#mischievous-thundertumblrcom
Person B: *Is extremely mad at Person A*
Person A: Look what I got from the bakery for you.
Person B:
Person B: Well, well, well! Look who’s trying to win me over by giving me food.
Person B: And succeeding, unfortunately.
Because they desperately need to have a holiday
Person B: Fill my holes and drill me so hard that I can’t feel a thing afterwards.
Person A, a dentist:O-okay…
Anne: What’s something Venom keeps on complaining about?
Eddie: I don’t know what it’s about but he keeps on grumbling how “Eddie never passes the vibe check.”
Anne: Well, he’s absolutely right.
TVA Loki: I’ve got a fun funeral game idea you can try when people assume that I’m dead yet again.
TVA Loki: Take the bouquet off my grave and simply throw it into the crowd to see who’s next.
President Loki: That’ll probably be another Loki.
Sirius: Every dog is either a bitch or a son of a bitch.
Sirius: I guess I’m both.
Venom loves the special treatment❤️
Always at your service, my love!
More power to representation!
Person A: It says, “Do die safely.”
Person B: Are you insane? It obviously says, “Don’t die safely.”
Person A:
Person B:
Person A and B, in unison: Wait a moment! It’s “Don’t drive safely.”
Sirius: *Getting belly rubs from strangers as Padfoot*
James:
James: Remus! REMUS! You won’t believe what I just saw your whore husband doing-
Poor Eddie’s no match for the sassy baby❤️
Person A: *Is a masked thief*
Person B: Can I see you face, please?
Person A: *Sighs, pockets the small knife and takes off their mask* This is a bit unprofessional of me to-
Person B, screaming at the top of their lungs: Exactly what I was apprehending! YOU’RE FUCKING HOT!
*At the supermarket*
Geralt: What should we get for dessert?
Yennefer, : We have dessert at home.
Geralt: What type of dessert?
Yennefer:Jaskier.
Person A: Tell me one of your most controversial thoughts.
Person B: Alright, here we go.
Person B: Porn is just a bunch of videos of people at work.
Whatever aids in winning
*At a dog park*
A random person: Aww they’re so fluffy and adorable! I’d rather take care of them the whole day than go to my job.
Remus, wearily watching his husband causing chaos with other dogs as Padfoot: I’d rather not.
Jaskier, shopping for a pretty outfit: This is outrageous. The ones I like don’t have pockets.
Jaskier: Is there anything worse than having no pockets in your fancy outfit?
Yennefer: Yeah, having fake pockets.
Delighted darling ❤️
Person B, as an interviewer: Now, tell me something about your hobbies.
Person A:
Person A, sweetly: Is it absolutely necessary? Because I really, really need this job.
