#the signs as

Hit me with your best shot :p

♊♍♓♉♈♒♏♐♎♌♑♋

I totally forgot to post this yesterday… I am SO sorry

This is our 3rd week of chart roasting how exciting! Let’s make this the best roast yet

Scorpio: My aesthetic is the kid on the playground who tells all the other kids that ring around the rosies is about the black plague. 

Libra: Fist me

Aquarius: I- what the fuck?

Libra: *Holds out hand for a first bump*

Aquarius: Right, that’s what you- right, okay, God, Jesus fucking Christ

Cancer: Truth or dare?

Gemini:Truth.

Cancer: How many hours of sleep did you get this week?

Gemini:Dare.

Cancer: Go to sleep.

Gemini: I don’t like this game.

ARIES: They see you as competition // Prepare to fight or bow out. There’s no stopping them. They’ll steamroll you if you don’t get out of their way.
TAURUS: When they are close to their goal // Don’t impede them. Help if you can. It will substancially raise your stock for the future.
GEMINI: When they feel their survival or stability is threatened // Get out of their way. They’ll best any obstacle in their path.
CANCER: You’ve threatened their friends or family // Cower or prepare to take a beating. Expect brutality. They’ll probably try to kill you but they’re capable of mercy in some cases.
LEO: If you take something they see as theirs // Give it back or they’ll inevitably find a way to take it by force.
VIRGO: When they feel involuntarily vulnerable // Give them their space or prepare to be unceremoneously pushed out of it.
LIBRA: You’ve embarassed them in any way // Prepare to be blacklisted. They’ll run a heavy smear campaign, destroy all your credibility, and aim for the heart with emotional jabs if they know where you’re weak.
SCORPIO: You’ve scorned them in love // Run for the hills. Their retribution will be swift, severe, and relentless.
SAGITTARIUS: When trying to prove their point // Listen to their side and if you must disagree or argue, do so with respect, logic and competence.
CAPRICORN: In business // Make sure you’re on their side, or make space for them to pass you.
AQUARIUS: In defense of an underdog // Leave their underdog alone and appologize.
PISCES: When they’re underestimated // Give them the credit they deserve before they go overboard in trying proving themselves and create substancial collateral damage.

HIBERNATES FOR A MONTH
Scorpio, Cancer, Aquarius, Taurus

PRETENDS EVERYTHING IS FINE AND REPRESSES THE PAIN
Capricorn, Virgo, Sagittarius, Libra

TALKS IT OUT WITH FRIENDS UNTIL THEY CAN UNDERSTAND
Gemini, Leo, Aries, Pisces

stardust-zodiac:

I seem to make a lot of Lana tsa’s so here’s a masterpost for you.

THE SIGNS AS RARE LANA SONGS
THE SIGNS OFF BORN TO DIE
THE SIGNS OFF ULTRAVIOLENCE
THE SIGNS OFF HONEYMOON
HOLLYWOOD’S DEAD
WEST COAST
VIDEO GAMES
BROOKLYN BABY
HIGH BY THE BEACH

Aries - Trump’s star

Taurus - Jeff Goldblum

Gemini:Betsy DeVos’s yacht

Cancer:the patriarchy

Leo - gender norms

Virgo - Tom Riddle’s diary

Libra - the glass ceiling

Scorpio - dat ass

Sagittarius:that like button

Capricorn:work laptop

Aquarius:Loki

Pisces:pumpkins

Aries - Home ownership

Taurus -  Banks

Gemini - Department Stores

Cancer - Applebee’s

Leo - Bar soap

Virgo - Fabric softener

Libra -Credit

Scorpio-Relationships

Sagittarius - J. Crew

Capricorn-Diamonds

Aquarius - the 9-5 work day

Pisces - The American Dream

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries: Volcanic Eruption; cooked by waves of gas
Taurus: Earthquake; crushed by falling objects
Gemini: Tornado; falling to death out of the tornado
Cancer: Hurricane/Typhoon; spontaneous debris
Leo: Drought; famine and starvation
Virgo: Avalanche/Mudslide; buried alive
Libra: Asteroid; crushed by impact
Scorpio: Tsunami; pulled and drowned underwater
Sagittarius: Wildfire; suffocated and burned alive
Capricorn: Blizzard; freezing to death
Aquarius: Epidemic; painful infection
Pisces: Flood; trapped and slowly drowning

Aries: “Power without abuse loses its charm.” 
Taurus:“The definition of beauty is what despairs.“
Gemini:“That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false.”
Cancer: “The universe is a flaw in the purity of non-being.” 
Leo: “What soul would hesitate to turn the universe upside down in order to be a little more itself?”
Virgo: “Politeness is organized indifference.” 
Libra: “My soul is nothing now but the dream dreamt by matter struggling with itself!”
Scorpio:“To enter into your own mind you need to be armed to the teeth.”
Sagittarius: “As for the world, all reality has no other excuse for existence except to offer the poet the chance to play a sublime match against it – a match that is list in advance.”
Capricorn: “Consciousness reigns, but does not rule.”
Aquarius:“Our most important thoughts are those that contradict our emotions.”
Pisces: “Follow the path of your aroused thought, and you will soon meet this infernal inscription: There is nothing so beautiful as that which does not exist.” 

Aries: “Desire makes everything blossom; possession makes everything wither and fade.” 
Taurus: “Love is a striking example of how little reality means to us.“
Gemini: “The bonds between ourselves and another person exists only in our minds. Memory as it grows fainter loosens them, and notwithstanding the illusion by which we want to be duped and which, out of love, friendship, politeness, deference, duty, we dupe other people, we exist alone. Man is the creature who cannot escape from himself, who knows other people only in himself, and when he asserts the contrary, he is lying.” 
Cancer: “Love is space and time measured by the heart.” 
Leo: “Our desires interweave with one another; and in the confusion of existence, it is seldom that a joy is promptly paired with the desire that longed for it.” 
Virgo: “It comes so soon, the moment when there is nothing left to wait for.”
Libra: “The inertia of the mind urges it to slide down the easy slope of imagination, rather than to climb the steep slope of introspection.”
Scorpio: “The true paradises are the paradises that we have lost.”
Sagittarius:“Mystery is not about traveling to new places but about looking with new eyes.” 
Capricorn: “We must never be afraid to go too far, for truth lies beyond.” 
Aquarius:“But sometimes the future is latent in us without our knowing it, and our supposedly lying words foreshadow an imminent reality.” 
Pisces:“If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less, but to dream more, to dream all the time.”

Aries:“There’s only one degree of freshness — the first, which makes it also the last.” 
Taurus: “But what can be done, the one who loves must share the fate of the one he loves.” 
Gemini: “Yes, man is mortal, but that would be only half the trouble. The worst of it is that he’s sometimes unexpectedly mortal — there’s the trick!” 
Cancer: “Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that.”
Leo: “Who told you that there is no true, faithful, eternal love in this world! May the liar’s vile tongue be cut out!” 
Virgo: “No one’s fate is of any interest to you except your own.”
Libra:“Well, as everyone knows, once witchcraft gets started, there’s no stopping it.”
Scorpio: “The tongue may hide the truth but the Eyes—never!“
Sagittarius: “Everything passes away - suffering, pain, blood, hunger and pestilence. The sword will pass away too, but the stars will still remain when the shadows of our presence and our deeds have vanished from the earth. There is no man who does not know that. Why, then, will we not turn our eyes toward the stars? Why?”
Capricorn:“Why try to pursue what is completed?” 
Aquarius: “What would your good do if evil didn’t exist, and what would the earth look like if all the shadows disappeared?”
Pisces:“He was coming to understand he could not come to rectify anything in his life, only forget.”

Aries: Machiaviellanism - the denial of the relevance of morality, holding the view that any means can be used if it is necessary to maintain power.
Taurus:Hedonism - the pursuit of pleasure, above all. 
Gemini:Existentialism - the belief that there is no universal “meaning of life”, the individual is free to create his own meaning and build his character from his actions. 
Cancer:Idealism  - the idea that the material world and reality merely is a product of consciousness, sensation, imagination and perception.
Leo:Solipsism- the belief that the self is all there is, that everything else just is a product of their perception.
Virgo:Skepticism -  away of life devoted to inquiry, investigation and doubt: always questioning the certainity of things.
Libra:Dualism - the belief that everything is made up of polarity and can be sorted into two categories (such as body and mind, good and evil) which cannot exist without one another.
Scorpio:Nihilism - denial of the existence of any “truths”, holding the belief that life is ultimately meaningless.
Sagittarius: Empiricism- the belief that true wisdom comes from experience.
Capricorn:Stoicism -  emphasizes the discipline and mastery of the emotions in order to reach a wiser, rational, and peaceful mindset.
Aquarius: Surrealism - the rejection of the rational, the negation of the normal; celebrating contradiction, the imagination and the bizzare.
Pisces:Romanticism - emphasis on strong emotion and receptiveness, celebrating the imagination, the transcendental and the supreme value of art.

Aries: “The thorns which I have reap’d, are of the tree I planted.” 
Taurus: “Sincerity may be humble but she cannot be servile.”
Gemini: “She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; and all that’s best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes.”
Cancer:“And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on.” 
Leo:“Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”
Virgo:“There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything.” 
Libra:“For the night has been to me a more familiar face than that of man; and in her starry shade of dim and solitary loveliness, I learned the language of another world.”
Scorpio:“But I have been familiar with ruins too long to dislike desolation.”
Sagittarius:“The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.”
Capricorn: “Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste, but they detest at leisure.”
Aquarius:“Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. ” 
Pisces:“Are not the mountains, waves and skies, a part of me and of my soul, as I of them?”

Taurus & Libra:  Amor fati - latin for ‘love of ones fate’, seeing the beauty (and necessity) in all that happens to you, good and bad. Reaching a state of contentment of ones life, such that one could live exactly the same life, in all its minute details, over and over for all eternity.

Gemini & Sagittarius:Perspectivism - the idea that all knowledge is perspectival, and that no way of seeing the world can be taken as definitively “true”. All in all: “as for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

Virgo & Cancer: Ressentiment -  a reassignment of the pain that accompanies a sense of one’s own inferiority/failure onto an external scapegoat. Creating the illusion of an enemy, a cause that can be “blamed” for one’s own inferiority/failure. 

Leo & Pisces: Ubermensch - the concept of an ‘overman’, someone who will realize and break the illusions of societal constructs such as morality and values - and instead rise above them to create and impose his own. In this, he becomes a superior being.

Aquarius & Scorpio: Apollo and Dionysus - the idea that everything is made up of duality; one thing can not not exist without its opposite. The two symbols of this duality being represented by the two greek gods Apollo (light, dreams, reason, harmony, beauty) and Dionysus (shadow, drunkenness, revelry, chaos, tragedy) 

Capricorn & Aries: Will to power - the idea that “the will to power” is the main driving force in humans. That each being, above all else, instinctively needs to release their strength and strives for the maximum feeling of power. Life itself in its essence means appropriating, injuring, overpowering those who are foreign and weaker.