Blaise Zabini, everyone.

PANSY TO HERMIONE EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY

Daisy claiming the title of “Slytherin Flirt” and making all the witches and wizards fall in love with her.

….except fred weasley.

FLINTWOOD OPENLY FLIRTING IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE HEADS AND MADAM HOOCH @ THE SLYTHERIN VS. GRYFFINDOR PRE-GAME BRIEFING AND GIVING THEIR TEAMMATES A HUGE HEART ATTACK

BARNEY AND THE BOYS GOING AT IT @ THE SLYTHERIN YEAR-END PARTY

(only 4th years and above from all houses can come)

IM BACK SLYTHERICHES

(probs bcos i’ve been seeing a lot of tiktok memes again)

THAT ONE TIME BARNEY SUBMITTED AN ESSAY DURING A SLYTHERIN PARTY AT THE THREE BROOMSTICKS.

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM

-feat. Pansy and Theo Nott’s chaotic relationship (this was why most of the slytherins were confused but not shocked upon receiving the Wedding Invitation a few years post-war), Barney being the mom who always records everything on his phone and Marcus Flint just wishing Snape doesn’t burst into their common room because of all the noise.

BARNEY BEING THETOP TIERROLE MODEL FOR ALL SLYTHERINS

PANSY CALLING HERMIONE OUT FOR SULKING OVER RON AND LAVANDER

-also definitely not her being salty

THAT ONE TIME RON HAD TO LOOK AFTER CROOKSHANKS AT HOME

JUST GINNY DOING HER THING

and Arthur Weasley in the background trying to imitate her.

“GET THE TIMING RIGHT YOU STUPID FUCKS”

-Ginny to her older brothers’ pathetic attempts to do dance challenges

(but the boys really do the dances as a joke, so they intentionally do it sloppily.)

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED (Chamber of Secrets Edition)

RON AND HARRY CREATING A TIKTOK AND JAMMING BY THE WHOMPING WILLOW BEFORE SNAPE AND DUMBLEDORE FOUND THEM

day 348 of pansy getting flat out rejected by hermione because pansy does not know how to flirt like a normal human without sounding sarcastic

feat. Blaise judging her clown ass

Slytherins once their petition for friday to be a wash day has been approved by Bumblebore

and no they didn’t do it to wash their robes.

ron, wide awake @ 3 am, 10 years after the war: “i’m just genuinely confused why harry did not see barty crouch jr. posing as alastor moody in the marauder’s map. like does polyjuice potion have some sort of effect that cannot be identified by the map? if so, then the real alastor moody in that chest in mad eye moody’s office was not shown in the map? so the chest has some sort of concealment charm or something? if that’s true, then i rest my case, maybe i’m just thinking too much into this. what about you, ‘mione?”

hermione: “go back to sleep, ronald.”