#parley
Tony: what is going on here?
Morgan: *dressed in a red frilly gown* we’re playing princesses! Peter is taking his carriage very slowly by his rivals home, so that he can see his latest hat.
Peter: *driving a toy car, wearing a sequined blue dress with a matching blue hat* Eat you’re heart out Harley, you toad-eating hag.
Harley: *sipping tea from a plastic tea cup, dressed in an abysmal yellow gown* Peter, you must surely be aware that I am unable to view the roads from my castle due to the vastness of my estate.
Peter: oh, please do forgive my mistake, Harley, I had only assumed you could see from that ostentatiously high pedestal atop of which you have placed yourself.
Morgan: Ohhhhh! The girls are fighting!!!!!

Ned: what would happen if a werewolf and a vampire bit a human at the same time?
Harley: it turns them into a furby!
Peter: it takes a screen shot!
Morbius: …… *tied down* these are not the type of questions I expected you to ask me.
Shuri: the awkward moment when you realize the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Harley: the sweet sound of nature
Peter: sound just like high school actually.
Harley: Scientifically, it’s mad fucked up that humans drink the milk of another animals when we make our own. Like you don’t see rhinos sucking on a goat for milk. Mad fucked up. Scientifically.
Peter: how high are you?
Harley:yes.
Peter: I have a very annoying neighbor, can someon teach me trumpet?
Harley: that’s the best part! You don’t need to learn to play trumpet to annoy them. Just try your best and have fun!
Peter: oh wow you are so right! Thank you!
Harley: Old people? More like fold people! *makes an origami swan out of a printed picture of Ironman*
Peter: literally what is going on through your mind that motivated you to make that.
Carol: *addressing the whole Iron family* no offense to all the people in this family but what the fuck is wrong with everybody?
[Harley after he moves to NYC]
Harley: *talking to Peter on the phone* Does mace work on birds???
Peter: *miffed* what?
Harley: if a pigeon is attacking me will mace be an effective deterrent?
Peter: Um……… what????
Harley: *screaming into the phone as indignant and pissed off squacking of a pigeon is going on in the background* THIS IS A TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION PLEASE JUST TELL ME!!!!!!!
MJ: I can’t wait until I get a job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
Flash: are you satan?
Shuri: are you god?
MCU!Peter: are we humans?
Ned: Or are we dancer?
Raimi Peter: is this the real life
TASM Peter: or is this just fantasy
Harley: No this is Patrick
Peter: the phrase ‘what the entire fuck’ implies the existence of fractional fucks’
Harley: ‘what the absolute fuck’ implies the existence of positive and negative fucks.
Shuri: ‘what the actual fuck’ implies the existence of imaginary fucks.
Peter: Conclusion: fuckery is isomorphic with the complex field.
Tony: this is not what I fucking meant when I asked you all ‘what did you learn at fucking school today’
Peter: I hate that SEPTember, OCTOber, NOVember, and DECember aren’t the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months.
Harley: who ever fucked this up should be stabbed.
Shuri: if I recall, they did used to be the corresponding months. It was just when Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Augustus came into power, the months July(Julius) and August(Augustus) were added, thus throwing off the numbering in the calendar.
Peter: good news Harley, whoever fucked it up did in fact get stabbed!
Peter: Mad scientists will be like ‘I know a place’ and then strap you onto the autopsy table.
Shuri: only an autopsy table if you’re dead. Please use the proper name for my vivisection table.
Harley: scientists strap you?
Peter: what do you do when you feel like you want to die?
Tony: I simply imagine all the people who’d like it if I were dead. I’m not gonna let those fuckers win. I’ll outlive this fucking planet if it looks at me the wrong way.
Harley: lmao what if there is no one who wants you dead, except yourself
Tony: that’s the biggest fucker of all, you gonna let them win?
Peter: I hate how this inspired me.
Tony: too bad!
Peter: *walking down the stairs in a flannel hoodie*
Tony: hey Peter, The 90’s called-
Peter: yeah, because they couldn’t fucking text!
Tony: goddamn it! I’m getting tired of my own kids owning me.
Harley: what did you expect? We’re YOUR kids!
Tony: hey kiddos, you’re home late, how was the zoo field trip?
Peter: Sorry about that. The zoo wouldn’t let us leave because some stupid idiot tried to sneak a penguin onto the bus.
MJ: Our Chemistry teacher started crying when she told us that we’re permanently banned from the zoo.
Tony: sure they did kid, now what really happened?
Peter: I don’t think you understand Mr. Stark, our school is ACTUALLY banned from an ACTUAL zoo because someone decided to try and steal an ACTUAL real life penguin and take it home.
Mj: I’m surprised you didn’t get a call about this.
Tony: why would I have gotten-
Harley: [Bursts through the door crying] I WAS GONNA CALL HIM WADDLES!
Bruh…. What the fuck
okay but the fact that for a moment, everything was okay is the first fic ive published and the first long fic ive written and its received the love it has is so so so fucking cool and shdujsshudjshdud it makes writing rewarding which is really really nice and i love each and every person who reads AH
(also, shameless self-plug: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31255934/chapters/77261810)
for a moment, everything was okay - Chapter 1 - auraclelive - Multifandom [Archive of Our Own]
