#original twitter
Deadpool: I might not have “money” or “a high IQ” or “a likeable personality” or “a symmetrical face” or “a perfect smile” or “a significant other” or “a good vibe about me” or “normal eating tendencies” or “a good work ethic” or “any job prospects” or “a good relationship with my dad.”
Spiderman:…………but?
Deadpool: No that’s about it.
Peter: the phrase ‘what the entire fuck’ implies the existence of fractional fucks’
Harley: ‘what the absolute fuck’ implies the existence of positive and negative fucks.
Shuri: ‘what the actual fuck’ implies the existence of imaginary fucks.
Peter: Conclusion: fuckery is isomorphic with the complex field.
Tony: this is not what I fucking meant when I asked you all ‘what did you learn at fucking school today’
Peter: *walking down the stairs in a flannel hoodie*
Tony: hey Peter, The 90’s called-
Peter: yeah, because they couldn’t fucking text!
Tony: goddamn it! I’m getting tired of my own kids owning me.
Harley: what did you expect? We’re YOUR kids!
Hayden: Look, just because I’m gay, that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to please a woman.
Hayden: You buy her a dress with pockets.
[texting]
Lauren, high as a kite: im trying to eat chips but chewing feels insane
Lauren: im just cracking the chips with my tongue then crushing the chip
Normani: Oh my god
Normani: What kind of chips
Lauren: the arches
Lauren: the wheel
Lauren: what the fuck, the. seat
Lauren: oh my god
Normani: I’m calling the hospital
Lauren: I KNOW THEM WHAT IS IT
Lauren: THE SEAT???
Normani:WHAT
Lauren: the horse seat
Lauren: why am I losing m y mind. the horse seat on a hORESE
Normani:Saddle
Normani: Saddle chips???
Lauren:ya
Normani: I’m losing it
Lauren: the ones that all sit together
Lauren: in the tube
Normani:PRINGLES?
[Camila and Dinah are sitting on a bench]
Normani: Why do you guys look so sad?
Dinah: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
[Normani sits down]
Camila: The bench is freshly painted.
Normani:
Garp: I’m teaching Luffy that the sun goes down each night because it’s mad at him. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point.
