Sometimes I still wonder what you’re up to, how you’re doing, and if you’ve learned your lesson. But then I remember that it’s better for both of us if I don’t know.

Rose colored glasses

They say love is blind

A pink veil of silk, weightless

Draped over our eyes

All the signs pointing

In opposite directions

Slyly deceiving

Warnings from loved ones

Defensively ignored and

Our pride fuels their lies

We cannot see the

Truth staring in our faces

Until much too late

Our arrogance leaves

Us broken and empty, pain

Where love resided

Regret envelops

Overcoming our senses

When we lift the veil

Freedom comes in time

Although with a heavy cost

Irreversible

I am so sorry that I ever hurt you

I never meant to break your heart

And I know you never meant to break mine

I still want the best for you

I desperately want you to be happy

But I can’t be a part of your life

I’m so sorry for eveything that happened between us

I hope you learned something about yourself from all of this

I hope you can forgive yourself

Please don’t think of me as a monster

November 27, 2020

So yeah.. I just found out I was pregnant on November 23. I’m pregnant.. I’m pregnant with a little baby. I’m so excited! I knew November 23 would be a significant day but not because of this! But look here’s the thing, I want to keep my baby but my boyfriend wants me to abort it.. and it hurts my heart. Everytime we talk about it he says “baby, you know we aren’t ready. We can’t even afford a baby or even take care of one.” Well I know what I’m capable of and I know for sure I can take care of my baby! And my birthday was miserable because that’s all I could think of, him asking me to get an abortion. I’m seriously just thinking about moving away from him and raising my baby myself. And I say my baby because he doesn’t even want it! He doesn’t even WANT OUR BABY! It literally makes my sick to my fucking stomach and super emotional. So emotional I cried my entire birthday! I cried MY ENTIRE BIRTHDAY BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO ABORT MY BABY! My ex boyfriend got me pregnant 3 times and forced me, well guilt trapped me into getting an abortion three times! THREE TIMES! He told me he wouldn’t be with me if I didn’t, and that he knew we weren’t ready.. and yeah I was 18, 19, and 20 when this happened so he was partly right but now I’m 24 and I determined to care for my little one. I love my baby so much already and I don’t even know how many weeks I am. I just want to be a great mom to my child but my boyfriend doesn’t even want it! I’m about to start crying now talking about it and I don’t even cry often! God my heart hurts, my heart hurts so bad because he just brushes off the subject like it’s what we’re supposed to do. But I made an appointment for December 12 to get the abortion but I highly doubt I’ll go, highly doubt? No I’m certain I won’t go… I might just cut my boyfriend off and raise my child on my own. Move to a different city and start fresh. I know that seems sort of childish but he doesn’t even want our baby. And the day I found out I was pregnant I called my best friend, she also has a baby who she’s raising on her own and she told me she’ll help me out no matter what! And I believe her. I feel like she wants this baby more than him.. Oh! And you know what else he said? He said “we barely know each other, our relationship is brand new (even though we’ve been together for a year plus) and we just aren’t ready for this…” what?! You can cum in me but you can’t man up and raise YOUR baby? My body can’t handle another abortion I know this for sure and I refuse to even think about getting another one. It’s time for me to grow up and finally think about someone besides myself. I’ll do anything and I mean anything for this baby! I won’t go poor for my baby I’ll get rich! We’ll travel around the world and experience new things together. I just want my child to have what I never did. But I feel like I’ve gone on long enough.. I’ll update you soon, talk to you later!