Tony: what is going on here?

Morgan: *dressed in a red frilly gown* we’re playing princesses! Peter is taking his carriage very slowly by his rivals home, so that he can see his latest hat.

Peter: *driving a toy car, wearing a sequined blue dress with a matching blue hat* Eat you’re heart out Harley, you toad-eating hag.

Harley: *sipping tea from a plastic tea cup, dressed in an abysmal yellow gown* Peter, you must surely be aware that I am unable to view the roads from my castle due to the vastness of my estate.

Peter: oh, please do forgive my mistake, Harley, I had only assumed you could see from that ostentatiously high pedestal atop of which you have placed yourself.

Morgan: Ohhhhh! The girls are fighting!!!!!



Ned: what would happen if a werewolf and a vampire bit a human at the same time?

Harley: it turns them into a furby!

Peter: it takes a screen shot!

Morbius: …… *tied down* these are not the type of questions I expected you to ask me.

Shuri: the awkward moment when you realize the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.

Harley: the sweet sound of nature

Peter: sound just like high school actually.

Harley: Scientifically, it’s mad fucked up that humans drink the milk of another animals when we make our own. Like you don’t see rhinos sucking on a goat for milk. Mad fucked up. Scientifically.

Peter: how high are you?

Harley:yes.

Peter: I have a very annoying neighbor, can someon teach me trumpet?

Harley: that’s the best part! You don’t need to learn to play trumpet to annoy them. Just try your best and have fun!

Peter: oh wow you are so right! Thank you!

Harley: Old people? More like fold people! *makes an origami swan out of a printed picture of Ironman*

Peter: literally what is going on through your mind that motivated you to make that.

Carol: *addressing the whole Iron family* no offense to all the people in this family but what the fuck is wrong with everybody?

[Harley after he moves to NYC]

Harley: *talking to Peter on the phone* Does mace work on birds???

Peter: *miffed* what?

Harley: if a pigeon is attacking me will mace be an effective deterrent?

Peter: Um……… what????

Harley: *screaming into the phone as indignant and pissed off squacking of a pigeon is going on in the background* THIS IS A TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION PLEASE JUST TELL ME!!!!!!!

MJ: I can’t wait until I get a job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.

Flash: are you satan?

Shuri: are you god?

MCU!Peter: are we humans?

Ned: Or are we dancer?

Raimi Peter: is this the real life

TASM Peter: or is this just fantasy

Harley: No this is Patrick

Peter: the phrase ‘what the entire fuck’ implies the existence of fractional fucks’

Harley: ‘what the absolute fuck’ implies the existence of positive and negative fucks.

Shuri: ‘what the actual fuck’ implies the existence of imaginary fucks.

Peter: Conclusion: fuckery is isomorphic with the complex field.

Tony: this is not what I fucking meant when I asked you all ‘what did you learn at fucking school today’

Peter: I hate that SEPTember, OCTOber, NOVember, and DECember aren’t the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months.

Harley: who ever fucked this up should be stabbed.

Shuri: if I recall, they did used to be the corresponding months. It was just when Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Augustus came into power, the months July(Julius) and August(Augustus) were added, thus throwing off the numbering in the calendar.

Peter: good news Harley, whoever fucked it up did in fact get stabbed!

Peter: Mad scientists will be like ‘I know a place’ and then strap you onto the autopsy table.

Shuri: only an autopsy table if you’re dead. Please use the proper name for my vivisection table.

Harley: scientists strap you?

Peter: what do you do when you feel like you want to die?

Tony: I simply imagine all the people who’d like it if I were dead. I’m not gonna let those fuckers win. I’ll outlive this fucking planet if it looks at me the wrong way.

Harley: lmao what if there is no one who wants you dead, except yourself

Tony: that’s the biggest fucker of all, you gonna let them win?

Peter: I hate how this inspired me.

Tony: too bad!

Peter: *walking down the stairs in a flannel hoodie*

Tony: hey Peter, The 90’s called-

Peter: yeah, because they couldn’t fucking text!

Tony: goddamn it! I’m getting tired of my own kids owning me.

Harley: what did you expect? We’re YOUR kids!

This is unfinished and I kinda lost the will to finish it so: Have this I guess

headcanons about Tony Stark’s science children (Peter, Harley, & Shuri)

• they’re all bffs
• Shuri is by far the most competitive of all of them, and her main rival is Tony (he can’t turn down a challenge one of his science children gives him)
• they all come to the lab on Thursdays and weekends, even though Harley and Shuri don’t live in New York, which is why they invented portal technology
• Shuri knew Peter was spider-man since her first week in the lab (she literally saw him jump out the window and web swing away when he thought no one was watching)
• Harley took a while to get it, and Shuri tried everything to get him to find out, like asking him to get her a screwdriver that happened to be in the same drawer as Peter’s web fluid (Harley didn’t notice the web fluid) or pointing out how Peter had an piece of blue and red clothing sticking out of his bag (“he probably just likes spider-man and that’s his halloween costume” Harley said)
• eventually Harley found out… when Peter trusted them enough to tell them he was spider-man. (Shuri: I’ve known for months.Harley: omg you’re spider-man????)
• now Shuri regularly makes fun of Harley for this. He gets back at her for making fun of her being a princess and bowing when she walks into the lab, even though she’s told him a million times not to
• even though they make fun of each other, the three of them are very supportive and are always there for each other. If Peter has a rough day he knows he can trust Harley to comfort him and Shuri to cheer him up with meme references. If Harley has a rough day he knows he can trust Peter to listen and be there and Shuri to give him advice on what to do to feel better. If Shuri has a rough day she knows she can trust Harley to distract her with a cool invention and Peter to give her a hug and remind her he’s always here to talk
• they have a group chat and its the most chaotic thing you can imagine, and no matter how many times Tony asks, they refuse to add him
• they’ll all skip school (or Shuri will skip royal duties) without a second thought on Avengers Tower monthly prank day. the avengers know to fear them
• Peter and Harley have a great time introducing Shuri to American things and Shuri loves introducing them to Wakandan things
• Shuri and Harley drink tea but Peter likes coffee so Harley started a joke of replacing Peter’s morning coffee with tea without him noticing
• they love to help with each other’s projects
• usually they’re all working on technology that will improve the world in some way and since they’re apprentices of Tony Stark they get invited to do interviews a lot and they have so many inside jokes that like half the interview would get edited out because nothing they talked about made any sense
• they all have favorite avengers of the og6 (besides Tony of course, he’ll always be their most favorite). Peter’s is Thor, Shuri’s is Natasha, and Harley’s is Bruce
• And all the avengers have a favorite science child, but they pretend they don’t
• overall they’re pretty much a very chaotic, sciency family

Far from home

Istg if the movie doesn’t include Harley and Morgan teasing Peter about his “girlfriend” Michelle on video chat , then what’s the point ?

WHAT IF THE RUNAWAYS BECAME THE YOUNG AVENGERS? (2009)

A series of back-up features that appeared over five What If one-shots, offering up an alternate take on the Runaways when Iron Lad offers them the opportunity to become Avengers. But it’s not Iron Lad under that armour. And it’s not who you think, either…

THE GUIDE:What If The Runaways Became The Young Avengers?

Peter:I want to replace the rods and cones in my eyes with those of a shrimp.

Harley:so you can see more colors?

Peter:nah, so my eyes don’t burn in the ocean.