#rakdos

Rebuilt, better than ever!

I won’t be likely to make any friends with this…

War of the Spark: Ravnica – Operation Desperation

Last time, Rat was unnoticeable! This time, Operation Desperation!

…

Wait, did Tumblr get rid of the divider lines? Son of a – how am I supposed to divide segments now? Just have no dividers like an unprofessional writer???

I.

• Ah right, Jarad was killed and became a lich. That’s why it’s ‘first killed’.
• … part of me is considering pasting these stories in a word doc, and replacing all instances of ‘creepies’ with ‘eternals’. See how that reads.
• Oh good, the portal’s closed!
• Or maybe four …
  My companions all stopped dead in their tracks.
  I asked Teyo what was wrong, and he said something had changed.
  
• That’s it? No quotes? I mean, Teyo’s new to planeswalking and all, so he probably would be unfamiliar with the sensation.
• Also, what kind of monster puts spaces between their ellipses?
• Also also, Rat’s psychic abilities coming into play!
• Jace, Teferi, Jaya, and Vivien vs. Liliana & the Dreadhorde… f*ck that’s a good band name…
• Yes, there was still the dragon. Actually, did Bolas just show up to sit pretty and let all the sparks come to him? Is laziness in his color alignments, or does he have to concentrate on the Elder Spell?

II.

• The first juggler, wearing studded red leathers and ribbons that ended in sharp metal fishhooks, impressively juggled six flaming torches. The second juggler juggled eight human skulls. The third juggled twelve flaming skulls. The fourth juggler was an undead skeleton, bones reinforced with wrought iron, including four wrought-iron horns mimicking those of its master, Rakdos the Defiler. It juggled flaming cat skulls pulled from a small furnace smoldering within its own rib cage.
• That’s seven, seven times the word ‘juggle’ was used in this paragraph!
• Did you count those 500 steps, Rat? I’d make a Proclaimers joke here, but the story hasn’t earned it.
• Wait, did Vraska kill Hekara? Quick, to the wiki!
• WHAT THE EVERLOVING F*CK!?!?!?
• So apparently, in the novel, a Bolas-possessed Lavinia killed Hekara. It mentions Vraska betraying the group, so she might’ve played a part, but… WHAT THE EVERLOVING F*CK???
• Greg, are you okay? Do you need help? That’s a rhetorical question: You need an intervention here. That, or motivation. Besides a paycheck. These plot twists have M. Night Shyamalan going, “Woah, tone it down there.”
• Y’know, I wonder if Rat’s “latent psychic abilities” are just a device to let us know what the other characters are thinking…
• The walls were lined, smeared, with hundreds of torn and overlapping banners, some advertising centuries-old performances, most incorporating some insult to one of the other guilds, with Orzhov, Azorius, and Boros being the most common and popular targets.
  
• See?That’s a good sentence! Why can’t the rest of your stories be like this???
• Unicycles exist in Ravnica.
• Ogres wearing masks made from ogre skulls… like, bits of ogre skull tied together?
• Still, our little group hesitated before the entrance’s ominous red glow—until Queen Vraska muttered, “Screw it,” and marched through the arched gothic doorway.
  
• We missed you, Vraska…
• Gobakhan is an arid desert environment. I mean, I kinda guessed that, but still…
• Oh hey, Exava! She was the Rakdos maze-runner!
• Contralto: the lowest female singing voice.
• Oh hey! Tomik Vrona, Ral’s boyfriend!
• I scurried over to Hekara’s side. The thrull was tall, and I had to stand on tiptoe to see my friend and kiss her pale cheek. It was real now. I honestly couldn’t tell you whether that made it better or worse.
  
• … okay, moving on.
• The last time Niv-Mizzet tried to gain power, Jace became the guildpact. I 100% understand Rakdos’ hesitance.
• Hekara’s back! And undead (I think)! And a blood witch!
• Hekara cartwheeled away. The cartwheel morphed into a somersault, which morphed into a backflip. Hekara landed on the stage, and I applauded!
  
• Cool trick.
• Hellhounds have acidic saliva.
• Oh no, Hekara can’t see Rat anymore. I’d be so sad if I didn’t wish I could ignore Rat as a narrator.

III.

• I’m not gonna waste another divider on this paragraph.

IV.

• F*cking call them eternals…!
• Also you know Miss Raven-Hair’s name now, geez…
• “Don’t worry. I’ll explain everything that happens as we go.”
  He said, “I think I’ve got the gist of it all by now.”
  “Yeah, but you don’t know most of the players.”
  He started to say something, paused and then said, “Thank you, Araithia. That would be very helpful. And I expect … very entertaining.”
  “You just love to hear me babble.”

• 1. You haven’t been explaining. We’ve gotten snippets and tidbits, nothing more.
• 2. If we wanted the gist of things, we would’ve looked at the cards. Reading the cards explains the story.
• 3. You’re right, we don’t know most of the players. We have to check out the novel from our local library because f*ck supporting this author.
• 4. This is not an entertaining experience. Hell, the stories I write are better than this, and I have to write them all in one sitting so I don’t come back and cringe at what I write!
• 5. WE DON’T LOVE YOUR BABBLING!!!
• … I’m fine, I just… needed to get that off my chest. Please tell me the story team will be in charge of the Core Set story… if there is one… please tell me there is one…
• Normally I’d say it’s in Agyrem, but that’s vanished. Then again, there are still spirits on Ravnica, so…
• Wait, when did the Boros agree to the plan? 
• Only when all the others had shown their faces did Guildmaster Lazav of House Dimir reveal that he had been there all along—right beside Teyo and I—by morphing out of the form of Chief Varryvort.
  “Damnit, Lazav!” Master Zarek said in a clipped and dangerous voice. “What the hell have you done with the real Varryvort?”
  Master Lazav “reassured” Master Zarek in a lazy drawl, “Your accomplished chief chemister is sleeping one off. He’ll be just fine come morning—assuming this succeeds, and any of us are just fine come morning.”
  
• This exchange is almost worth the rest of the story. Almost.
• My mother seemed to be looking Teyo up and down. She frowned a little and shot me a questioning look. Apparently, Teyo Verada hadn’t passed muster as a dependable friend for Ari Shokta’s daughter.
  
• Still not worth it, but a valiant attempt.
• “The gods know he can hardly do a worse job than Beleren.“  – Ral “As soon as I invent the bus I’m gonna throw you under it” Zarek
  
• First, that’s not untrue…
• Second, who are these gods everyone keeps referring to? Give us Ravnica’s pantheon!!!
• Rakdos intolerance.
• I wonder if Teyo learns about leylines, would he be able to create a planar shield?
• Oh shit! Kefnet’s here to interrupt the ritual!
• STOP! CALLING! THEM! CREEPIES!!!
• And Kefnet would be using his staff or magic for f*ck’s sake! 
  
• Gold scales? Lemme check that art real quick…
• Nope, still looks red to me.
• Oh wow, New Niv Mizzet really is swole!
• Side-note, I wonder how the guilds are going to use all this lazotep? Even if all the bodies are cremated, scraps have gotta be laying around somewhere. The Dimir could use the recordative properties, the Izzet could probably do all sorts of crazy stuff…
• The eleven were just beginning to come out of their trances. Master Zarek shook his head to clear it and then looked up … just in time to see Master Niv-Mizzet fall.
  The dragon crashed down ten feet to the left of us, shaking the ground—and shattering all our hopes. The Firemind lay there, breathing heavily and barely moving. One wing seemed bent beneath his body at an angle so awkward, I had to cringe.
  Gan Shokta said, "That’s it? Is the great power of the new Living Guildpact already spent from dealing with a single one-armed Eternal?”
  
• Dude just came back from the dead and became the Guildpact. Chill out.

Well that was… disappointing. But hey, I got to make dividers from it.

But will we get a compitent story next time??? Stay tuned!!!