Just a reminder that in an alternative universe, we would’ve had TFATWS premiere this week

Just a reminder that Bucky Barnes was drafted for the war. He never wanted to be a soldier, he was forced to be one.

Okay but can we talk about female Bucky Barnes

(Credit: @/buckyownsmylife on Instagram)

There are two types of girls

This:

And this:

TODAY WE MIGHT GET EITHER OF THE TWO TRAILERS:

-Wandavision

-Falcon and the Winter Soldier

-Mandalorian

My bets are on Wandavision and Mandalorian

WandaVision did complete filming this week

Comment your favourite MCU quote, it’s for science

Petition to have Oliver Jackson-Cohen as Marvel’s ‘Moon Knight’

Request: The one where the reader and Bucky used to date a while back but they broke it off. Bucky has enlisted and is going to leave in a couple of days so him and Steve are on this date with 2 girls. The reader and Bucky see each other again at a show during that night because the reader is a professional ballet dancer. 

Warning/s:None.

Author’s note: I changed it a little bit. Instead of the reader becoming a professional ballet dancer, she’s going to be a lounge singer. I hope you all like it! Btw, the song Moonlight by Ariana Grande is an inspiration for this imagine.

The streets of Brooklyn were very quiet when the night start to get late. The peaceful night is very relaxing. Everyone was indoors having dinner with their families, friends, etc. But tonight, the reason why the streets are quiet is because almost everyone are attending an event hosted by the most well-known inventor, Howard Stark.

(Y/N) didn’t want to attend the said event because such events like that are not her thing. She doesn’t feel comfortable with big crowds. Plus, she got work. In a nearby, decent bar, she works there as a lounge singer. Every Wednesday nights, she would entertain the customers. But there is one twist: the customers don’t know her true identity. They only know her by her stage name and voice, but never her real name and face. The owner likes to keep it that way because it intrigues the customers, and wants to preserve the mystery. 

“(Y/N)? 5 minutes and you’re up!” The stage manager called out from the other side of the door of her dressing room. 

“I’ll be there!” She called back. She looked back to her reflection on the mirror and checked to see how she looks like. Her (H/C) hair was curled and cascaded down her back, her makeup was simple yet her lips were painted in a deep red shade that made her (S/C) glow. The navy blue gown she was wearing, that had thin-straps and a v-neck, reached down the ground and shimmered when swayed. 

She always did look good in blue. At least that’s what her ex-boyfriend said to her before.

James Buchanan Barnes had every girl in the city falling for him. You couldn’t blame him, though. The guy had this suave when he walks, a charming smile that makes the girls swoon, piercing blue eyes, and a macho physique. In all honesty, (Y/N) never knew what a guy like him saw in her. She was just a simple, city girl. She wasn’t born with a silver spoon, and she didn’t come from a rich family. And yet, they fell in love. 

Their relationship was strong and happy. Bucky would always write her these letters that contained his deep affection towards her, would always treat her the way girls want to be treated, etc. It was like a fairy tale. Many people (specifically the women) weren’t much of a fan of their relationship. Some say that the two of them wouldn’t work out because of Bucky’s reputation as a ladies’ man, while some say that he doesn’t really love her and made bets on how long their relationship will last. Despite all this, the two still made their relationship as steady as it was since the beginning. 

The ones who really knew them called (Y/N) as Bucky’s greatest love. They all thought that the two would get married, have kids, and grow old together after living a very happy and affectionate life. That is until they broke up. Oh how almost every girl rejoiced upon hearing the news. The early days of their break up gave (Y/N) a hard time. Everywhere she went, people would always give her dirty looks, glares, snarks, and grimace in disgust. She tried her best to ignore them, but sometimes it can get a little bit too much. When she tried to defend herself, she would get her hair pulled, scratches on her cheeks and arms, and a bleeding lip. She was surprised when the next day, everyone seemed to look at her normally and gone were those glares and grimaces. Almost as if the events of yesterday never happened. 

She never knew what happened to Bucky after their break up. But she hoped he is doing well. 

(Y/N) pulled herself out of her thoughts and sighed. Even after 5 months, she still wonders about the first guy she truly did love. She wonders if he ever still does think about her, as ridiculous and impossible that sounds. 

“Show time.” (Y/N) told herself before walking out of her dressing room. 

“Welcome to the best night of your life, ladies.” Bucky cheered as soon as they entered the place. As promised, he took the two ladies to dancing for tonight. Steve followed closely behind, looking around the place. At least the place is decent, Steve thinks, compared to the bars Bucky always chooses.

“Oh! Let’s go sit at the front!” The brunette, named Bonnie, grabbed Bucky’s hand and dragged him to the table just beside the dance floor. The spot they chose had a nice view of the stage. The blonde, named Sandra and Steve’s supposedly date, rushed to follow after the two, completely ignored the scrawny guy standing beside her. Steve bit back an eye roll and joined them. 

“We came here in the right time. Gosh, I’m so excited!” Sandra gushed to her friend. 

Bucky chuckled, slinging his arms behind the girls. “Why?”

“There is this girl here who performs every Wednesday night. She has this amazing voice that pierces through the hearts of everyone who are listening.” Bonnie explained. 

Bucky smirked, glancing over to Steve who only raised an eyebrow when he saw a twinkle of mischief in Bucky’s eyes. “What’s her name?”

“Ever since she started working here in this place, no one knows her name. Well, except for her co-workers. Don’t bother asking them. They won’t tell you. They’ve been sworn to secrecy. It’s their way to preserve the mystery, I guess.” Bonnie’s eyes gleamed in glee and excitement. “But tonight, the mystery will be revealed!”

Steve only shrugged when Bucky looked at him. Before he could say something, someone had tapped a microphone. 

“Good evening, everyone. Tonight, let us welcome our mystery song bird to the stage. For the first time in our business history, we will now reveal the face of yours and our beloved nightingale. Please give her a round of applause.”

The audience broke out in cheers and applause. The sounds of heels clicking on the marble floor was heard. A figure of a person walked to the stage. The lights at the stage was dark so the face of the person cannot be determined. Bucky shifted on his seat, watching in curiosity.

The sun is setting and you’re right here by my side

The girls were right. This mysterious girl has an amazing voice. For some reason, Bucky couldn’t help but sense a familiarity. 

A couple of people started occupying the dance floor, swaying as the music played. 

Every look, every touch makes me wanna give you my heart

“Come on, Bucky! Let’s dance!” Bonnie giggled and dragged a chuckling Bucky to the dance floor. The two soon started dancing and chatting. Bucky caught Steve’s eye and told him to ask the girl to dance. Steve glanced at the girl and asked her to dance. But the girl ignored him. Steve gave Bucky a shrug. 

I never knew, I never knew
You could have moonlight in your hands

As soon as the chorus broke out, the lights of the stage opened and a spotlight revealed the face of the person who was singing. Everyone stared in awe and cheered upon the revelation. Steve, Bucky, and the two girls stared in shock. 

“Isn’t that your ex?” Bonnie asked Bucky. 

Bucky didn’t answer. He simply stood there, frozen and gaping.

I kiss his fingertips
As I’m wishing he’s all mine

A million of thoughts ran through Bucky’s mind. He never thought he’d get to see her again. It had been months. He would be lying if he said that he had not thought of her all the time. 

Buck still lves her, even after everything. She was very different from the girls he met. She held a principle in her life. She is both grace and beauty. She is the only one who has him wrapped around her finger just by one look. The effect she gives him always leaves him wanting more. 

Seeing her standing there, looking elegantly beautiful as ever, it truly stole his breath away.

(Y/N) smiled at the couples around her. They all had happy smiles and affection in their eyes. She only shook away the longing feeling she felt. “When he calls me moonlight, too.” Her breath hitched when her eyes met Bucky’s stare. Her heart beat intensified. What was he doing here? She swallowed and immediately looked away, mentally trying to calm herself down.

Her voice came out shaky and rushed. “Thank you everyone.” She immediately turned away and headed backstage. When she was out of the audience’s eyes, she leaned against the wall to catch her breath. She clutched her chest and closed her eyes. 

“Oh my god… oh my god.” she whispered. 

“(Y/N)? Hey, wow! You did great! The audience impact was spec– hey, are you okay?” Angie, her co-worker, asked. 

(Y/N) nodded and took a deep breath. “Yes, I’m fine.” 

From across the hall, she could hear Bucky’s voice asking for her. Her eyes grew wide at this, while her friend looked confused. “Why is that gorgeous man looking for you?” 

Before (Y/N) could turn around and run, she had already locked eyes with him. (Y/N) couldn’t move even if she wanted to. She was already trapped. Bucky slowly walked over to her, stopping at arms length. Angie sensed the tension between them, so she immediately excused herself and gave the two privacy.

It was obvious that Bucky is as nervous as she is. She could read him very well. 

“Hi.” He started.

“Hi.” She replied. 

Silence. 

What are you supposed to say in situations like this? (Y/N) bit her lower lip and fidgeted.

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you after…” 

“I’m doing alright, I guess.” Bucky answered, giving her a nod. “How about you?” 

“Same as you.” 

Bucky smiled. “I didn’t know you could sing.” 

Her face flushed at the hidden compliment. She smiled. “Figured I put my hidden talent to good use.” 

“You have a beautiful voice.” 

“Thank you, Bucky.” It took all her strength to refrain herself from calling him ‘Buck’. “I see you’ve gotten your uniform.” 

Bucky looked down at what he is wearing. “Oh, uh, yeah.” 

“When are you leaving?” 

“In a few days.” 

Silence fell over them again. It felt a little bit weird having small talks with Bucky. They’ve always talked about almost everything before. Sometimes when she does her rambling, he would shut her up with a kiss. 

Not knowing if the conversation is over or not, she cleared her throat. I, uh, I should probably get changed. It was nice to see you again, Bucky.” she said, giving him a small smile before turning around. 

She had just taken two steps when he stopped her. “(Y/N)?”

She turned around. “Yes?” 

There was a flash of hesitation that crossed his features. He was chewing on his lower lip, and was swaying on his spot. He visibly inhaled. “Do you want to–” he cleared his throat, “–grab a cup of coffee or hot chocolate tonight?” 

His offer took her by surprise. “What?”

His nervousness grew. “I, uh, asked if you wanted to–” 

“I heard what you said.” she cut off. “What I meant to say was, why?”

He opened and closed his mouth, slowly lifting his shoulders. “It’s been so long since I last saw you. I, uh, wanted to know you’ve been over the last 5 months.” he explained, ever the gentleman. 

When she didn’t answer, Bucky’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment “Right,” he lightly chuckled, “I shouldn’t have done that. Forget I, uh, said anything. It was good to see you, (Y/N).” 

(Y/N)’s eyes immediately grew wide. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t answer him. “No, wait!” She halted when he was about to turn around. “I, uh, accept your offer.” she said, suddenly growing shy. 

Bucky’s eyes lit up. A hint of a smile crossed his features. “Really?” 

She nodded, smiling. 

They kept seeing each other after that. Sometimes planned, sometimes not. During their late night coffee hangout, they talked about what the other had done after what had happened. They both still had their awkward silences but as each second passed, they grew comfortable. It was like she and him are one again. 

A lot of people have noticed that the two have reunited. They didn’t say anything but they kept a watchful eye. Steve noticed the change of behavior in Bucky. Bucky’s eyes seemed to have a light again, he was smiling genuinely all the time, he doesn’t spend his time stopping and talking to other girls, and whenever someone mentions (Y/N), his cheeks would slightly turn pink and he wouldn’t shut up about her. 

Steve thought that both have gone back together, but Bucky told him that they aren’t. This led to Bucky being lost in his thoughts the whole day. 

At the last day of his time in Brooklyn, he asked (Y/N) if she could come with him. They spent the whole day talking, eating, and just having fun (like old times). They talked about everything that came upon their minds. Even managed to sneak in a few events from their past relationship. 

By the late afternoon, the two were walking by the bridge. Bucky’s hands were inside the pockets of his jacket while (Y/N) was holding his arm. The wind blew calmly.

(Y/N) noticed the distant sunset view from the bridge. “The Golden Hour.” she murmured, stopping to lean on the railings. Bucky mimicked her position. “Views like this never cease to amaze me.” 

“It’s just a simple sunset.” 

“It is, for you. But the simple things hold such beauty that is rare and one of a kind.” 

Bucky looked over to her, and she did the same. He smiled down at her. “Like you.” he said, softly. 

(Y/N)’s cheeks flushed. She smiled and looked back to the view. 

“You know, these past few days are one of the happiest moments of my life.” Bucky said, after a while. 

(Y/N) looked over to him. “Why?” 

Bucky was quiet for a while. He had a wistful look and a smile on his face. “Because I was given a chance to spend my days with the girl I’ve always loved before I leave.” he said. 

Her heart melted. She stood there looking at him, not saying anything. Bucky turned to face her. He gently took her hands and held them close to him. “(Y/N), I know that I’m gonna leave tomorrow. I wish I could still have spent the days with you a bit longer. But do know that I’ll come back to you, doll. I’ll write you letters. Everyday until I come back.” he paused, stepping closer, “My love, you are one of my favorite people and the most beautiful woman I have ever known in real life. Is it too late for me to say that I love you?” 

She had tears streaming down her face. She let out a chuckle. “It’s never too late, Buck.” she said and embraced him. He let out a breath that he was holding and wrapped his arms around her. He buried his face onto the crook of her neck when he tightened his grip. “But what if you don’t come back?” she asked when she pulled back. 

Bucky tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Don’t say that.” 

“But what if, Bucky?”

He didn’t say anything. He watched her eyes as fear danced around it. Fear of losing him. Then he smiled. “Then I want you to love your life as a happy woman. The woman that still loves life despite a loss. I want you to get married to a man you deserve. I want you to have kids, and make new memories. But the only thing I ask of you is to not forget me. For I truly, completely love you.” 

(Y/N) choked down a sob and engulfed him in a hug. She ran her fingers through his hair. “Come back to me, please.” 

Bucky kissed her hair. “Always.” 

Author’s note: Did you spot a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. quote? :D

Infinity → Bucky Barnes

synopsis: telling a nervous Bucky you’re pregnant and reassuring him he will be an incredible father and there’s no one else you’d rather go through parenthood with.

warnings: conversation about PTSD, my shitty writing :), but mainly fluff, Bucky being a nervous dad, Bucky deserving better-

Your eyes brimmed with tears.

It was happening. You were going to be a mother. You were so incredibly happy and shocked, and god overwhelmed.

Tears started pouring out of your eyes, you couldn’t help it. Out of instinct you pulled your knees up to your chest on the ground where you sat burying your head in your knees.

That’s when the door creaked open, “hey doll, I was just goi- y/n?” You heard your loves tone shift from informative and natural instantly to concern as he rushed up to you his eyes full of concern.

You looked up to see him there. Those electric blue eyes staring into your e/c ones as a small smile was revealed on your face.

“What happened, doll?” He asked in a small voice, now kneeled down in front of you.

Your hand drifted up to his cheek as your thumb grazed his cheek your eyes traveling over his face as you shook your head in disbelief.

“Bucky… we- were going to be p-parents.” You choked out, holding up the test.

Bucky’s eyes widened grabbing the test in shock. “Are you- are you serious?” His voice small as tears brimmed his eyes.

You let out a choked laugh and nodded with a smile, “yes baby. You’re going to be a dad.” Bucky looked taken aback at that, so much so that he sat back— no longer on his knees.

“Y/N…” he mumbled softly, tears pooling in his blue eyes. “I know,” you spoke as you began to move towards him. It had become a common occurnace over Buckys lifetime for the events that took place at HYDRA to haunt him. But they especially did in his relationship with you, as much as he wished it not to. He was hesitant to get into a relationship not wanting to burden you with his horrors and his difficulties, he was hesitant to this day in bed with you, scared to be too rough with you. He always wanted to ensure your safety.

He felt like you being with him put you at risk. But you didn’t care, it was worth it with him.

He had a beautiful heart, that was burned and broken far too many times. He was kind but had been used. He was strong but had many battle scars. He deserved love but didn’t want to accept it. It’s a good thing you’re stubborn.

You have loved Bucky because through all of the pain and suffering he’s been through, he still manages to smile, to laugh, to give love even though he’s been used so many times.

Bucky Barnes was incredible, even if he didn’t know it.

But that didn’t mean his demons didn’t still keep him up at night.

“I know…” you mumbled, you placed both your hands on his cheeks to have him face you. Your thumb grazed his cheek wiping a tear that escaped his eye.

“Tell me,” you had said.

It was simple but you knew what it meant to Bucky. To have someone listen, care— to treat him as though he did matter. Which to you, he did.

“I… I made a promise,” he started as his eyes drifted from the floor to yours again as he continued, “A long time ago. That I would never put someone through the pain of dealing with my problems. The burden of my trauma. I was so hesitant to express my feelings for you because I thought that if you learned to deal with me, to love me… it would put a damper on your light. Like I would permanently damage your brightness and positivity… taking my pain and placing it on you-“ he spoke each word exposing the residue of the pain and damage HYDRA had done to him but you cut him off.

“And have you?”

“What?”

“Put a damper on my light— infect me with this darkness you keep claiming you have within you? Because I don’t think you have. In fact, I didn’t know happiness like I know happiness now before being with you. Do you think I’ve changed?”

“No.” He choked out. “You’re perfect.”

“So why are you so scared, buck? If you changed me at all, it’s for better!”

“Because what if I’m a bad dad? What if my problems affect our kids childhood? What if I hurt our baby? How could I ever come back from that. I would never forgive myself if I let my trauma affect how I raise this kid… but y/n what if it does? I would lose my mind if I hurt you or our baby.”

“Bucky. I have been in love with you for three years and I’ve called you mine for one of them. Throughout those three years I’ve never once known pain caused by you or pain nonetheless.

Why? Because you have shielded me from it. Im not saying you can do the same for a whole other human. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to either. All of that shit that hydra did to you… you went through that hell alone and made it out and still became the man that I’m proud to say I’m so in love with.

If you can do that alone? You can do parenthood with me bucky. And whenever you feel like you can’t just remember you have the most stubborn headstrong girl on all of planet earth wrapped around your finger. You are a light I cannot begin to describe, Bucky. You are an incredible man who will be an incredible father whom I would love to raise a baby girl with. Okay?” You spoke reassuringly to him. Your hands still on his cheeks making sure he took in every word.

His eyes followed your features a small smile breaking out on his face as he pulled you in for a passionate kiss.

You smiled into the kiss as he mumbled into it, “I love you so much y/n y/l/n.”

You knew Bucky still was pained and had his doubt but right now was about celebrating.

You smiled as he stood up pulling you up with him as he pulled you into a kiss your arms wrapped around his neck as he placed his hand on your leg.

You jumped up wrapping your legs around his waist as he placed his metal arm under your thigh for support as he carried you over to your bed placing you down gently on it as he climbed on top of you pushing the hair out of your face.

“Careful!” You shouted giggling, “don’t hurt the baby.”

Bucky just smiled in response, “I’m so lucky.”

“As am I.” Smiling up at him. I’ll love you for infinity, James Buchanan Barnes.” You spoke leaning up to plant a soft kiss on his lips to which he pulled back from a determined look on his face.

“How do you feel about naming our daughter infinity?” He asked causing you to laugh.

“I love you for many other reasons but coming up with names is not one of them. Now kiss me you idiot.” You spoke causing him to laugh as he leaned down to kiss you again.

—

Bonus:

You and Bucky had planned to keep your pregnancy a secret from the avengers seeing as things could go worth and you just wanted to make sure (and avoid Tony’s teasing for as long as you could)

So as you attended a brunch with all of them, you had intended to keep it a secret.

That was until Bucky began to pour you champagne— momentarily forgetting at the table you were keeping it a secret and you couldn’t drink.

“Bucky!” You mumbled to him angrily.

“The baby.” You whispered which ended up not coming out as a whisper at all considering most of them had enhanced senses…

Peter had choked on his water.

Wanda gasped.

Bruce gaped, “did you say baby?”

You glanced up at Bucky, oops.

“Um, yeah. We intended to keep it a secret but, yes, I’m pregnant!” You confirmed not being able to hide a smile which Bucky already had on his face.

Thor laughed, “congrats there, soldier,”

Natasha’s eyes had just went wide as she smiled widely in delight.

Steve just started smiling cheekily, “seriously man, that’s great!” He spoke patting Buckys’ shoulder.

“Ey, great job on that one winter soldier. Not so great at pulling out, huh?” Tony teased.

The rest just either gaped or smiled at the pair.

“Nice going.” You mumbled, maybe this wasn’t going to be so easy.

Masterlist|Send Me Your Requests!!!

Warning(s): swearing,very sad bucky, mentions of PTSD, mentions of violence & psychological abuse

You were used to something waking you up between 3 and 4 A.M. every night. No matter how badly you tried to will yourself back to sleep, your slumber never came. So usually you made your way out into the kitchen to make some tea and maybe finish yesterday’s crossword.

This time was absolutely no different, except the kitchen had already been occupied. You stopped short, standing in the doorway silently for a moment to take in the scene playing out before you. Bucky sat in one of the barstools at the island counter, eyes and nose bright red. You watched a few tears stream down his cheeks. Now, you’d never been close to Bucky. He never made an attempt to get to know you, and you respected that. You gave him his space to get adjusted to life at the Compound, completely unbothered by his social circle only really including Sam, Steve, and occasionally Natasha. Cap had voiced to you and the rest of the team that Bucky still felt as though he was a danger to everyone around him; that he wouldn’t involve himself with the rest of the team until he knew that he wouldn’t be a hazard, a liability.

But the way Bucky watched his metal arm move with a mix of dejection and pure hate pushed you forward into the kitchen.

“Hey, Bucky,” you greeted, trying not to make it obvious that you’d seen him cry. You headed straight for the cabinet. Bucky didn’t respond, only sniffled and wiped his nose with his flesh hand. “Want some tea?” you asked, nonchalantly glancing over your shoulder at him as you reached up to grab your favorite mug.

He nodded slowly and you reached up to grab his mug. You began to make sleepytime tea for the two of you, not pressing for conversation any further. You put the kettle on the stove, doing your best not to look back.

“What’re you doin’ up?” Bucky inquired so quietly that you almost didn’t catch it. You glanced over at him only to see him watching you pensively, brows knit upward.

“Can’t sleep,” you answered. “Did you have another dream?” Bucky nodded timidly.

“It feels like they’re just getting worse the longer that I’m myself,” he admitted. You didn’t say anything, only leaned against the counter beside the stove. Bucky continued on, “And this…”  —Bucky gestured to his metal arm— ”this constant reminder of what I’ve done… it doesn’t help me much. And I never wanted to be a burden, so of course, I can’t talk about this with Steve… or… Nat or—” A look of panic crossed the Sergeant’s face; he looked as though he had become vexed with himself for opening up at all, especially to someone like you.

“You know, it’s okay to share things like this with me,” you began. “I don’t mind hearing it. You can’t expect to carry this weight alone forever.” Bucky smiled a little at this, but he didn’t look you in the eye. You wondered if it was some form of shame he carried, shame that he’d felt he was being so weak.

“I thought that I found a way out, you know? I really believed that if I ran, if I got away, I’d be alright… But there are reminders everywhere I go, everywhere I fuckinglook. The nightmares are still tearing me apart,” The soldier rested his hands on the countertop as the kettle began to whistle. You poured boiling water into the mugs and carried them to the island. You stayed on the opposite side of the counter though.

“Thanks, Y/N.”

“You know, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say my name before,” you replied, giving him a warm smile. He sniffled again, taking a sip of tea.

“Yeah?” he chuckled, and that made you happy. But you could tell that Bucky was still unbelievably shaken by his most recent night terror. He, his eyes glued to the countertop, let out a heavy, shaky breath before speaking up again, 

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything,” you answered, your smile falling a little.

“I’m so scared that I’m going to end up hurting, possibly killing, someone I really care about. It haunts me, Y/N.”

“Is that what you dream about?”

“Sometimes,” Bucky replied. You were a little surprised by his openness, his sudden willingness to talk to you, let alone tell you about his traumas. He continued, “and sometimes they’re not as bad. Sometimes I have dreams of when I wasn’t… when I wasn’t the monster HYDRA made me.” He rested his forehead in his right hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just sorry that I’m unloading all of this on you; you shouldn’t have to even think about this.”

“Hey, I asked, didn’t I?” you asked comfortingly. In a moment of thoughtlessness, you rested a hand on his forearm. He jolted slightly. You yanked your hand away nervously.

“God, I’m sorry, Bucky,” It came out as a whisper. He looked you in the eyes finally, a small smile on his lips.

“No, I’m sorry. It just startled me. I didn’t expect it.” You raised your eyebrows at him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Y/N. I’m sure.”

Before either of you could say another word, Steve came into your peripherals.

“Whoa, hey. Didn’t expect to see you both up,” the Captain commented, earning a small laugh from Bucky. His soft laugh caught you slightly off guard.

“Why’re you up, Cap?” you asked.

“I had to pee and heard you kids talking,”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” you replied.

“I’m older than you,” Bucky commented.

“Inconsequential information, Bucky,” Steve looked between the two of you, grinning. “I am glad you’re making friends.”

“I like her,” the soldier confirmed. Bucky gave you a smile before getting out of the chair. “I’m gonna try to get a little sleep, though. Thanks again, Y/N. ‘Night, guys.”

“Anytime, Bucky,” you said softly. Bucky raised his cup of tea to you before taking a long drink. He picked up his mug and headed right past Steve, back toward the bedrooms. Steve stood there for a moment, waiting until he heard the sound of Bucky’s bedroom door closing.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he said. You cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Why’re you thanking me?”

“Just… for being a friend, I guess. It means a lot that you’d talk to Buck. He’s not so open with others anymore,” Steve explained. “I’m glad he’s starting to realize that no one sees him as the monster he thinks he is.”

“Anytime. I’m always up at this time anyway. He’s a good man,” you answered.

“Besides, I knew this would happen sometime,” Steve declared, beginning to head down the hall toward the fitness center.

“Why’s that?” you called after him.

“He thinks you’re cute!” the Captain laughed.

You spat out your tea, cheeks flushing red. “WHAT?”

English, University of Toronto

In Any Event, We Know We’re Knowing Now: Moore, Barnes, and Stein as Critical Points in Modernist Reality

Summary: the end of the relationship between you and Bucky. 

Words: 3,244

Warning: angst, breakup, no happy ending/fluff, yelling, insulting partner, crying

A/N: you can read Part One of the fic here: The Beginning.

Main Materlist

“What was that supposed to mean?” you slowly lowered your book and looked over to Bucky who had just gotten comfortable under the sheets. 

“Come on,” he smiled, “it was a joke.” 

“It wasn’t funny,” you rolled your eyes and picked up your book again. 

You could see from the corner of your eye Bucky was still looking at you, his lips slightly parted, looking like he was in shock you took to joke to heart. “Babe-” he cut himself off by moving closer to you, gently pushing your book down again, “I’m sorry, that was a bad joke,” he shook his head, “I make jokes about that stuff and it’s self-deprecating, when I make it about you I’m being mean to my girlfriend and…” you still hadn’t looked at him, Bucky took a deep breath, “that was really shitty of me to do that.” 

“Whatever,” you breathed as you flipped the page. 

“It’s not whatever, babe,” Bucky sat up, “I shouldn’t have- hey, look at me,” he took the book more forcefully from your hands, “I’m trying to have a conversation and apologize to you, you can’t just ignore me and read your stupid book, alright?” he shook his head and placed the book on your bedside table.

“Well I don’t want to talk right now,” you picked your book back up, “I wanted to read and you got in my way, you apologized so now I’m back to reading my book.” before you could find your page again Bucky had snatched it, dropping it on the ground. 

“We never go to bed mad at each other,” Bucky pressed, shifting his body so he could make eye contact with you, “what else is going on?” 

“That’s just a stupid rule to force people to forgive one another when in reality it’s better to wait a while before talking about it,” you crossed your arms. 

“Excuse me?” Bucky’s eyebrows quickly furrowed, “since when have I ever forced you to do anything?” 

You looked at him for a moment, an answer on the tip of your tongue. You knew if you were going to say it that would lead to a completely different argument, as he looked at you with a knowing look, thinking he’d won, you tried your best to think of a reason to say what you had in mind, all of the scenarios would lead to a larger argument. 

“See?” he asked, “nothing, I’ve never forced-”

“You force me to talk about Hydra.” 

The room fell silent, Bucky’s lips parted again but in a different kind of shock. That was a massive blow and you could see it on his face he was angry yet sad at the same time, from the look on his face he knew what you were talking about. 

“You think I was forcing you?” he whispered, all you could do was nod. “Baby,” he sighed and leaned forward so his head was resting on your stomach, “no…I wanted to help, I-I thought if I could get you to talk about it to someone then you’d feel better and be more open, I never wanted to force you,” he shook his head and turned it so his cheek was pressed against your stomach but he was looking up at you. 

“Well, that’s what it felt like,” you whispered and looked up, not trying to look at his puppy dog eyes. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “fuck, is that why you’ve been distant lately?” 

You looked down at him, “I haven’t been distant.” 

“Yes you have,” he nodded, circling his arms around you.

“No,” you paused, “I haven’t.” 

Bucky sighed and sat up again, “we’re going to get nowhere if you keep denying everything,” he ran a hand down his face, “just understand that I felt you’ve been distant.” 

“That’s different from just saying I’ve been distant,” you sat up and looked at him, “I haven’t been distant but if you felt that way then I’ll try and fix it, sometimes I’m tired or I don’t want to be swaddled every single second of my day.” 

Bucky whispered, “oh my god,” as he looked away, taking a moment for himself, “that’s so insensitive and you know that, we’ve talked about how I feel better when I’m touching you, I feel grounded and you really want to call me clingy?” he stood up and paced, scoffing every once in a while. 

“It was insensitive to say I’m being distant,” you stood up as well, the bed between the both of you. 

“How did we get here?” Bucky asked in defeat, letting his arm drop like dead weight. 

“Don’t pull that card,” you placed both hands on the bed and lead towards him, “don’t act tired and say we’re going to deal with this tomorrow because we never do, we always push it to the side and act like nothing wrong for a few days and then we’re back here again.” 

Bucky just stood on the other side of the bed, dressed in his pyjamas and looking ready for bed. He took a step back so he could lean his body weight on the shared desk in your shared room, arms folded in front of him. “So, what do we do?” he asked calmly. 

“We get all of it out, we say everything we’ve been keeping stored up, we say it now.” 

“You seem really eager to insult me,” Bucky tilted his head to the side, standing up and walking to the other side of the bed to face you. 

“Jesus,” you wiped down your face, “you love to just slightly twist everything around so it fits your narrative, you love to make me look like the bad guy, huh?”

“When have I ever done that?” Bucky didn’t sound tired like he wanted to sleep, he was tired of the conversation.

“Literally two seconds ago,” you scoffed, “I said that couples make that rule to not go the bed angry to force each other to forgive them, then you said ‘when have I ever forced you to do anything?’ well, that’s not what I said,” you looked him deep in the eye, “I never said youforceme to do anything, though I feel that way, I said that rule was used to force other couples, you make me look like the bad guy.” you hands touched your chest, trying to communicate how sure you were of this reason. 

“Give me another one,” he said sharply, his upper lip twitching. 

“It’ll probably happen in this conversation, so I’ll let you know,” you sneered, “now you go, hit me.” 

Bucky shook his head and look up, letting out a deep breath, “you’re too closed off to be in a relationship, I know almost nothing about you, you don’t try to be a girlfriend.” you had nothing to say, just waiting for him to elaborate, “that’s the take, that’s it,” he shrugged, “you’re not open enough to let someone in, I’m trying to understand you, I’m trying to help but every time I get another inch in you shut me out and we’re here again, I just don’t understand what you want from me as your boyfriend.” 

“I-” your voice got caught in your throat, “I don’t know.” 

“Then what are we doing here?” he asked slowly, there was no anger in his voice, only sadness. “Why are we dating when we should have stayed friends, cuddle buddies,” his voice was filled with sorrow, “I have so much love for you, I want to protect you, and hold you, and tell you everything is going to be okay between us but I can’t,” he sighed and cupped your cheek so you were looking at him, “we’re not a good fit and I hate that we had to fight every day to figure that out.” 

You nodded before slowly walking towards him, letting your head fall on his chest so he could hug you, “but I love you so much,” you cried, “I thought I was enough, I thought I was being a good girlfriend, I-I thought I was enough.” 

Bucky sighed, “you’ll be enough for someone else, I needed more and I’m sorry.” 

You paused for a moment, “that was rude,” you cried, “can you just lie to me now to make me feel better, at least?” 

Bucky grew rigid, “leave it to you to pull that while we’re breaking up,” he gently moved you off of him, you looked up to see tears in his eyes; they were going away now from what you said.

You and Bucky stood there for a moment, just looking at each other. Your hands were still balling his sweater as the last tears rolled down your cheeks, you felt empty because he wasn’t wiping them away like he always did, he was just standing there, watching you cry. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “we’re done.” 

Something inside you shifted, your eyes dried up and your nose began to scrunch. “I wish I had never met you,” you spoke slowly so he knew you meant it, “I wish I never met you so I wouldn’t have to go through this, I would have to feel so conflicted and stupid.” you stepped forward, “you wanted to become friends with me to get away from Steve-”

“And I thought you were cool.” 

“-which makes me a pawn,” you walked past him, opening drawers and picking up your belongings, “I wish I had never met you because of the amount of…hurt I feel in my chest right now…” you took a deep breath, “the amount of anger, sadness, and mixed emotions,” you tried to catch your breath, “I really thought I was good, I really thought we had something here, and I get that it didn’t work…but I just feel really dumb.” 

Bucky shook his head, “look, I’m sorry,” he said and it sounded like he meant it, “but there’s nothing we can do, this relationship was a landmine, just waiting to go off.” 

“I wish I never met you,” you spat, feeling the anger rise again. 

Bucky shook his head in disbelief, “if you never met me then I would still be at Hydra,” he said coldly, “if you had never met me then I wouldn’t have been saved, you really feel that way?” Bucky stood in front of the things you were trying to pack. 

“There,” you whispered. 

“What?” he tilted his head, upper lip twitching again. 

“You did it again,” an evil smirk grew on your face, “I never said I wanted to leave you at Hydra, you know me well enough to know I’d never wish the pain of Hydra on anyone. But to make you look like the good guy you had to make me look like the villain,” you pushed past him to stack more shirts, “the fact that you would eventhinkI’d get some sick joy from the idea of leaving you at that Hydra facility makes me physically ill.” you leaned forward, punctuation your sentence. 

“You are so infuriating,” Bucky spoke through clenched teeth. 

“And you’re a piece of shit!” you screamed, “you’re a massive asshole who flips the truth and makes me look like the crazy girlfriend who wants her boyfriend to still be getting tortured!” tears collected in your eyes as you spoke, “I’m-” you gasped for air, “I’m notcrazy.” 

Bucky stood there and nodded, “I never said you were,” he said softly. 

“Fuck you,” you leaned in a pressed one finger to his chest, “you can keep the room, it’s closer to Steve anyway,” tears rolled down your cheeks as you walked past him, going to your drawers and picking up all your clothes. 

“But this was originally your room,” Bucky turned and looked at you, “I can move out.” 

“No,” you sniffled, “I’m moving out of this stupid compound.” 

“You’re being dramatic,” Bucky scoffed, “you’re so dramatic.” 

Your hands froze and you stood still, “Friday?” you asked, “turn on soundproofing.” after a click you looked at Bucky, “I am not dramatic,” you walked over to him, though the soundproofing was on you had not started to yell, “I’m being broken up with.” 

“Are you going to scream at me?” he asked quietly but darkly. 

“If I’m prompted,” you looked him up and down before walking back to your pile of clothes on the bed, you sorted through what was actually Bucky’s and what was yours. Once you had your clothes you went to the bathroom, Bucky followed and stood at the doorway, his arms crossed in front of him. 

“Are you quitting?” 

“No,” you shook your head, “I’m going to take a vacation, some time off, and then move back in when I feel I’m ready,” you tried your best to sound find but tears kept streaming down your face, it also didn’t help that Bucky could see you with the mirror. “I need some time to breathe and just time alone, I think.” 

“Okay,” Bucky nodded and looked down, “your shaving cream is under the sink,” he said quietly when you looked like you were about to finish packing in the bathroom. 

“Thanks,” you whispered as you leaned down, picking up the shaving cream and placing it into a bag with your other toiletries. “I’m going to go now,” you whispered and looked up at him, Bucky was also beginning to cry. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice gave out on him, “I’ll always love you, just know that.” 

You nodded, “if you ever need a cuddle buddy,” both of you smiled through tears in your eyes, “you can always count on me.” 

Bucky sniffled and looked up at the ceiling, “fuck,” he whispered. Where he was standing in the doorway was blocking you from leaving, you stood ready to leave but he didn’t move. “I just can’t let you go,” he laughed through the tremendous pain, “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.” 

“Me too,” your lips pursed together as you looked at him, a sob was about to erupt but you knew you could cry that hard around him, “me too…” you repeated and took a step forward but Bucky still didn’t move, “Bucky, I…” you looked up to see him staring at you deeply. 

“What happened to you at Hydra?” he whispered, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, “how badly did they hurt you, baby?” the pet name was second nature to him and you saw his face shift when he realized what he had called you. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you shook your head with a whisper, “it’s too much.” 

“Alright,” he nodded and dropped his hand, “one last hug?” his arms open wide. 

You shook your head and his face fell, “you called me dramatic, you called me insensitive, you twisted my words,” you shook your head and physically moved him so you could get through, “if I hug you I’m going to stay and believe there’s a way we can work this out, I’m so used to us fighting and not really making up; I’m not doing that again.” you placed the toiletry bag in the suitcase you had your clothes in, “I’ll fall back in love with you if I hug you again and I just can’t let you win.” 

Another hit to Bucky sent tears to his eyes, “get out,” His voice shook. 

You nodded and left, walking down the hallway and passing people who had no idea what you had just gone through, they smiled and waved and you did the same; hoping no one could see your red eyes and puffy face. You’d send an email tomorrow making up some random excuse for why you had to take some time off, even though you had a massive fight with Bucky doesn’t mean his name would get thrown around the compound. 

It was late so hotels were letting people check in, you had not reserved a room because you didn’t know this would be the last night with Bucky. The end was near, he was right about the relationship being a land mine, both of you weren’t good for one another but it seemed neither of you could pull the shoot because of how much platonic love you offered to the other. 

You checked in and wheeled your suitcase to the third floor, finding your room and using the key to unlock it. There was one large bed and a desk, you dropped your bag and flopped on the bed, already in clothes you’d sleep in. after getting under the sheet you curled into a ball, letting yourself freely cry. Your arms circled around yourself as you sobbed into the pillow, almost screaming a few times and you remembered your time with Bucky. 

There were good parts, you’d gone on dates and watched movies together; typical boyfriend-girlfriend things. But you knew there were also bad parts like arguments and Bucky apologizing when he’d wake you up from a nightmare, which would always lead to a conversation in the morning which would lead to an argument. 

Your arms held the firm pillow as you wept in it, trying to imagine Bucky’s chest under your cheek. You knew you could no longer think of him when you needed comfort, he offered help but you would never take it. You just wanted his touch and his love, you didn’t need anything else. 

Maybe that was your issue, all you wanted was a rock or someone to lean on while Bucky wanted an actual relationship. Yes, you wanted a relationship with him but maybe your definitions were different and that was what lead you on this path. That would make it neither of your faults, but there was blame on both parties, it would be selfish of you to think it was all his fault. 

Your phone buzzed and you were too quick to pick it up, Bucky had texted you. 

Bucky: Hey, just making sure you’re safe at whatever hotel you’re at, I talked with Tony and there’s a room on the floor above our room, if you ever want to come back to the compound just know your room will be open and I’ll take the one in the floor above. Please don’t think you have to stay there all the time, please come back whenever and let me know so I can make sure to give you space. It’s gonna be awkward at the beginning but I know we both will be professional if we pass each other in the halls or get scheduled together for a mission, if I ever make you uncomfortable just tell me, I want to try and rekindle a friendship at some point because I still really care about you. You don’t need to answer all of this, just let me know you’re somewhere safe. Bucky.

You read the text over and over, every time you’d read it it would get hard with your eyes blurring from tears. 

You: thank you, I’m safe at a hotel. Don’t know when I’ll come back. Thank you for everything, Bucky, thank you.

You dug your face in your pillow as you pressed send, crying uncontrollably until you heard the buzz that he had texted back. 

Bucky: sweet dreams

As your eye fell heavy and your tears ran out you realized you only had one regret: 

You should have kicked him out instead of leaving.

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