#the signs as
Scorpio: I’d rather die
Pisces:…than?
Scorpio: No, that’s it
Virgo: If I cut my leg off and swing it at your head am I hitting you or kicking you?
Gemini: You’ll probably end up mentally scaring me more than anything.
Taurus: There’s no I in team, but there is an I in pizza.
Aquarius: So you won’t share.
Taurus: *hugs pizza box* No, I won’t. *obnoxiously shoves pizza mockingly into mouth*
Texting my mom about my horoscope
(She’s a Leo btw… I feel like that is vital information for this post)
How would your parents or friends respond to this?
Gemini:If you ever crawl inside an old hallow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guy comes and seals up both ends and then ends up putting that log on a truck and taking it to another city…
Gemini:Boy
Gemini: I just don’t know what to tell you
*Leo to the Signs*
Leo: I miss them so bad.
Leo: Last night in the bath I ate a whole box of taco shells
Taurus: Why are you cooking?
Virgo: It’s for Capricorn. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight and I need them on my side.
Mine…
I am a Gemini and that’s why I am not a good person to be.
Scorpio: Due to personal reasons, I will be disappearing under mysterious circumstances.
Sagittariusat the therapist: Am I your sexiest psychiatric patient be honest
Hey! So it came to my attention that for the last chart roast I posted the image was a bit blurry so I’ll write it here.
ALSO if you want to be our next victim send me your chart in my ask box or message it to me
♊♉♓♍♐♏♈♒♎♌♑♋
Rising: Libra
Sun: Virgo
Moon: Scorpio
Mercury: Libra
Venus: Leo
Mars: Capricorn
Jupiter: Cancer
Saturn: Gemini
Uranus: Aquarius
Neptune: Aquarius
Pluto: Sagittarius
True Node: Cancer
Chiron: Sagittarius
ROAST AWAY! don’t be shy
I’m excited to see your creative and twisted minds
Cancer, singing randomly: Country roaaaaaads
Capricorn, joining: Take me hooooome
Cancer: If you insist
Capricorn: I bel- wait what- oh my god
Capricorn: That’s the dumbest pickup line ever
Aquarius:Do you play any sports?
Virgo:I run away from my feelings.
Gemini: So then I said it was KNIFE to see them, it was a great little pun-
Virgo: YOU THREW A SHARPENED BUTTER SPREADER AT THEIR TORSO
Aquarius: Don’t worry, I’m in STABle condition
Pisces:*sneezes*
Leo:[silence]
Pisces:You’re not even gonna say “bless you”?
Leo:I’m sitting with you, you’ve clearly been blessed.
Here is my birth chart!
Our next victim for our weekly chart roasting!
Send me your birth chart if you’d like to participate
Most importantly don’t forget to roast
Sagittarius: It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.
Capricorn: I wasn’t apologi–
Sagittarius: Apology accepted.
Virgo: And the worst part is I had to have the breakup sex by myself
Leo: We have a different kind of chemistry
Capricorn: Ya like acid in the face
Gemini: Are you okay?
Cancer, lying face down on the floor: Yeah sure why do you ask
