Y/N is crouched over the toilet in the back of the local dive bar. She’s doing her best to keep her balance but between the high heels, the alcohol she consumed and the small surface of the toilet seat, she knows it’s only a matter of time before her foot lands in something she doesn’t want to think about. She’s staring at the screen of her phone, an unknown number glaringly white against the black drop of her dial page. The girl who had been in the bathroom when she rushed in had taken one look at her face and understood the situation and offered this number, stating that it’s a group of guys from uni that are happy to offer their protection to anyone who feels unsafe after the sun goes down.
I don’t need anyone to save me,she thinks but then, her traitorous mind supplies her with images of the man who’s probably waiting for her outside the women’s bathroom. Her thumb quickly presses the green icon.
——-
“James, mate, wake up.”
With a groan, the man in questions stirs, trying to ignore his best friend. He opens one eye, attempting to focus on his surroundings but failing because of the dark and lack of glasses. “What do you want, Remus?”
The other man rolls his eyes, pulling the covers away from James’ body and ignoring the boy’s protests. “Our services are needed.”
Those words make all protests and bad mood evaporate. James sits up immediately, reaching for his glasses and slipping them on. “How long ago?”
Remus smiles at the protective tone his friend’s voice takes whenever this happens. He’s proud of how much James has grown since he’s met him at the tender age of eleven. “Not long, maybe five minutes. I’d go myself but Sirius is pretty sick and you know how he gets…” they share a knowing smirk, pictures of a sick and pouty Sirius filling their minds. “I’d ask Pete but he’s out on a date so that leaves you.”
James is out of bed before Remus finishes speaking, gathering the cleanest clothes he can find littered around his floor. “Where are they?”
“She’s at the Three Broomsticks. Her name is Y/N and she’s locked in one of the stalls of the women’s washroom.” Remus presses on their communal phone’s screen and turns it towards James, “Y/N is the one with the y/c/h and black top. The guy might still be right outside the door of the bathroom. You can either text or call her, hers is the last number that called.”
James nods, pocketing the phone and heading towards the door, “I’ll text you when I’m on my way home.”
“Be careful, Prongs.”
James grins and shoots a wink over his shoulder, “Always am, Moony!”
——-
It doesn’t take long for James to reach the dive bar. It’s nearly three thirty am but being a Friday night, he isn’t surprised to see the area in front of the entrance full of students loitering around sharing fags and laughs. He quickly enters the pub, a cloud of smoke following him and stops for a moment to shoot Y/N a text, letting her know that he’s just arrived and making his way to towards the restrooms.
Thank you so much for coming! The man I’m trying to avoid is tall and bulky and has gray hair and is plain creepy.The response comes in within seconds and James smiles despite the situation at hand. Even though he’s been doing this since his first year, he still can’t comprehend how some people are incapable of respecting someone else’s decision, making them feel so unsafe that they have to call in some stranger to rescue them. Now more than ever, James is glad that he has his act together and that his reputation as a mischievous yet good person precedes him.
It doesn’t take him long to spot the man Y/N was describing and it takes all his self control to not confront him. Ignoring the other man, James slips into the women’s washroom, making sure to lean against the door with all his weight. He hears shuffling from one of the stalls, and trying to be as reassuring as possible, he calls out for Y/N.
A few seconds later, a face pops out from one of the cubicles and James tries to smile reassuringly. Y/N eyes him wearily, “James?”
James nods, “Pleasure to meet you, Y/N. I’m here to escort you home.” He knows that at the best of times, he’s an oblivious wanker but only a blind mind wouldn’t be able to see the palpable relief on the girl’s face when she notices him there.
“Thank you so much for doing this,” Y/N says as she tries to find her footing again, having spent the last twenty-three minutes squatting while in heels makes her unsteady. James offers his hand, letting her grip it tightly as she rises to her full height. “When that girl said that there was a group of guys that always come when you call, I thought she was setting me up.”
James raises his eyebrows, eyes glancing down at their conjoined hands. Girls in these situations tend to stand a few feet away from him, at least in the beginning, still afraid that he was going to hand them over to whomever was harassing them. “Then why’d you call?”
Y/N looks in to his eyes, and James finds himself a bit breathless for some reason. “Because not all men are bad and I need to have a bit of faith in the world.”
James grins, squeezing her hand before letting go. “I’m glad you called. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Y/N tilts her head to the side, studying him for a moment before smiling back. “I believe you.”
James’ grin grows brighter. He pushes himself off the door, “I don’t know if he’s still out there but my plan is to play the part of your boyfriend so that, even if he is still here, he’s less likely to try anything.” Y/N makes a face, one that James has seen many times before. He shrugs, grimacing. “I know. It’s bloody ridiculous that men only back off when a girl is taken. However, tonight we are going to use this to our advantage.”
Y/N nods, wringing her hands nervously in front of her, “How?”
“If you’re comfortable with it, I’m going to wrap my arm around your waist until we’re a few blocks away.”
Once again, the girl nods. She wobbles a bit as she moves towards him, and James gently grips her forearms to prevent her from falling. She gives him a sheepish smile, “I’m normally really good on heels, but between the drinks, the squatting and the adrenaline finally wearing off, these things are death traps.”
James shakes his head, smiling softly at her. “I get it, really. I’ve been so drunk I could barely stand, and I was just wearing flats.”
Y/N laughs, letting James wrap his arm around her waist and tucking her into his side. He lets her lean heavily against his body as they start walking and he gives her hip a gentle squeeze. A reminder that he’s there for her and will keep her safe. With a sigh, she reaches one hand out to open the door and wraps the other one around his waist.
The creep is still there, leaning against the wall across from the door as the two exit and Y/N feels a cold sweat break across her skin. James holds grows tighter as he drops his head so that he can whisper in her ear. “It’s going to be fine. I’ve got you.” She can feel his lips graze her ear even through her hair and the shiver that now runs down her spine is for an entirely different reason.
The man pushes himself from the wall, taking a menacing step forward but James doesn’t let it phase him. He knows what he looks like and he knows how to make himself look menacing. He stares the man down, arm still securely around Y/N but he knows that if he has to, it will take less than a second to push Y/N behind him.
“Can we help you?” James keeps his tone cheery, a fake smile on his lips but his posture and eyes let the whole room know that he is not to be messed with.
“No” is the reply and Y/N finds herself holding on tighter to James.
James’ fake smile only gets bigger, “Grand. Then if you don’t mind, my girl and I would love to be on our way.”
Without waiting for a reply, he quickly escorts the girl out of the hallway, “Keep looking ahead.” He instructs as they push through the crowded pub to get to the exit.
Y/N does as he says and when the cool night air hits her warm skin, she sighs in relief. She’s quick to steer them in the direction of the flat she shares with her friends and James, true to his words, drops the arm from her waist when they make it three blocks from the pub and there is no sign that they are being followed.
They walk in silence, each lost in their own thoughts and it feels as if only a few seconds have passed when they stop before the door of her building.
“Thank you, James,” she turns to look at him, hands wrapping around her stomach as the feelings of the evening start hitting her full force, “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t shown up.”
He grins at her, ruffling his hair before shoving his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. It makes his chest appear larger and he doesn’t miss the way Y/N’s eyes rank his form. He feels blood rushing to his cheeks, “All in a night’s work. Save the number, although I really hope you never need it again.”
A part of him hopes that she does need, if just to see her again.
Y/N nods, placing a hand on his shoulder as she swiftly lets her lips graze his cheek. “Thank you. Have a good night, James.”
“You too, Y/N.”
James watches her enter the building before he turns around and starts the trek back towards his own flat.
——
Y/N really thought that she would never need to use James’ number again, even though she really wanted an excuse to see him again. There’s something about his reassuring presence and his smile that ties her stomach into knots. She’d love to see him again and get to know him.
Y/N tries not to dwell on the fact that it’s been well over a month and James has most likely forgotten all about her, him being a knight in shining armour and whatnot but a girl can dream. And she does. A lot. Every day. And night.
Y/N really does think she’ll never see him again when, at the end of a closing shift at the small coffee shop on campus, through the glass windows, she can see the same man from the pub hanging around. She almost regrets telling Gideon he could leave early but she knows how much studying he still needs to get done and as freaked as she is, her heart misses a beat at the thought of seeing James again.
Turning off the backroom lights and working on getting the last of the machines cleaned, she ignores the creep as best she can but when she realizes that he doesn’t seem to have any intention of leaving without confronting her, she pulls her phone from her apron and quickly dials James’ number. It only rings a few times before his voice reaches her ears, “‘Lo?”
“James? It’s Y/N.” She sighs in relief at the sound of his voice.
“Oh! Hi!” Y/N fools herself into thinking he’s equally excited to hear from her as she is to call him. “You ok?”
She hesitates only a second but he picks up on it, “Where are you?”
Her shoulders loosen and she feels tears fill her eyes, “I work at the small cafe on campus, right next to the library.”
“Lucky for you, I just got kicked out of the library because it’s closing time.” James chuckles at himself, hitching his bag higher on his shoulder as he quickens his pace. “Are there any customers or coworkers with you?”
Y/N shakes her head, “No, we closed about thirty minutes ago and I let Gid go home early.”
James speeds up, willing his legs to carry him faster, “It’s okay. I can stay on the phone with you.”
Y/N finally lets the tears fall along her cheeks, “It’s the same man as last time.”
James’ steps falter at her admission, the revelation only making him want to get there quicker, “Do you know him?”
“I’ve seen him around a few times.” She admits, moving behind the counter so she has a better view of the door. “He came to the cafe before and flirted with me and other girls but I don’t even know his name. I don’t understand why -”
“There’s nothing to understand.” James cuts her off, having to stop at a red light. He taps his foot impatiently and checks both sides before dashing across the street. “You did nothing wrong and he’s just a creep. I’m only a block or so away. Are you ready to leave?”
Y/N puts the phone on speaker and rests it on the clean surface. “Basically, yeah. I cleaned everything and I’m grabbing my stuff as we speak. All I need to do is turn off the lights and lock up.”
James smiles when he sees the coffee shop, “Grand! I can see the sign so you can go ahead and start turning everything off. I’ll be at the door when you reach it.”
“Do you mind staying on the line until I’m actually with you?” James hates how afraid she sounds. He doesn’t know her and has helped so many students throughout the years, yet something about Y/N makes him feel more protective than ever before.
“Of course not.” He’s quick to reassure her, “I’m here and I see the wanker. Come out whenever you’re ready, love.”
Y/N feels her face heat up at the pet name, and enjoys it much more than she should. Turning off the lights, she rushes towards the door, unlocking it before closing it behind her. She smiles in relief when James comes to stand right next to her, eyes narrowed at the retreating form of the man. Her hands shake as she tries to get the key into the lock and she jumps when a pair of warm hands cover hers. “Let me,” James whispers, taking the keys from her hand. He doesn’t move away from her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he locks the door. Y/N’s shaking and she lets herself be comforted by his warmth. James turns slightly, bringing her in for a hug and Y/N grabs a fistful of his jacket as she starts crying.
“I’m sorry,” she says between sobs, “I’m not usually like this.”
James smiles sadly, rubbing her back and squeezing her tightly, “You have nothing to apologize for.”
They stand like that for a good amount of time: James with his arms around her and soothing words, Y/N with her face crushed against his shoulder as she tries to stop crying. With an arm still keeping her close to his chest, James pulls out his phone and makes a call.
Y/N can feel his chest vibrate with the words he’s speaking but she isn’t really aware of what’s being said. She trusts James. He will make sure she makes it home safely. Both his arms are around her again and she’s finally starting to relax when a car’s horn makes her jump and cling to James even harder.
James doesn’t laugh as she expects him to. He just holds on to her. “It’s just my mate Remus. He’s going to give us a lift. He’s actually the one you spoke to on the phone last time.”
Y/N keeps her face hidden against his shoulder as she mumbles “He is?”
James nods, trying to get her to walk towards the car, “Yeah. Gentle giant really.”
Y/N finally looks up and James smiles sadly at her tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes, “Don’t let him know that I’m finally admitting this, but he’s taller than I am.”
James is rewarded with her laughter. She takes a step back, wiping her cheeks to rid any evidence of tears, “You keep saving me, I think I can keep this secret for you.”
James grins, gently taking her hand in his as he leads her towards the car idling by the curb. He opens the door for her, letting her settle before sitting beside her. He nods towards his friends in the front seats.
Remus turns around to give her a gentle smile, and if he sees the signs of her breakdown, he doesn’t acknowledge it. “Where to?”
Y/N rattles off her address, relaxing against the seat as the boys introduce themselves. None of them comment on what happened, doing their best to make her laugh and in no time at all, they’re pulling up in front of her building. Just like the previous time, James follows her to the door, patiently waiting as her shaky hands look for her keys in her bag. As she unlocks the door, James places a hand on her arm, making her turn to face him. He just smiles, reaching for his own bag.
Fuck it, he thinks as he reaches for a notepad and pen. Scribbling something on the bottom corner of the first page he opens it to, he rips it and passes it to her. She gives him a questioning look and James blushes. “It’s my personal phone number.” He explains, rubbing the back of his head, “The number you call is an old one and me and the lads take turns with it.”
Y/N smiles, pocketing his number, secretly thrilled. “And why are you giving me your personal number?”
James’ blush seems to intensify but he keeps looking her in the eyes, a lopsided smile tugging his lips upwards, “You seem to have a knack for getting yourself in trouble and well, I figured you felt comfortable enough 'round me.”
Just like last time, Y/N kisses his cheek gently, “Thank you, James.”
He nods, smiling and starts backing away, eyes still on her as she goes to enter her building. She stops when he calls out her name. She turns and sees him grinning at her, hands deep in his back pockets, “If you wanted to text or call even when you’re not in need of saving, I’d be more than happy to hear from you.”
Y/N laughs, returning his grin, “I’ll keep that in mind!”
——-
As much as they’ve been texting and speaking on the phone, Y/N and James have yet to have time for an actual date though both know that’s what they want. Even if they don’t hang out alone one-on-one, James and his friends had started coming to the cafe regularly. They’re friends now, hanging out together, studying as a group. She just wishes she could get some alone time with the guy she’s pining after. They had even taken to walking her home, as well as having her over for dinner and drinks. Y/N had never had a group of friends, always preferring to hang out with one or two friends max, but James and the lads made being around them so easy and natural.
The coffee shop is scheduled to close in an hour and most of the patrons are taking their leave as Gideon starts closing off the machinery, cleaning them in the process and Y/N starts wiping down the empty tables and taking the garbage out.
There are only four tables occupied at the moment: one with James and his friends, one with Gideon’s brother and their friends, and the other two had students finishing up a study group. As Y/N makes her rounds, warning everyone present that they’d be closing shortly, James couldn’t help but stare at her.
“Isn’t she just gorgeous?” He asks dreamily, ignoring his friends’ eye rolls.
“Just ask her out. Put us out of our misery.” Begs Sirius.
This had been the only topic of conversation for the past month and all the boys are fed up with his pining.
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s really not. You like her, she likes you. Go snog her so we can end this endless pining. ” Remus shrugs, earning himself a glare.
“You think I don’t want to?” James runs a hand through his hair, finally glancing away from Y/N. “What if you’re wrong?”
The boys burst out laughing and when James yells that it’s not that funny, tears spring from their eyes as they hunch over the table. Y/N glances their way, a confused expression on her face and James wishes that the ground would swallow him whole. He slides lower in his seat, arms crossed over his chest and cheeks in flames. He was going to get back at them.
Y/N comes by, hugging him from behind and letting her chin rest on top of his messy hair, “What’s so funny?”
James glares at his friends, kicking Sirius in the shin when he saw him open his mouth, “Nothing, love. We were just taking the piss out of James.”
Y/N’s eyes light up, “Can I join?”
James huffs, shaking his head so she’s forced to let go to not get hit, “Fuck all of you.” When he notices the look on Remus’ face, he points one finger menacingly at him, “Not a fucking word, Lupin.”
Y/N giggles, shaking her head, “As amusing as this could be, you lads have to leave. It’s closing time.”
They gather their things between laughter and shoves and as they exit the shop, Y/N hot on their heels to lock up, James turns around to kiss her cheek, “Meet you out front in thirty?”
She blushes, nodding her head, “Yeah, thanks.”
He winks at her, “My pleasure.”
——-
Y/N hates parties. She almost hates them as much as she hates her best friend that had dragged her to said party. That same friend who had promised to stick by her side yet disappeared about thirty minutes after they arrived to get dicked down.
Not that Y/N’s jealous. She isn’t. She just hates parties and she hates standing alone in a corner, sipping her non-alcoholic beverage because she promised to be designated driver. She’s almost tempted to text James, but things have been a bit weird ever since the boys had mocked him at the café the other day.
With a sigh, Y/N looks for a spot where she can sit and scroll mindlessly through her phone until her friend decides she’s ready to leave. I need new friends.She locates an empty spot on the couch when someone throws an arm around her shoulder.
A familiar voice reaches her ears and she turns to stare at James, wide-eyed and confused, “What?”
James smiles at her, though his eyes look a bit panicked, “Just pretend to be my date.”
Y/N laughs but shuffles closer to him, sliding an arm around his waist, “Can I ask why?”
James chuckles, smiling softly at her. “Because my friends are wankers and some bird won’t leave me the fuck alone.” He kisses her temple and relishes in the fact that he can act as he always wants too around her.
Y/N melts into his side, squeezing his side. “Guess it’s finally time to return the favor huh?”
James grins down at her, and he finds himself thanking his younger self for this brilliantly stupid idea of walking drunk students home. He’s about to say as much, ready to shoot his shot when the same girl he was trying to get away from suddenly appears in his line of sight.
Y/N laughs at his pout, making him glare at her, “It isn’t funny!”
Y/N kisses his cheek, enjoying the feeling of it heating up beneath her lips, “You’ve got to admit, it kind of is.”
“All of my friends are assholes.” He mutters and the girl stands in front of them, glaring at Y/N. On her part, Y/N just smiles, snuggling closer to James.
“Can we help you?” It reminds him of the first time they met: James speaking those words to the man that caused their meeting.
The girl smiles fakely, “Am I to believe that you two are together?”
Y/N makes a face, “Am I to care about what you believe?”
The girl says nothing, just eyes them both and glares at Y/N. With a roll of her eyes, she turns under James’ arm and gently places a hand on the side of his neck. James gives her a confused look but before he can ask anything, she’s raising on the tips of her toes and pressing her lips gently against his.
The moment seems to last for an eternity and when she pulls back, James feels his mouth fall open as his cheeks feel as if they’re on fire. “D-did you just k-kiss me?”
Y/N’s cheeks are not fairing much better and she bites her bottom lip, hand still on the side of his neck where she can feel his pulse racing. She nods shyly, looking into his eyes as she smiles gently, “I’ve wanted to for a long time.”
James finally snaps out of his stupor, grinning as he wraps both arms around her and spinning her around, sending her drink flying. They both laugh, and when he finally sets her down, he gently cups her face and kisses her again. And again. And again.
“I’m so glad you did,” he says a bit breathlessly.
Y/N grins, arms wrapping around his shoulders as she starts playing with hair at the nape of his neck, “Are we finally going to have our date now?”
“Name a time and place, love.” James grins and kisses her again.
James is sure that nothing will ever feel top this moment. Well, maybe their wedding day might, but that’s still awhile away.
Bloody hell, my loves, I think I wrote and rewrote this part about 40 times, but here it is. It’s probably the biggest segue yet, and I truly hope it doesn’t disappoint.
It was around 6,200 words last I checked, for those who want to know, and as always, please let me know what you think! And if I’ve forgotten anyone on the tag list!
James made sure to continue looking decidedly groggy and disinterested as he brushed his teeth.
“Dunno. Ask Moony?”
“I did, he says he doesn’t have it. And Pete doesn’t have it.”
“Well, clearly I don’t either,” James said, turning from the mirror to lift his arms as he stood in front of Sirius wearing nothing but a towel.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I’d put it past you.”
“To what, clamp it between my arse cheeks? I said I don’t bloody have it.”
“So if I were to look in your trunk…”
“You say that as if I don’t know you already did. And has it occurred to you that Y/N might have it?” James turned back to the sink and began washing his face, still carefully maintaining his air of nonchalance. “She said something about needing to make amends with Evans for last night. Maybe she’s going backhander shopping at Honeydukes.”
That seemed to satisfy Sirius. He popped James lightly on the back of the head before making his way out of the bathroom.
“Prink faster, will you? I’m Marvin.”
“We can’t all roll out of bed looking like Godric’s gift to women. Some of us have to work at it.”
Bloody hell, my loves, I think I wrote and rewrote this part about 40 times, but here it is. It’s probably the biggest segue yet, and I truly hope it doesn’t disappoint.
It was around 6,200 words last I checked, for those who want to know, and as always, please let me know what you think! And if I’ve forgotten anyone on the tag list!
James made sure to continue looking decidedly groggy and disinterested as he brushed his teeth.
“Dunno. Ask Moony?”
“I did, he says he doesn’t have it. And Pete doesn’t have it.”
“Well, clearly I don’t either,” James said, turning from the mirror to lift his arms as he stood in front of Sirius wearing nothing but a towel.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I’d put it past you.”
“To what, clamp it between my arse cheeks? I said I don’t bloody have it.”
“So if I were to look in your trunk…”
“You say that as if I don’t know you already did. And has it occurred to you that Y/N might have it?” James turned back to the sink and began washing his face, still carefully maintaining his air of nonchalance. “She said something about needing to make amends with Evans for last night. Maybe she’s going backhander shopping at Honeydukes.”
That seemed to satisfy Sirius. He popped James lightly on the back of the head before making his way out of the bathroom.
“Prink faster, will you? I’m Marvin.”
“We can’t all roll out of bed looking like Godric’s gift to women. Some of us have to work at it.”
James towelled off and took a breath. He didn’t like lying to Sirius. But then, he wasn’t technically lying. You did have the map. He just left out the minor detail that you were holding it for him till the weekend so he could use it to spy on Padfoot. He may have neglected to let you in on that detail as well.
Once back in the room, James evaluated the overall mood as he dressed. The mess around Peter’s bed was growing by the minute as he added the contents of his trunk to the floor in search of his left shoe. Remus and Sirius, meanwhile, were laughing about the unfortunate haircut Alice had given Frank that Frank refused to set right for fear of hurting her feelings. James gave his own hair a good tousle and hoped this wasn’t his lot in life now – blokes with girls talking to blokes with girls about other blokes with girls, while he and Pete just wandered around in the background, looking for their left shoes.
“Fuck’s sake, Worms, you’d think we weren’t literally at magic school right now,” Sirius said as Peter raked another pile of parchments, comics and socks out of his trunk. “Accio Peter’s left shoe.”
The shoe in question came flying from behind Peter’s bedside table. Sirius caught it and tossed it to him.
“Now can we please go to breakfast? If someone’s taken all the good scones before I had a chance to take all the good scones, I’m having Fortescue give you all haircuts.”
“If you’ll recall, I warned you this was going to happen. You forgot the second ‘N’ in 'Rennervate’.”
“I do recall.”
“And I told you I wouldn’t help you if you didn’t get it done last night, didn’t I? You need to mention the Shield Charm in that paragraph.”
“You did tell me that.”
“But you never listen, do you? Add a few foreign translations. 'Sersemlet’ in Turkish. 'Desmaius’ in Spanish. 'Stupor’ in German.”
“I absolutely never listen.”
“I’m sorry to be so harsh, but I just hope you’ve learnt a lesson this time,” Lily concluded as you rolled your Charms essay. You hoped you looked properly admonished, since the only thing you’d learnt was that you could always count on Lily to compulsively help you finish your assignments, even while in the midst of telling you she wasn’t helping you finish your assignments.
She sat down on your trunk as you finished packing your bag, and you could practically see your lecture running through her mind. She’d let you off the hook last night with a terse “let’s just get some sleep”, but now she looked every bit the mum about to give her daughter the “birds and bees” talk. Oh, Godric… she wasn’t about to give you the “birds and bees” talk, was she?
You were slightly relieved when she seemed more concerned about your method of exit last night.
“That’s a hundred-foot drop, Y/N.”
“I had a Whizzbee.”
“Which transitioned when from a sweet to a safety device? And I saw what he did with the broom – diving when he knew you weren’t even properly hanging on yet.”
“I’ve done more than my share of Wronski Feints, Lily, we play Quidditch. We’re perfectly comfortable in the air, and–”
“I know you’ve an answer for everything,” she said, cutting you off, “but I just want you to think about something for one second. Really think about it: What would’ve happened if something went wrong and you got hurt?”
“He wouldn’t have let me,” you said simply.
“Do you honestly trust him that much? I know he’d never hurt you on purpose, but you have to admit, he doesn’t tend to think things completely through.”
“Lily, I know you don’t like him, but is it really so awful not to think everything to death? I’ve been doing naught but thinking since term started, and where’s it gotten me? Confused, stressed, attracting hideous amounts of unwanted attention, and extremely bloody sleepy.”
“It’s nothing to do with liking him, it’s to do with understanding him a bit better after yesterday. It would seem he’s being backed into a corner. And as I recently learned you’re all part-time animals, I’m sure you can see where I’m going with that.”
“If you ever find Sirius Black attacking his way out of a corner – boy or dog – it’ll be because he’s pinned his friends behind him and is trying to protect them. That’s one thing it’d actually be great if you could understand about him, Lily. He can be an utterly selfish git, yes. He’ll take all the good scones, he’ll jump all the queues, he’ll buy the last Bad Company shirt in the shop even though he knew how much you wanted it…”
“Still hurts, does it?”
“It will always hurt.” Bloody hell, you’d wanted that shirt. You nearly decided to just end on that note and let Lily go on thinking the worst of the lousy shirt thief.
“Anyway, he’s a git. But when it’s something really important, he’s also the most selfless person I’ve ever known. And yeah, I’d trust him with my life.”
Lily looked you hard in the eyes until you crossed yours. She rolled hers and grabbed her bag off her bed.
“Fair enough. You’ve all made it this far without being expelled or permanently dismembered, and that’s more than I’d have put money on. Ready for some mediocre scones?”
“Just you watch – every one of them’s going to be lemon,” you sighed, joining her on her way to the door. “Oh, and Lily? I’d trust James with my life, too.”
“I wouldn’t trust Potter with my third toe.”
“Oh, well that I wouldn’t do either, he’s got a bit of a foot fetish.”
“And there goes my appetite…”
“More mediocre scones for me then!”
The week was a somewhat dull blur of Quidditch training and Lily demanding you focus on your schoolwork because in case you and the Marauders had forgotten, this was, in fact, an educational institution and not your own personal playground of wayward debauchery.
The Marauders continued forgetting.
Monday’s swearing-chalk stunt was a great success – you’d even caught Lily giggling a few times as Binns floated by, droning on about the Goblin Rebellion of 1752, completely oblivious to the torrent of obscenities his blackboard was unleashing. For an encore, however, they challenged Peeves to see who could come up with the most rude rhymes for “Snape”. Considering it took him a full two days of recitation whilst chasing Severus through the halls before he ran out of limericks, Peeves was the clear victor. But Lily was decidedly less amused by that prank, meaning you, Marlene and Emmeline had to spend all your free time placating her with revision sessions to stop her setting anyone on fire.
Elsewhere, Hogwarts had managed to weave a fascinating tale around you, Remus and Sirius, not a single portion of which was true.
Apparently, you and Sirius had been secretly dating since fourth year. Or had been bethrothed since birth, depending on who was telling the story. But a “volatile relationship between two people who are clearly mad as hatters”, as you overheard one seventh year put it, “well, it was just doomed from the start, wasn’t it?” Lovely. Anyway, all that doom boiled over when Sirius discovered Remus had taken you on a “clandestine” (publicly clandestine?) Hogsmeade jaunt, and your and Sirius’s fight was followed by an all-out brawl between Sirius and Remus in the Marauders’ dorm, which Sirius won. Or Sirius had challenged Remus to a duel, which Sirius won. Or in one particularly interesting version, Sirius had pushed Remus off the Astronomy Tower, which obviously also counted as a win. And now, you were either furious with Sirius, furious with Remus, or furious with them both, and everyone was waiting with bated breath to see what happened next.
The fact the three of you were currently taking your tea with James and Peter with nary a hint of conflict seemed to mean nothing to anyone.
“The thing that gets me is, I lose in every single version of this rumour,” Remus complained, shooting a hand out to snatch the last Bourbon away from Pete. “Not one person at this entire school could come up with a single scenario where I win?”
“Well, you’re clearly quick,” Peter frowned, settling for a Ginger Nut, “so I can’t see you just hanging about and letting Padfoot chuck you off the tower.”
“So… I successfully run away instead?”
“Well? It’s not a loss.”
“I’d win a bloody duel. Y/N, I’d win a duel, right?”
“Nah, you play too fair. Sirius would cheat.”
“Excuse me? You mean I’d be too creative to be limited by the parameters of mundane rules.”
“Six of one. Oh, Remus, don’t look like that. Tell you what, I’ll have Marly start a new rumour. You and Sirius decide how you’d win.”
“He challenges me to a swot-off?”
“How about I challenge you to sodoff?”
“Now, now, Moony, the real issue here isn’t that you’re losing, it’s that I’m winning in such completely uninspired ways. No one wants to lose a boring old dust-up. But what say you to losing a flying motorbike race whilst being pursued by a rogue dragon?”
“I say you’ve finally gone all the way doolally? Flying motorbikes don’t even exist–”
“Yet.”
“Fine, yet, but if we’re to’ve raced them, they sort of need to exist now. Meanwhile, I’ve still lost…”
“There’s an X factor in this version, though. What if you were neck and neck, and then bam, in comes the dragon, and you’re knocked off course as you narrowly dodge the vicious snap of its gaping jaws?”
“See? She gets it.”
“That’s not a comfort. But if that’s the case, then it should be a draw on the grounds of dragon interference.”
“Can I just interject to ask where I am in all of this? As if two of my best mates would be battling over another of my best mates and I wouldn’t be there to referee or provide moral support or witty commentary?”
“You’re where you always are: asleep in the common room,” you smiled at James, and as the lads laughed, you noticed Lily standing a few yards away, looking at the lot of you like you had three heads apiece.
“See you in DADA. Don’t be late,” you said around the last gulp of your tea before moving to intercept Lily. She still wasn’t quite over the Snape (“the oily snake, who shampooed once just by mistake, and his hair turned to mush like a sodden cake”… yeah, you’d had that one stuck in your head for days) incident, and you didn’t need James to lose any more points by saying something Jamesy.
“You really are all absolutely mental.”
“It’s basically a survival technique at this point. What’s going on?”
“I can’t find Marlene anywhere. She has my DADA notes, and I want to get to class early and start on the new chapter. Do you know–”
“Who would actually win a swot-off against Remus? Yes, I think I do.”
“Cute. Do you know where she is?”
“Let me step into this cupboard for a moment and I will.”
“Let you…? How is that going to help?”
“Just wait here and don’t open the door.”
You didn’t know what James was up to this weekend that would require you hiding the map, but you were glad to have it. There was a little errand you’d decided needed running, and as you looked over the names that slowly materialised, you reckoned now might be as good a time as any.
It took you a few minutes to spot Marlene in one of the empty classrooms on the fifth floor. Before you could wonder what she was doing there, you noticed another name quite close to hers: Duane Morgan. Merlin, Marlene. But actually, that might just work. Best of British to them, anyway. You gave the map a quick salute before tapping it with your wand and whispering “mischief managed”.
“She’s in the fifth-floor empty classroom next to the Boris statue,” you told Lily as you exited the cupboard and headed for the main doors. “Knock first and don’t act shocked to see Morgan.”
“Morgan?! Y/N Y/L/N, what did you just do?”
“The less you know, the happier you’ll be!” you called over your shoulder.
It was overcast and windy out, and you buried your face in your robes as a cold gust sent leaves swirling across the grounds. You hadn’t thought much about what you wanted to say, and that was just as well. Saying too much seemed to be what always led to friction when it came to him and the Marauders. The two of you, on the other hand, had maintained an odd sort of respectful civility by keeping your infrequent interactions brief, polite, and to the point.
You rounded a corner and found him sitting with his back against a large stone atop the slope that led down to Hagrid’s hut, using it to block the wind as he read. As you quietly approached, you could make out the dust jacket: The Eagle Has Landed. You’d seen a review in Remus’s copy of the Sunday Times last week. Brand-new Muggle novel about basically good people being forcibly recruited by the Nazis to do something bad. Undoubtedly a gift from Alphard. You hoped beyond hope that Alphard’s influence was taking root in there somewhere amongst the noxious weeds his parents sowed.
“Hello, Regulus.”
In the swift hands of a fellow seeker, the book vanished into his robes, but he relaxed when he saw it was you. He let out a small breath of what you assumed was relief and laid the novel in his lap as he peered up at you.
He didn’t have Sirius’s looks, but he was growing to be striking in his own way. If only he didn’t look so… repressed. Even without that pompous expression he wore whenever he was around his Housemates, he was a bit too pale, a bit too drawn, a bit too dour. Like a plant that had been denied proper sunlight for much too long.
Whereas Sirius had overcome his environment, Regulus was a clear product of it. He simply looked like what he was: an unhappy boy with no true friends, not thriving or having fun or looking forward to life’s adventures but just going through the motions of a rigidly scripted existence. And accustomed to having to hide his few joys from virtually everyone he knew.
His eyes – not grey like his brother’s but a misty blue that put you in mind of a hazy day on the ocean – were slightly wary now. You’d been regarding him a bit too long, and you needed him at ease for this conversation.
“To what do I owe the–”
“Rapturous pleasure of my delightful company?”
A ghost of a smile. So far, so good.
“Before we get to that, it’s helpful to keep a few decoy dust jackets about for when you don’t want people minding your business. Dull titles that have to do with maths and such. Remus and I have plenty; I’ll owl you a few.”
“Really? I’d… that is, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you,” he said stiffly, but the look on his face gave him away as pleased. Time to get to the point.
“I’ve come to ask a favour. I don’t know what’s expected of you when it comes to your parents, and I’d never pretend to. But if there’s any way you could just play dumb from here on out when it comes to the topic of your brother’s… romantic pursuits, that would also be greatly appreciated.”
You’d expected him to be combative, to tell you to keep your nose out of his family’s affairs. You were surprised, therefore, to see him looking more apologetic than anything.
“I didn’t give them a name, I swear. I honestly thought they’d be glad. He’ll be of age next month. They want something settled, and every time they’ve spoken to him about it, he’s said… well, he…”
Regulus blushed and looked down at his book, so you finished for him. You’d heard Sirius say it often enough, and frankly, it never got less funny.
“He’s said he’d shag his way through the entire East End twice before he wasted a perfectly good ring on the finger of those shop mannequins playing at girls their jumped-up society friends birthed?”
The ghost of a smile took full form this time, and you grinned back.
“Yeah. That. Anyway, I thought they’d be relieved to hear that he seemed to be genuinely interested in someone. But if you’re here, I take it they’re not. So I won’t mention it again. And if they ask, I’ll tell them I’ve heard it didn’t work out. Is this agreeable?”
“It’s agreeable. Merci, Monsieur Noir.”
He smirked at you, and you felt the usual regret. There was still time for Regulus, but it was running out with every expectation he lived up to and every rule Sirius broke.
“Y/N?”
“Oui?”
“I’m not out to get him, you know. He thinks I am. I don’t like the way things are any more than he does, but it’s just the way things are. He has responsibilities. We both do. But… he’s my brother, and I love him,” he said firmly, but his expression was hesitant, as if he had just admitted a shortcoming. “If you could… perhaps not in those exact words, but…”
“I’ll give him your best, Regulus.”
“Please do.”
You turned to walk away but were stopped short by something he’d said.
“Hey, when you say you didn’t give your parents a name… does that mean you have a name to give?”
He seemed genuinely perplexed. “What do you mean?”
“Do you know who it is? The girl Sirius is interested in?”
Regulus looked at you as if unsure whether you were having him on or not. You supposed it was a surprising revelation, him knowing something about Sirius that his best mates didn’t, but you weren’t opposed to finding out this way if you had to. Sirius might have his reasons for keeping this under wraps, but you had no plans to break his trust. You just… needed to know. You needed the peace of mind of knowing that this girl wasn’t the type who might hurt him. He’d been hurt enough.
Unfortunately, Regulus didn’t look like someone about to divulge information.
His face was the picture of pure surprise now; his mouth had even fallen open a bit. He looked, for once, like a regular 13-year-old boy – and sounded like one, too, when he breathed: “You mean you honestly don’t know?”
“I don’t, but just forget I asked. It’s none of mine anyway, really.”
“Well, it’s sort of… wow. Yeah. Best not, actually. It’s not my place.”
Damn.
“No worries at all. Thanks again for the favour, and I’ll send those jackets off tonight. Until our next covert chat!”
You turned back one more time as he stood, fastidiously brushing bits of grass from his robes.
“Take care, alright, Regulus? Also, I’m easy to find. Should you ever need to find someone.”
“You take care as well,” he said quietly, avoiding the overture. As always.
“So despite the great personal risk to my toes, I’ll come up and get it. Just slide it under your door at midnight. That way, we can be sure no one sees you making the handover.”
“This is all extremely Avengers, isn’t it?” you asked, shoving your Quidditch gear into your locker. “Any particular reason?”
“Yes.”
“Git.”
“Aaargh, Y/N, don’t make me feel bad about this. There’s just something I need to check on. The lads don’t know either, and I swear I’ll tell you first if it turns out to be anything important. Deal?”
“Fine. 'You can keep your secret for the present, if you want to be mysterious.’”
“Tolkien!” Remus shouted as he flung the changing-room curtain aside. James laughed. He looked like a magician making a particularly dramatic stage entrance. It was good to see him so at ease.
“So Prongs has a secret?”
“Yes. I’m MI6, undercover. I trust Her Majesty’s Secret Service can rely on your discretion.”
“Git.”
“See?” you gestured. James stuck his tongue out at you and decided it was time for a diversion.
“What’re you up to, Moony? Come down to watch the old ball and chain practice?”
“I always watch practice, you div.”
“Hadn’t occurred to me to ask till now, but tomorrow’s Saturday. Going to Hogsmeade again, are we? Nudge nudge?”
“We’re all going to Hogsmeade together, like normal,” you answered, slinging your bag over your shoulder.
“Yeah,” Remus said, lifting the bag off your arm and onto his own. “Once everyone gets bored of the rumour-mongering, we’ll try another proper date.”
You gave Remus a sunny smile as he held the curtain back for you, and James realised with dawning horror that Remus Lupin was about a mile fucking smoother than him, and he was bloody well gaining on Sirius, for that matter. Never had he thought he’d be looking to the lad who’d come to Hogwarts terrified of his own shadow for lessons on how to impress girls, but he might do well to start taking notes.
The three of you made your way back to the castle together and got cleaned up for an uneventful dinner. Around ten – after several remarks about James’s “power-mad march towards tyranny” – Sirius declared himself exhausted and turned in early. James had run a particularly strenuous practice with just that outcome in mind. Remus’s second-favourite activity behind reading was sleeping, so he wasn’t far behind Pads, and Peter followed the majority, as usual.
There were a few sixth and seventh years still knocking about in the common room at midnight, but they were all focused on their books or conversations, and no one noticed when James slipped up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories. With the map safely beneath his shirt, he headed up to his room. Everyone was asleep, and he undressed quietly before sliding the map under his pillow and climbing into bed.
He’d hoped his tired body would drag him right off to sleep as well, but his brain had other ideas. Was he doing the right thing? Sirius was his best mate, and it stung a bit that he hadn’t talked to him about this relationship. James hadn’t been two minutes separated from the realisation that he fancied Lily before he was regaling Sirius with his plans for their future. He’d naturally assumed it would be the same when Padfoot finally set his sights on a girl. And he’d been blindsided when – in the space of just a few days – he’d gone from preparing for that conversation to be about you to wondering who the hell had turned Sirius’s head so quickly.
He had to know James would keep his confidence. So what was it? Was she a Slytherin? Had he actually developed feelings for one of the snobbish birds his parents had been forcing him to socialise with for years and was too embarrassed to say? Or was he embarrassed of James instead – afraid he’d say something offensive or do something daft? Was this his method of getting over you? Had he resigned himself to an arranged marriage and decided to make the best of a bad situation by snogging his intended at every opportunity?
It took some doing, but James finally quieted his inner monologue and, along with it, the fear that he was planning to follow Pads out of nothing but petty nosiness or wounded feelings. Things had not been going well for Sirius of late, and he was worried about him. All of you were worried about him. It didn’t matter to James who this girl was – so long as she was a good person who was treating Sirius well. Once he knew that for certain, he could relax and let everyone’s love lives fend for themselves.
He closed his eyes as the clock chimed two. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.
Breakfast lasted a week. Everyone got ready for six months. The walk to Hogsmeade was a decades-long pilgrimage for bloody butterbeer.
By the time the five of you had settled into a booth at the Broomsticks for lunch, James was convinced he’d be old and grey – but still ridiculously good-looking – before Sirius ever departed for his post-Hogsmeade date tonight. Not even watching a mildly tipsy Evans giggling with Vance, Fortescue and Macdonald a few tables over could cheer him up. Well… maybe it cheered him up a bit.
At least a distraction presented itself when McKinnon walked in with Morgan.
“How long’s that been going on?” Peter asked. McKinnon had spotted you and was trying to pull Morgan back out the door. From the look on her face, James guessed she hadn’t mentioned to you that she was seeing him.
“Not very long, I don’t think,” you answered. Morgan had spotted you as well now and seemed pretty adamant about coming in. That couldn’t be good.
“She didn’t tell you, did she?” Remus asked, having also noticed that Marlene looked as if she’d sooner leap into the fireplace at this point than be here. Morgan signalled for a pair of butterbeers and chose a table directly in your line of sight. That couldn’t be good either.
“No, but there’s no reason to. He wasn’t my boyfriend, we just went on a few dates. Last year, even.”
“Well, someone should tell him that before McKinnon runs out of oxygen,” Sirius said, nodding towards their table. Morgan was almost comically over-snogging the girl, pausing only to occasionally glance over to see if you were watching.
“Godric, poor Marlene,” you sighed. “What an arsehole.”
You turned and exchanged a look with Evans, who seemed to be trying to decide if she should go over and interrupt. Before she could, Sirius’s fingers flicked ever so slightly in Morgan’s direction as he pretended to scratch his nose. Suddenly, one of the butterbeers Rosmerta had just set on the table tipped over, drenching Morgan’s trousers.
He leapt up, cursing his way to the loo, and you and Evans descended on McKinnon, who was on the verge of tears. Once you’d convinced her she’d broken no sacred bonds where you were concerned and Evans had insisted she spend the rest of the trip with the girls, you returned to the table. James watched as you mouthed a quick “thank you” to Sirius, who tried for an innocent expression before giving up and winking at you.
After that, the group split up for the rest of the afternoon. You and Remus disappeared to the music shop, and Peter headed back to Honeydukes to try to chat up some bird he had his eye on. James and Sirius, meanwhile, elected to partake in one of their favourite forms of entertainment: donning the cloak and terrorising third years at the Shrieking Shack.
They’d just successfully sent a group screaming back towards the castle when you and Remus strolled up, large smiles on your faces.
“I thought that one kid was going to faint dead away when you were tugging on his robes,” you laughed as James pulled the cloak off the two of them.
“Just a few more satisfied customers!” Sirius grinned.
“Of some future therapist,” Remus added.
“The onus is on us to keep the 'shriek’ in Shrieking Shack, Moons,” James said, noticing with relief that twilight was finally creeping over the trees. “Do we need to round up Pete?”
“We saw him leaving with those Hufflepuffs,” Moony said, shaking his head.
“Was he using the 'my uncle manages the Rolling Stones’ story again?” James asked, cringing a bit. You bobbed your head.
“You’d think he’d have come up with a new one after he told it to that lass last year whose uncle actually did manage the Rolling Stones,” Sirius mused.
The four of you made your way back, boisterously singing Stones tunes the whole way, and after a quick dinner, Sirius excused himself and was gone. James decided to bide his time and was rewarded for it. Evans’s group returned and joined yours at the Gryffindor table, and – still relaxed by the butterbeer – she included James in her cheerful chattering as if she’d been doing it for years. By the time everyone decided to head up to the tower, he was practically glowing. Maybe he wouldn’t spend his life looking for his left shoe after all.
As the Hall thinned out, you and Remus hung back to congratulate him on not being persona non grata to the object of his affection for once. He told you to go on without him, saying he was going to do a bit of spying on Pete, who still had the Hufflepuff girls on the hook in the first-floor corridor. It wasn’t a lie; he listened in from beneath the cloak until Peter started assuring them he could procure tickets to the Rolling Stones concert of their choice. That boy’s lying was becoming a problem.
James headed back to the ground floor and found a quiet corner wherein he could spread out the map. Taking a deep breath, he whispered the words.
He scrutinised every nook and cranny in the castle, every tucked-away little alcove or dead-end space in a rarely used corridor where two people might sneak off to be alone. And while he discovered quite a few apparent trysts he’d never have predicted, what he didn’t find was Sirius.
He’d developed quite the headache by the time he decided to try the grounds, and that’s when he finally spotted him. In one of the greenhouses. Personally, James found the greenhouses to be more hideously disturbing than romantic at night, but to each his own. He adjusted his glasses and steeled himself to read the name alongside Sirius’s.
Only… there wasn’t one.
Shit, had he missed her? He looked quickly for dots that might have recently entered the castle from outside and found none. James pounded his fist on the floor in frustration. He’d never be able to keep the map away from Sirius for another week. He should’ve just left the Great Hall when Padfoot did, but he’d been too caught up in Evans treating him like a human, and now he’d blown the whole thing.
He was folding the map in defeat and preparing to go up to bed when the penny finally dropped.
Fuck.
He hadn’t missed Mystery Bird; she’d never been there at all. She’d never been anywhere at all because she didn’t bloody exist. Sirius had made her up. To avoid the conversation you were trying to have with him the night of the party. To protect himself after you agreed to a date with Remus. So that you wouldn’t find out he’d stood aside for Moony and would instead think he’d already been interested in another girl.
That stupid fucking and yet still somehow rather impressively selfless idiot.
The main doors appeared to open and close on their own as James took off for the greenhouses. There was a very slim chance he could still be wrong, but the pieces had fallen too perfectly into place. He’d forgotten which greenhouse Sirius had been in amidst the shock of his revelation, but he finally found him in the third, slumped against a stack of potting-compost bags, a half-empty bottle of firewhisky beside him. He was either asleep or unconscious, and James lit his wand in order to examine the ground around him. Only one set of footprints.
“Pads,” James said loudly, and Sirius jolted. He tried for a moment to scramble to his feet but couldn’t find purchase in the dirt. Dropping back against the compost, he raised the bottle of whisky towards James instead before taking a long drink.
“Sirius, what the hell are you doing?”
“Dating.”
“Dating? Well, I must say, this is not at all as advertised, and I have to wonder now why everyone’s so bloody interested in doing it.”
“Was dating. Date’s over.”
“Ah. When did the date end?”
“Five minutes. Just missed her.”
“That’s interesting, because I had the map out five minutes ago–”
“I fucking knew you had the map, you lied to my–”
“I didn’t lie to your anything, Y/N did have the map till last night. So as I was saying, I had the map out five minutes ago, and I couldn’t seem to find a name anywhere in the vicinity of yours.”
“Okay, ten minutes.”
“I had it out ten minutes ago, too.”
“Twenty then, what do I know, I’m drunk, and you did lie. If she had it, then you gave it to her just so you could do this. I can’t believe you–”
“And I can’t believe you. You couldn’t just tell me you’d made it all up? Me?”
“Made what up? So she left before you got the map out, so what, it’s none of your fucking business, James.”
“You made up a girl because you were afraid Y/N was going to tell you she–”
“What does Y/N have to do with anything. She’s with Remus. She belongs with Remus.”
“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t understand? And did you think she wasn’t just as scared as you? It took a lot for her to walk over there that night, Pads, she–”
“I can’t help it if she thought she was… whatever she thought she was. She was wrong, she got it straightened out, and that’s it. And it’s good luck she did, too, because… because I don’t even think of her that way. Never have.”
“Oh, really?”
“Really. She’s a friend, that’s all. A good friend. So just drop it, will you.”
“So it wouldn’t mean anything to you if I were to tell you she–”
“Leave it, for fuck’s sake!!”
“Sirius, she loves you.”
“She doesn’t. She loves Remus.”
“Sirius…”
“I don’t love her.”
“Sirius.”
“Ican’t love her, James…”
His voice broke, and he crumbled. James had seen Sirius cry before over the course of their friendship. But they had always been angry tears. Furiously storming out of the Potters’ fireplace after a row with his parents, defiantly swiping a sleeve over cheeks that were wet with disgust and shame and resentment, not sadness.
James suddenly had a very startling picture of just how terrifyingly powerful love could be as he dropped to his knees and pulled his sobbing friend into his arms. Sirius’s entire body was heaving, and James did his best to hold him steady until it stopped, not having a clue what else to do in that moment. What he did know was that he and Sirius were long overdue for a talk. But not now, and not here.
When Sirius’s misery had given way to the occasional shuddering sigh, James gently helped him to his feet.
“You can’t tell her, Prongs… swear to me you won’t tell her.”
“I won’t tell her, I swear. But mate, you need to tell me what’s going on. Everything that’s going on. And then we’ll go from there. Alright?”
Sirius nodded as James grabbed his upper arm for support, and the two turned to leave before James had a thought.
“Let’s just take this with us, shall we,” he said, bending to grab the liquor bottle. “The last thing I ever want to see in my life is a Venomous Tentacula that’s gone and watered itself with firewhisky.”
There was a pause, and then they both erupted in laughter. The boys were still howling as they staggered into the secret passage behind the ivy and had to stop midway through just to let the mania wear off before they got themselves nicked.
James took in a heavy breath as he pulled off his glasses to wipe his face. Crying, laughing, love, pain, fear, worry, hope… and all in the space of about five minutes.
I’ve been stuck on this part so long, and I finally sussed out that I was vastly overthinking where I wanted it to go next. Soooo I reckoned if I let this part move out of the house and be its own person, the next part might be free to, y'know, move into its old room and get comfy lol
This one is still around 5,000 words on its own, though, so I desperately hope it doesn’t feel like shortchanging. I love every one of you who’s read any part of this, and I promise I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now! Happy belated Halloween, and please feel more than free to keep guiding my scattered self through what I am determined will be my first finished fanfic! <3
“So call me cynical, but I think that was less about making sure you were alright and more about sussing out whether you’ve called bagsy on Remus or Sirius so they can go after the other one,” Marlene said, pulling her hair into a ponytail.
“Well spotted.” Your voice was muffled beneath the pillows you’d piled over your head.
“Come out from there and do your Charms work,” Lily called from her bed.
“My favourite was the third year who asked you to get her a lock of Black’s hair,” Marlene continued cheerfully.
“Or that girl who asked if Lupin had any tattoos,” Emmeline added as she and Marlene descended into a fit of giggles.
“Does Ilvermorny have a student exchange programme?” you wondered aloud.
“I’m not going to help you in the morning if you haven’t done your essay,” Lily warned, meticulously filling out her diary for the week.
You wished you had James’s cloak so you could slip out of the room. Better yet, out of the school. Out into the night and just stop thinking. James was right. You were tired of thinking. And worrying, second-guessing, trying to interpret and predict everyone else’s thoughts and feelings and moods… You knew you needed to listen to Lily, but that was just more thinking you didn’t have the energy to do.
Instead, you remained in your bedclothes cocoon until the girls had settled in, their rustlings eventually replaced by the familiar sounds of the castle at night – the distant creaks and thumps and pops you’d always found strangely calming. You were just about to let them lull you to sleep when you heard a light tapping at the window beside your bed.
It was late for an owl, and you jolted back into alertness, hoping nothing was wrong. The tapping sounded again as you dropped onto the sill and lifted the latch. Pushing the window open, you were met with nothing but inky darkness. You leaned forwards, confused, and were about to poke your head out when Sirius’s face rose suddenly in front of you.
“Candygram!” he grinned, proffering a Fizzing Whizzbee.
You fell back onto one elbow, gasping so hard a shrill wheeze emitted from your throat.
“Holy… what– how are you–?”
Your mind was racing as fast as your heart as you watched him bobbing in mid-air, still holding out the sweet. Not even ten packets of Whizzbees could lift someone that high off the ground.
You sat up as Sirius receded from the window, affording you a full view of him – astride his broomstick. Exhaling slowly as he drifted back to the window, you snatched the sherbet off his open palm.
“As apologies for giving someone a heart attack go, this is lacking.”
“I haven’t begun apologising yet,” he said, abruptly solemn, and the tension left your body so quickly you almost tipped over again. You weren’t angry with him. Maybe you should’ve been. He had acted like a prat, but at the end of the day, the last thing he’d said to you (shouted at you, whatever) was that he wanted you to be happy.
What would make you happy was for him to be happy again.
“Sirius, you don’t need to–”
“I do and shall, but first – fancy a spin?”
He raised his eyebrows at you hopefully, and you smiled.
“Please tell me Black isn’t somehow floating outside our window right now,” Lily’s groggy voice came from across the room.
“You did tell him to keep off the stairs…”
Sirius laughed, and your smile widened at the sound of it.
“Give that a go,” he said, gesturing to the Whizzbee. “I don’t want you trying to drop straight off the edge.”
“Please tell me you’re not about to climb out a window over a hundred feet in the air!” Lily said, her pitch and volume rising with every word.
“Course I’m not, you’re dreaming,” you said clumsily around the large sweet in your mouth, scooting to the edge of the sill and dangling your legs out the window. You felt like you were the one dreaming as your bum suddenly lifted a few inches off the stone beneath you and Sirius took hold of your wrist, smoothly guiding your hovering form across the sheer drop and over to his broom. You put a hand on his shoulder, discarding the Whizzbee and settling lightly onto the broomstick behind him.
The natural thing, of course, would’ve been to wrap your arms around his middle, but you couldn’t seem to make yourself do it, awkwardly clutching the bottom of his T-shirt instead and shifting slightly backwards to widen the gap between you. Sirius swivelled his head, side-eyeing you amusedly, and you looked up, pretending to admire the stars.
That was your first mistake.
Without warning, Sirius dropped the nose of the broom, sending it plummeting into a downward dive. You could’ve sworn you’d screamed, but the corresponding sound never came as all air was ripped from your lungs by the sudden fall. Your stomach, meanwhile, felt like it’d been left on the swiftly retreating windowsill.
Survival instincts shoved inner turmoil out of the way. You flung your arms around him, clamping your hands tightly over his stomach and flattening yourself against his back. Your eyes were watering so that you could barely see, and you sputtered as you tried to extricate strands of Sirius’s wildly flapping hair from your mouth.
At that, he pulled the broomstick out of its dive, levelling off about 15 feet above the ground and pausing there. You could feel his body shaking with silent laughter as you released your grip on him to exasperatedly shove his hair down the back of his shirt. You wanted to call him any number of names, cuff him on the back of the head, kick him in the ankle.
But you found those options all paled in comparison to how much you wanted to wrap your arms around him again and let him go on laughing forever.
He glanced back tentatively, apparently expecting one of the more violent reactions. You gave him your brightest smile instead.
“Thought we were going for a spin?”
Sirius beamed, and your heart leapt at the mirthful glint in his eyes. It had been missing for so long.
“As you wish.”
The broom shot upwards, rocketing high above the castle before Sirius turned abruptly, launching the two of you into a series of loops and barrel rolls that had you shrieking with joy. The waning moon resembled a bouncing ball in the sky as your perspective cycled rapidly between right-side up and upside down, and your head was unquestionably spinning by the time he evened his flight path.
As he flew smoothly but with electrifying speed above the grounds, you relaxed your arms into a comfortable hold around his waist and rested your chin on his shoulder, letting the wind engulf you in the stormy scent of him. He navigated the castle’s turrets in precise figure-eights, made a brief game of taunting the Whomping Willow, and took a few turns around the Quidditch pitch before sailing low over the Black Lake.
Sirius slowed, and you watched as the reflected sky transformed the lake’s surface into a fluid canvas of stars. You were trying quite hard to put out of your mind that this was exactly what you’d imagined doing if the two of you had ever gone on a date when he brought the broom to a halt. He slung his leg over, sitting on the broomstick like a swing, feet dangling over the dark water, and you followed suit. You sat in silence for a moment, watching the occasional ripple send a shiver through the stars, but the silence was loaded and you needed to break it. Being uncomfortable around Sirius was unnatural. And it hurt.
“Know what I love about watching the water move in the lake? It could be the squid, or a grindylow, or even a merperson. But it could also just be a fish. A perfectly boring, non-magical fish. And if it’s just a fish, then I get to be just a girl for a moment. Nothing else.”
“Just a girl… levitating above a lake on a broom.”
You smirked at him, and he nudged you with his shoulder.
“Only winding you up. I know exactly what you mean. If I were just a boy, I’d only have to listen to Walburga’s gaping gob on holidays. She wouldn’t have the option to pop it in the post.”
He snorted humourlessly, and you found yourself modifying your instincts again. In some other time that seemed bizarrely much further away than just a month or so ago, you’d have taken his hand or put your arm around him. As it was, you leant against him lightly, hoping that was encouragement enough for him to go on. He sighed and slid a hand through his hair.
“She threatened me. Again. Which means she’s still invested enough in this parent thing to care what other people think of me. I’ll need to up my ‘blight upon the family legacy’ game. Suggestions?”
“Hmm. You could always join the VSO. Just become even more of a disgustingly worthwhile human being.”
He chuckled quietly, and you waited. Walburga threatening Sirius was old hat. There was something else bothering him.
“Seems as if darling Regulus has also taken to spying for them. I’m sure that’ll earn him a pat on the head and an extra chestnut at Crimbo.”
“What did he tell them?”
You felt him tense and glanced over.
“He’s somehow heard about… well, that there’s… a girl.”
His tone shifted to discomfort as he spoke, and you were having trouble deciding what to make of it. He certainly hadn’t been shy about his love life last night. One thing you did know, however, was that you weren’t prepared to let your lingering feelings for him drive a wedge between you. Even now, just sitting here beside him after a late-night joyride, you felt the full force of how much you’d missed him.
“Rotten little blighter. And why does he care all of a sudden? If you’re the sort to listen to rumours, you’ve gone out with everyone from Marlene to Madam Rosmerta.”
“I started that last one,” Sirius said conspiratorially, leaning forwards to watch your expression. It was something he’d done since first year. Always waiting eagerly to see if you smiled or laughed at his jokes, looking pleased with himself when you did. You didn’t disappoint him, and he kept his eyes fixed on yours as he continued.
“I’m really sorry about last night, Y/N.”
“So am I.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“I was shouting just as loudly as you. Though in fairness, you did win the blowing-things-up contest I wasn’t aware we were having.”
“You were only shouting because I was acting like a complete bellend. And being pissed is no excuse. None. I don’t know what… I just wasn’t…”
He looked out across the lake, blinking in frustration as he tried to find the words he wanted. You didn’t like that it was a struggle. He should be able to talk to you about anything, without a second thought. Including this girl.
“Sirius, I haven’t said that I’m happy for you, and I should’ve done from the very first. Because I am. I’m glad you’ve found someone special. I’m glad you’re having fun. Nobody deserves it more than you.”
“I can think of two people offhand: you and Moony. And I’m happy things went well last night. I swear I am.”
The silence was lighter this time, and after a few moments, Sirius produced his wand, waving it towards the latest ripple in the lake. A few golden sparks drifted over the surface, and as they descended, a small fish jumped out of the water, mistaking them for food. Sirius smiled at you.
“Just a fish,” you smiled back.
“Just a fish. But I’m sorry to have to inform you that you’ll never be just a girl. Not to me.”
In your head, you tumbled off your perch into the lake, where you would live out your days with the merpeople, far away from your feelings. In reality, you tightened your grip on the broomstick to prevent that from happening whilst forcing yourself to maintain eye contact. He was speaking to you as a friend. Just a friend.
“But since there’s something extraordinary about being ordinary around here, let’s make a pact: You can always be just a girl with me, and I can always be just a boy with you?”
You wanted to tell him how very much that simple offer meant to you, but you didn’t trust your voice. You nodded instead, then watched as his momentary calm gave way to something much more troubling. He looked defeated. It was a look you’d never seen on his face before, and it frightened you.
“Tell me,” you said quietly. There was no hesitation this time.
“It’s getting worse. It’s getting so much worse, and I don’t think it’s going to stop. Last summer, it was just locking me in my room for the day, sending me to bed without dinner because of the posters on my wall. I’d give her cheek, she’d do her screaming bit, I’d pop off to Prongs’s for a weekend. But this summer, she didn’t just lock me in my room. She’d put a body-bind on me first. One night, she had Kreacher cast Levicorpus on me, left me hanging in the corner until I was all but unconscious. And bog-standard screaming isn’t good enough anymore – she uses the fucking stinging jinx as exclamation marks.”
You’d gone entirely cold, but you didn’t interrupt. He needed someone to know. A part of you felt like you could literally dissolve into tears, but you didn’t do that either. You needed him to know that you could handle hearing this. Because you had a sinking feeling he was right – it wasn’t going to stop on its own. And if he went silent about it again, you wouldn’t know when it was time to take matters into your own hands and make it stop.
“It feels different in there,” he continued, his voice pensive now. “Tense, heavy, like the entire foul place is waiting for something. Before, they were perfectly chuffed to be shot of me; now, they don’t always let me leave. It’s like they’re trying to… break me. So the question is, why do they need me broken? And how far are they willing to go to–”
He gave you a pleading look.
“You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?” he asked suddenly. “Including letting anyone else hurt you.”
“Of course, love,” you said, your voice cracking slightly. You’d only thoughtyour head was spinning before. But of all the emotions assailing you right now, the one missing was surprise. If Peter’s parents were suspect, Sirius’s may as well be lunching with Voldemort at Rules.
“She said that if I took up with any girl they didn’t approve of… well, I didn’t let her finish saying what she’d do, but I can’t really think of a good end to that sentence. So you understand, yeah? You understand why I can’t–”
Why he couldn’t be more open about his relationship. You understood, and you felt more terrible than ever that you’d been avoiding him.
“I don’t care what happens to me. But if something were to happen to someone I care about because they finally realised that would hurt more than anything they could do to me…”
“Sirius, if anyone in your family ever tried to hurt someone you care about, it’d be naught to do with you. You being good is not what makes them bad. These people, these Death Eaters – they want to hurt all of us. Full stop. If we’re not with them, we’re against them, and they don’t need another reason. But don’t you ever forget that there are people who do care what happens to you. Please don’t go through this alone… that hurts me more than anything.”
You could see the moonlight shimmering silver in his eyes, and you knew one blink would send tears spilling down your cheeks as well. Bloody hell, weren’t the two of you smiling just five minutes ago?
“Sirius,” you said with as much solemnity as you could muster. “Let me hate your parents with you.”
He exhaled a relieved laugh as you held out your palm. You might be too namby-pamby to take his hand, but it was different if you left it up to him, right? He looked at your hand for a moment, then slid his beneath it, slowly curling his fingers and yours along with them until your closed hand was wrapped warmly in his.
“Nearly all my secrets,” he said softly. “Safe and sound.”
“Nearly all?” you managed. You felt like your insides had melted.
“Well,” he winked, giving your hand a squeeze before releasing you and swinging his leg back over the broomstick. “A bloke’s got to have a little mystery to him.”
You pulled your leg back over the broom, and when you wrapped your arms around him this time, there was no mistaking it for self-preservation. Pressing your cheek against his shoulder blade, you hugged him as tightly as you could, wishing you knew how to keep him safe. He relaxed against you, resting his left arm on yours as he guided the broom above the forest.
You could tell he was heading for the ruins and caught a faint whiff of wood smoke as he wove through the branches. Behind the crumbling stone structure, a small fire came into view, Remus, James and Peter gathered round it.
“Moony reckoned we all needed to let off a bit of steam,” Sirius said as he came in for a landing, helping you off the broom before propping it against some rubble. “And Prongs reckoned we needed to let it off without firewhisky,” he added, scowling at James as he freed his hair from his shirt.
“Yes, how terribly unreasonable of Prongs, considering we’ve established what a right ray of sunshine you are when you’re on the hard stuff,” James challenged, pointing at a rock onto which Sirius dropped sulkily.
“Knob.”
“Prick.”
“Langer.”
“Cockwomble.”
“Don’t you just love it when the family’s all together?” Remus asked cheerfully.
You grinned as you sat down beside him. He still looked peaky, of course – the usual aftereffects. He was paler than normal, which accentuated the dark circles under his eyes, and he moved slowly and a bit stiffly due to the lingering soreness. But he was in much better spirits than he’d ever been so soon after the moon.
As you studied him, he reached into his jacket and removed the Dairy Milk wrapper, placing it on your knee and watching as you opened it to the sound of James and Sirius’s continued sniping.
“Why, Remus… you’ve saved me exactly one square of chocolate.”
“Thelast square of chocolate! You know how big a sacrifice that is for me.”
“I do. I also know that you know that if I were to pick up that last square of chocolate and even pretend I intended to eat it, you’d start in with the puppy-dog eyes and I’d give it straight back to you.”
“Yes, but it’s the thought that counts,” he smiled, snapping up the chocolate. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek and counted his furious blushing as sufficient payback.
“Just have a fucking butterbeer and shut it!!” James bellowed at Sirius, flinging a bottle at him before turning and offering one to you like a suddenly well-mannered sommelier.
“And for the lady, a charming little vintage and our finest twig.”
You accepted the butterbeer and the stick he also extended.
“I know he’s being stroppy right now, but I’ll not have a hand in beating him.”
“Cheers!” Sirius nodded, raising his already-two-thirds-depleted butterbeer in your direction.
“Nah, we’ve got marshmallows. Loads of them!” Peter said, tossing you a packet. You skewered a few and handed it off to Remus, and the five of you settled into chit-chat as you toasted and ate your treats. You were trying your best to relax and enjoy the moment, but in the back of your mind, you were mulling.
Apart from the blushing, which was just involuntary Remus, there was no awkwardness between the two of you. Not even after last night. So… maybe it was a sign. Perhaps you’d been wrong and what you really needed was a nice, safe, predictable relationship. What was the harm in comfortable? Jumpers, blankets, books, tea… people liked this stuff for a reason, for Godric’s sake. Yes, you’d fancied Sirius, but he didn’t fancy you back, and that was that. The two of you were in a good place again and you were glad of it, but it was high time you gave your full attention to the boy who seemed to want it.
“Marshmallow for your thoughts?”
You plucked a browned marshmallow off Remus’s twig and chewed as the two of you watched James and Sirius attempting to talk Peter into eating a still-flaming one.
“Just tidying my head is all.”
“You and Padfoot alright?”
“We are. I should’ve just ignored him last night. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“You’re allowed to have your fill every now and then. We can’t get overfond of him; it’ll just go to his head.”
You smiled. “This is lovely, by the way. Thanks for thinking of it.”
“It was actually something you said. Or wrote. That it would all run its course eventually. So it can just run its course now and have done with it instead. And I reckon the forest makes a pretty good course.”
You started to ask what he meant but were interrupted by a yelp of pain from Peter and a cheer from James and Sirius.
“Wormtail, you have got to learn to say no, mate,” Remus sighed, motioning to James, who stood and cleared his throat loudly.
“Firstly, I think a toast to Moony’s health is in order. Normally, he’d still be in hospital right now. Yet here he sits, his furry little problem reduced to a furry little inconvenience.”
“To Remus!” you all cheered, raising your drinks.
He raised his in return, looking around at the four of you.
“And to the best mates a lad could ask for. Never dreamt I’d have friends at all, much less friends who’d be willing to do what you lot have done for me. Thank you.”
That hung in the air for a moment before a loud crash somewhere in the forest sent a startled flock of crows into the night sky.
“Alright, I’ve no interest in being emotional while I’m eaten by an acromantula,” James resumed quickly. “Down to the point, fifth year’s been a bit of a roller coaster up to now, but there’s nothing we can’t handle so long as we stick together. Things are changing, yeah, but we’re an adaptable bunch of miscreants. And on that subject, Y/N, three-quarters of us haven’t yet had the pleasure.”
“Of?” you asked, and you must’ve looked as shocked as you felt because Remus choked on his butterbeer.
“No, no, he doesn’t mean 'of going out with you’. I suggested we come out here tonight to have a good run through the forest. And Sirius is the only one who’s seen your animagus form.”
“Right, so go on then!” James urged excitedly.
“Well I’m not shifting with you wallies just stood here staring at me!”
“We’ll turn round,” Remus said, standing and moving between you and the others. “Turn,” he ordered, and they begrudgingly complied. You took a deep breath and focused, feeling yourself sinking into your form.
You opened your eyes to find yourself staring at Remus’s legs. Extending your long neck, you nipped at the hem of his trousers and he spun, his face positively lighting up at the sight of you. If you weren’t currently a swan, you’d have been grinning from ear to ear; he looked like a child who’d just received his first puppy. As it was, you honked softly as he ran his hand over the feathers on your neck, which prompted the others to turn.
“Blimey, that’s brilliant,” James exhaled as he and Peter also reached out to stroke your feathers. You suddenly felt a bit shy. You didn’t blame them for being interested, of course – you’d been fascinated the first time you saw them shift as well. But unlike them, you weren’t quite accustomed yet to being an animal. Especially not around people.
Sirius had stayed back, watching you, but he stepped forward now.
“Alright, hands off, you all bloody well know she belongs to the Queen,” he said, shooing the lads. You honked a laugh and he shot you a wink that seemed to say he’d somehow sensed your discomfort.
“Off we go?” He tossed a marshmallow into the air, then shifted in time to catch it in his mouth.
“Show-off,” James grumbled as his and Peter’s bodies melted away in opposite directions.
“Looks positively delightful when you lot do it,” Remus grinned. Sirius whined and propped his chin on Remus’s leg. “I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself,” Remus said, ruffling the fur on Padfoot’s head. “Well, except that I wish I could go with, but I’m in no shape to run.”
James snorted and began gesturing backwards with his antlers.
“I’ll be fine here,” Remus insisted.
James raised a back hoof and began hopping about on the other three as he scratched at his side.
“What is it, Prancer? Got ticks, have you?”
As a series of honks, barks and squeaks replaced laughter, James suddenly appeared in the stag’s place. The whole animagus thing really was utterly bizarre.
“Climb on, you berk, I was clearly telling you to climb on my back!”
“Well, forgive me if I’m a bit rusty on my Deer Charades, seeing as it’s been approximately never since I’ve played. And you don’t have to do that, Prongs. I’ll only slow you down.”
“Give me some credit, son, I’m a bloody majestic king of the forest.”
It actually worked like a charm. James was the size of an enormous horse in stag form, and Remus was easily able to hold onto his antlers as the five of you sped through the forest.
You felt freer than you had in ages. You alternated between flying high above the trees – slowly beginning to feel as if you belonged halfway between the sky and the earth as you continued to adjust to your form – and low amidst the others, delighting in simply being young, wild and dissident with your mates. It was at times like this that you always felt you and the Marauders were getting far more out of your time at Hogwarts than the students sleeping safely in the castle.
You eventually made your way back to the ruins, exhausted but decidedly tension-free. The fire was nearly out, and James doused it for good with what was left of the last butterbeer.
“Wait for me by the greenhouses,” Sirius instructed the lads as he hopped back onto his broom, hovering low as he waited for you to say your goodbyes and join him.
“Straight home, madam?” he asked once you were in the air.
“Eh, once around the pitch first, Jeeves.”
He grinned back at you and took off at a lazy pace that made you feel as if you were being rocked to sleep. There were a million things you could have been thinking about at that moment, but in your ultra-relaxed state, one thought in particular popped into your head and subsequently out of your mouth.
“How did you know I was uncomfortable? When they were gathered round me after I shifted?”
“We tend to be on the same wavelength about most things,” he said without hesitation, circling the Slytherin stands. Without exchanging so much as a glance, the two of you drew your wands and fired off spells, yours at the flag on top and his at a green-and-silver banner hanging from the front. You laughed as the flag transformed into a fabric snake, flapping about limply with large Xs where its eyes should be, and the banner suddenly read, “Ssstay ssslimy, Sssnivellus”.
“Case in point!” he gestured. “Anyway, my animagus form’s a bit more socially acceptable than the others. Prongs strays too far in that posh neighbourhood of his and he’s liable to get shot at by some Lord or another’s hunting party. And Wormtail couldn’t exactly go strolling about either without people and cats trying to put an end to him. But man’s best friend is free to jog about where he pleases, so I’ve done a lot of it in Islington. It’s a good way to stay out of the house. And while you get used to it eventually, in the beginning I felt like a fucking idiot every time I got patted on the head and told I was a good boy.”
You buried your face in his shoulder, shaking with laughter at the mental image, and he joined you.
“Now I think on it, I should’ve been flattered. I don’t get that kind of affirmation at home.”
You laughed harder as he rounded the final set of stands and headed back towards the castle.
“You’ll have to come round during holidays, we’ll do a turn around the borough,” he said as he pulled even with your open window. “Black dog and black swan, out on the town.”
“And we won’t lack for snacks, seeing as people will be tossing bread at me whilst they’re patting you,” you added, prompting another fit of laughter.
“What in God’s name are the two of you doing out there?!” Lily’s “past the point of fed up” voice demanded.
“Ah, Gryffindor’s resident killjoy awaits,” Sirius said in his “purposefully too loud” voice, digging about in his robes. “Don’t reckon I envy you going back in there.”
“It was worth it,” you said, leaning forwards to give him a peck on the back of his jaw. You decided to tell yourself you’d imagined it when you felt a shiver go through his body.
He cleared his throat as he turned to hand you another Whizzbee, then held onto your wrist again as you manoeuvred yourself onto the sill. As you dropped the Whizzbee, he pressed a quick peck of his own to your hand.
“Don’t get too close to the edge!” he called as he turned the broom towards the greenhouses.
“Bit late for that,” you sighed as you watched him disappear into the darkness.
Summary: Remus hurts you accidentally as a werewolf as you’re trying your best to hide it.
Pairing: Remus Lupin x Male Reader
Key: (Y/N)- your name
Word Count: 2718
Your face burned a little as you managed to get out before anyone else got hurt, and now you were limping back to your dorm. Now in the light you could see that it was worse than you initially thought. A fair scratch across your face with some added bruises and scrapes on your legs, better and worse than you had thought.
Things happened so fast, faster than you would’ve liked. This was a rare occurrence which the marauders barely prepared for. The evening outside still raged on as you cleaned yourself off. Nothing felt off or wrong at this moment, so you thought it’d be better to see Madam Pomfrey when it was actually daytime. You winced as you dabbed the alcohol on the wound. This was gonna leave a nasty scar. You collapsed into bed, your dreams felt hot and out of order. Your eyes burned as you opened them to find that as it usually does… time passed and now you were being awoken by an awful talking sound.
“Wah-What?” You managed to say before passing out again, the smell and taste of metallic blood filling your senses as you fell face deep into the pillow. Dreaming of nothing and kind of everything. Hearing the sounds around you and the frantic people making weird sounds you assumed were probably words, but everything was so muffled.
“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” You could hear the fuzzy idea of words coming from a cocky looking mouth. Sirius.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just fine” You slurred out as you waved him away, you just felt a little sick, he should stop worrying. You shivered and pulled the duvet around you. It was cold last night and you think you had bled all over your pillow which was true as you looked back to see the red stain.
“Dammit.” You cursed as you got up, your head spinning before it settled and you could focus your eyes on Sirius.
“What happened last night?!” He scolded you, taking your face aggressively as he inspected the wound. It didn’t sting that much anymore, so you assumed it must’ve properly closed up now. He whispered a few curses to himself and let go of your face. “You just left?!” He pointed vaguely to the air, turning back to you with a hand on his hip.
“Did I?” You mumbled, rubbing your temples trying to remember the exact events of the night. Sirius clicked his fingers in front of you. “Earth to (Y/N), we need to get you to the hospital wing. Remus just got out” Sirius held his hand out towards you.
“Did you say anything?” You said as Sirius helped you out of bed. Your memory became less fuzzy as you walked towards the wing. “Remus. Oh god… Remus” He winced slightly.
“Remus what? Oh.” He looked at the door of the hospital wing, pausing to see if you wanted to go in alone. You nodded and he let you go, waving him off as he headed to breakfast.
Getting patched up, Madam Pomfrey didn’t chat or even scold you. Just working silently with pursed lips as you winced away from her every now and then. She checked you for any sign of infection before dabbing a potion of some kind that made it feel like your body closed in on itself, making you feel dizzy.
Just as quickly as you got in, you left, Lily waiting outside of the doors to escot you back and make sure you were okay.
“I’m fine.” You rolled your eyes, your feet dangling off the edge of the bathroom counter as she applied makeup to the newly formed scar across your face. “See? I’m dandy. Pomfrey patched me up and now no one needs to worry” You tried to give a reassuring smile, but Lily just shook her head.
“You need to tell him (Y/N).” Lily frowned, a hand on her hip as you watched her work her muggle magic on your face. You frowned back. No one needs to worry about you, you were fine. Why couldn’t anyone believe you? “Here. Bring it back after school… Tell him… for your’s and his sake.” She put a hand on your shoulder and you shrugged it off, getting up. “Fine.”
It was hard not to bump into someone as goddamn tall as Remus, but somehow you managed just long enough to make sure he didn’t see you as you slipped out to reapply. James gave you sad side glances from his desk until he managed to corner you. He got up, walking over to your desk, a furrow in his brow.
“Sirius told me.” Similar to Lily, he had placed a strategic hand on his hip, pouting slightly. “Of course he did.” You frowned, giving Sirius a side eye from your vantage point. “No, no. No ‘of course he did.’ It’s not fair to him” He pointed at Remus who was sitting away from the other Marauders similar to he was, looking very deep in thought. Your heart dropping a little bit.
“Tell him.” His nostrils flared as he looked at you, you looked away, guilty. “I can’t.” You whispered away from him, so he could barely hear you. He shook his head disappointedly.
“Fine. I warned you.” As he walked away, you subconsciously touched your face looking over at Remus as you sighed. It’s harder than James thinks, you thought to yourself. An audible sigh leaving you, you didn’t want to lie to your boyfriend, you really didn’t.
Sitting in the darkest corner of the library you can avoid the other, you hear footsteps approaching you. You froze before looking up to see Sirius. “I don’t want to hear it from you too, Pads.” You sighed, sinking further into your seat.
“You can’t tell him, (Y/N).” He sat down next to you, grabbing a book to hide his face as you both talked. “What?” You whispered.
“We both know he’s stubborn. He’ll dig himself into hole.” He whisper shouted back at you, his eyes peering from the top of the book. His eyebrows falling and rising as he talked, ending in a furrow and side glance towards James and Remus on the other side of the library.
“I don’t know.” You replied, sighing heavily as your brain tried to decipher your feelings. Tell Remus, Don’t tell Remus. it was a 2 for 2 vote, you sighed again. This was stupid. You touched your face again, thinking about what Remus would want. Probably to tell him. “Just keep it in mind.” Sirius ended on another frown, today sure was the day for frowning, you thought. He put the book down, giving you a nod as he disappeared behind a bookshelf.
It had been a full two days avoiding Remus like the plague, until he finally cornered you in a hallway on your way to class. Two arms trapping you to the wall, you could feel his breath against you.
“I’m not an idiot.” He asked in a calm anger, a scary trait he had. His eyes burning with determination as you wondered if you could just fall through the wall to avoid him. “I don’t know what you mean.” You lied.
“If you’re scared of me… Just say it.” His eyes pleaded for an answer from you as you struggled to further the lie. With his statement, he back away from you, seeing the metaphorical sweat on your brow.
“That’s- that’s not it” You fumbled, wringing your hands together as your heart pounded into your ears. “Then what?” He barked.
“I don’t- I can’t… I don’t know how to tell you-“ You smudge off makeup to reveal the scar. His face fell as you looked down. He wanted to reach out and trace your scar, but his eyes were filled with betrayal and sadness. You stayed quiet.
“I hurt you, didn’t I?” He demanded softy as you prayed to be sucked into the wall again. His eyes were filled with a kind of hurt you hadn’t seen before. A wave of guilt keeps you somehow quieter than silence itself.
“Just tell me!” He pushed further, stepping back as if your silence struck him a blow.
“I didn’t mean to lie, okay?-“ You tried to start, but he wasn’t having any of it.“What.” He deadpanned, his worst fears coming true as he watched you fumble your wording.
“It got out of hand and then no time was the right time and now-“ You tried even harder to explain yourself, but you had already dug yourself into a hole as you watched Remus’s eyes look for any reassurance that he was wrong.
“All of you lied to me?!” You gulped as his voice was raised, his voice straining as he tried to hold back tears. “To protect you!” You defended yourself as best you could.
“No.” He just said, his hands wanting to reach out even more, but he held them in front of his chest.
`I thought you’d be mad and then we’d break up and never speak again and-“ You wrung your hands together more frantically as he stepped away more.
“You thought right. I am mad.” He sighed sadly, not giving you the satisfaction of a last look as he walked away. A few tears finally escaped your eyes as you watched him.
You paced up and down the common room as Sirius, James and Peter did their own thing, your relentless thinking seemingly escaped your own head as James spoke up.
“I told you.” He hummed sadly as he waxed his broom. “I know.” You sighed. “So many times.” He looked up at you, a motherly shake and sigh as he rubbed circles around the helt. “I know.” You groaned, frustrated with your own decisions.
“For the record I said he’d be hurt.” Sirius wedged in his own opinion, you and James shooting him an angry look. He held up in arms in surrender, shutting his mouth before someone could tell him.
You groaned loudly, throwing your arms up in the air. “I’m going to sleep.’ You announced and your audience shrugged as you stormed off.
Tired and sad, you crawled into the sad excuse you called a bed, a light brown blood stain still on your pillow as you climbed in. You needed to tell Remus something, anything, that reflected your guilt, but you thought it best be a job for tomorrow if you could ever fall asleep.
You caught Remus in the courtyard, the sunset sky looking over it. He was alone, thank merlin, as he read to himself. You took a deep breath and tapped his shoulder. “What.” He stated, still mad. The statement not really in question and more ‘Please leave me alone.’ You sighed and tried to make the words come out, but as he stood up towering over you, you had to clear the lump in your throat before you spoke.
“Let me explain myself and you can hate me in peace, I promise.” You looked up at him with pleading eyes, he chuckled bitterly. “Please, Moony…” You pleaded further trying to catch his gaze.
“I don’t hate you, (Y/N)… How could I? It’s just that I don’t want to hurt you again. Look at you” He pushed your face up with his hand, tracing the scar across your face. “I couldn’t handle that. We made a promise and then you just lied to me.” You looked down, ashamed of his soft eyes piercing your soul. “Your word means nothing if I can’t trust you or myself.” You sat down on the stone ledge in the courtyard.
Remus frowned down at you, his lips pursed slightly as you tried to speak. He bent down to sit next to you.You were trying so hard to get the words out in a way that made sense. He sighed and looked away from you and up into the lilac sky. “Everyone promised no one would get hurt.” He looked back at you, laying a hand on yours. “I can’t handle hurting you again.” You keep your eyes locked away from him. You could hear him sigh again, taking the hand away. “I can’t handle you hurting me again…” He struggled to get the last words out, his throat catching the last syllable.
“This is why I couldn’t tell you. I can rest and be fine. You do it every month, I think I can handle getting a scratch.” You felt yourself growing more frustrated with him. Treating you like you couldn’t handle a bit of roughhousing. Though every time he looked at your scar your heart hurt. You put a hand on his shoulder softly, trying to keep the same energy as him.
“It’s not fine. It’s different for me. I deserve this.” He shrugged it off, staying as stubborn as ever.
“You, Remus Lupin, don’t deserve this.” Your frustration was very clear through your tone now, pausing before every word.
“You can’t possibly understand what I go through.” He turned away from you now, eyes truly locked on the sky, refusing to look at you.
“I know that, but I’m trying to, okay?” You huffed out, crossing your arms as you watched his eyes dart from cloud to cloud. Choosing to focus on everything, but you. Your chest growing heavier with guilt and anger.
“Maybe you should stop then. You don’t need to.” He said as he stole a side glance as your frown, looking a little proud at his affect on you. “But I want to, Remus.” You sighed, crawling into yourself as you laid your arms and head on your legs.
“Then maybe we should break up.” The words landed into your brain with a crash, the feeling of the moon being pulled from the sky. Leaving you to feel the darkness that was washing over the sky as the sunset. “W-What?” You managed to choke out.
“Maybe we just shouldn’t be together, We can’t keep hurting each other.” He stared off into space, failing to notice the stream of the tears that started to fall down your face as the words felt like they were slowly choking you. “How can we date if you can’t be honest with me?” The sounds from your sobs were getting more difficult to keep to yourself. Your shoulders shuddered with the exhausted sobs leaving your body, Remus’s ‘peace’ being disturbed by this, he looked back at you.
“I’m s-sorry, I really… I really didn’t want to lie. Please don’t hate me, Remus. Please. I thought it would be okay, that you could be okay. I didn’t want to hurt you” The violent sobs took a course through your throat, the words harder than you thought they’d be. He frowned, this isn’t how he hoped it would go. Against all his better judgement he grabbed you, holding you close as you sobbed.
“It’s okay.” He hummed softly as he held your shaking frame, you sobbed harder into his chest. “It’s not. I lied t-to you. You deserved to know” You spoke muffled by his sweater. “I don’t want to lose you.” “You won’t lose me, love.” He squeezed your body a little tighter, your arms weakly snaking around him too.
“I shouldn’t have lied, it wasn’t fair to you.” You hiccuped as you pulled away from his grasp, looking up at him with the softest look you could. The guilt eating away at you as you watched him look back just as lovingly.
“It wasn’t” He sighed, taking your hands into his while you desperately tried to control your crying.
“I just… You can’t protect me all the time, even from yourself” His heart broke looking at the tears streaming down your face, his eyes softened as he held your hands pulling them to his lips to kiss softly. “I shouldn’t have said that to you.” He whispered into them which felt like it made you sob harder. He was so kind to you.
“I really am sorry, Remus.” You said as you held onto his soft hands, feeling his lips plant another kiss softly onto them.
“I know.” He said softly as you brought you into another hug, wrapping his arms warmly around you. It made you feel safe. It made him feel better.
