Me: I broke my leg in several places, it hurts like shit, but I still manage to walk without a limp and behave completely normal when I’m with people.
Person: WHAT THE FUCK GO TO THE HOSPITAL SEE A DOCTOR GET TREATMENT!
Me: Oh, sorry, I misspoke. I meant: I have all the symptoms of undiagnosed ADHD, it’s exhausting like shit, but I still manage to function completely normal when I’m with people.
i’m tired and angry and i just wanna give a special fuck you to every teacher who implied that using “complex” language meant you were cheating or sucking up, when in fact that’s just how a lot of neurodivergent/autistic kids (and adults) naturally sound
My thoughts indeed
This is so me. I used to use really complicated sentences and stuff, but did a lot mistakes bc i was dyslexic - which of course nobody told me. So the complexity of what I was saying resulted in even more mistakes. Since our school system only counts mistakes… Well… I was a bad student. Of course. Because how else would it be?
I’ve really struggled with depression since I was 17-18 - I’m now 22 and it’s just as much of a problem. People tend to like me, but I really struggle to form strong connections. Even my closest friends seem to feel a lot more strongly about me than I do about them, which makes me feel awful. My self-esteem and confidence are horrendous, almost the complete opposite of how I was when I was younger. I don’t really try anything new because I’m terrified of failing - this includes properly interacting with new people. Even things I’m genuinely passionate about don’t really get much effort, because I can’t move beyond a sort of apathy even for them.
I’ve tried medication + therapy, but I didn’t really engage with either, which was my own fault but still meant I got little benefit from them. During the first half of lockdown I really felt like my mental health was improving. I was living with two friends who I got a lot closer to, I started to have a stronger sense of who I am, and I was much more productive with my time. I stopped wasting days playing games or lying in bed, started reading more, exercising, going out more. I was replying to people’s messages more & I think I’d outgrown a lot of dumb shit I used to do.
I moved into a new house at the end of summer for the new term of university and it all really went downhill. I’ve always been pretty into drugs, but since the end of summer they’ve become a crutch for me in a way that hasn’t happened before. I smoke weed a couple times a week at least, and while I never get high alone this just means I look for excuses to go see people and get high. I rarely hang out with people sober - I find it much harder. All the progress I made feels like its gone - I don’t exercise, my house is really messy (although that isn’t just me), I’m really far behind on my work and my free time is spent messing around with friends or on my computer. I feel more depressed than I think I ever have. I’m not actively suicidal but I’ve begun to really romanticise death. I really idealise the concept of dying as a martyr for a cause, which I know is unhealthy (as well as pretentious lol).
I recently started going to therapy again, on a private online service. My therapist has told me that it sounds like I could have ADD or ADHD (probably the former). Her reasoning behind this seems pretty sound to me - a lot of my behaviours now make a lot more sense to me, both in the past and now. I’m not really sure why, but I’m really bugging out about this. Getting diagnosed at 22 makes me feel like my life up to this point has been wasted. I’m not really sure if its the sole source of my depression, but I’m pretty certain its one of them. I almost feel like I’ve missed the life I could have had by finding this so late, as well as by being so depressed during what should be the best time of my life. Sometimes I worry that I’ve missed everything a ‘normal’ person would have done during this period, and that that will hamper me for the rest of my life. I feel so distant from my family and friends, and I have no idea how to fix that - I really wish I wasn’t.
Where I live, it takes a couple of months at the least to get an official assessment and therefore medication. That was before the pandemic, and I assume waiting times are longer now as they are with other NHS services. I guess I’m just posting this looking for advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation, especially other people diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a young adult. I want to make more out of my life, and finally start enjoying it, but the hurdle feels so insurmountable.
something funny about running a blog about symptoms of adhd is seeing people in the tags go ‘THAT WAS AN ADHD THING?’ and ‘people with adhd need to stop being so relatable or i need to see a doctor’ every. day. and i know the more they read into it they just spiral deeper and deeper and realise. what the fuck. why didn’t i know i’ve apparently had this condition that literally affects my whole life. and that’s exactly what happened to me.
When my people make me feel really bad and upset about things i have no control over, i like to come and read the tags you guys post on my art. Like, i maybe a forgetful screw up, but atleast somethingi did had made some one else smile
Finding out my ADHD diagnosis just this past November was a relief, but also left me with so many ‘what if’ questions. I’ve lost jobs, friendships, had issues keeping my spaces clean, doing homework, among so many other things and it left me feeling depressed. I kept wondering why I couldn’t just do things that so many others could do with ease and why I just never could live up to the potential others saw in me. Professionals diagnosed it as depression/anxiety, but really, there was more at hand if they had just looked further beyond the surface to see where it stemmed from. My depression was a mask for a root cause of undiagnosed ADHD.
I can’t say that I’ve got a full handle on all my symptoms, but it is getting better to manage with medication and unlearning harmful coping skills. I also still deal with self-doubt in being able to complete or start tasks because of the standards I was held to previously. I know people had good intentions in trying to motivate me to achieve the potentials they saw in me, but maybe if I had a different backpack earlier on, it may have been easier for me to succeed.
This is why understanding how ADHD can present in AFAB individuals is so important. Because a lot of current diagnosing standards are understood from the viewpoint of AMAB individuals, whereas the inattentive type, that I have, can go under the radar for years. I also hope that there can be better tools and resources made available for adults who get diagnosed later in life because there may be things that need to be unlearned in order to develop better strategies to manage our symptoms. Things to deal with shame, guilt, rejection sensitivity, time management, following through on goals and tasks, hyperfocus, executive dysfunction, relationship management, let alone all the other ways ADHD affects people.
I hope this comic resonates with many of you who were also diagnosed later in life and that you’re able to feel less alone. Thank you @adhd-alien for inviting me to be part of this and allowing me to share my story.
hey! i’m kicking off the #ADHDInvasion hashtag for adhd awareness month with a comic about CONSEQUENCES, and how my lifelong failure to react to them has been a huge source of frustration for me and for the ppl in my life who rely on me. even worse, it makes me seem apathetic or careless to others, when in reality it weighs really heavily on me - i just struggle to show it.
the best way i’ve found to deal with this is accepting that shame-based motivation DOES NOT WORK AT ALL for me (which is hard to do, when it’s all that’s been modeled for you by parents/educators/bosses) and try to replace fear/shame based consequences with positive outcomes: i.e. instead of “everyone will be so disappointed in me if i don’t do this,” sometimes it’s more helpful to think “if i do this on time, i’ll feel so relieved, and everyone will be happy that i pulled through.”
check out the roster here and make sure you don’t miss the comics from all the other artists participating!
Ok. So these results he says, literally the results the psychologist wrote down. Like, verbatim. “Questionnaire consistent with ADHD”. I’ve literally had my primary care physician say to me, “man, I think you have adhd. You sound and act exactly like my college roommate”.
Even saying ”I’m so sorry, I completely forgot” sounds marginally better than ” I’m so sorry, I didn’t completely forget, I actually completely remembered. I thought about it the whole time and it stressed me out so much my brain built an insurmountable wall around it.”
Even saying ”I’m so sorry, I completely forgot” sounds marginally better than ” I’m so sorry, I didn’t completely forget, I actually completely remembered. I thought about it the whole time and it stressed me out so much my brain built an insurmountable wall around it.”
