#worthless

Dear diary… (Trigger warning)

I’m not actively suicidal, and I haven’t been in a while.

But the thoughts are still there…

They still haunt me the same way they always have.

I guess after so many years of this… I’ve become sort of numb to it all.

My mind still wants me dead… And I know it’s only waiting for me to break down again.

Dear diary… (Trigger warning)

I guess my eating disorders are not as bad as before, but…

Food feels like some kind of threat to me now.

I’m afraid of not eating, because I’d end up going back to the same habit of fasting and trying to eat as little as I possibly can.

But I’m also afraid of eating, because I know at any moment I could end up binging, and then purging.

I hate both. And it’s so hard for me to find a middle ground…

Dear diary…

I can’t see well…

And now with a treatment the doctor gave me… I can’t hear well, either…

I swear I’m going insane now…