If your spirituality runs on blind hatred, whether of a religion or a group of people, then you’ve got some serious work to do on yourself, because spirituality out of hate is not spirituality.
Gaybian Man or Velaurian: someone who is gay for men and lesbian for women; experiencing queer attraction to both men and women; being both veldian and lesbian.
[image transcript: 5 horizontal stripes colored with hot pink, orange, white, teal, and dark bluish purple. ID over]
Looks like We’re back to making posts that We don’t remember. No big deal but then…
WHO THE FUCK?! Dude! Not cool. Let’s not be flirting even mock flirting (because I can’t imagine any of us trying to actually flirt with anyone… Well…) because We don’t need that kind of attention. Please. The only one We can think of that would say that is dormant. So??? No idea.
One of us used to really like that weird Japanese gore art. Don’t know what it’s called. But it usually has something kinda fucked up written on it. Whoever it was liked it because of the sick feeling it gave us. Then We stopped getting that feeling. Some of that art popped up on our dash and there it was! The same sick feeling. We are feeling alive again, some of us think. Empathy… None of us in front like that art btw. So We don’t know who it was. We don’t actually like the feeling it gives us. But We are happy to have empathy back. Like fully back.
I just made a promise to Dante that I wouldn’t make another suicide attempt until we try the lsd route first. He heard me and acknowledged it. I have to remember.
It’s been over a year since We started psychedelic therapy. Started with lsd and ketamine. Saved us. It’s time to wake up Dante. I think he would like things much better now with the new level of self awareness. I think he would like to front.
Been losing so much time. Thursday was a continuation of Wednesday. It was Wednesday until it was Friday. There was no Thursday. But it was Wednesday that didn’t start until Thursday. The Thursday that never happened. We probably shouldn’t have Ativan anymore. I forget that We used to black out from Ativan and alcohol. Maybe We are more sensitive in our current condition. We had the outsider hold on to our Ativan for us. Because We knew that We couldn’t trust ourself in the state We’ve been in. Yesterday We asked him for our medicine. He said He gave it to us and that We said that We didn’t need him to hold on to it anymore because We wouldn’t need it anymore…???!!! It wasn’t Teen. It wasn’t Animal. It wasn’t Malice and it sure as fuck wasn’t The Gobos! So who was it? We suffered full amnesia! This isn’t our norm or at least it hasn’t been in a long time. And We’ve been hallucinating. Full, head on hallucinations. That is also not our norm. Not since We were a child. Visual, auditory and tactile hallucinations. We look at our “Trip Check Painting” and the shadows move like We’re on LSD. But We haven’t taken LSD in about a week. We don’t know what this means. But it seems like when We push and stress for an entire semester, by the end of it, something happens to our mental state. We pushed ourself hard, not even this hard but hard enough to cause a state of psychosis in 2019. The last day of class or the very next day, don’t clearly remember, Teen tried to kill the vessel. It was a very serious attempt. And he very nearly succeeded. Was almost rushed to another hospital for a liver transplant but our levels suddenly started coming down. Waking up in the hospital… Never hallucinated that bad in our entire life. A dark shaking figure stood in the corner of our “room”. The walls had weird writing all over them and were moving. Everything had a yellow tint to it.
We are not suicidal. But We are not okay. We do not believe that We are a risk to ourself or anyone else. Other than a possible accidental overdose! That Ativan shit is scary! If We try really hard, We can see someone dropping one of the pills in the trash accidentally then popped the last… 3??? In our mouth. If there were more in there We don’t know if, whoever that was, would have taken all of it.
We did well in Music Theory 101. We did not great at all on our project but ended up getting a 90 on it! Our average was an 89 but when We checked, our overall grade is a 99 point… Something. Can’t really remember but a fucking 99??!! How? Since March We’ve been doing horribly! When We submitted our final project We also wrote a little over 300 words vaguely explaining why We submitted such hot garbage. He wrote back telling me that he thought We were doing well and that he could tell how much work We put in all of our work. After our presentation he clapped…??? We thought he was gonna be like, “Wtf is this?” Even though he did let us know where We fucked up he still seemed to understand that We did know the material We were just having a bad time. None of us saw that coming.
So why are We starting to spiral? Is this just what a burnout feels like for us now? Is there something seriously wrong? We don’t know yet. Hopefully this fades with some rest.
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
How it’s been going…
Oh, and We don’t know how it’s coming across. But We weren’t trying to creep him out. We were just trying to confuse the fuck out of him ♀️
Cont.
We really do sometimes
Back for more?
Last one We think
Ummm didn’t you tell us to loose your number? Miss us? Lol
Seems like he’s been calling us since December. Actually didn’t realize that.
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
How it’s been going…
Oh, and We don’t know how it’s coming across. But We weren’t trying to creep him out. We were just trying to confuse the fuck out of him ♀️
Cont.
We really do sometimes
Back for more?
Last one We think
Ummm didn’t you tell us to loose your number? Miss us? Lol
Holy fuck! Memory unlocked, boys! Okay so We acted a little bit in high school and don’t remember… Anyway We were REALLY GOOD! And We were just thinking, “Oh shit! This is probably why!” THEN We remembered being on stage when We were 16 years old. But We remember like We’re watching from THE AUDIENCE! We can see ourself on stage in costume! Who the fuck was Juliet? Oh and We also just remembered a full switch happening when We were 17 years old. Whoever was acting host thought they still had control. They absolutely did not. And they did feel strange but didn’t know why. They thought they were just playing around. But they became something completely different…
OMFG! FORGOT TO MENTION! Something really weird happened during our psychedelic therapy session yesterday! One of us was texting someone then after sending it someone else tapped in. They started to remember texting but in the memory it was REVERSED! The fucking letters were backwards! What the fuck?!
We did a good thing. But it is going to take some getting used to. So many more are active now. We still don’t know who everyone is. ✌️☝️… So sex is more awkward now. Oh… Fuckin… We’ll tag it with “TMI” or some shit. Right… DMT! I, Malice got us over our fear… Well THEIR fear. Not mine. That’s why I could do it when they couldn’t. Someone was pushing us really fucking hard to do DMT. We don’t know who. But We HAD to. We had no choice. The Gobos kept trying to front for whatever reason. Animal, Teen and I had to keep pulling them out. They were so scared But they were being so BRAVE! I, We want The Gobos to know that We, Animal, Teen and Malice are so very proud of you. You never have to do anything like that though. We will always protect you. No matter what happens. Okay? You brave little souls have no need to worry. You are completely protected from harm. Someone else is here with us. They seem to really care about The Gobos as well. So… Umm… See? You guys are safe!
The best thing abt doing actual research into the plural community is that its literally never been like the medicalists say it was. I have a book from a 60+ year old diagnosed did system who can and has rejected/expelled alters entirely. another with an interject of a religious figure whos a gatekeeper. Another who can control switches, one who has known since they were kids ect ect ect. Plurality has always been weird and different my guy, to say otherwise is to erase our history and ignore basically all aspects of plurality
Also this goes for nontraumagenic plurals and headmates we have been a part of the community since the start. Stay mad
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
How it’s been going…
Oh, and We don’t know how it’s coming across. But We weren’t trying to creep him out. We were just trying to confuse the fuck out of him ♀️
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
How it’s been going…
Oh, and We don’t know how it’s coming across. But We weren’t trying to creep him out. We were just trying to confuse the fuck out of him ♀️
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
How it’s been going…
Oh, and We don’t know how it’s coming across. But We weren’t trying to creep him out. We were just trying to confuse the fuck out of him ♀️
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
How it’s been going…
Oh, and We don’t know how it’s coming across. But We weren’t trying to creep him out. We were just trying to confuse the fuck out of him ♀️
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
How it’s been going…
Oh, and We don’t know how it’s coming across. But We weren’t trying to creep him out. We were just trying to confuse the fuck out of him ♀️
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
We may have just fucked with some dude who has been calling us for weeks. We keep trying to tell him that We don’t know him. He acts like he accepts it and moves on. But he still keeps calling. Twice so far and it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. Then started texting. Apologized but then asked if we worked together and that he doesn’t know who he’s calling. So We asked him to clarify. “Worked together in what capacity?” “We suffer from occasional amnesia.” “Who are you looking for?” (implying We are many)… Now dude won’t stop texting us! He’s texted us five times since starting this post! Wtf?!
