#poetrypardy

i last cut my hair when you were awake,

when hair hung below my ears but above my shoulders

ive had it grow long for years you have been gone

kept it around for the sake of our fate

an act of self-preservation i thought

or for what now seems as delusion.

ends split,

dead weight remained from the mess i became

i cut it off, like a noose to life

defying the odds

i restore my truth.

we would talk about the rain

and wish it would pour on us for days

hope for long trips to sights

we’ve never seen before.

letting things slip,

the mind unravels what once was

right in front of us

but which now lays behind

with you beneath to only wish

on the possibility

of our dreams

being alive,

wherever you reside.

follow the shadows of the leafless trees

each route a different one

where a new life has sprung.

even in conditions of weariness

the shadows lead to

a place for you

to confide or to lose

everything you ever knew 

before stepping foot

in a path never took

you wander through the waves

but your body lays buried

and your philosophy decays

each day you attempt to salvage our moments

where our lips met or cursed

where our hands gripped or stayed loose

and though the past is over and done with

you’ve created waves to crash through my brain

where these moments leak to my mind

giving your philosophy new life

and you remain through the salvaged kisses and moments

until i join you for what is left of our voyage

day breaks into new

for some to fly or fall;

you watch them scatter around trying to find their place in

fields of eight foot sunflowers or treacherous minefields

with their teeth out for the world to see they are happy

or expressionless to keep trespassers away;

you witness the madness in a new day

watching hope play mind games of her own

where sunrise is an imposter for change, and merely a chance for all

either to fly or to fall.

i store sunshine in a jar

pour her out when i am alone

run her through my hair

drizzle her on clouds for all to see

from a far away place unknown.

i use her to dilute all infiltrations of you,

making what all was once dark blue

shine bright as if brand new

sway from one side to the other

dance like you’re on waves

cause a storm inside their brains

capture them in your tempest

you are the mastermind who tied all the ropes

that knots your fans captive,

wrapped them into a delusional frenzy

but you hope they survive to see another day

because they are now your eyes,

seizing another opportunity at life

but thinking with your mind;

they watch the rain fall and wish it would drown them away,

they become enigmatic

while you attempt to connect through them,

but it is too late.

they have indulged you whole and your nourishment awoke them to frames never known before,

ones not in your own arsenal.

out of touch you stay

watching your tempest take place

in a far away life now

emptying the bottle you despise

for its creation of the noose

that took you down.

conjure up from my mind,

fall onto the paper

spill out of my mouth,

be the mess that was left behind.

i’ll clean it up

fix you up

into the pristine, undented figurine

that watches loose ends unravel further

creating endless spells of tragedy

for all to feel

and for you to see silently.

got a grip

took some hits

had some doubt

spit that out

was in a daze

but it’s a fade

in my head

you are dead.

punched a wall

took a fall

down a drain

forever stained

caught my wrist

on the words i miss

that you took down

in the ground.

i won’t bloom

until i admit that i am okay

without you.

libraries are suppose to be silent

but that’s where my eyes met you

where your smile was at center stage

and your eyes had more to say

they listened to the rules,

stood quiet with little moves

remaining as so as you put on the show

noiseless —

until they grazed passed mine

and suddenly everything screamed inside

do you see me?

let me hold on, let me follow.

into a universe unknown

one never to fully unfold

eternal gaze

stuck in my brain

is beginning to fade

because you’re away

in another space

trying to cement yourself

even when your soul,

will never be erased

eyes weary

heart shaking

i see through the glass ceiling you’ve placed me under,

a lie telling me i’m capable of being the sun —

there’s no chance i could compare

when i remain enclosed in fear

to loosen my grip on my mind

because i know it would lie too

and tell me it’s my time to go

somewhere some fascinate,

somewhere you may hibernate.

i want to know how it is like to die,

maybe that would put me by your side 

walking home from favorite cafe:

a small boy rides a two-wheeler,

smoothly, but for the clomping up-downs

of the uneven panes of sidewalk cement,

lifted skyward by tree roots.

these same sidewalks

have hurt my biking butt

many a time. i always

try to bike on the road.

but a kid can’t do that.

his dad trails behind, jogging.

“you’re doing a great job buddy!”

the boy says: 

“no i’m not!”

they leave me in their wake,

thinking, why am i so

often like the small

biking boy,

the chastising voice

in the midst of encouragement?

why does he talk to himself

that way?

why do i?

sallie mccann

Just hang tight

And close your eyes-

Morning is closer than you think.

Untitled // Kitten Quinn