→a/n: merry (super super super belated) christmas! please enjoy getting fucked by the christmas devil himself <3 life nearly beheaded me but that’s adulthood for you. anyway, hope you beautiful nerds don’t mind me back on my usual kinky bullshits lol now to disappear back inside my grave…
→summary: be careful what you wish for. it might just come true…
→rating: explicit nsfw, noncon, horror →pairing: krampus x fem!reader →warnings:noncon, gore, vomit, deaths, implied abusive family relationships, abuse, implied past child abuse, drug induced amnesia →kinks/tags: thighjob, aphrodisiac/sex pollen, rough sex, breeding kink, impregnation, size difference, big dick, inhuman/monster dick, inaccurate anatomy, stomach bulge, tetraphilia, exophilia →word count: 7.8k, edited by @watch-out-for-them
source | unknown
please do not feature/use my works without my explicit permission
-this may also be allergy and doesn’t fucking work
I am in so much pain. I already threw up. Heating pad isn’t working (and last resort. It sometimes relaxes to relieve pain…but then I bleed more. A lot more. Like in 1-4 hrs that should be 6+)
[Image ID: A series of tweets from the account @ jigsaw_quotes (saw quotes). The tweets are as follows:
Tweet 1: “Hello Samantha. There is no way out of this trap. Die.” (posted via Twitter for iPhone, 6:32, 17 Jan 21)
Tweet 2: “Congratulations Judy, you passed my tests. You truly do appreciate life. There’s one last room. Don’t worry there aren’t any more traps, just an optional survey. As a puzzle designer I’m always trying to improve my traps, and your honest feedback would be greatly appreciated. [blushing emoji]” (posted via Twitter for Android, 0:41, 01 Feb 21)
Tweet 3: “Hello Jennifer. If this isn’t Jennifer please disregard and move on to the next cassette tape.” (posted via Twitter for iPhone, 3:34, 31 Jan 21)
Tweet 4: “OH MY GOD did you just cut that guy’s chest open? I said the key was inside his stomach, you just had to make him throw up using the smelly socks, where did you get that knife??? is he ok? is he dead?? I’m gonna call 911 idk what to do oh my god oh no this isn’t happening” (posted via Twitter for Android, 17:26, 26 Jan 21)
Tweet 5: “Before you is a bomb. I, uh. I actually didn’t notice that when I was putting you in there earlier. You might want to take care of that before we start.” (posted via Twitter for iPhone, 0:16, 24 Jan 21)
Tweet 6: “Congratulations Peter, you solved that test in under 5 minutes and unlocked the Secret Treat Room. There’s no traps in here, just a bowl of Reece’s Pieces. Go ahead and relax in here for as long as you like.” (posted via Twitter for Android, 17:21, 23 Jan 21)
Tweet 7: “Hello Jeff Bezos,” (posted via Twitter Web App, 23:13, 02 Feb 21)
They don’t tell you this much, but life will be gross sometimes and that’s okay.
It’s okay when you discover that you aren’t immune to it all, because no one else is either.
At some point you will likely have to deal with some kind of infestation like mice or bedbugs or termites or roaches or rats or ants or ladybugs or wasps. At some point you will have smelly, gross medical problems or you will have to help someone else who does. At some point there will probably be mold in your fridge and you will have to clean it up. You may encounter carpet that smells and can’t quite be cleaned the whole way. Or damp walls that grow weird fungus or black mold, and you might have to move apartments or rebuild part of your house to fix it. If you have pets or children, or if you find old people or disabled people close to you at some point in your life, or even just become old or disabled yourself, you will have to deal with cleaning up poop and urine from clothes and beds and floors and anything else. There will be vomit in your life, and clogged drains, and pet hair, and infections. You may have to learn how to get blood stains out of a sofa or a sweater or a floor. You may have to deal with dead animals. You may have to buy some rubber gloves.
These things can be disheartening. But the important thing is to remember that this is basic evidence of being alive. Alive people clean up. Alive people try again. Alive people see a mess and make it better. Alive people make order out of chaos. Alive people engage in ultimately doomed but still necessary battle against entropy. You’re alive. That’s enough. You’ve got this and you’ll be okay. I believe in you.
Y'all wanna hear some short stories? Okay here goes on from when I was in 4th grade. Be advised this features vom*t.
tldr: I was thrown up on during my 4th-grade graduation ceremony thing
We were doing this little graduation ceremony on stage of the lunchroom and my classmate’s parents and whatnot were there watching. We were singing Twinkle twinkle little star or something and while I’m doing the hand motions for that I feel something drip on the back of my ankle. Thinking nothing of it I wipe it off with my other foot. Next thing I know the boy behind me throws up on me ew. I sent to the nurse to cleaned up and a fresh pair of clothes. When my parents came and got me my teacher had the audacity to tell me I did a terrible job like what’s your problem.
This next story was when I was in fifth grade. Be advised this features blood.
tldr: I was traumatized by my blood-stained shorts
I wore a pair of khaki shorts that day and when through my daily fifth-grade routine. I went to school, did my work, played with my best guy friend Benjamin at the playground(I think that was his name), and switched classes next door. I rode carpool so at the end of the day my mom comes and picks me up, we ride home, and while I get out the car my mom said I had a stain on my shorts and I was like okay let me change them. I get to the room, remove my shorts & guess what? There was a bloodstain on the back of my shorts and I was so traumatized I never khaki shorts again. Seriously. To this day I only wear dark-colored shorts/pants and if I wear anything lighter I make sure I’m not going anywhere.
the firm but gentle back rub with one hand when whumpee is throwing up or dry heaving over the ground, toilet, etc., and the other hand is holding their hair back.
there’s just something so sweet and comforting and intimate about it :’)
*screams into pillow*
I just adore it. and I mean, if by chance at times it’s the whumper administering this “comfort” instead of caretaker, I mean…….. I will not turn my nose up at it
Halfway through an 11 hour bus trip home after an exhausting few days in my hometown… Excited to sleep forever
Our very last bus was supposed to board at 4:20……. Its 5 n it still hasnt shown up
Guuuuessssss who was a badass and made a bus driver pull over after he ignored the whole bus screaming at him for 45 minutes
Our last bus was late almost two hours and the women running the station were being absolutely terrible to those asking questions. People started going out into the bus only area to ask workers since no one was giving us updates. after a while we get news that ‘something was wrong with the first bus n that they were getting a new one’
Bus shows up and the driver is just being mean and snappy but finally we get on and start heading to the stop before ours. (fawn and their mom almost got barreled bc people were rushing to find a seat since the bus was cramped.) Its pretty uneventful until literally as we are turning out of the second bus station
A woman (who was 2 seats behind the driver) got violently sick all over the man across from her. Everyone started screaming and she exclaimed it was the 3rd time that day. This poor guy was absolutely covered. The bus driver, i kid you not, ignored EVERYONE screaming at him to pull over, call an ambulance, clean up the giant mess. He ignored an entire bus shouting to each other and scrambling for masks and gum and anything to cover the terrible smell.
I stood up and gave everyone gum. And the driver continued to drive to our stop for 45 MINUTES when he literally could have just taken one turn to go back to the station
After 40 minutes of just suffering and no one standing up i got up, covered my already masked face with my sweater, and went up front to make the driver listen. He was a total jerk and tried telling me “he didnt know” when the smell was literally the strongest right by him. No to mention people had been yelling right at him not a foot away. he kept bitching about how “ma’am (first off fuck u) if ur not gonna be a part of the solution dont add to the problem” like we all hadnt been sitting in this nightmare for nearly an hour before i got the nerve to yell at him.
only after i demanded he listen did he find a spot to pull over, clean up, and call that poor woman an ambulance. ended up spending the last little money i had (meant for my phone bill) to get us an uber home because there was no way we could have gotten back on that bus
Me anytime I get surgery: I’m scared I’m going to say something embarrassing or reveal a secret when I’m on anesthesia…
Me every single time I’m on anesthesia: AAA I’M GETTING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS *falls asleep*
(This is queued to be posted while I’m in surgery)
I was expecting to be all silly this time but I wasn’t, still druggy but not silly, so I came out of anesthesia and once everyone left I was like mom my vagina hurts and got scared I’d somehow started my period even though I don’t menstruate.
Using this as my top recovery thread. Everything went well but a lot of anesthesia ended up in my right hand so it’s very dumb and also the thing that made my urethra hurt (not my vagina, apparently) is making me not be able to pee so just chugging water. Food at hospital is really good tho
Turns out anesthesia can interfere with your ability to urinate. Even sort of describing that would be very graphic so not going to.
Had a temp nurse who didn’t really know what I was there for and asked if I could use the urinal *fist pumps in victory*
Came home yesterday, able to type on short bursts when painkillers are in effect but not a ton of activity
This was going to be a funny thread and I’d do a serious one later but I forgot the antibiotics I took with my t last year fucked up my stomach so one pill yesterday reset a lot of the progress
Eating is kind of an ordeal but others find it funny. I have a small mouth, big teeth, and a jaw that doesn’t work right so my caretakers try to mash food into my mouth while I’m just kind of lying there like a wet noodle and they all find it hilarious.
Also had this conversation-
My mom: you’re bleeding
Me: no that was a strawberry
Her: no, you’re having a nosebleed.
Me: I literally can’t bleed from there. That was a strawberry
Later
Her: *watching the same thing happen* oh
Me: see????
Day five and I’ve now gotten through most of the hard bits and I’m now lying here wondering where my nipples are
Me anytime I get surgery: I’m scared I’m going to say something embarrassing or reveal a secret when I’m on anesthesia…
Me every single time I’m on anesthesia: AAA I’M GETTING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS *falls asleep*
(This is queued to be posted while I’m in surgery)
I was expecting to be all silly this time but I wasn’t, still druggy but not silly, so I came out of anesthesia and once everyone left I was like mom my vagina hurts and got scared I’d somehow started my period even though I don’t menstruate.
Using this as my top recovery thread. Everything went well but a lot of anesthesia ended up in my right hand so it’s very dumb and also the thing that made my urethra hurt (not my vagina, apparently) is making me not be able to pee so just chugging water. Food at hospital is really good tho
Turns out anesthesia can interfere with your ability to urinate. Even sort of describing that would be very graphic so not going to.
Had a temp nurse who didn’t really know what I was there for and asked if I could use the urinal *fist pumps in victory*
Came home yesterday, able to type on short bursts when painkillers are in effect but not a ton of activity
This was going to be a funny thread and I’d do a serious one later but I forgot the antibiotics I took with my t last year fucked up my stomach so one pill yesterday reset a lot of the progress
Eating is kind of an ordeal but others find it funny. I have a small mouth, big teeth, and a jaw that doesn’t work right so my caretakers try to mash food into my mouth while I’m just kind of lying there like a wet noodle and they all find it hilarious.
Also had this conversation-
My mom: you’re bleeding
Me: no that was a strawberry
Her: no, you’re having a nosebleed.
Me: I literally can’t bleed from there. That was a strawberry
Me anytime I get surgery: I’m scared I’m going to say something embarrassing or reveal a secret when I’m on anesthesia…
Me every single time I’m on anesthesia: AAA I’M GETTING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS *falls asleep*
(This is queued to be posted while I’m in surgery)
I was expecting to be all silly this time but I wasn’t, still druggy but not silly, so I came out of anesthesia and once everyone left I was like mom my vagina hurts and got scared I’d somehow started my period even though I don’t menstruate.
Using this as my top recovery thread. Everything went well but a lot of anesthesia ended up in my right hand so it’s very dumb and also the thing that made my urethra hurt (not my vagina, apparently) is making me not be able to pee so just chugging water. Food at hospital is really good tho
Turns out anesthesia can interfere with your ability to urinate. Even sort of describing that would be very graphic so not going to.
Had a temp nurse who didn’t really know what I was there for and asked if I could use the urinal *fist pumps in victory*
Came home yesterday, able to type on short bursts when painkillers are in effect but not a ton of activity
This was going to be a funny thread and I’d do a serious one later but I forgot the antibiotics I took with my t last year fucked up my stomach so one pill yesterday reset a lot of the progress
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