I’m a bi WOC, and I think that’s the first time I’ve introduced myself as such. Not because I’m ashamed or afraid. I’m lucky that so many activists and leaders have come before me to put in the work and the fight to allow me to feel so free to be who I am.
It never occurred to me to introduce myself by diversity dimensions until very recently when I realized everyone was doing it. It’s a privilege to not have to think of my race and sexuality at the forefront of my identity. I acknowledge that.
But, I have never felt like the communities have had a place for me. Many think I’m “white passing” and obviously, L is a man. It’s othering. I’m biracial and bisexual. Where the hell do I fit?
I’m figuring it all out. I’d rather unpack it with a therapist than with a community. But I feel pressure to announce myself. I know I don’t need to - but god, I feel the pressure. Because I want to belong.
And I don’t know how.
Because I don’t know how to talk about the way my cultural background was used to justify years of abuse when I was a child. I don’t share how I spent my teenage years trying to erase the parts of me that aren’t white.
And I’ll admit, I find it difficult to talk about the women I’ve dated. The amazing girl I’m involved with now.
Because it feels deeply personal. All of this feels so fucking personal. And I haven’t decided how much the world deserves to know about my life.
Even when I talk about L on my blog… it’s just a small window into our lives. It’s raw and honest, but it’s a fraction of our lives together.
This post is a mess. But I think I’m trying to say: it’s easier to show you my nude body than to show you my soul.
But sometimes sharing my messy stream of consciousness helps. So here’s a peek into my soul and the pieces of me that I’m trying to untangle. I’m a bi WOC, but it’s hardly the first thing you should know about me.
The cool thing about art for YOU rather than a fandom or likes ( although greatly appreciated and helpful), is that even when it flops, it doesn’t affect its value for you. My new ran piece may have flopped in numbers but it still is one of my best works and i’m incredibly happy with it
Home stretch babies. Just have to go through scene five.
I hate my perfectionist ass. I’ve rewritten like two acts twice. That’s why I’m taking forever. Sorry, people.
oh, also, I’m at 5k+ word mark.
HAHAHAHA U guys ready?
7K+ words. I think some priming needs to be done. M9 will be a whole lot Selene X reader than Lou X Reader. I’m sorry, I know you came for Lou. you can skip M9 if you want but I think it’s integral to the whole plot.
Also before you kill me for making you wait forever then saying it’s a Selene X reader chapter. please remember, this is the face of Selene.
You know, I think the biggest difference between RoboMay and Melinda is really just the talking.
Melinda doesn’t push, she doesn’t pry. (Maybe sometimes, when it’s for a mission or something). Other people give her information, or she figures things out in her head without asking. She almost always keeps her thoughts/questions to herself.
Which, by the way, I think is anothergreat yin-yang aspect she has with Phil. Phil is constantly asking questions out loud. It’s how he thinks (i.e., the Tai Chi scene). He also pokes and prods and pushes people until they give him an answer. Phil and Melinda balance each other out that way. I’m not sure Melinda would have ever told Phil about seeing him when she died, except that he kept dogging her about it. RoboMay, on the other hand, DOES ask questions frequently and pushes for answers. About missions and information (especially about the Darkhold, of course), but also when it comes to Phil (which makes sense, because whether she knows it or not, she IS on a mission, so she naturally pushes).
I think the biggest distinction between them is not that Melinda doesn’t think/feel the same way as RoboMay, but that with Melinda, there’s always something holding her back from actually sayingit. That’s why I’ve always headcanoned that Phil would have to be the one to cross the boundary in their relationship, because Melinda won’t do it–unless maybe she KNOWS he feels the same way. I don’t think Melinda would have told Phil to “start taking chances” the way RoboMay did, nor do I think she would have told him about going to Ireland together (at least not so obviously)–and not because she doesn’t wantto say it, not because she doesn’t feel the same, but because she would stop herself from saying it.
RoboMay’s programming, on the other hand, lets her overcomeMelinda’s apprehension/fear/whatever it is that holds her back. It removes that barrier that Melinda created in order to stay distanced from Phil just enough that they didn’t cross that line between friends/partners and lovers. That’s why things have been progressing so quickly between RoboMay and Phil, whereas he and Melinda have been moving at a slower pace since the beginning of the show, and most notably this season. That’s my theory, anyway.
I texted my husband that I was feeling extra bad today, and maybe I was dying. A few seconds later, I told him I wanted a croissant, and he replied - as your last meal? Consider it done.
Last TV Show: New Amsterdam. I binge-watched The Good Doctor (again), and now I moved on to this ♀️
Currently watching/listening to: NCAP Crash & Safety Tests
Currently reading: Mind maps for IT recruiters. I’m not in a mood, but next month is my turn to educate my colleagues, and that’s the only topic I know better than they do
Current obsession/hyperfixation: Can procrastination be an obsession? In my case, yes. Or maybe it’s a severe depression ♀️
I have no clue who to tag because I have no clue of what is going on here lately
Are all these music/band-related things in the trailer just an accident, or is EA “hinting” at what’s coming next? I may be just imagining things. Or maybe EA is trying to rub some salt on my wounds by showing stuff that I want but won’t get
When things get bad like this, and the world flips like this, I wake up and my blood feels like concrete and my bones feel like lead, and staying horizontal is painful and exhausting. The effort it would take to do anything other than sit here staring at my hands sounds awful.
will of the people is my favourite song off the new album but, like the other songs off this album, the lyrics are weak. i like the tune enough that i don’t mind, though. the refrain is SO catchy. like 90% of the video is trite but whatever is going on with the masks of their faces and the tearing down giant statues of their heads is compelling. i wonder where they’re going with that (if anywhere)
Being an anxious ENFP sucks because you’ve already planned out the possibilities, outcomes, and have everything prepared for something that might not happen, and you stay up at night wondering if you’ll die in your sleep from a plane crashing into your house at night.
