#tw blood mention
TW MEDICAL TALK, TW SURGERY MENTIONS, TW HEALTH MENTION, TW BLOOD MENTION, TW SUICIDE IDEATION (one line)
in short, a further reason why i will be taking a break
i talked about making a personal and remaking, but i do think this will wait until march or later. mainly due to the fact that unfortunately my mental health has suffered greatly these past few weeks, especially this week( i won’t lie i really wanted to kill myself monday and tuesday and made sure i wasn’t alone so as not to). And further more my mother has now been hospitalized for a botched surgery in Mexico as of 1am this morning. If I’m being honest, i think she’s really lucky to have made it back alive due to various health factors she has, on top of apparently bleeding nonstop for the drive back home. like to put into perspective… her car seat looks like a murder scene and the blood is so soaked into it, it will not come out.
talks of surgery to close her up properly are in the talks, but they did find a complication with her kidney being damaged on top of the other mess. like i said… a lot of health issues and complications and it’s… not a good time.she’s high risk for a few things. i won’t lie, my relationship with her is strained, but she’s still my mom and i still nearly broke down more than once today at the thought of possibly losing her. so for various and obvious reasons, i will not be active. i’ll be on discord or around, but to say the least… i need a fucking break and this added rpc bs isn’t going to help. so i am taking a much needed break. like i said, you are welcome to msg me during this time and so on, i’ll welcome distractions but otherwise, i’ll see ya’ll in a few weeks or months. if you read this, thanks for understanding and i hope to see you when i return. stay safe.
Giving my new whumpee the same pronouns as me because I can
Hy/hym is pronounced the same as he/him
– tw;; dehumanisation, robot whumpee, (mentioned) multiple whumpees, multiple whumpers, captivity whump, blood mention, mentioned violence, future punishment –
Kai groaned, warm blood staining hys gloves as hy impatiently ripped them off. The continues beeping from the smoke detector added to their annoyance, ringing loudly in hys still working ear.
“I’ll go deaf on both sides at this rate.” Hy muttered to themselves.
They used a small knocked over table as stepping stool as hy broke the alarm with a firm punch. Muffled shouts echoed through the empty hallways, one of the captives getting dragged back to its cell by two guards. Kai readjusted the metal covering their lower arm, making sure all wires were in the right place before snatching hys gloves off the ground and following them. Catching up with the guards wasn’t an issue with how much they got slowed down by the struggling captive. Hy trailed behind them silently until they reached their destination, where Kai turned to leave. A hand on hys shoulder stopped them in their tracks.
“The kid’s run off again. If you don’t find her before boss comes back I’m blaming it on you.”
Hy nodded, clenching their hand around the gloves hy was still holding. Hy marched off before he could say another word to them. Hy didn’t look to where they were going, and hy didn’t need to, having the layout of the lab laid out like a map in hys brain. And, Mika never went beyond the parking lot at the times she did go out, making the job of finding her easy. It was more a matter of finding her in time. Hy scanned the dark hallways at every turn, noting down every splatter of blood and stray equipment as something to clean later. Unsurprisingly, hy found her sitting on the roof behind the loud generator nobody came near, if they came up at all.
“Mika.”
She yelped, head whipping to the side. “Kai,” she breathed. “What is it?”
“You’ve been here too long. I’ll escort you back down.” They stuck their hand out for her to take.
Mika reached out for hys other wrist instead, uncurling hys fingers to pry the bloodied gloves out. She studied them momentarily, then glanced over hys body and shook her head. “I can return by myself. Please, go to the medical bay to get your wounds treated.”
“Understood.”
Despite her command, Kai kept a close eye on her all the way until the second floor, where she would depart to her own room. They stood in place for as long as they could see her, swiftly turning and hopping down the next flight of stairs. Hy rarely visited the medical bay, they only went on her request when she insisted hy needed the assistance. They never understood why, but didn’t dare to defy a human’s command. The first — and only — time they had made an attempt to explain why it wasn’t necessary she simply frowned and dragged hym there by hys arm. Master found out quickly, and the punishment they received afterwards rendered the trip useless.
“Doctor.”
“Is it important? Do you have my deliveries?” The doctor remained focused on cleaning another guard’s wounds.
“I do not but will bring them once they arrive. I was sent here by Mika.”
“That kid again? Tell her that you’ll be fine, robots are meant to take damage. I don’t want to see you here again unless you’re dying.”
“Yes, doctor.”
Kai left as quickly as hy could, mentally going through the list of things that needed to be dealt with. They felt sweat slowly roll down their face, which they felt was warmer then usual. Hy brushed it off, making their way down to the boss’ office to report all that happened. An influx of pain shot through hys nerves, barely containing a surprised gasp as they stumbled.
“What the hell..” They muttered, swallowing dryly.
Hys eyes darted around to make sure no one would see, slowly tracing hys thumb down their side until they hit the injury hidden behind cloth. That was another thing hy needed to remember for later. They briefly considered turning off the pain receptors, but it would lead to terrible punishment if Master found out. Hy pushed away the thought and hurriedly continued walking before someone would catch hym doing nothing. They passed very little people on hys way to the boss, most ignoring their presence and few giving them a nod.
“Mika ran off again?”
Kai hadn’t stepped foot into the boss’ office before he spoke up. “Yes, sir. She did.”
“And you didn’t stop her?”
“I wasn’t aware that she had gone off on her own again. There was—”
Bolts of electricity moved through their spine, cutting hym off.
“That’s not what I asked.” He grinned, loosely holding a small remote.
Hy took a deep breath. “I failed to do my duty and stop her, sir.”
“Correct.”
Kai licked their lips anxiously, clasping hys hands together to stop them from shaking. The movement only drew the boss’ attention to them, staring hym down coldly. They shifted slightly on their feet, hoping to get the lecture over with.
“I can’t help but feel that you’ve been doing worse and worse lately,” He commented. “I mean look at you! Can’t stand still properly, can’t answer questions correctly and,”
He leaned forward on his desk. “Can’t get through one attack without getting severely wounded.”
Hy remained silent, scared of how shaky hys voice would sound if they spoke.
“I need you to take note of all the damage caused to the left wing, scout for any survivors, and then return back to your room. I’m sending you back to your engineer tomorrow.”
“..Yes, sir.” Hy nodded.
Kai went through the commands in the order given, wandering around the left wing and noting down everything hy saw while keeping an eye out for anyone else. They instinctively reached for the hilt of hys knife hearing footsteps behind them. Mika stepped back in a flinch, raising her hands in submission.
“It’s just me, Kai.” She laughed, making hym relax.
“I’m sorry. Why are you here?”
“Oh! I cleaned your gloves for you, and was trying to find you to give them back.” She practically shoved them at hym, allowing hym to put them back on. They were still lightly damp from being washed, but hy didn’t mention it. At least the majority of stains were out.
“Thank you.” Kai bowed.
“Ah don’t worry, it’s nothing. And, um, could you maybe help me with training again? It’s just.. Easier when I’m doing it with you.” Mika played with her hair as she chuckled.
Hy nodded. “Of course. Although, I will be gone for an unspecified amount of time starting tomorrow. Your father will know more then me.”
She stopped her fidgeting. “Really?.. Hm, okay. I’ll ask pa about it later. Ah, I’ll- I don’t wanna hold you up any more, you can continue on with what you were doing.”
Hy watched her run off quickly, seemingly in a hurry to get somewhere. They rubbed a hand over their face, breathing a hefty sigh. Hy felt hys shirt sticking to their back, wet and sticky with sweat. The awful pain in their side came back, urging hym to call it quits and return to hys room. They had already covered the majority of damage, and doubted anybody would be left alive under the rubbish. Hy could take the punishment for whatever they missed later, right now they just wanted to sleep.
They don’t tell you this much, but life will be gross sometimes and that’s okay.
It’s okay when you discover that you aren’t immune to it all, because no one else is either.
At some point you will likely have to deal with some kind of infestation like mice or bedbugs or termites or roaches or rats or ants or ladybugs or wasps. At some point you will have smelly, gross medical problems or you will have to help someone else who does. At some point there will probably be mold in your fridge and you will have to clean it up. You may encounter carpet that smells and can’t quite be cleaned the whole way. Or damp walls that grow weird fungus or black mold, and you might have to move apartments or rebuild part of your house to fix it. If you have pets or children, or if you find old people or disabled people close to you at some point in your life, or even just become old or disabled yourself, you will have to deal with cleaning up poop and urine from clothes and beds and floors and anything else. There will be vomit in your life, and clogged drains, and pet hair, and infections. You may have to learn how to get blood stains out of a sofa or a sweater or a floor. You may have to deal with dead animals. You may have to buy some rubber gloves.
These things can be disheartening. But the important thing is to remember that this is basic evidence of being alive. Alive people clean up. Alive people try again. Alive people see a mess and make it better. Alive people make order out of chaos. Alive people engage in ultimately doomed but still necessary battle against entropy. You’re alive. That’s enough. You’ve got this and you’ll be okay. I believe in you.
in which we have bad coping mechanisms
1.
and everything is happening at once, and you feel it all at once, and you feel
too strongly, feel all of it too strongly. and you don’t know how to feel about that.
2.
you look at your hometown and want to cry,
want to get up and run and become an urban legend,
become something that lives on greyhound buses and throws empty bottles
away in trash cans outside train stations.
you look at your hometown and want to cry in spite of all that,
because you love your mother and love the house you grew up in,
and you love the friends you leaned on in high school,
and you love the way music sounded sitting and looking out your window.
3.
you’re here and you’re feeling it all too strongly, as if you’ll explode
if you have to feel it one more moment, as if you’ll scream
until your throat’s raw, spit up some blood and maybe a tooth along with it,
because you were always drawn to things with rough hands and furrowed brows.
you look at the way the light in the alley reflects off a puddle on the asphalt
and then look at how their hands are snaking up your sides and
you wonder how the hell you managed to get here with this stranger,
what you’re doing outside a sketchy bar past midnight. when did you leave home?
4.
you don’t know what you want. you’ve never known what you want
if we’re being honest, and why wouldn’t we be honest? this is your confessional after all,
so bare your soul to me here, bare it all, put it all out on the table and let’s stare it down,
because sometimes the flesh gets in the way of the feelings and you need to strip it all away.
i heard someone say once that suffering feels like religion if you do it right.
i don’t know about that, but i know that good or bad, it feels like i’m doing something right
when i’m raw and bare and there’s a little blood in my mouth.
so here, let’s bare it all here and now, consequences be damned.
self-destruction feels holy if you do it right.
dirty/holy
their fingertips trace patterns up your sides and oh, you swear that you could just die right there and then if it would mean that they would continue touching you. you twist your fingers around their arms, then pull yourself away when you see bruises starting to form there. at night you turn into all mouths and dirty hands and shaking, always shaking. when did you become dirtied like this?
they’ll have had a bad day and you’ll massage their back and there’s a split second where you think you can feel wings poking from beneath the skin, then another, and another. their kisses are feather-light, and you’re reminded of lucifer and how his wings disintegrated during his plummet into hell, watching the plumage his father had crafted so carefully floating away above him and slowly becoming smaller. when did that love disappear?
at night you’re woken by their cries, the pain returning in their palms. once, you thought you and they were alike; but their pain didn’t come from blood and dirt and teeth like yours did, but rather trying to save, save, save, and though the calluses faded, the ache still remains. you shake them awake to try and comfort them as they pull their hands protectively against their chest, and you fantasize about driving nails through your own palms.
how do you become holy again?
on the train ride home your vision falls into greyscale. instead of people you see leather and velvet, warmth and wildfire. a tall figure with burnt skin and a bone-white smile and perfectly human eyes taps you on the shoulder. i can help you, he says. there’s nothing wrong with you, you justaren’t quite what you need to be yet.i can help you if you’ll just let it go, he says, and a soft hand caresses your cheek. i can help you fall into this like you’re meant to. you never thought the devil’s hands could be so soft.
repent, repent, repent. you sink into the word until it’s all that you can feel, and you hate it. repentance? it doesn’t exist; not for you, at least, you with your scabs and skin and mud. how could you ever be deserving of it? you, standing here at this crossroads?
but then they touch you, and you want to melt into them until all their purity and all their light and all their cleanliness wipes away your dirt and wear and blood. sometimes you’re afraid that when they do, there won’t be anything left of you; how could there be anything else to you but this?
fingers under your chin, under your jaw, tilting your head up to look them in the eye. a gentleness there that you could never hope to mimic, though you prayed to until praying disgusted you. their feather-light fingertips journeying along your broken collarbone to rest over your heart. for the first time in years, you pray, and ask that they can’t feel its beat beneath your flesh.
i can help you become holy again, they say. and you let them.
me: * paints blood splatters on almost every single piece of art she makes* a e s t h e t i c
Imagine instead of losing a set of wings, one set of Lucifer’s wings were permanently clipped. Imagine the permanent reminder he has, instead of scars he could cover, he has a set of useless wings. The primary feathers are clipped, to signify he is flightless or at least with that set of wings. But he can’t hide these wings, he is constantly reminded of who and what he was and what he lost.
What if said wings were already clipped, and out of sheer wrath and rage, Lucifer cut them off….. yet somehow, they grow back again…. and again…. and again…. with searing hot pain surging out of the place they’ve always been….
And they aren’t like the other two pairs of beautiful wings….
They’re hideous, ugly, bony wings….. often dripping blood, giving off smoke…..
Lucifer would be stubborn about it and ritual cuts off the regrow. He very rarely lets it grow but it’s seems like the more he cuts them the quicker they grow back so he is in a painfully cycle. Now he can truly look like a demon from humans’ worst nightmares.
He is the Avatar of Pride but he takes no pride in these wings, they are horrendous. He tries not to let Diavolo or his brothers see them. (Probably only Mammon, Diavolo and Barbatos knows of these wings)
Imagine if they got more painful every time he tries and remove them and he begs for Diavolo/Barbatos/Mammon to hold him down and remove them. To not let him up until they are removed. Imagine the screams and begging.
Mammon would make sure Lucifer had tea or some sort of cream he can use when they start to grow back in. Diavolo always offers to try to use magic and Barbatos is more than willing to find a solution. But Lucifer always reject Diavolos and Barbatos offers, he was the one that caused it. He deserves the pain and the suffering.
Enter MC, the sweetest little thing, and accidentally sees Lucifer during one of the times when he’s desperately trying to remove these wings….
She cries, her face buried in his back.
As her tears fall, these wings recede painlessly into his back where they once grew out from, the hollow slit now faded as though they had never existed.
Yet, the other two sets now look bigger, and with more length.
The dull black feathers are now like black diamonds, their tips like rubies….
If Lucifer didn’t think MC was an angel, he thinks so now. Something so horrendous heaped by a human seems impossible, so it must be impossible that MC is human. Lucifer doesn’t necessarily lose sleep over it but he definitely researches why this happened. Even Barbatos and Diavolo are surprised. Maybe one day he will figure out why MC’s tears was able to “heal” him. Maybe that’s when he realizes that MC has loved and cared for him for a long time at this point.
MC asks to see his back occasionally to check to make sure it’s okay, pressing gentle kisses and caressing his back. Taking time to work out any knots MC finds and making sure Lucifer feels taken care of and loved by the end of it.
MC complimenting and pointing out how Lucifer’s wings look different. Which causes him to blush but also fuel his pride. It’s because of MC, Lucifer can enjoy and take pride in his demon form and he is forever grateful.
Imagine instead of losing a set of wings, one set of Lucifer’s wings were permanently clipped. Imagine the permanent reminder he has, instead of scars he could cover, he has a set of useless wings. The primary feathers are clipped, to signify he is flightless or at least with that set of wings. But he can’t hide these wings, he is constantly reminded of who and what he was and what he lost.
What if said wings were already clipped, and out of sheer wrath and rage, Lucifer cut them off….. yet somehow, they grow back again…. and again…. and again…. with searing hot pain surging out of the place they’ve always been….
And they aren’t like the other two pairs of beautiful wings….
They’re hideous, ugly, bony wings….. often dripping blood, giving off smoke…..
Lucifer would be stubborn about it and ritual cuts off the regrow. He very rarely lets it grow but it’s seems like the more he cuts them the quicker they grow back so he is in a painfully cycle. Now he can truly look like a demon from humans’ worst nightmares.
He is the Avatar of Pride but he takes no pride in these wings, they are horrendous. He tries not to let Diavolo or his brothers see them. (Probably only Mammon, Diavolo and Barbatos knows of these wings)
Imagine if they got more painful every time he tries and remove them and he begs for Diavolo/Barbatos/Mammon to hold him down and remove them. To not let him up until they are removed. Imagine the screams and begging.
Mammon would make sure Lucifer had tea or some sort of cream he can use when they start to grow back in. Diavolo always offers to try to use magic and Barbatos is more than willing to find a solution. But Lucifer always reject Diavolos and Barbatos offers, he was the one that caused it. He deserves the pain and the suffering.
there’s been an accident im afraid
Nikolai: Sorry, I don’t care.
Sigma: I’M BLEEDING!
Nikolai: You’ll be fine, sleep it off.
Health Post (not content)
Hey all! Here’s a general update on my health.
CW I will be discussing health issues, possible malpractice, drug addiction, blood mention, pregnancy, and derealization.
Let’s start with the more “concerning” of the two. Certain symptoms are reminiscent of Cholestasis in my liver which, if severe enough, means I’ll have to deliver my child a month early. Along with that it’s caused manic itching and made me scratch until bleeding. It was rather alarming to look down and see I’d unconsciously mutilated my legs. Oops. ;;
Second point requires some backstory. About 6 years ago I was put on a “non-addictive” sleep aid as a treatment for my insomnia. The problem with this is that I’ve been taking this medicine daily for SIX YEARS, UNINTERRUPTED. There was hardly any dose changes from the medium dose I took, despite my weight fluctuating. Well, when you’re pregnant, your OB will want to reduce the amount of medication you’re on so baby isn’t also effected by it.
Despite this medicine being “non addictive”, I used to go into seizures and fainting spells when I would be abruptly taken off of it. Basically, it’s addictive and it being non addictive is only a sometimes thing depending on who it is.
The past few nights I decided to listen to the good ol doc and quit my medicine as he requested. The first day was fine, albeit, I slept restlessly and had episodes of derealization. It’s nothing too bad and the drug would be out of my system soon, yeah?
Wrong. Day two I woke up after not remembering going to sleep. My husband had just come home and greeted me cheerfully and I literally sat there. I didn’t know who he was, nor that I was married. Even more jarring, I did not know I was pregnant and looking down to see I’m VERY VISIBLY PREGNANT caused me to lock up so bad I went non-verbal. This continued for three hours. Three hours of waking up trembling, crying when he got too close, and being unable to speak. I thought towards the end that I had finally had the stroke my doctors warned might be in my future. Finally I was able to remember everything up until that point.
Now for those of you who are saying “So what? Just post the fic on time” I’d like to clarify that if I couldn’t remember my spouse and kept having lapses in memory, I certainly could not remember much about Genshin Impact (a game I recently got into.) I know a lot of you have common sense to not ask that question but just in case, I’d like to cover my bases. This isn’t targeting anyone btw I just made this comment to clarify I couldn’t remember something as important as if Zhongli was Geo or Pyro. Or that Cryo meant ice. I thought Anemo was a misspelling of anime for a minute and that was probably the funniest thing that happened.
Following up, I’ll be getting both blood work for problem A and a CT scan/MRI for problem B. Let’s hope for the best. ^^
Vampires
Oct. 9th Prompt: Into the woods/Love at first bite
Character(s): 2P!Denmark (Mikkel Winther), vampire!1P!Sweden (Berwald Oxenstierna)
The scent of the Dane’s blood made Berwald’s stomach growl. He couldn’t do anything about it at the moment due to the fact that not only is there people around, but they’re in a hospital and they’re currently operating on someone that had been in a terrible car crash. Mikkel had brought him in so he could tell the others what the person’s blood type is. Wasn’t the Swede’s fault that Mikkel had accidentally but his lip hard enough to draw blood during it and that was all Berwald could smell.
After the operation was done, Mikkel took off the extra things he had put on for the operation and put them either in the laundry bin or the trash. Berwald had joined him. Mikkel raised a hand to his lip and looked to see blood.
“That’s just great,” he said. “Now I need a tissue.” “I have a better idea,” Berwald said. Leaning down, Berwald pressed a kiss to the doctor’s lips, drawing the lower lip into his mouth. This brought a look of surprise to Mikkel’s face, more so when a tongue licked his lip. Red spread across Mikkel’s cheeks. After a bit, Berwald pulled back and smiled a bit. Purple eyes look at the vampire. “How was it?” Mikkel asked. “Sweet,” Berwald said. “Just like it smells. Just like you.” “I, hah… thanks,” Mikkel managed to get out. No one had said that about him before, so that’s a first. “Want to come over to my place later?” Berwald smiled more. “Sure.”
Later on. after work and after Mikkel had changed outfits, there was a knock on the door. When he answered, there was Berwald standing there. The Danish doctor smiled and invited the Swedish vampire inside. Berwald walked in with a slight smile. He looked around as he walked to the living room. The house wasn’t that big, but it was enough for one maybe two people to live in. Bright blue eyes notice something on the counter leading to the kitchen, so he went to check it out. Oh, it’s one of the bags doctors use to store blood in. And it looks like it’s full of blood. Seeing this, Berwald’s stomach rumbled.
“Go ahead,” Mikkel said. “I got that just for you.” Berwald looked at the other. “Really?” Mikkel nodded. “Yeah, heard your stomach rumble at work so I had some of my blood drawn just for you.” Berwald smiled and opened the bag, putting the opening to his mouth and drinking from it. A soft kiss was soon pressed to Berwald’s cheek. “And that’s for earlier.”
RP COMMUNITY, LUNA NEEDS HELP.
hi guys! i’m here to talk about my cat, luna. she’s been with me for one year now and i cannot be more happy that i adopted her. these past two days she’s not been able to pee in her litter box and her symptoms are very similar to an urine infection (and i sadly saw her peeing bl00d today).
i want to help her and take her to the vet, but i don’t have money to pay for it since the money i get from my “work” (and my gifs) usually goes to buy food and house needs. if you want to help her, my ko-fi is linked in the source link. just one dollar helps me out a lot. thank you for reading.
for everyone who wants to help but have trust issues with this kind of posts, here’s a picture of her (she stays like this when i go to the bathroom)
if you want to help but can’t spend money, reblog this, please!
