#my writing account
in all that time, I never did figure out which chain was for your light and which was for the fan. I’d reach up and tug, hoping to get a warm lover for the day. sometimes I lucked out. sometimes you were razor blades.
— alhwrites
in a different life, we’re laying side by side, talking about how lost we would be if we hadn’t found each other and how miserable we would be if we parted.
…in a different life.
— alhwrites
Every time I get hurt by a man, I don’t get mad at him. I only get mad at myself. I literally can’t be mad at anyone else because at the end of the day, I’m the one who recognized his shitty, toxic, mean behaviors and chose to ignore them. I know when someone is going to be a bad person for me, but don’t do anything about it because I think everyone deserves a fair chance. I dismiss my seeing their red flags as overthinking, judging them before I get to know them, even though I’m perfectly aware that that is me noticing a pattern and not just me making an assumption. I always always always know better but always always always give the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to be proven wrong. Doing so always screws me over and bites me in the ass and gives me more things to work through and heal from, but I’d rather be the girl who gives people a chance than the girl who thinks no one deserves one. I know my worth, yes, but I also see worth in other people. It is not within me to turn someone away. It is not within me to give the cold shoulder. It is not within me to not show love where I think it’s needed. I wish it was. It would save me so much heartbreak and so many tears—I cry even as I write this, not just because my feelings are hurt yet again, but because I feel like such a fucking idiot. Still, I just cannot do that to other human beings, even when I know I should to protect myself; it makes me feel so awful, so sick, and so guilty. I just can’t do that to people. This is simultaneously something that makes me love myself and absolutely despise myself at the same time. And I have no idea what to do about it. I suppose all I can do is keep overextending kindness and hope that one day it’s not for nothing.
— alhwrites
I love being honest. I love being vulnerable. I love wearing my heart on my sleeve. I love telling people how I feel about them. I love sharing my uncensored thoughts. I love not holding back. I love double-texting when I have something to say. I love letting people know when I miss them. I love calling just to hear someone’s voice. I love giving straightforward answers to complicated questions. I love to be embarrassingly open. I don’t care if it makes me look like a fool, I love living my truth. I love letting the people I care about know that I care about them.
— alhwrites
I know I am strong. I know I am unique. I know I am once-in-a-lifetime.
I know what I give to others. I know what I bring to the table. I know what I contribute.
I know I go above and beyond. I know I go the extra mile. I know I go to great lengths for those I value.
I know I will be okay. I know I will move on. I know I will fall in love again.
but I’m still going to take a week or two to cry over this mediocre boy. then it’s back to business.
— alhwrites
because I know my worth, I know I am still good enough. even with his rejection.
I don’t believe in ghosts, but I think I want to. that way it’ll feel like I’m being haunted by you. I guess I am, in a way, since you occupy my memory. but I wish I felt your presence even when I’m not visiting the cemetery.
— alhwrites
the things that hurt you do not deserve to hold your hand. pain may be familiar, but it is not a friend.
— alhwrites
you are still art, whether you are a masterpiece or a work in progress.
— alhwrites
when you see warning signs, make sure you read them. they’re telling you what issues lie ahead. if the problems were fixed, the signs would be down. think. be safe. take the first exit home; red flags are the brightest, especially when they’re blowing in the wind.
— alhwrites
love others even when no one loves you.
— alhwrites
what keeps you awake? what steals your sleep? why do you hold your phone to your chest like a bible at three in the morning? are you waiting for them to finally say “I miss you too?”
— alhwrites
and at some point I finally realized that you didn’t love me, you just loved how much I loved you.
— alhwrites
anger is oftentimes a mask that grief wears.
— alhwrites
i only like my house when no one is in it. it feels like home when it’s empty.
— alhwrites
love is a powerful remedy for pain.
—alhwrites
just because a love is temporary doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. sometimes love ends, sometimes love fades. you can’t always determine the course that it takes. you aren’t wasting your time; you’re just counting down the days until you meet the person with a love that finally stays.
— alhwrites
beauty is undefinable because it is defined differently by everyone.
— alhwrites
to at least one person, whether that is your own self or not, you are their definition of beautiful.
we hurt
we hurt others
we hurt each other
we hurt ourselves
and we are sorry,
but we have learned and we will grow and we will change, and we are all the better because of it.
— alhwrites
I think my heart is slowly beginning to realize that any person who gives up on me is not a person worth aching for.
— alhwrites
you love,
you get hurt,
and then you love yourself.
— alhwrites
you are as fierce as you are elegant,
as smart as you are beautiful,
as passionate as you are worthy,
and as important as you are alive.
— alhwrites
you’re here for a reason, and you are so incredible.
