shoutout to the adhd people who did well in school for years but suddenly crashed and burned when the responsibilities outweighed their coping skills
shoutout to the adhd people who couldn’t finish college
shoutout to the adhd people who do great work but lose their jobs because of poor time managment
shoutout to the adhd people who don’t lose their jobs but can never advance because of their inconsistent performance
shoutout to the adhd people who want more work responsibilities but are afraid of what will happen when they inevitably make a careless mistake or their inattention leads something important to be forgotten
shoutout to the adhd people who have damaged their credit rating by forgetting to pay bills or return library books
shoutout to the adhd people who work their ass off every day but never know if the results will be stellar, average, or terrible
shoutout to the adhd people who have done just well enough to go most of their lives knowing something was wrong, but figuring they just needed to work harder to fix it.
i am at my job and I want to work. there’s plenty to do, and I want to do it. some things bore me but others are fun once I get started. so why am i refreshing twitter for the 50th time instead
i’m not even enjoying twitter but I can’t s t o p
*getting distracted from a conversation in the middle of my own sentence because my brain took a few quantum leaps and now I’m thinking about space*
‘… I don’t remember where I was going with this’ I admit after 3 tangential stories and a complete topic change
everything is equally important but it’s physically impossible for me to do everything so my brain decides on its own what stuff to dump from the memory as unimportant. things my brain has decided is not important:
paying my student loans off. for seven years
going to a court date. now i’m not legal to drive for the foreseeable future
invalidation hell: ‘all millennials have adult adhd’ ‘it’s a quarter-life crisis thing to get diagnosed with adhd’ *all google results about adhd meds are primarily about drug abuse* ‘sell me your extras? lol’ ‘you’re way too organized to be adhd’ ‘isn’t that only a boy thing?’ ‘isn’t that only a kid thing?’ ‘whatever it’s just overdiagnosed’
an unusual story: I was an excellent student. I loved school. I loved learning. I did all my homework; I thought it was fun. I had a hard time doing long-term projects but I hardly had any of those in elementary and middle school. if I had attention problems i was more than smart enough to cover up for those.
in 8th grade I got A’s in every class in every quarter. A B+ in Civics threatened that my second quarter. It was because I had forgotten to turn in my community service form and subsequently lost it. my teacher relented when I cried, trusting I had done it because I was such a good student.
i got into a competitive magnet high school. we were the best of the best. the school, afraid of how we would handle competition, didn’t offer any special recognition for excellence. at the same time, my parents divorced. Worst of all, I found fandom.
adhd experts call it a ‘breaking point’ or ‘tipping point’ - the point at which an adhd-er can’t cope anymore and it all falls apart all at once. for me, the first breaking point was high school, with the competing interests of fandom and classwork.
college: a largely unstructured learning environment that requires self-discipline and time management skills
my adhd brain: *nervous laughter* haha what the fuck
me: *withdraws after 4 years with 45 completed credit-hours*
*gets a text* I better leave that unread so I remember to reply when I have time for a text conversation, or the conversation will distract me from what I’m doing now *never actually responds to the text, stops noticing the ‘unread’ icon after 48 hours
don’t do that *immediately does it anyway*
why did I do that
the idea that I should
(I forgot what I was writing in the above bullet point)
that low-key feeling of dread I get when somebody wants me to watch a video or listen to a song b/c the thought of giving something I may not enjoy my undivided attention for longer than 15 seconds is awful
something gotta bounce. a leg, a toe, a finger, something g o t t a b o u n c e
anxiety before meetings b/c what if I forgot something I was supposed to do. anxiety before phone conversations b/c what if I say something and don’t pick up on the social cues that tell me not to. anxiety w/friends b/c if I do something shitty they’ll be too nice to tell me and then eventually they’ll just leave b/c I always do something dumb and awkward b/c evidently I just don’t even notice when I’m being an ass. anxiety because it’s happened so many times before and it’s not even like I can blame them because I’m the one who’s an oblivious jerk
someone is mad at me and I wanna die. no really, here’s some ways I could do it, I think it would be better if I just– *gets a text from said friend forgiving me* the world is sunshine and rainbows!!
‘okay I wanna reach this goal’ does nothing but work on the goal for the next two weeks* *the second the goal is reached the project/game/etc is abandoned and never thought about again
the idea of having no distractions is amazing but what do you do when the distraction is your own brain
I don’t even remember putting that thing down but now it’s not in my hand and I don’t know where it went
‘what do you mean you can just think about nothing? what’s that like? I don’t understand’
*tuning out of a conversation halfway through somebody else’s sentence because I just thought of something interesting*
carrying my psychiatrist’s business card with me at all times because I see her once a month and every time I go I forget what floor her office is on. I’ve been there 8 times
‘Between A & B, A would be the right thing to do’ *a cascading thought process that takes a few seconds tops, justifying option B* ‘actually B would be the right thing to do’
somebody else, later: why did you think B was the right thing to do??
me: …. it’s not important, I’ll know better next time
(spoiler: I won’t know better next time)
I know you already told me this thing like 12 times but can you tell me again just one more time because I forgot
it’s not that I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to do this thing. it’s just that in that particular moment i thought it was okay to do it anyway for reasons that would take 48 minutes to explain even though it only took me 3 seconds to justify it in my thoughts, so it’s easier for me to just say ‘I forgot’
‘I already told you that’ ‘really? I must have forgotten, i’m sorry’ ‘it was FIVE MINUTES AGO. in this SAME CONVERSATION’
this internal conversation:
me: I feel motivated to do this responsible thing
me: if I don’t do this responsible thing right now I will get distracted and forget to do it for another 5 hours
me: so I should do this thing right this second, there is nothing stopping me
me: after I finish this one cell phone game
me, 5 hours later: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN
almost flunking a class because I straight up didn’t know any homework had been assigned despite loving the class and always attending
trusting the memory of literally anyone else over my own memory
intending to do something for days. sometimes months. never doing it
*cuddling somebody* mm this is nice … *2 seconds later* bored now
somebody is mad at me. I might as well fucking d i e
the options in company are: overshare about the one thing I care about or not talk at all
insensitive or inattentive? YOU decide (and when you tell me that i hurt your feelings and I didn’t notice I’ll rejection sensitive dysphoria into fantasies of disappearing forever)
being excellent at my job for months on end, doing everything right and everything well, and then suddenly & without explanation being t h e w o r s t at it for several weeks, making dumb mistakes everywhere for no discernible reason
when asked to explain something: well it all started when I was a baby
‘they don’t need that much explanation’ well YOU tell ME where to start b/c I have no fucking clue tbh
i can’t throw away anything b/c when I look at it I remember all the sentimental reasons I keep it around and they seem just as important as actually needing it and when I close the storage box back up I forget I had it in the first place until the next time I try to get rid of my clutter and repeat this process
i wasnt’ idle for a second all day and yet I didn’t accomplish a n y t h i n g
am i a speed-reader or was I so impatient for what came next that I read only half a page and then skipped to the next one?
getting excited about a project, starting it, then racing to finish it as fast as I can because when I get bored I’ll abandon it and never go back. must beat the boredom
edit my fics? working twice on the same idea? /uproarious laughter
well I fucked that up. too bad I can never rework it because I no longer have passionate energy for it
me, opening a bottle of adhd meds: I don’t have adhd. I’m just a lazy bum who doesn’t try hard enough
less than an hour after posting this I forgot my keys in the mailbox because I was distracted by looking at the mail I had just gotten and trying to figure out how to haul those and my groceries upstairs and if that doesn’t sum it up i don’t know what does
I don’t even remember putting that thing down but now it’s not in my hand and I don’t know where it went
‘what do you mean you can just think about nothing? what’s that like? I don’t understand’
*tuning out of a conversation halfway through somebody else’s sentence because I just thought of something interesting*
carrying my psychiatrist’s business card with me at all times because I see her once a month and every time I go I forget what floor her office is on. I’ve been there 8 times
‘Between A & B, A would be the right thing to do’ *a cascading thought process that takes a few seconds tops, justifying option B* ‘actually B would be the right thing to do’
somebody else, later: why did you think B was the right thing to do??
me: …. it’s not important, I’ll know better next time
(spoiler: I won’t know better next time)
I know you already told me this thing like 12 times but can you tell me again just one more time because I forgot
it’s not that I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to do this thing. it’s just that in that particular moment i thought it was okay to do it anyway for reasons that would take 48 minutes to explain even though it only took me 3 seconds to justify it in my thoughts, so it’s easier for me to just say ‘I forgot’
‘I already told you that’ ‘really? I must have forgotten, i’m sorry’ ‘it was FIVE MINUTES AGO. in this SAME CONVERSATION’
this internal conversation:
me: I feel motivated to do this responsible thing
me: if I don’t do this responsible thing right now I will get distracted and forget to do it for another 5 hours
me: so I should do this thing right this second, there is nothing stopping me
me: after I finish this one cell phone game
me, 5 hours later: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN
almost flunking a class because I straight up didn’t know any homework had been assigned despite loving the class and always attending
trusting the memory of literally anyone else over my own memory
intending to do something for days. sometimes months. never doing it
*cuddling somebody* mm this is nice … *2 seconds later* bored now
somebody is mad at me. I might as well fucking d i e
the options in company are: overshare about the one thing I care about or not talk at all
insensitive or inattentive? YOU decide (and when you tell me that i hurt your feelings and I didn’t notice I’ll rejection sensitive dysphoria into fantasies of disappearing forever)
being excellent at my job for months on end, doing everything right and everything well, and then suddenly & without explanation being t h e w o r s t at it for several weeks, making dumb mistakes everywhere for no discernible reason
when asked to explain something: well it all started when I was a baby
‘they don’t need that much explanation’ well YOU tell ME where to start b/c I have no fucking clue tbh
i can’t throw away anything b/c when I look at it I remember all the sentimental reasons I keep it around and they seem just as important as actually needing it and when I close the storage box back up I forget I had it in the first place until the next time I try to get rid of my clutter and repeat this process
i wasnt’ idle for a second all day and yet I didn’t accomplish a n y t h i n g
am i a speed-reader or was I so impatient for what came next that I read only half a page and then skipped to the next one?
getting excited about a project, starting it, then racing to finish it as fast as I can because when I get bored I’ll abandon it and never go back. must beat the boredom
edit my fics? working twice on the same idea? /uproarious laughter
well I fucked that up. too bad I can never rework it because I no longer have passionate energy for it
me, opening a bottle of adhd meds: I don’t have adhd. I’m just a lazy bum who doesn’t try hard enough
What? “You were never taught how to focus as a baby”?? How do you even teach that to a baby?¿
STRAP YOURSELF IN BRO, WE’RE GOING TIME TRAVELING [IN AMERICA]
sooo after a bunch of civilization advancements (technology, food supply, modern medicine) started giving caretaker parents serious free time (1940′s-ish onwards), parents had the option to pamper their kids instead of scheduling nursing time for baby #12 between hand-washed laundry loads and making bread dough.
In the US, this meant a bunch of dudes took it on themselves to write books and make lots of money telling people to never neglect baby cries and never put kids in playpens and stuff
(the most famous one was Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care, 1st edition published in 1946 but new ones published like every decade the whole century)
people were like yeah!! that sounds like a great idea! and stopped putting their kids in playpens and scheduling nursing and whatever.
and then the civil unrest of the 1960′s and 70′s happened and everyone was like ‘OH MY GOD THIS IS BECAUSE WE NEVER PUT OUR BABIES IN PLAYPENS ISN’T IT’
other dudes wrote other books like ‘dr. spock is wrong, buy my book instead where I tell you to pinch your baby’s neck to discipline them because lack of baby discipline is everything wrong with this country’
other dudes said ‘well MY book says we should be friends with our kids instead of ordering them around’
but even though their parents were freaking out because they figured hippies were the result of free-range babies, baby boomers were like ‘this Dr. Spock guy is GREAT’ and in the 1980′s they also were all about Free Range Babies.
I mean, his name is DOCTOR SPOCK. dr. spock
are you not going to do what dr spock tells you to do????
soall these babies born in the 1980′s never went in playpens and were fed whenever they were hungry instead of scheduling mealtimes and whatever
and playpens are SO out of style that we don’t even call them that anymore and everybody is like ‘they probably fuck up your kid. they probably just fuck your kid up so bad’
We started using Ritalin to treat adhd in the late 1960′s
then in the 1990′s: BOOM. Suddenly all these kids born in the 80′s/in elementary school in the 90′s were getting diagnosed with adhd left and right! and it never stopped getting diagnosed a lot??? the percentage of kids diagnosed with adhd keeps going up (11-13% of kids in 2011)
(spoilers: starting in 1991 adhd got disability help, lots of publicity, standardized testing increased, cultural standards changed, etc)
butalthough Science™ had linked adhd with heredity and neurological function, not diet or parenting methods …
–
“excuse me, the explanation that Science™ gives for kids getting diagnosed with adhd does not satisfy me, a layman, and therefore I would like to seek an uninformed second opinion” - 90′s/00′s parents, probably
“did somebody say they wanted an UNINFORMED SECOND OPINION?” - 90′s/00′s media, probably
–
…. the idea that adhd is an uncontrollable inherited disorder is actually kinda scary. and if you think the stigma against mental illness and neurodiversity is bad now, man. you should have seen the 1980′s/1990′s. so even as people were getting their kids checked because they didn’t want their academic life to suffer and studies said adhd would make you a bad student for life without treatment, there was this lingering feeling that adhd was just some kind of excuse for being undisciplined.
and hey! people sure do love to tell other people what they’re doing wrong, especially if it will make them money.
so there’s plenty of people eager to write books and articles that explain that while they’re sure adhd is real …. probably………. you know, in some case study somewhere ……………. …. the large majority of ‘adhd’ people are totally normal - orwould have been, if you hadn’t been a terrible parent(!!!):
“10,000% of the time adhd is a misdiagnosis. so maybe your kid does have adhd, but it’s way more likely that they just have a short attention span, can’t stand being bored, lack self-discipline, and don’t know how to organize because you fucked up your parenting so bad!
PS and even if they do have adhd their symptoms would be less bad if you were a better parent. you ass” - an uninformed second opinion media piece, probably
—
so in conclusion: as late as 2012, something like 1 out of 3 people thought your adhd is just because your parents/guardians did a bad job raising you. they let you do whatever you want too much, didn’t pay enough attention, let you watch too much tv or play too many video games, never put you in a playpen, or something else. i don’t know. but it’s sure not neurodiversity or anything.
that’s what we get for listening to Spock about parenting.
(final but not necessary to read note under the cut!)
my period is probably getting close but I don’t remember when I last had it so i can’t count days to figure it out
forgetting to bring painkillers with you
forgetting to bring tampons/pads with you
remembering pads/tampons/cups/painkillers but at the wrong time so now you’re at school/work and they’re in a little pile at the end of your bed, mocking you from afar
forgetting to bring these things but finding out you still have both at the bottom of your bag because you forgot to take them out after your last period
‘did i put in a tampon?’
‘did i take out that tampon?’ (D:!!!) (this is super dangerous if you have this problem like I do make sure you c h e c k)
when you really need painkillers but your hyperfocus or executive dysfunction has locked you in place and you can’t stop doing what you’re doing long enough to take some meds so you just feel the pain but do nothing to stop it
is this pms or rsd or the dreaded combination of B O T H
i am on my full dosage of meds why do i feel exactly zero difference
soooooo i was thinking that maybe the reason they changed add/adhd to adhd-pi/adhd/adhd-c is because it’s easier to google ‘adhd-pi’ than it is to google ‘add’
I was about to cross a city street and just did not notice the tram barreling towards me and stepped out in front of it and my mom grabbed me by the back of the shirt and pulled me back just as it went racing by
adhd is either suddenly remembering that thing you meant to five hours ago that you didn’t do or suddenly realizing that you did something that you don’t remember doing
Do you ever get to the end of a year of trying to work out why your adhd has suddenly gotten so bad again only to realise you actually just developed depression and it also messes with concentration and memory?
Yall ever procrastinate sleeping? Like you should be asleep and you want to but you just.. keep doing more things for no reason?
So, first off YES
And second, this happens because of executive dysfunction, and a need for stimulation, because you’re feeling understimulated mentally and/or physically or both
1.) if you experience this a lot and haven’t been checked for something like ADHD or depression before/recently, you may want to look into that?
2.)It could also be you’re not mentally stimulating yourself enough during the day or need a REALLY repetitive task to do or noise/visual patterns in the background at night - I find myself needing to do things like Sudoku before bed, for instance (I usually do two or three or even four puzzles, and stop when I start screwing up a lot or struggling on “easy” puzzles lol).
Noise levels for stimulation or visual light for stimulation work for some to various degrees; my spouse (whom I suspect may be “on the spectrum for ADHD” as it were) falls asleep better to television sounds or even heavy metal music on headphones, and lights actually can make him no less sleepy than darkness, while @thebibliosphere has mentioned she and her husband are better off leaving the TV on in the bedroom to provide that soothing stimulation or they have issues sleeping for instance?
So a white noise machine or leaving a fan on might be an option?
Some people also listen to music (like my spouse) or audio books, and find that helps, because it’s stimulating but also physically passive. That’s the key you want, something that isn’t OVERLY stimulating for the level that you need, but also, doesn’t require you to move a lot or only requires very simple repetitive movements (knitting, maybe?)
3.) Some people, especially people with conditions likeADHD,have different circadian rhythms from neurotypical people, and don’t get sleepy at the same times as them, because their melatonin production differs in when its onset is. ADHD people tend to not get “naturally” sleepy until past 2 am on the regular, and are often restless at night, taking several times as long, often upwards of an hour, to completely fall asleep even when they do lay down for it.
So it’s possible you could be not sleepy when you “know” you “need” to sleep, because your body isn’t naturally inclined togetsleepy at those times. Melatonin supplements are a thing and can adjust that sometimes though!
No, really - my psychiatric med specialist actually has a LOT of ADHD patients that use them and she approves of using them where it makes sense, including for me. You can find them in most drug stores and you may find it useful to take one around 9 or 10 PM or shortly before bed depending on its instructions (I’ve noticed “fast dissolve” ones act WAY quicker, like in half an hour or less), so that you get melatonin in your system at “better” times for your schedule if, you know, you’re forced into the “neurotypical” schedule.
Granted, keep in mind supplements in the USA at least are NOT well-regulated, and arenotorious for unlabeled filler ingredients including potential allergens, but I’ve personally had okay-ish results with CVS’s house brand, and very good results from Member’s Mark “Fast Dissolve” Melatonin tablets (5mg). It’s not an option for everyone - if you have a lot of food allergies or issues like MCAS it’s probably not a great option just in case given the issues with safety regulations and labeling - but if you’re like me and have relatively few allergies or sensitivities outside of pollen, it can maybe help?
4.)Have you been moving around a bit on occasion? I’m terrible about this too (it’s worse lately because of a fucked up knee granted), but I always fall asleep easier, and more willingly, and sleep better, when I have gotten a fair amount of exercise earlier that day, even if it was just walking (I slept SO GOOD when I was taking Capoeira or ballet even if it was only for a few months here and there). This is likely from a combination of using up pent-up energy/convincing your body it needs to rest to recover (pent up energy being something that can definitely keep you awake!), and, you know, endorphins/dopamine stimulation providing satisfaction where there could have been added restlessness.
5.)Are you trying to find “productive” things to do or learn instead of doing Actually Productive Things Like Self-Care? That’s called Procrastivity and it’s a common symptom of anxiety and ADHD.
It’s a super common trait amongst people with ADHD, because we avoid unpleasant or boring tasks that way while still feeling like we’re Doing Stuff and getting stimulation from those achievements, and Doing Stuff distracts us from anxiety. It’s not healthy though, and often backfires on us. :\ The urge to Productive On Something More interesting is common and is frankly why I recommend a physically non-demanding or passive, repetitive stim task before bed, because it can circumvent the more unhelpful Procrastivity urges by giving you a Thing To Do while not OVER stimulating you and causing a hyperfixation that keeps you up (which is definitely a thing I do lol).
Just some thoughts from someone who’s Been There and is in fact Still There Right Now Actually
signed,
- a person who isn’t a professional in anything psychiatric or health related or anything like that but who has ADHD and a history of depression and talks to people about that including one or two professionals, and reads a lot of stuff to see what is or isn’t useful, and who just stayed up an extra HOUR AND A HALF writing this post because yes, Mood. sigh.
Even saying ”I’m so sorry, I completely forgot” sounds marginally better than ” I’m so sorry, I didn’t completely forget, I actually completely remembered. I thought about it the whole time and it stressed me out so much my brain built an insurmountable wall around it.”
