the Phoenix

A bird tattooed on my chest

A fire born from ash

Cyclical, never ending, eternal

The wind at my back

I will rise

A hand around my throat

A darkness seeping in

Quiet, close, impending

Tunnal vision descends

I will rise

A crack of lightning in my soul

A sharp burst of life

Bright, enduring, electric

Open eyes and beating heart

I will rise

A leap of faith into the light

A rushing sound surrounds

Invigorating, awake, alive

The world beneath my feet

I will rise

I am tired, and I am scared

My future looks so bleak and dark

My pool of thoughts should be clear and calm

But when I dare to look inside my head, it’s all murky and covered in fog

I thought I could find my way through it all

But I lost my fucking compass somewhere under my skin

If I were Icarus, and you were the sun,

My wings would stretch against time to touch you.

My skin would crack and wither;

Your warmth like the pressure of gravity.

My face droops and falls; I am so close to your awesomeness,

I can feel it creeping into my viens.

Your fingers reach out to give drink to my parched tongue,

And I shatter; I burst.

They say having a soft heart makes you strong

But damn, do I feel weak

The weight of this world is just too heavy

For my fragile shoulders;

I crumble beneath it

Lingering feelings left tracks down your face, tears dripping off your cheek with a blink, the wetness swelling in your eyes again as you stare at me.

“Some things are meant to break,” I say, feeling my chest start to rip in two, warm blood seeping from the fresh wound.

I feel my pulse start to slow, and as the red liquid pools at my feet, I look up at you, your face contorted with rage.

I reach for you, but with just a brush of my fingertips, you shatter into a million pieces.

I wake up, gasping for breath, my heart fluttering in my chest much too quickly. I turn around to reach for you, for reassurance that it was all just a dream, but I am met with a cold spot on my pillow and an empty space next to me. Tears flood my vision as I realize that, although it was just a dream,

It is all too real

What is all of this for?

I seem to have gotten lost along the way

Echoes from another time running circles around me

It wasn’t supposed to be like this

But that’s what they all say

She creeps up

And crawls up

And before you know it…

I’m not sure if

This is worth it

you take my words away

— and yet i still try to write about you // tans

i love the colour of your eyes, i freeze when they look into mine.

— there’s something magical about you // tans

what is done in love, is done wrong.

— but the wrong things feel right sometimes // tans

i feel this emptiness inside me. again.

— i wanna keep feeling things. just not emptiness // tans

your memories still follow me but you don’t

— tans

don’t tell me that i can’t do it because the next moment you’ll be praising me.

— tans

i could’ve abandoned my heart but who would’ve loved you till the last?

— tans

people ask me why i’ve trust issues and i tell them your name.

— come, see what have you done // tans

i should stop caring about people’s opinion and live a little.

— after all, you only live once // tans

i like you raw i like you who you truly are.

— so don’t ever change don’t ever change for anyone but yourself // tans

i miss the way i once felt loved

— won’t you come back? // tans

i was there for you and i’ll always be there for you. just remember that

— always means always // tans

fine.

i didn’t admit.

but i love you. a lot.

— tans

because you were kind of a big deal, i couldn’t let go this easily.

— the deal, however, caused trouble // tans

where are you? i’m tired searching for you.

— i wish to find you soon // tans

you should’ve warned me about the damage you were about to cause before coming.

— tans

i knew we were going to end one day because i’ve already learned not to believe in forever.

— nothing lasts forever // tans