#the witcher memes
fucking hate geralt. how is it that mr monster killer gets to see monsters on the DAILY, but yet i, monsterfucker, NEVER—
no❤️
junod of belhaven got me acting up
“aw that’s so cute look geralt roach is trying to carry your sword! you’re a bad influence on her haha”
geralt, sweating: shes fucking learning shes fucking learning she
“the witchers wouldn’t play skyrim it’s too much like their own lives” so you’re insinuating geralt (of rivia) would NOT play sims 4
geralt eats the soap at lush thinking they are free samples
me wasting resources and time making sure geralt gets his water, 3 meals a day, and meditates at a decent hour meanwhile i’ve been playing until 5am on off brand lacroix and a vitamin C “geralt! it’s 11 already”
*material girl plays as i walk into kaer morhen, accompanied by a harem of increasingly eccentric individuals, ready to pick up our inheritance only to discover vesemir is very much so alive and well*
me, survived the trials but forgot: *opens jar on the first try* i am a woman in STEM
i have officially moved on from the [imaginary] gwent incident. lambert, welcome to the blorbos
twirls hair bats eyelashes bites lip tugs neckline down giggles at his unfunny jokes
i wanna be the witcher tumblr resident court jester but all yall r funnier than me gods guess pa-pa was right i’m heading back to thee cornfields
Geralt, drunk and jealous: Do you think people will ever stop eyeing Jaskier up?
Yennefer: *Takes a long sip of her wine*
Yennefer:No.
Jaskier, extremely mad at Geralt: Sometimes I wonder where that himbo carries all his idiocy and audacity.
Yennefer: Haven’t you noticed his pockets? They’re huge on purpose.
*Yennefer as a landlady*
Yennefer, to Jaskier: Your rent is due but you can pay at your convenience, sweetheart.
Also Yennefer, to Geralt: You’re going to get your eviction notice if I don’t receive the payment by the end of the day.
Jaskier: Why would anyone even begin to think of going big?
Geralt: What?! Listen-
Jaskier: Especially when the alternative is getting to go home?
Yennefer: He’s got a point, you know.
Oh Geralt, you poor thing!
Jaskier, shopping for a pretty outfit: This is outrageous. The ones I like don’t have pockets.
Jaskier: Is there anything worse than having no pockets in your fancy outfit?
Yennefer: Yeah, having fake pockets.
✨How I relate to different Witcher characters✨
Would spit alcohol directly on someone’s face
Mommy issues
I’ve been abandoned by people I love and even if they hurt me I would still allow them back into my life easily. I still assume they left because I failed to keep up with their expectations of my performance: “Did I not bring you some glee?”, basically asking if I wasn’t good enough. I can see priceless beauty in every single thing around me but when it comes to my soul, it’s worth is based solely on my talents and achievements. If I stop entertaining everyone will leave me so I translate my fears, wishes, sorrows and problems into art because I genuinely don’t know what else to do with my emotions
GREAT AT NAMING PETS <3
