#writeallthewords
i last cut my hair when you were awake,
when hair hung below my ears but above my shoulders
ive had it grow long for years you have been gone
kept it around for the sake of our fate
an act of self-preservation i thought
or for what now seems as delusion.
ends split,
dead weight remained from the mess i became
i cut it off, like a noose to life
defying the odds
i restore my truth.
open wounds laid on the bed
safe for them to take their meds
open wounds make people cringe
too gruesome for them to understand
open wounds from a pen
bleed red
from delirious wolves who devoured the flesh
open wounds from your own head
written for all to live and say aloud instead
“As soon as I said it aloud, my chest caved in and all that was in my heart spilled and created my passage of suffering.”
- c.c // when i said you are gone
day breaks into new
for some to fly or fall;
you watch them scatter around trying to find their place in
fields of eight foot sunflowers or treacherous minefields
with their teeth out for the world to see they are happy
or expressionless to keep trespassers away;
you witness the madness in a new day
watching hope play mind games of her own
where sunrise is an imposter for change, and merely a chance for all
either to fly or to fall.
eyes weary
heart shaking
i see through the glass ceiling you’ve placed me under,
a lie telling me i’m capable of being the sun —
there’s no chance i could compare
when i remain enclosed in fear
to loosen my grip on my mind
because i know it would lie too
and tell me it’s my time to go
somewhere some fascinate,
somewhere you may hibernate.
wash us away and
like your body we sway
in and out of earthly light
then into travesties of night
i only see you in sleep,
where nothing is real
and time doesn’t exists
i’ll push you back to sea
so you can float with ease,
and become one with the waves.
you’ll crash at my feet again,
and tear my soul to shreds,
reminding me of the tragic truth,
of your existence never to be met.
i want to know how it is like to die,
maybe that would put me by your side
the worst manifestations of you come to me at times of peace
then i awake in a sweat chasing you through my dreams
you are a tease -
a bone and i am the dog
running, digging, wishing
do you wonder what goes on in my mind?
Always?
or from time to time?
fear held me by the throat
and I coughed up the hopes and dreams we said,
bloody red, dark and dead
gone for good,
never to be met or spoken of again.
shut eyelids feel like home when home is an abyss of lost hope.
where isolation feels secure,
and solitude is nourishment for the darkness.
“Last words that stung were the ones unsaid.”
mountain tops scream
urging to climb up to see the other side,
where Elsewhere may be -
where I may see the life you saw in me.
lights illuminating - blinding even,
I expect nothing less,
but you say more, a life worth dying for,
and now I feel like a deadly disease,
because you’re gone and no lights gleam.
- other side // c.c
“Light years away, yet you’re still stuck in my brain.”
- c.c
the rain you love washes the sorrows you left behind,
soaking the soil,
starting new life
- renewal // c.c
each detail once so defined seems to be falling out of mind,
breaking the image once prayed to in the silent ways of a blind heart
with a frail soul cracking like fault lines and the ruin holding silence that gravitates and pulls to recreate the mosaic of you
- my mechanism or your renewal // c.c
“The world tricks you into thinking there’s a limit to your existence, when in reality the world has no idea of the universes’ entirety.”
- c.c
“Look down the bottles neck and you’ll see what your life has been.”
- c.c
