst he only had one of the stones, if he got anymore he would be too powerful to take on alone. I remained concealed in the museum, taking the reality stone and hiding it. In its place, I left an illusion of the stone as bait.
Heavy footsteps could be heard through the museum, Thanos talking to someone. Before I could investigate who, The Collector was thrown at one of the display cases; the glass shattering and littering the floor. “The Power Stone. I won’t ask again,” Thanos warned. The Collector spat out a mouthful of blood before pointing at the bait. Thanos smiled, walking to the ‘stone’.
Now was my chance. Levitating the larger, sharper shards of glass, I waited for Thanos to take the stone. His fingers passed through it before he tried once more. Visibly frustrated, he turned to interrogate the Collector further. I finally revealed myself, not giving Thanos time to react as I flung the glass shards at him. Each one embedded deep in his skin, the pain and surprise knocking him off balance. Most of the shards had hit either vital organs or arteries.
But I wasn’t going to leave him bleeding out to chance. Running to him, I conjured a dagger and came to a stop by his head. I wanted to make sure he saw me, saw who was the one to kill him. Recognition filled his eyes before pure loathing. I crouched down, so I was closer to him. “You told me I was nothing but a failure. Failing you, failing to keep my wife safe before you took her from me,” I said, “and yet I’m now the one with the upper hand.”
Before he could reply, I stabbed him in the eye, pressing my dagger as deep as I could until it hit his brain, ending his cries of pain and his life. Relief filled me, knowing my wife’s murderer had gotten what he’d deserved at my hand. But that feeling was short-lived as an orange doorway opened a few metres from me. A handful of heavily armoured men and women stepped through, setting their sights on me. One of them stepped forward, obviously the one in charge.
“On behalf of the Time Variance Authority, I hereby arrest you for crimes against the sacred timeline,” the female said firmly. I frowned at her. Who were the Time Variance Authority? And what crimes? They couldn’t possibly mean killing Thanos. “Oh please, I’ve practically done you all a favour by killing him,” I replied. The female sighed as if I was being difficult before stepping closer. She smacked me hard across the face with the baton she’d been carrying, the force of the blow knocking me over.
Before I could retaliate, she put some kind of collar around my neck, and I was hauled to my feet by two of her lackeys. They dragged me through the orange portal before it closed behind us. We were no longer in The Collectors museum; I assumed this must be the Time Variance Authority’s headquarters. The female that was in charge led me through a set of double doors and past a circular desk to another set of doors. “I am not taking another step until you answer my questions,” I growled. She smirked and motioned to the doors, “through those doors are all the answers you need.”
After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?
This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.
Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Suicide plans that have now thankfully fallen through, LOKI IS HERE, Language
Chapter 3
Raven
Saturday June 24th
Thor had yet to return. But I couldn’t hold off my plans for him. In fact, him not being here made it somewhat easier. Val and I had eaten dinner, and she had insisted on doing the washing up to show her gratitude. She would likely leave in two hours and then I could prepare. Val was talking about the preparations that would need to be made come September, when the colder weather set in. “I just want us to get a head start, so we’re not worrying about it at the last minute,” she continued.
“I know. You’re always one step ahead, like a good leader should be.” Suddenly, Val dropped the plate she’d been holding into the sink as she spotted something outside. “Holy shit,” she marvelled. “What? What is it?” “Your gonna wanna see this.” Was Thor back? Or was it something bad? Getting up from the table, I joined her at the window.
Outside appeared to be an orange doorway, but the more shocking thing was who had emerged from that doorway. Loki. Not even bothering with shoes, I raced outside towards him. This couldn’t be real; he couldn’t be real. I had to be dreaming, or maybe I’d truly lost it and had a psychotic break. The first thing that struck me as odd was the clothing choice. Black trousers, an off-white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a striped tie.
His hair was shorter, back how it had been when he first came to Earth. When I reached him, I took his face in my hands as if to get a better look at him. He leaned into my touch, as if he hadn’t felt it in years. But something still wasn’t right, something in his eyes gave it away. “You’re not my Loki,” I spoke. His face fell a little, “I’m not.”
Taking my hands away, I fought back tears. “Is this a dream?” I asked, my voice cracking. “No, this is all real, I’m real. I just come from a different timeline.” Bruce had mentioned time travel before, I didn’t think such a thing was possible, but this Loki was proof it was possible. The orange doorway closed behind Loki, meaning he was here to stay. There were so many questions I had, and I didn’t know where to start.
“You should probably come inside,” I mentioned. Loki followed me back to the cottage where Valkyrie was waiting. She eyed Loki suspiciously, her arms folded across her chest. “Do you want me to stay?” She asked. If this Loki meant me harm, he would have likely already attacked. Loki also eyed Valkyrie with suspicion, as if he’d never met her.
“I can handle it,” I replied. Val hesitated for a few moments before finally leaving. Sitting down at the table, I motioned for Loki to take a seat. He glanced around the cottage, a hint of disgust on his face before he sat down. Perhaps this was an earlier version of Loki, maybe sometime after we’d met. There was still a sense of arrogance about him that I hadn’t missed.
Both of us sat in silence for a few moments, neither of us unsure where to start. It made no sense; it was my husband, my best friend and yet it wasn’t. This man was a stranger. “So now I know time travel exists, where are you from?” I asked. “I was last on Earth after the battle of New York before the timekeepers arrested me.” “Not the Avengers?”
Loki paused, “no.” This was already a lot to wrap my head around. Time travel, timekeepers, another Loki. He studied me as if there was something wrong. “You changed your hair. It’s…odd seeing it so long and with your natural colour,” he said. Judging by the look on his face, he didn’t like it. But by the way he worded his sentence made it obvious there was another version of me from his timeline. Well, my current appearance wasn’t exactly for his benefit.
“You don’t like it?” I asked. “That’s not what I said.” “But it was implied. Nice to know all Loki’s are bad at hiding their real feelings.” A silence fell over us again. Neither of us knew what to say to the other. We were both strangers to each other, both needing to get to know each other. “Why are you here?” I asked, “if there’s so many timelines, why this one?”
Loki thought about his answer for a few moments. “I didn’t have a say in the matter. It was up to the timekeepers, I helped them capture a few variants and they let me go,” he explained. “Variants? As in other Loki’s?” “Yes.” “Do you all look the same or…?” “Some of us look the same, but they were some that were quite different. Apparently, in one timeline, I’m an alligator.”
I couldn’t help but laugh shortly at the mental image. Loki smiled at the sound, chuckling softly. “If you were to be any animal, I would have thought you’d be a snake,” I said, “considering how many times you used to try to prank Thor by turning into a snake.” His smile faded at the mention of Thor, I couldn’t be sure if they had been on good terms in his timeline. “Is he here?” Loki asked.
“No, he’s been gone a few months now, trying to undo the damage Thanos did with the rest of the Avengers.” Loki’s expression changed, fear evident in his eyes. It made sense that this Loki was also afraid of Thanos, if he had still been through the battle of New York. “He’s still out there?” Loki asked, clearly concerned. “Technically yes. But in this timeline no, Thor took his head off five years ago. Now there’s this elaborate plan involving time travel to get the infinity stones and undo his damage,” I explained.
Loki seemed slightly impressed to hear Thor had been the one to take Thanos out. I had first thought that Thanos’ death would bring me some happiness, knowing my husband’s murderer had gotten what he deserved. But that feeling hadn’t lasted long, it still did nothing to fill the void. “So, are you staying or…?” I asked. “If that’s alright with you.”
I nodded, “yeah, that’s fine. So long as you don’t mind taking the couch.” “Not at all, I understand.” Thankfully, that hadn’t gone as awkwardly as I thought it would have. This situation was going to get complicated, the man before me was my husband but also wasn’t. There were feelings there, but it felt wrong to have them. Getting up from the table, I found Loki some spare pillows and blankets, making sure the couch was comfy for him.
He could always put the log fire on if he wanted to. We exchanged some slightly awkward goodnights before I went to my bedroom. Finally, all my conflicting emotions hit me at once and I sunk down to my knees on the floor, crying into my hands. I didn’t know what to do; it felt like I’d been given another chance, but it would feel wrong to take it. It would feel like some weird kind of infidelity. All I wanted was to be held by him, but that was out of the question.
Standing before my bedside cabinet, I picked up one of the pill bottles I planned on using tonight and debated my next move. I couldn’t take them now, not with him here. Putting my pills back in the drawer, I decided against taking my life. For now. I could take things one day at a time and see how things panned out between this Loki and I.
After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?
This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.
Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Implied self harm, Implied eating dissorder, Heavy depression themes, No Loki in this chapter, Thor has surivivors guilt and depression, Language
Chapter 2
Raven
Four years later
Whoever said time heals all wounds was a liar. Nothing had changed, the pain was still there, festering like an open wound. Thor was still refusing to come out of his cottage, wasting away in his squalor, and I had resorted to older, unhealthier coping mechanisms. The only positive was that New Asgard was mostly fully functioning now. And with it fully functioning without Thor, it probably could function without me, too. Valkyrie had proved some days she could run it by herself.
And that was why I had set a date. Saturday June 24th. I would invite Thor and Val over for dinner, spend my last night in good company, and after they left, I would end it. I’d been hording my antidepressants for a few months now. There had been the option of just cutting my wrists length ways, but I didn’t want Val to find my body like that, or anybody to have to deal with more of a clean-up than necessary.
As I washed up the cooking stuff from last night, I glanced down at the large knife in my hand. Glancing at the door, I debated about what was stopping me from ending it now. My letters were already written, I just wouldn’t get the chance to say a proper goodbye. Before I could think about it anymore, there was a knock on my door. Dropping the knife back in the sink, I dried my hands before answering the door.
Val stood outside, looking slightly annoyed. Either Thor had done something, or something had gone wrong at the docks. “We have some visitors,” she spoke. I frowned, we never had visitors. And that could mean anybody. But if it were a fucking ‘Avenger’ they were sure as hell going to get a piece of my mind. Not once had any of them come here to check up on Thor or myself. Not even a phone call. Some ‘friends’ they were. I know I wasn’t on the best terms with most of them, but Thor was, and he deserved better from them.
Grabbing my coat, I left the cottage with Val, who led me over to a ship. Outside, waiting for us, stood Rocket Raccoon and Bruce Banner. Only Banner was now halfway between himself and Hulk mode. The sight was odd, but he looked mostly in control of himself. That still didn’t mean I was happy to see either of them. I skipped out on the greetings; I could already tell this wasn’t a social visit. “What do you want?” I asked, “there’s been no contact for five years and now you just show up out of the blue.”
Rocket had his arms folded across his chest, unimpressed with my tone. Bruce, on the other hand, refused to look me in the eye. He knew I was right, more so after everything we’d done for him. “Let me guess, you’re only here because you need him for something? You don’t actually care how he’s been?” I continued. “We might have found a way to bring everyone back.” Bruce replied. I fell silent; I hadn’t ever thought that would be possible. And if there was a chance, I had no right to stand in the way of that.
“How?” I asked. “It’s complicated, quantum stuff combined with time travel. If we can get the stones, we can undo what Thanos did.” But it wouldn’t bring Loki back. His death was before the snap. I still wouldn’t get my life back. But my happiness didn’t matter when it came to millions of other people’s happiness. Now was not the time to be selfish. “Fine. Talk to him, see how he feels about it. But if he says no, I don’t want you to keep pushing until you change his mind,” I said sternly.
Bruce nodded in agreement, and I led the way to Thor’s cottage. Knocking first, we then headed inside. Thor was awake, already drinking a beer. When Thor noticed Rocket and Bruce, his face instantly lit up, and he greeted them warmly. A part of me didn’t want Thor to go, I wanted him to stay so that I knew he would be safe. But that was just me being selfish again. Rocket and Thor made small talk before Bruce explained the situation. It sounded almost like a sales pitch, like he’d practiced what he was going to say on the way here.
Thor fell silent for a few moments, looking to me for my opinion, or maybe even my permission. I didn’t know what to say, a lot of my answers were selfish. “Raven, you can speak freely. We are amongst friends,” Thor reassured. “If you can bring everyone back, then do it. But I want you to be doing it because you want to, not because you feel you owe your so-called friends anything. You do this for you because maybe then it will help you heal,” I explained.
After having tried to tell Thor that Thanos winning wasn’t his fault for years and it still not getting through, perhaps if he righted his ‘wrong’, he would feel better. It wouldn’t bring back anything he or I had lost, but it was the right thing to do. “And put aside the right thing to do for a moment. Do you want me to go?” Thor asked. The look in his eyes told me that if I said no, he wouldn’t leave, he would stay. My eyes glassed over, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. In that moment, the love I had for my brother-in-law grew by ten times, knowing he would stay with me if I asked him too because all we had now was each other.
“Yes,” I lied, “but I want you to come back in one piece.” Thor gently smiled; he knew I was lying but didn’t call me out on it. Instead, he pulled me in for a tight hug. “You have my word that I will return,” he promised. I nodded, doing my best to keep it together. Thor changed into some cleaner clothes and packed a bag before we headed for the ship. We exchanged goodbyes before Valkyrie, and I watched the ship leave.
She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder as I fought back tears. “He’ll be back, he’s gotten out of rougher scrapes before,” she reassured me. “I just hope whatever plan they have works and they pull it off.” “You’ve still got me, you know. And I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.” “You better not.”
President Loki is in his second year of presidency and strives for perfection in all aspects of his life, including his submissive and secretary, Raven (OC). When he becomes trapped in The Void life is difficult without his submissive until a variant of her arrives. One that is more fiesty than what he’s used too.
All three parts of this are pure porn with a hint of plot if you squint. Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed!
Warnings: Heavy NSFW, Smut, Sex, Rough sex, Desk sex, Rough oral sex, Blowjobs, Bondage, Hair pulling, Spanking, Language, Dirty talk, Humilitation, Degrading language, Praise kink, Shoe licking, Face fucking, Dom/Sub relationship, President Loki is a harsh dom, Possessive behaviour, Butt plugs, Sex toys, Orgasm delay, Non con themes, Very dubious consent, President Loki is a sleazy asshole, Chains, Muzzles, Gags, Restraints, Kidnapping, Oral sex, Multiple orgasms, Sexual torture, Body whorship, Blood, Choking, Hair pulling, Slight dub con, Threesome, Clones, Manipulation, Cock warming, Spit roasing, Face fucking, Overstimulation, Cum swallowing
After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?
This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.
Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Implied self harm, Implied eating dissorder, Heavy depression themes, No Loki in this chapter, Thor has surivivors guilt and depression
Chapter 1
Raven
After a year of being settled into New Asgard, Thor still barely left his cottage. Not that I could blame him, I understood he was grieving in his own way. But his people needed to see him, needed to know he was coping…somewhat. They couldn’t keep looking to Valkyrie or myself for leadership. I wasn’t cut out for it, even if I had been queen once before.
But this was different, these people were rebuilding their entire lives on a planet they weren’t familiar with. And I didn’t know how much longer I could keep their spirits up. If I was failing to look after myself, how could I look after anybody else? Valkyrie was the only one who was keeping it together, going above and beyond to help everyone.
Losing Loki was something I was used too or at least I thought I had been. I mean, it’s not like he hadn’t faked his death twice before. At first, I had expected him to walk through the door with a stupid smirk on his face, claiming it was another elaborate joke. But after six months, it became clear he wasn’t coming back from this one. I was alone once more.
The nights were difficult, eating dinner alone, going to bed alone. The silence was awful. But the lack of human contact was the worst. I longed to be held again, to be comforted. It felt like I was stuck in some sort of limbo, unsure of my next step, just existing and trying to make it through each day.
Loki would have been bored here at first, it was just a small fishing village after all. But eventually I believed he would have settled; Thor and Loki would have helped their people rebuild in no time at all.
And maybe then we could have started our own family, something we’d talked about a few times before. Thor would have made a wonderful uncle, and Loki would have been a better father than Odin and Laufey combined. But all those hopes for the future were gone now, as was my husband.
———————————————————————————————————–
Valkyrie and I stood by the docks as the latest shipment was unloaded. Valkyrie was handed a box that was addressed to Thor. A few more were eventually placed beside her. “You want a hand with those?” I asked. “Sure.” Grabbing what I could carry, Valkyrie, and I set off to Thor’s cottage. “So, he’s discovered Amazon Prime,” I spoke. “Yeah, Korg introduced him to it, there are packages every week.”
That probably meant there were a lot of unnecessary purchases. We reached the cottage, and Valkyrie paused outside. “You can just leave them outside and I’ll grab them in a sec,” Valkyrie said. I frowned softly, I’d carried them all this way, I could carry them inside. It had been a while since I’d seen Thor anyway, so it couldn’t hurt to poke my head in and say hello at the very least. “Its fine, I’ve carried them this far,” I replied.
Valkyrie seemed hesitant to let me inside, as if hiding something. “Val, what’s going on?” I asked. “It’s just neither of you have really been around each other since we got here. Everyone kinda assumed you don’t want to talk or something.” She was right; I hadn’t been over to see or talk to Thor, and he hadn’t been over to do the same. To everyone else, it would look like we were avoiding each other.
“I guess we’ve just been so focused on our own grief that we haven’t thought of what the other person is going through,” I explained. “You don’t have to go in if you’re not up to it.” “I can’t keep avoiding it, either.” “Okay. Well, just brace yourself.” It couldn’t be that bad. Valkyrie opened the door and led me inside. The first thing I noticed was the lack of natural light. The curtains were all closed, and the only light source was from the TV.
The second thing I noticed was the smell. A mixture of takeout food, beer and body odour. The place was littered with takeout wrappers, empty bottles of alcohol and dirty clothes. Korg and Miek were on the couch, Korg had a gaming controller in his hand whilst Miek ate from a box of cheez-its. There was no sign of Thor, though. Korg looked up and smiled kindly. “Good morning, ladies. The big man isn’t up yet, but I can get him if he’s needed,” Korg greeted.
Glancing at the clock, I noted it was 11:42 and Thor was still asleep. “Yeah, thanks Korg,” Valkyrie replied. Korg paused his game and got up, heading deeper into the cottage. Valkyrie and I put the parcels down but didn’t take a seat whilst we waited. The more time that passed, the more I wanted to back out of here and the situation. After ten minutes, Korg returned to the living room. “Just give him five minutes to sort himself out,” Korg explained. Well, I suppose that was better than him refusing to get out of bed or saying he didn’t want to see me.
“I’ll make some coffee,” I suggested. Before anybody could reply, I escaped to the kitchen. The kitchen was just as bad as the living room. More takeout wrappers, the trash can was overflowing, and the sink was filled with dirty dishes. After turning the kettle on, I searched the cupboards for a few clean mugs. There were only two, so I started washing up some of the dirty ones. I was all too familiar with this mess; I’d gone through it before. Now I’d just gotten better at hiding my depression, I suppose I had too when so many people were depending on me. If they saw me fall apart, they would lose hope.
I didn’t get to sit around and wallow in my self-pity all day; I had to be on the high functioning end of the spectrum. But Thor probably hadn’t experienced such despair before, and this was just easiest for him. I had to be gentle and understanding with him. As I made everyone but myself a mug of coffee, that’s when Thor finally appeared. And this year had not been kind to him. His hair was longer, dirty and unkempt, as was his beard. He’d gained a lot of weight, his stomach much rounder and fuller. He was wearing loose, comfortable clothes.
Thor forced a smile when he saw me, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He pulled me in for a hug, which I gladly accepted. For a few moments we just held each other, this was probably the most physical human contact either of us had had in months. “It’s good to see you,” he spoke softly. I nodded in agreement before we pulled away. Thor grabbed a mug of coffee before we sat at the kitchen table together. “How have you been?” He asked. I gave a soft shrug, my feelings didn’t matter right now, “coping. You?”
Thor studied me for a few seconds, as if trying to decide how to answer my question. “You’ve done something with your hair. It’s longer than before. Looks like it could do with some hair dye too, although I don’t mind your natural hair colour.” Gently I lifted a section to my eyeline, noticing just how much the brunette colour had grown out. And combined with the remaining purple, it looked like a weird ombre. Most days, I avoided looking in the mirror, not worrying about my appearance anymore. “You’re looking thinner too,” Thor grabbed a pizza box, offering me a slice of cold leftovers, “eat.”
The mere sight of food made me feel nauseous. I only really ate now at dinner; I was too busy in the day to stop for lunch and normally woke up too late to have breakfast. I politely declined his offer. Thor shrugged and took a bite from the cold slice. “Thor, how are you?” I asked again. “Me? Oh, I’m fine,” he said, his voice wavering slightly. Gently, I placed my hand over his, noticing how he avoided my gaze.
“It’s okay if you’re not fine,” I said softly, “considering everything you’ve been through. I’m here if you want to talk about it.” Thor paused. I knew, considering who his father had been, it must be hard for him to open up and be vulnerable. But he needed to if he wanted to heal. “I just miss having him around, you know. I would have thought after going through this twice before that the third time would be easy. But this time he really is gone. First my mother, then father. Then I lost my hammer and my home and now Loki’s gone too. Everything I had is gone, Father was wrong to think I was ever worthy.”
Tears streaked his cheeks, and he quickly wiped them away with his free hand. “And all of this, the way the world is now, that’s all on me,” he continued. “How? How is any of this your fault?” Thor scoffed, slipping his hand out from under mine, obviously frustrated. “I failed to kill Thanos. Because of my stupidity, half the population is gone…I couldn’t even protect my brother from him. What good am I?” He explained. Thor was visibly angry, but I knew it was more at himself than me. He was beating himself up for something he couldn’t have helped.
Thanos had been stronger than all of us combined, it hadn’t been anybody’s fault. We’d tried everything we could have. Now we had to mourn our losses before trying to rebuild. “You’re still the king that these people need. If you were truly a failure, then none of those people out there would be alive,” I reminded him. “Their home is gone because of me. I’m not a king, I’m not fit or worthy to lead those people. You don’t need my help to lead, you’re doing great.”
Biting down on my tongue, I held back from telling him the truth, from telling him how I was close to my breaking point. This wasn’t about me; this was about him. And snapping at him for saying the wrong thing wouldn’t help the situation. But there was also only so much I could do or say to him. And it was clear anything I said was falling on deaf ears. I couldn’t make Thor believe me; I couldn’t change him in a day.
And I think I was done trying for today, I didn’t want this to escalate and then I said something that would undo any progress. Taking a calming breath, I forced a hint of a smile. “And I need to get back to them, I promised to help down at the docks,” I excused. Thor’s face dropped slightly to hear I was leaving so soon. “I can come back tomorrow?” I suggested. “Of course.”
We shared another embrace before we headed to the living room. Val had waited for me, offering a smile when she saw us. Goodbyes were exchanged before Val and I left. “How did it go?” She asked. “As I expected, not great. He’s blaming himself for everything, including things that were always out of his control.” “Kinda sounds familiar.”
Side eyeing her, I ignored her comment. Thor was different, he hadn’t been through anything like this before and didn’t know how to process and deal with these emotions, unlike myself. “I said I’d visit him again tomorrow; thought I could clean up the kitchen. Living like that will not help him,” I replied, changing the subject. “I don’t even want to think how bad his bedroom looks.” “Or the bathroom.”
The President variant had been keeping me captive for a month now, it was getting harder to resist his advances now. It felt wrong to be giving into a man who, whilst mirrored my husband physically, was not the man I had grown to love. Although they did share some more unsavoury personality traits. It felt wrong to give into him, but he knew me inside out, he knew exactly what to do and say to get what he wanted from me. And every time I tried to resist him; he found a new way to make me cave in.
Last night he’d edged me for two hours straight just so I would beg for his cock, so I would beg him to let me cum. Slowly but surely, he was trying to mould me into the Raven from his timeline. Into the perfect submissive. He just hadn’t expected me to be so mouthy and that’s what bothered him most, that I would still try to resist him, that I wouldn’t just give in instantly like he was so used to.
He led me down the hall to his ‘office’. Although it was just a large room with mismatched office furniture and tattered curtains, rugs and cushions. I suppose it was the best he could do in The Void. He’d ‘granted the luxury’ of letting me wear clothes through the halls, not wanting his men to see ‘what should be for his eyes only’. When he wasn’t with me, I’d be confined to his bedroom in whatever lingerie he conjured for me to wear.
Opening the door, he gave me a small shove inside before locking the door behind him, meaning he had something planned, as he didn’t want us to be disturbed. Standing behind me, he placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed at my neck. “Your always so tense, pet. I would have thought you would have learnt to loosen up by now,” he spoke. “Or is it you wish I wasn’t being so difficult anymore?” I replied. “It would be much more enjoyable for both of us if you didn’t try to fight me every time.” “I don’t know how many times I need to tell you, but you’re not my husband.”
“I’m well aware, pet. And I still don’t understand what’s so good about him compared to me.” “Are you sure you want me to tell you? I wouldn’t want to bruise your sensitive ego.” He chuckled, wrapping his hand around my throat, which only proved my point. “A trait I’m sure I share with your husband,” he taunted, “now tell me. I’m intrigued by this lesser version of myself.” This was the first time he’d shown any kind of interest or even allowed me to talk about him. Anytime I had mentioned my Loki before, I would be muzzled as a form of punishment.
“He’s unlike anyone I’d ever met before. He never cared about my past and the things I’d done, he didn’t see me as something that immediately needed fixing or broken beyond repair. And yet with him I feel a sense of peace that’s not achievable on my own. He only ever wanted me to be happy and safe, even if he didn’t always go about it in the best way. But I’d never met anyone as a caring, or kind or charming as him, someone who was as good at listening as him. I’d never been as happy as when I was with him,” I explained. The more I spoke about him, the more I realized just how much I missed him. I didn’t understand why he hadn’t found me yet. The President variant ran his fingers through my hair as if to offer comfort.
He turned me to face him, looking down at me with a look of pity. For a moment I thought I had maybe gotten through to him, that he had a heart after all. And maybe, just maybe, he would consider letting me go. “He sounds like a complete pansy. I can see why he fell for you, you’re clearly the man in the relationship.” Scowling at him, I tried to step back out of his grasp, but he only pulled me closer, so my chest was pressed to his.
“I wasn’t finished, pet. Don’t make me reconsider this…gift. Whilst I cannot and will not bring a lesser version here, I can make a clone in his image.” “Why? Why would you do that? Is it some kind of mind game you want to play?” “Not quite. No matter what I try, you still insist on trying and failing to resist me. So, I’m hoping by giving you a part of what you want will get you to relax a little more.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him, of course he had a hidden agenda. Anything ‘nice’ that came from him was going to be held over my head and used against me later.
Before I could protest further, I felt a familiar set of lips across my neck. Closing my eyes, I once again fought internally with what was right and wrong. The clone placed its hands on my hips but not in a possessive manner like the President variant. This touch was kinder, softer. “It’s alright, darling. I’m here now. Everything’s going to be okay,” the clone whispered in my ear. I wanted to believe his words even if I knew they were lies which seemed fitting, considering who they were coming from. Maybe just this once I could go along with it.
The clone continued to kiss at my neck, a slight desperation in them as if he needed me, as if he’d missed me. Desire ran through me, and I needed more. Turning to face him, I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of my husband. Even if it wasn’t real, I could just pretend for a little while. Loki cupped my cheek before leaning down to kiss me slowly, savouring the feel of my lips against his. My body immediately felt at ease, melting into the kiss, and the small voice of resistance in my head was silenced. “Let me show you how much I’ve missed you,” Loki murmured.
Before I could respond, he pressed his lips to mine again, his fingers threading through my hair. I heard The President step away, although I knew he would still be lurking nearby. No way he was going to just sit back and watch without some kind of involvement. The clone wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me flush against him as he deepened the kiss. His tongue worked against mine, groaning softly against my lips. He kissed me until I was breathless, the heat between my legs now a dull ache.
Loki unzipped my dress, letting the green silk pool at my feet. His hungry gaze swept across my body before he was on me again. Picking me up, he wrapped my legs around his waist before carrying me further into the room. “I need to taste you again,” he insisted. He placed me down onto The President’s lap who had been sitting on the chaise lounge. The President locked an arm around my waist in case I tried to wriggle away. “Don’t forget about me, pet. I expect you to show me how grateful you are for your gift,” he smirked.
Of course, he did, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his words. The clone placed a firm hand on my thigh to get my attention. Meeting his gaze, I noticed the slight disappointment across his features. “Darling, you know better than to be so defiant. This variant has taken you in, giving you a roof over your head, clothed you and fed you when such things are difficult here. He could have left you out there, alone. Is that what you would have wanted?” Loki asked. “But-“
“But nothing. Keeping your rescuer happy is in your best interest, otherwise he may throw you out after all. And there are much worse things out there that he wouldn’t be able to protect you from.” What he was saying made sense. The President Variant had kept me safe from Alioth, and there is the possibility I could have been found by worse variants. I was never hungry or cold here. “Show your gracious host some gratitude,” Loki continued. I was still a little hesitant. And both of them could sense this.
Loki grasped my chin, that look of disappointment returning. “What if I found you? Do you think I would want you if I knew you had taken a lover, no less another version of me?” He asked. Dread filled me at the thought, my Loki probably wouldn’t want me if he knew. He’d be too hurt, too angry to listen to reason. He’d leave me here, alone. Loki released me and I looked at The President over my shoulder. “…thank you,” I said hesitantly. Leaning in closer, I pressed my lips to his. The President smiled into the kiss, his hand wrapping around my throat.
“You can show me how thankful you are by keeping my cock warm,” he smirked. The clone pulled my panties off before adjusting me so The President could free his hard cock. Pulling me down onto him, we both moaned at the feeling of him filling me. Loki smiled at the sight before spreading my legs and diving between them eagerly. He lapped at my clit, groaning hungrily at my taste. We all knew how skilled Loki’s tongue was, but to be filled with his cock at the same time brought the pleasure to a whole new level.
I was unable to hold back my moans and whimpers as the clone alternated between licking and sucking my clit. The President kept a possessive hand around my throat, whispering words of encouragement in my ear. “Such a good girl. I can already feel your walls clenching around my cock, pet. And you’re already dripping, I bet he can taste it,” he said. The clone groaned hungrily again in response.
One of my hands tangled in the clone’s hair to pull him even closer whilst the free one gripped The President’s arm. “Are you going to cum, pet? Cum, cum around my cock and on his face. I want to feel it,” The President continued. The pleasure was building faster than I could keep up, and soon enough I was tipped over the edge. My orgasm hit me hard, my head thrown back against The President’s shoulder, my nails digging into his arm as I cried out my release. The clone worked me through every wave, holding my legs still.
“Fuck, you feel so good cumming around me, pet,” The President growled in my ear, “I want you to do it again.” The clone hadn’t stopped once now, working me into overstimulation. His grip tightened on my legs as I trembled against his tongue. The President held me still by my neck, kissing my cheek. “Come on, pet, I know you’ve got a few more in you,” he encouraged. In the short time I’d been here, I knew this was The President’s favourite game to play with me. Seeing how many times he could make me cum before, I was either begging or crying for him.
Just to be cruel, his hips bucked against mine, earning another pathetic whimper from me. Thankfully, the pain soon gave way to pleasure. “Now, pet, how should the two of us have you? Perhaps your dearest husband could fill your ass whilst I continue to enjoy your cunt. Or would you prefer it the other way around?” The President listed. I struggled to form an answer, only able to moan and gasp as the pleasure built once more. “Or maybe you’d prefer him to watch as I make you scream for me,” he continued.
With a few more flicks of the clone’s tongue, I reached my second orgasm, moaning their name over and over like a prayer. The President growled low in my ear as my walls clenched around his cock again. His self-control was impressive, I would have thought…or maybe I wanted him to seek his own pleasure by now. My body jerked as I worked to the point of overstimulation a second time, but both of them continued to hold me still, their grip becoming bruising. Tears pricked at my eyes as I let out yet another pathetic whimper. I didn’t know how much more I could take until I was sobbing. Just a few seconds to rest would have been greatly appreciated.
“One more, pet. You can handle one more, can’t you?” The President asked, a challenge clear in his voice. Not wanting to disappoint him or the clone, I nodded weakly. The President chuckled, kissing across my jawline. “That’s my good girl,” he praised. The overstimulation began to fade until it was replaced with pleasure, my body relaxing against The Presidents. He released my throat, now tracing my lips with his fingers. Acting on pure instinct and need, I took his fingers in my mouth, sucking the two digits.
“Oh, I know exactly how we should have you now, pet. I’ve been dying to claim your throat,” he determined. I moaned around his fingers before he retracted them with a short laugh. It wasn’t much longer until the clone pushed me over the edge a third time; the orgasm leaving me limp and breathless. But finally, the clone pulled away and allowed me to come down from my high. But not for long. The clone of my husband picked me up and carried me over to the desk. Putting me down, he kissed across my neck and up to my lips.
I accepted the kiss eagerly as he fumbled to open the trousers of his robes. He pressed the thick head of his cock against my wet entrance, coating himself in my juices. Even after I had been filled only minutes ago, I still ached for it. Loki pushed into me, groaning as he sunk every inch of his cock into me. He paused once he was buried to the hilt, leaning down to capture my lips with his once more. The kisses were hungrier, needier as he threaded his fingers through my hair. “You’ve been such a good girl for us,” the clone whispered against my lips.
My heart swelled at the praise; my mind was desperate to continue to please them. Loki clasped my neck, turning my head to look at The President and holding me there. The President watched us, smirking softly at the display. Yet he remained on the chaise lounge, although his glistening cock showed no signs of losing its hardness. Meeting his gaze, I pleaded with my eyes for him to join us. But it wasn’t good enough. He wanted me to beg for it verbally. “Please…sir,” I asked.
Thankfully, that was good enough for him as he got to his feet and approached. My head hung off the end of the desk, the clone grasping my hips as he started a fast pace. The President stood before me, his cock inches from my mouth. Grasping himself at the base of his cock, he traced my lips with the head, smearing my juices across them. My tongue darted out, tasting myself. Pulling back a little, his cock was now just out of reach of my open, waiting mouth. I couldn’t help the desperate whine that escaped my throat. “So desperate to clean my cock. Or are you more desperate to taste yourself off it?” He taunted.
I tried to coax him in, reaching out for him with my tongue, but it was still just out of reach. At this point I didn’t care if I was allowed to cum again, I just wanted him in my mouth. The clone snapped his hips against mine, forcing a moan from me. The President’s smirk had grown wider. “There’s my cock hungry whore,” he marvelled. “P-please, sir.” His smirk turned to a triumphant grin at his victory, and at last he pushed his cock into my mouth. It was easier to take him without gagging as much in this position.
The President only stopped when my lips were at the base of his cock, the head making my throat bulge. He groaned at the tightness, gently stroking across my throat as he enjoyed the sight for a few moments. The President fucked my throat, matching the clone’s pace. All I could do was lie there and be used by both of them, give up control to them. The clone wrapped my legs around his waist, his touch and pace more tender than The Presidents.
I moaned around The President’s cock as the clone reached between my legs to rub my clit. “If you like being filled with two cocks this much, pet, then perhaps next time I’ll have all your holes filled. And I’ll make sure to claim your ass as it’s the only thing left that doesn’t yet belong to me,” The President spoke. I could only moan in response, my fourth orgasm building quickly. Within seconds I was cumming, my cries muffled by the cock down my throat. My nails dug into my palms as they found no purchase in the smooth oak beneath me.
The next to cum was the clone, his grip tightened on my hips as he groaned my name and the warmth of his seed filled me. And finally, The President gave one final hard thrust down my throat before cumming with a guttural growl, riding out the shock waves of his orgasm against my face. Swallowing his seed, I was glad to be able to catch my breath as he pulled out. The clone had since vanished, although the evidence he’d been there was currently leaking out of me and onto the desk.
The President smiled down at me, cupping my cheek and stroking my hair with his free hand. “See, it’s not so bad when you submit to me, is it?” He asked, the question clearly rhetorical. Unable to form words just yet, I gently shook my head. It wasn’t bad at all.
Now stuck in The Void, President Loki is surprised to find Raven has variants of her own. (This Raven is from the canon timeline)
All three parts of this are pure porn with a hint of plot if you squint. Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed!
Warnings:Heavy NSFW, Non con themes, Very dubious consent, Smut, Sex, Bondage, President Loki is a sleazy asshole, Chains, Muzzles, Gags, Restraints, Kidnapping, Dirty talk, Praise kink, Oral sex, Multiple orgasms, Sexual torture, Body whorship, Blood, Choking, Hair pulling
Part 2
President Loki
Time seemed to pass differently in the void, not that time mattered anymore. The main thing here was avoiding Alioth in order to stay alive. In the time I’d been here, however, I had appointed myself as leader and gained a band of loyal followers. Who else better than me to rule? I had prior experience, so it made perfect sense. I had tried many times to escape this hell, to find a way to return to my own timeline, but it didn’t seem possible anymore. I was doomed to reside here until I died.
There were other Loki’s here, three that I knew of. There was an unspoken agreement to stay away from each other, not that any of them were a threat. I would eliminate the competition for my throne soon enough, one of them would eventually try to stab me in the back. We were Loki’s; it was in our nature.
It was another uneventful morning, and it was getting more difficult to find ways to entertain myself. There still wasn’t much to rule over, few people to order around. I just had it sit around and wait. Wait for my scouts to report back with more land to conquer or more people to recruit. If they came back. A lot of them had already been killed by Alioth.
The door to my ‘office’ opened and one of my most trusted men entered. He knelt first, out of respect. “Mr. President, one of the scouts found something that we thought might be of interest to you. A woman’s been found unconscious, purple hair, black clothes.” Purple hair. I remember Raven had mentioned during her younger, more rebellious stage that she’d dyed her hair purple. Could it be her? Or perhaps another her from another timeline? Would she know who I was? Only one way to find out.
After a assembling a small team of men, we headed out, taking one of the larger vehicles. I had to admit; I was a mixture of nervous and excited. Excited to see her again, but nervous that it wouldn’t be my Raven. Although I’m sure I could work with whoever was waiting for me. Reaching the scouts’ location, I climbed out of the back of the van. And there, sprawled out in the grass, was Raven. But not my Raven.
Her hair was shorter, shoulder length, and dyed purple. Her makeup was darker, her lipstick shade matching her hair. But the most striking thing was her attire. She wore a black hooded top piece with a black feathered corset which accentuated her body in all the right places; the outfit was completed with black leather trousers and boots. Slowly, she came round, her eyes opening. She glanced around before her gaze settled on me, recognition flashing across her features.
“Loki?” She questioned. So, I did exist in her timeline. And perhaps I could make that work to my advantage. Going to her, I offered her my hand to help her up, which she took. Gently, I cupped her cheek, noticing how she leaned into my touch. “You’ll make a perfect replacement, pet. I’ve been dying for a blow-“ Raven cut me off as she struck me hard across the face. Obviously, this one was a lot feistier than what I was used to. No matter, I’d tamed her before, I could do it again. Whether that took days or weeks was up to her.
Raven continued to cuss me out, but I wasn’t listening, I was busy thinking of all the ways I was going to break her. Quickly, she realized I wasn’t listening and slapped me again. On her finger I spotted sight of a wedding ring. It didn’t take me long to put the pieces together. Her Loki must be pathetic if he let her get away with speaking like that. Conjuring a clone behind her, she was quickly restrained with Asgardian cuffs that would stop her from using any of her abilities. Raven struggled against the clone, demanding to be let go. Frankly, she’d done enough talking. Conjuring a muzzle to match her restraints, I secured it across her mouth to silence her.
If looks could kill, her glare would end my existence here and now. Even with the muzzle, she still tried to talk, the sounds muffled. “What was that, pet? I can’t quite hear you around the gag.” I taunted. Hoisting her over my shoulder, I carried her with ease back to the van despite her struggle. Her petite frame and height of 5’3’ was practically nothing to carry. Once inside, I placed her down and took my seat before pulling her down onto my lap. I adjusted her so she could feel just how hard I was for her. Raven shot me another signature glare as I snaked an arm around her waist to keep her still.
During the journey back, I gently ground my hips against hers for some much-needed friction. Raven refused to meet my gaze, but I bet she was wet just from feeling how hard I was for her. One hand worked its way up her spine, to the nape of her neck, before grabbing a fistful of her hair and pulling back gently. “Don’t worry, pet. We’ll work on getting to know each other a lot better soon enough,” I sneered.
———————————————————————————————————–
Raven had spent the night chained in the basement, hopefully it would make her lose some of that attitude. If not, I’m sure I could find other methods. Opening the door to the basement, I flicked the light switch on before locking the door behind me. I wanted to make sure that we wouldn’t be interrupted. Raven squinted as the lights turned on, her vision slowly adjusting. Her wrists were bound above her head with a gold chain, and I had used my magic to give her a much more appealing outfit. She was practically gift wrapped for me.
The lingerie I had chosen was a green and black basque that had small gold snakes sewn across the green lace with matching crotchless panties and black stockings. My hands were already itching to get a hold of her. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions, as do I. I’d be more than happy to answer them for you,” I said, “but let’s start with the basics, you are in a place we called the void thanks to the timekeepers. And you’re lucky I was the one that came across you, otherwise I don’t think you would have lasted very long against Alioth.” “My main question is, when do I get out of here?” She asked. “That entirely depends on you, pet. When you surrender yourself to me, only then will I let you out of your bonds.”
Raven was visibly unhappy with my answer, tugging at the restraints in the hopes they would give. “I will never give myself to you,” Raven spat, “and when my Loki finds me-“ “If he finds you. Which I doubt. Which leads me to my first question. You recognised me; does he look like me?” “Yes.” Circling her, I came to a stop behind her, now admiring her from behind. Threading my fingers through her hair, I pulled her head back a little. “In every way?” I smirked.
She tried to shake her head free of my grasp, but I tightened my grip to hold her still, my lips ghosting over the shell of her ear. “I bet I do. But something tells me that despite our similarities, I’m the superior Loki.” “Just because you happen to be a president in your timeline? My Loki was a king.” “Was? So, it didn’t last long then?” I chuckled, releasing her, before coming to face her again, “why settle for a lesser version when you can have me?” “You said I would make a perfect replacement, does that mean that I exist in your timeline?” “You do. You weren’t just my secretary; you were my submissive.”
Pursing her lips, Raven seemed to now regret having asked. Raven flinched away from me as I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Which means I know your body better than you do,” I continued. My hand wrapped around her throat in a possessive manner, making sure she held still and couldn’t try to shift away from me anymore. Leaning in, my lips were now inches from hers and it was taking a lot of willpower not to kiss her. “I know all the right spots that will make you surrender to me. I know all the different ways I can have you dripping for me.”
Raven let out a soft, shaky breath, refusing to meet my gaze, and there was now a hint of tension between us. She could deny it all she wanted, but I knew I was starting to break down that hard exterior. “I already told you, I won’t surrender to you,” Raven spat. “You will. Willingly too. Because I don’t just know your body better than you. But your mind too. I know that you crave my touch, that my touch is the only one you trust considering your past. So, you can continue to deny yourself, pet, but we both know you’ll cave even if it takes hours.” The tension reached new heights and I couldn’t hold myself back anymore, kissing her hard. Her sound of protest was ignored, making her resort to biting me. Pulling back, I could feel blood seeping from the small wound.
The little bitch even looked proud of herself for causing me injury, which only gave me more incentive to make her regret it. Smirking, I wiped away the blood. “I’m going to enjoy breaking you, pet,” I said. Removing my suit jacket, I draped it over the back of a chair before rolling my sleeves up. Raven tensed, readying herself for my next move. As much as I wanted to skip the foreplay and sink my cock into her, I knew I had to be patient in order to get what I wanted in the long run.
Standing behind her again, I pressed my body against hers as I gently kissed across her neck. Whilst she tensed further, there was no mistaking the sharp intake of breath as my lips made contact with her flesh. Smirking against her, I ghosted my fingertips down her side before resting my hand on her hip. “For someone so determined to resist me, you aren’t saying no to me anymore,” I taunted. “You’ve already made it clear you wouldn’t listen, anyway.” “True. I’m sure I’ll have you begging for me soon enough.”
I nipped at her neck, sucking a purple mark into her pale skin to claim her as mine. Raven made a barely audible sound before biting down on her lip. My hand slid lower, unclasping her stockings. “As good as you look in this, pet, I’m eager to see what’s beneath it again,” I said whilst unhooking the back of her lingerie. I placed a kiss on the top of her spine before coming back round to face her. Untying the straps on the basque, I then pulled it from her.
My cock gave an eager throb at the sight of her body, something that would soon be mine. Once she gave in, she would be easy enough to train. I kissed a trail from her collar to her breasts, teasing her nipples with my tongue until they formed hardened peaks. A faint whine escaped Raven’s lips, her cheeks flushed with arousal and shame. “Why fight your desires? We both know you want this, give in and your obedience shall be rewarded,” I bargained. She remained silent, scowling at me in an attempt to hide her true emotions. But the cracks had already formed, it would be a matter of time before she crumbled.
My patience had worn thin, it had been forever since I had felt proper human contact, since I had felt the softness and warmth of her skin. And my right hand really was nothing compared to her. Reaching between her legs, I was pleasantly surprised to find her wet. “I told you I know your body better than you do, pet. You’re already so wet and I’ve hardly done a thing,” I grinned. She averted her gaze, refusing to look at me in a final act of defiance. Using my magic, I corrected her mistake and forced her to look at me. “Ah ah ah, I want to see the look in your eyes when I make you cum, pet.”
Now that she was unable to look away or close her eyes, I rubbed her clit in gentle circles, wanting to tease her first. Raven’s lips pressed into a thin line, determined to stay quiet if nothing else. My cock ached and my mouth watered for her, my self-control slipping again as I kissed at her neck hungrily. “I can’t wait to feel you on my cock,” I growled, “to hear you scream my name.” Raven gasped as I sucked another mark into her neck, claiming her further. Increasing the pressure on her clit, I also sped up the pace, determined to make her cum.
Her cheeks turned from pink to red as she struggled to keep her breathing even. But despite her efforts, a soft moan soon tore free. “That’s a good girl,” I praised. With just a hint of praise, Raven seemed to relax a little, but I knew there was still a way to go. “Don’t hold back, pet. It’s only us here, nobody else will hear you,” I encouraged her. I coaxed another soft moan from her, her body relaxing further into my touch. Her thighs trembled as I edged her closer to her first orgasm.
My other hand wrapped around her slender throat, applying slight pressure. “Cum for me,” I purred. Unable to hold back her orgasm any longer, Raven let out a soft whimper before freeing her bottom lip and cursing aloud. My cock twitched again at the sight of her, at her moans as I worked her through every wave. Releasing her neck, I stroked across her cheek. “Such a good girl for me.” Using my magic to further my advantage, I kissed her again, as she was unable to fight back.
I took my time, still working her clit. Raven gasped against my lips at the aftershocks of her orgasm. “You have no idea how long I’ve needed this, needed you,” I murmured. Finally, I released her clit, bringing my fingers to my mouth to taste her. Just a hint of her taste had my mouth watering for more. Raven had no choice to watch as I cleaned my fingers of her juices and there was no mistaking the arousal in her eyes. She wanted more, but was still too stubborn to ask for it. Not that it mattered, I already planned to give her so much more.
“You want to cum again. Don’t you, pet?” I asked. I released my hold over her, Raven now free to blink and move her head again. She didn’t deny my question, but she also didn’t answer. She likely felt shame for cumming for another man that wasn’t her husband, yet looked like him in every single way. I kissed a trail from her neck to her ear. “I know you want it, want me. I know you’re too stubborn to ask and that’s fine, pet. Because I plan on making you cum until you can’t take it anymore. And once you’re nothing but a crying, whimpering mess for me, only then will I fuck you and truly make you mine.”
I expected a fiery response from her, but she stayed silent, refusing to meet my gaze. At least I had worked through her defiant, stubborn streak. This was progress, and that’s what mattered. And I’m sure I could get her to loosen her tongue again soon enough. Perhaps she’d even beg for my cock by the time I was finished eating her cunt. Lowering myself to my knees, I kissed across her thighs, working my way inwards. Surprisingly, she didn’t struggle even as I hoisted her legs over my shoulders, so the backs of her thighs rested on them.
My tongue delved between her folds, lapping at her wetness hungrily. Gripping her hips to keep her still, my tongue worked its way up to her clit. Raven’s breaths were ragged as I caressed the small bundle of nerves. I couldn’t help but groan at her taste, I’d missed being between her legs. My cock was painful hard and leaking, I didn’t know how much longer I could wait. I worked her clit harder, determined to make her cum quicker. Raven whined, still desperately trying to hold back her sounds of pleasure.
But it was no use as I forced her second orgasm from her, her moans and cries filling the room. I didn’t stop or slow down for a second, keeping to my earlier promise. She bucked against me as overstimulation set in, whimpering, but not once did she tell me to stop. Slowly but surely, I was winning her over. Her overstimulation quickly turned to pleasure again before she was cumming a third time.
I forced orgasm after orgasm from her, lapping up every drop of her juices. Raven was unable to stifle her sounds anymore, moaning for me without a hint of resistance. It wasn’t until her seventh orgasm that she was shaking for me, and I knew it wouldn’t be much longer until I could have her in the way I craved. “L-Loki,” she whimpered, “please.” Grinning, I continued, determined to force one more from her. Quickly Raven tumbled over the edge, crying out my name.
Finally, I ceased the torturous pleasure, getting to my feet to admire her quivering form. Tears rolled down her cheeks, yet her eyes begged for more. Her legs struggled to keep her up, the chains around her wrists being the only thing keeping her upright. Fisting her hair, I forced my tongue into her mouth so she could taste herself. She accepted the kiss, moaning softly into it. Gently, I held her chin between my thumb and forefinger. Even after turning her into a mess, I knew she was still desperate to have me inside of her. “You’ve done so well, pet. But I think you’ve got one more left in you. After all, we haven’t gotten to the best part yet,” I spoke. “I-“ “You don’t want to disappoint me now, do you, pet?”
The last of Raven’s defiance had been snuffed out, her walls completely broken down. “Please,” she pleaded. “Please what?” I smirked, wanting to hear her say it. “Please…fuck me.” “Such a cock hungry slut even after you swore you wouldn’t surrender to me. Does it still ache between your legs even after I’ve made you cum eight times? Do you need me to fill you in the way only I can?” There was a moment’s hesitation from her before she swallowed her pride and nodded. Smirking, I used my magic to free her from her chains. I caught her before she could collapse to the floor, letting her rest her weight on me.
Picking her up with ease, I carried her over to the chair I had draped my jacket over earlier. Sitting down, I positioned her so she was straddling my lap before using my magic to recuff her wrists behind her back. Working open my belt and trousers, I freed my aching cock before pushing into her with ease from how wet she was. Both of us moaned loud at the much-needed contact, my fingers digging into her hips hard enough that she would likely have marks later. “This perfect cunt is mine,” I growled.
My hips bucked against hers as I lifted her up and down on to my cock. Raven let me use her, moaning as I fucked her harder. She had no idea how good she looked like this, her back arched slightly as her breasts bounced from the quick pace, her eyes shut in pure pleasure as I forced more moans and gasps from her. The sight was one to savour. “You always did look your best when you’re filled with my cock,” I grunted. Leaning forward, I left more purple marks across her flesh as my own pleasure continued to build.
It wasn’t long before Raven’s ninth orgasm began to build, her walls starting to tighten as her moans became louder and frequent. And quickly she was dragging me under with her, but I needed her to cum again first. “Cum for me,” I ordered. Within seconds, Raven’s body tensed as she cried out my name and her walls clenched around my cock. The sound of my name coming from her lips was what tipped me over the edge. With one final hard thrust and a loud guttural groan, I filled her with my seed and truly claimed her as mine.
Raven went limp against me, and I wrapped my arms around her, kissing at her neck and shoulder lazily. Eventually, I found the strength to lift her off me, our combined fluids now staining the front of my trousers. It would likely be a little while before Raven could move again. Perhaps if her defiant side didn’t make another reappearance, I would allow her to stay in my own room. But if it did appear, I’m sure I could find other ways to earn her submission.
You tell Bucky to be careful with your heart. Too late he realizes you should have been careful with his.
or:
You’re awkward,odd, and not the most conventionally attractive yet you’re the only woman that Bucky sees
Warnings: manipulation
Authors note: Back from the dead lmao. This is probably trash but I just needed to force myself to finish something it order to try to get back in the groove! Feedback is more than greatly appreciated, it’s what keeps me writing tbh…
PS. You ain’t shit in this lmao
—
You weren’t the most eye-catching. You didn’t look like the girls Bucky used to chase after in his younger years, or the girls on the internet he’d find himself staring at once he’d discovered Instagram, endlessly scrolling through picture after picture, lost in a sea of beautiful bodies and faces. You didn’t look like the tall slim blonde agent he’d always make a point to hold open the door for, or his neighbor’s daughter in Wakanda, who had had dark skin so smooth and a face so perfect he’d never managed to say more than two words to her.
You were slightly awkward, with a slightly odd sense of humor, always cracking jokes that sometimes no one laughed at but you. But you didn’t care, you would laugh at them all the same. You wore baggy clothes, and not the fashionable baggy kind either. Your favorite outfit was baggy camo print cargo pants and an old grey band t-shirt, logo so faded it was almost impossible to decipher.
At first Bucky didn’t pay you much attention. He wasn’t rude, but he treated you with the same gruff stoicism he treated everyone with. Well everyone besides Sam, Steve, and Natasha. Besides he only saw you rarely, you were a high level agent thanks to your skill, but you didn’t work closely with the team very often. Until you did.
One mission with Clint was all it took to have your name thrust forward when Fury was looking to fill a coordinator position. Suddenly you were everywhere. Coordinating their positions on missions, even going on missions with different members of the team. You fit in well with the team, your corny jokes and generally happy disposition make you easy to like. Your apartment was five minutes away, thanks to Tony, so you would often eat breakfast with the team and stay at the Tower well into the night, often crashing in a room designated for you, also thanks to Tony.
You were like a deceptively shallow river Bucky would think after. One minute he was wading through your shallows, next moment he was being taken under by your currents, realizing too late that he was in deeper than he thought possible.
It started slowly, you would make an effort to make conversation with Bucky, never seeming off put by his non answers. Bucky found himself coming to you with numerous questions on how to work social media, you would give such long winded explanations he wouldn’t have to embarrass himself with asking questions. Soon he found himself seeking you out for more than explanations. Funny thing is you were the one who introduced him to Instagram, to the beautiful women on the app but eventually he found himself unable to see any woman but you.
Bucky found himself sitting with you at lunch, looking out the window in the mornings waiting to catch sight of your army green jacket. He’d sit with you in the afternoons as you did your paperwork, steal glances at you ,your forehead always shiny by midday with an almost ever-present patch of acne, eyebrows scrunched together as you filled out mission reports. He loved those quiet moments the most. Bucky wasn’t good with words, not anymore. But he would help carry the 10 pound boxes of paperwork, always bring an extra pen in case yours ran out of ink, and constantly would bring you your favorite Starbucks order. He secretly hoped that you would read the affection behind his actions.
You didn’t usually go to Stark’s parties, you’d rather go to bars and clubs with your friends.
“The crowd at Stark’s parties just aren’t my crowd,” you’d explained with a shrug, toeing the floor with your scuffed sneakers. Bucky had nodded in understanding. They usually weren’t his crowd either, but he’d always go to support Steve, who was pretty much expected to show face.
But for some reason you show up to this party. Four months into your blossoming friendship (and Bucky’s crush). Bucky wasn’t prepared for what you were wearing. When he heard the agents whispering about your unexpected appearance at the party he half expected to see you in jeans and a t- shirt. Or even your cargo pants. At the sound of your name Bucky zeros into the muttered conversation.
“Did you see her?”
“Yeah, damn.”
“Was not expecting that. Or her to even show up. Who knew?”
“She’s kinda hot, not gonna lie. In a weird way”
Bucky turns his head scanning the crowd, heart rate already picking up, fully expecting to see your sweat-pant clad form. He sees you alright. But not in sweatpants. A red dress barely covers your figure. Hemline way above the halfway mark of your thighs and twin slits in the skirt reaching up to your hips. A draping halter neck ties at your neck and completely exposes your back and gives a generous view of your tits. He catches flashes of the curve of your ass as you walk.
In hindsight the dress was totally in line with your character. You didn’t dress the way you did because you were ashamed of your body but rather because you didn’t give a fuck. Your hair is pinned up, one perfect curl escaping your updo and kissing your neck. Bucky feels his heart stop. He spies numerous heads turning as you languidly weave through the crowd in dangerously thin stilettos. You cozy up to one of your agent friends and the two of you drink, giggle, and dance. Bucky can’t take his eyes off of you.
When you head to the balcony he follows.
“Hey,” you say when you spy his shadow darkening the entrance to the balcony.
“Hey,” he gruffs, in a tone he fears is too quiet. But looking at the curve of your exposed back suddenly has his voice dying in his throat. You turn back to looking at the city skyline. Bucky steps forward next to you. Close. Closer than he’s ever been to you, painfully aware of your arms brushing. He can’t fully feel your skin through the long sleeve button down he’s wearing but the touch sets him on fire all the same.
“Needed some air. “ He eventually grumbles. Trying not to stare at your profile. You look at him then, wearing a sly expression he had never seen on you.
“I’m sure you did,”
–
After that it doesn’t take long for Bucky to gather up the courage after that. Maybe it’s the way you had looked at him on the balcony or the way both male and female agents were sniffing around you at the party. All the same about a week later Bucky finds himself heading to your office in the afternoon as usual, but this time holding a bouquet of flowers.
Afterwards Bucky falls in love with you hard and fast. He finds himself doting on you, taking you out, bringing you flowers and other tokens of his affection. He hears the whispers, it’s almost impossible not to with his super soldier hearing.
“How’d she’d get him,”
“What an odd couple,”
“The Winter Soldier’s with cargo pants?”
But he still holds your hand in public all the same. Stops in the middle of training recruits to kiss you whenever you happen to cut across the gym all the same. Keeps a picture of you in his wallet all the same.
Bucky has never felt this amount of care and comfort from a person since…ever, even before, in his other life. You put his boots by the heater in the winter when he sleeps over so his feet won’t freeze when he walks to the compound. You listen to him, even when he’s angry, raging at nothing, or when he’s sad and sullen, taking minute long pauses in between sentences. Or even when he wants to do nothing but sit in silence and hold you. You especially listen when his words come fast, tinged with self hatred. You reassure him, holding him like he’s fine china. After many late night musings you give him with the best present he’s ever gotten, an impossibly soft kitten who’s uncharacteristically loud purr always grounds him. Bucky finds himself able to open up with you in a way he can’t with anyone else, even Steve. Bucky’s not good with words anymore, but with you he’s amazing. He can’t stop singing your praises, lavishing you with sweet words and adoration.
In hindsight it was a warning.
“Sweetheart, your wallet must be screamin’ for mercy, with you buying this cake nearly everyday,” Bucky says pinching off a piece of the lemon pound cake which is almost always at the corner of your desk. He recognizes the cake from a bakery across the street, and knows its nearly four dollars a slice. You stretch cracking your back, nipples poking through your shirt. Your ever present band shirt had breathed its last breath, and this new shirt is thinner and cropped, and hugs your body closer.
“Not really, I don’t buy it, Tommy hooks me up” you say, shooting him a smile and then returning back to your paperwork.
“Tommy?” Bucky says, and unbidden hot jealousy sears through his chest at the mention of your coworker “He’s always buying you these?”
“Yeah,” you answer, not looking up, and Bucky tells himself to remain calm, unbothered.
He doesn’t.
Later after the subsequent fight and make up Bucky holds you as the two of you sit on his bed.
“I’m sorry,” He says again.
“It’s alright,” you say and somehow your simple words draw the truth out of him.
“I’m just…I- I’m afraid of losing you.”
“I’m afraid of losing you too,” you confess, then pause “Bucky, please be careful with me,”
Your relationship was easy, comforting. The two of you almost never fought, and never grew tired of being with each other. One blissful year turned into two and then five. It was like a dream and Bucky never wanted to wake up.
But reality eventually did.
How closely you guarded your phone should have tipped him off. How you’d constantly declined calls while the two of you were together. The way you almost always got ‘too drunk’ on girls night and would end up crashing at your friend’s place.
The first time it’s sixth months into your relationship on a lazy Saturday. The two of you had ordered pizza and planned to cuddle on the couch and have a movie marathon. You were in the bathroom when your phone had vibrated. Knowing that you would get a notification when the pizza arrived Bucky had looked at your phone. Bucky had felt surprised to see the name Dominos instead of an unsaved number pop up on your screen. Your phone didn’t show the preview of the text like his did. Your phone was still unlocked since you had headed to the bathroom but a few seconds ago, so Bucky tapped to open the text.
Dominos: [Can’t wait to see you again, beautiful]
Bucky’s blood had run cold. He froze, only unfreezing when he realized you were standing next to him.
“We aren’t exclusive!” you had defended.
“What the hell do you mean?” Bucky had growled. At that your face had crumbled, eyes filling with tears.
“You never asked me to be your girl.” you had looked away “We never talked about what we are,”
“Whaddya think we’ve been doing these past months?!” Bucky had yelled back,
“ I don’t know. I don’t assume Bucky. Because guys always seem to want to date me, treat me like their girlfriend and then turn around and throw it in my face that they never said I was.” your voice breaks and so does Bucky’s anger. He hadn’t been very verbal with you so far. It’s true he never asked you to be his girl, or even verbally on a date. He just thought you both knew. Guilt fills him at the sight of your tear stained face.
“I’m sorry I was just preparing for the inevitable,” you say and turn away. Bucky grabs your arm and pulls you towards him.
“Well, let me make it clear. I want you to be my girl. I want you to be mine and mine alone.”
Your expression is unfathomable as you wind your arms around his neck.
“I am yours.”
That night you stand in front of Bucky and wordlessly slip out of your sweatpants and t shirt, rendering him speechless. With reverence Bucky’s hands trace your frame and his mouth follows. That night he worships you.
Later, you wrap your arms around him and whisper
“I love you,”
And Bucky knows that he’s done for.
“I love you too sweetheart.” he says, and later still when you’ve fallen asleep Bucky lies awake, stroking the soft contours of your back. He’s done for. And he knows it.
“I’ll be careful,” he whispers.
–
Reality had tried to wake Bucky gently. Through warning signs that should have been loud and clear especially to an ex assassin. But Bucky had accepted your half baked truths and excuses. He was too far gone off of the drug that was your love to heed the warning signs until reality slapped him- no choked him, awake.
His awakening came in the form of the sight of you on your kitchen counter, a man kneeling in between your spread thighs. The flowers he had bought you on his way back from his mission that had ended early drop to the floor. Bucky freezes. But at the sight of Tommy’s face, cheeks slick with you he loses it. Next thing he realizes that he has his hands around your coworkers throat. But your hand on his shoulder drains the fight out of him, and as Tommy scrambles out of the apartment Bucky crumples to the floor and sobs.
“Why?” He asks and he realizes he’s not just asking about now, but about all the times he’s caught you cheating but didn’t have the strength to leave you.
“Baby” you say and gather him into your arms. He wants to pull away, thrash, yell, but he doesn’t. He just melts into your touch. You make him weak. And at night when he thinks about your excuses and half truths he hates himself for it.
“Why do you keep doing this to me?” he says, sobs wracking his frame “Five years-did they mean nothing to you?”
“I’m sorry,” you say “I love you,”
At this Bucky pulls away, standing. “Don’t fucking lie to me.” he hisses.
“I’m not,” you say standing “I might lie all the time but I’m not lying about this.” your eyes go soft at the corners, and start to water.
“No. I love you. I adore you. I’d give you anything-everything and you treat me like shit” Bucky spits, there’s a pain in his chest, his heart is breaking “And I just fucking take it, because you make me so fucking weak- and I hate it” another sob ribs from his chest. A part of him thinks that this is his punishment. For all of the terrible things he’s done. Cursed to be in love with someone who will never truly love him back. He looks at you, your hair is in disarray, baggy t shirt, those fucking cargo pants around your ankles. He gives a bitter laugh “Who woulda thought that you would’ve been the one to make me weak.”
“Why? Because I’m not pretty?” hurt flashes across your face then your eyes go hard. Usually Bucky would have been quick to refute any self deprecating words, reassuring you how beautiful he found you, how gorgeous you were. But now he just lifts his chin and looks back at you with the same hard eyes.
“Well I know I’m not pretty.” you shrug, face going strangely expressionless “But you still fell for me all the same. More fool you.” you say, and after a moment continue. “We should break up.”
At this Bucky shatters. Because he knows deep down that even after all of this he still would have taken you back. He still wants to grovel at your feet and plead to try to fix your relationship. But instead he decides to finally choose himself and turns and walks out of the door and out of your life.
Year later he still finds himself looking at your picture in his wallet, the one remnant of you he has left, that he can’t bear to get rid of. On lonely nights where he can’t sleep and can’t stand the coldness of his bed he’ll trace the curve of your smile and wish that you had cared enough to have been careful with him.
It had been a testing day. All the days lately seemed that way. John Walker had killed a man, taken the serum and Bucky had discovered that his arm could be removed. That fact had hit him hard, harder than I thought, and he had lashed out at me only a few minutes ago. I’m sure everyone in the townhouse heard, maybe even the neighbours.
So now I sat alone in the dark, in the plush living room thinking how my life had changed so much in the course of a month. I wanted to roll my eyes when I saw Zemo stroll in.
“Rough night?” He joked.
“Shut up,” I grumbled back.
He went to the kitchen. “My wife and I used to fight all the time,” there was a dip in his voice.
He came back with two glasses of wine in his hands. Warily, I took one from him. “What did you guys fight about?” I asked.
Zemo shrugged. “Things that seem silly now,”
“I didn’t know it would be this hard,” I whispered after a beat of silence.
Zemo softly chuckled. “You’re boyfriend is the Winter Soldier, it was always going to be hard.”
I wanted to slap him, but instead I sipped my wine and prayed he’d leave me alone. Instead, Zemo settled further down into the sofa. I wanted to ask him more about his family before The Avengers came, what his life was like. But I didn’t want to create a falsehood of friendship with him. We certainly weren’t that.
“You know,” Zemo said. “Life would get easier if you walked away,”
I scoffed. “Stop it,”
“I’m being serious,” he said. “You wouldn’t have to run around the world chasing after him, you wouldn’t have to worry, you could be normal,”
Slowly I looked over at him. “But…” I trailed off.
“You do so much for him,” Zemo said. “And what does he do? Yells at you, treats you like nothing,”
“He doesn’t mean to,” I meekly said.
“Doesn’t he?” Zemo asked. “He’s a Super Soldier, violence is wired into them, it’s only a matter of time before he reallysnaps,”
I suddenly stood, placing down my wine and pacing. “Shut up!” I yelled.
“You know it, I know you do, you can’t be that stupid,” he casually said.
“Bucky is a good man and would never hurt me,” I said.
Zemo only smirked over the rim of the glass. “Y/N, he already has.”
I pinched my eyes shut and rubbed my temples. “You don’t know him,”
“I know him better than you,”
“No you don’t!” I yelled. “You know the Winter Soldier, they are two very different people,”
Zemo chuckled. “Can you not see? They are the same,”
“Would the Winter Soldier buy me flowers?” I snapped. “Would he rub my shoulders after work, clean the apartment when he’s bored, hold me so close at night I think he’d suffocate me?” I ranted. “Would the Winter Soldier tell me stupid jokes when I’m sad, would he make dinner when I’m tired, care for me when I’m sick?”
Zemo went to speak. “Y/N-“
“No he wouldn’t,” I interrupted. “But Bucky does. You know the cold hearted killing machine, I know that sweet and caring man,”
Zemo stared at me for a moment. “You talk like he hung the moon for you,”
“Maybe he did, god knows he’d try,” I huffed back.
Zemo stood and nodded behind me, a smile coming over his face before turning on his heels and walking away. It was comical really, turning around to see Bucky stood in the archway. His eyebrows were knitted together, arms hanging by his side.
There was a long pause. “You really think those things about me?” Bucky finally whispered.
“He fucking gave it up,” I jumped as Bucky stormed into the kitchen, voice booming and practically shaking the windows.
“What?” I frowned, drying my hands.
“Sam,” Buck began to pace. “He gave up the shield and now they have this clown parading around as Captain America,”
“What are you talking about?” I was quickly led into the living room where the TV was playing a news segment called: The New Cap?
“He’s a coward.” Bucky grumbled as he crossed his arms.
I sighed. “He isn’t.” I mumbled back.
“What?” Bucky’s eyes widened.
“I understand why Sam did it,” I wandered back into the kitchen, Bucky hot on my heels.
“Steve chose him, not this joker.” Bucky’s anger was getting the better of him.
“Steve didn’t understand the pressure that went with the job,” I said. “It’s a very different thing creating a name and then carrying it on,”
“Steve obviously saw something in Sam that made him think he could carry it on, and Sam didn’t even try,” Bucky began to flush with anger.
“Maybe Steve was wrong,” I simply shrugged, not thinking of my statement.
There was a beat of silence. “Steve wasn’t wrong.”
“Is that so ridiculous to think?” I asked.
“Yes, it is.” Bucky’s fists clenched at his sides.
“Why?”
“Because if Steve was wrong about Sam, then Steve was wrong about me,” his voice dropped a tone, shoulders hunching.
“What?” I frowned.
“Is that so ridiculous to think?” He mocked me.
“Yes, it is.” I mocked back. “This isn’t about you Bucky, this is about Sam,”
His face contorted in anger. “That shield is as much mine as it was Sams, I was there when he got it!”
“No it isn’t,” I snapped back. “It was Steve’s and then it was Sams, it was never yours.”
I jumped as Bucky grabbed a near by glass and hurled it at the wall, the feeble thing shattering all over the floor. I looked over to Bucky, eyes wide and face pale as Bucky’s breathing heaved.
“Fuck you,” was all he uttered before storming out of the apartment.
summary: you and bucky’s twin brother were a match made in heaven. so it rocks your world when he passes and his dying wish is for Bucky to be there for you and your unborn child.
word count: 6.4k
warnings: mentions of death, angst af, yelling, arguing, saying some mean things, death of a birth parent.
a/n: the lovely @its-just-may made my disclaimer banner and I can’t thank her enough!!
