#boysboysboys

So, I was definitely not able to follow MLAM’s orders not to piss while on my date. I held out a really long time, through drinking a cider, Former President going to the bathroom, pressing on me, making out, and all the way up to him fingering me. That’s where I had to break. I felt like I almost pissed, and also his fingers were probably some of the biggest things I’ve had in me in a while, so I actually had to safeword out of fingering, which made me feel silly. Of course Former President told me not to, and we discussed why I redded. I actually started crying and I decided I had to go to the bathroom. I think I cried more than I would have just from the pain of being fingered while trying not to piss myself because I felt bad for being disappointing, which was interesting. Before I left Former President’s apartment, I texted MLAM and told him what had happened. I apologized and told him that I understood that I’d need to be punished.

As for the date, and Former President himself, I definitely had a good time and I’m glad we got together, and I’d like to do so again. To be completely honest, MLAM is way better at pain and fucking with my mind. But, you know, that’s to be expected, considering he has ruined me for other men. (50% joke, 50% truthfact) On the other hand, Former President and I got more sexual than MLAM and I had, which was fun in its own right. Gasp! It’s almost as if two different people might act like two different people and I should just fucking enjoy experiences for themselves!

(Long-ass post after the break)

Former President met me at the Metro station. I wore my First Date Outfit that MLAM picked for me to wear on first dates, since it was what I wore on our last date. It was a bit warm for the weather, but having him pick out clothes for me is hot, so I’m not really complaining. I thought of begging a sundress alternative if I ever have a date outside, but he doesn’t care about my comfort, and I suppose working around the outfit could be an interesting aspect of control. We hugged hello, and then walked over to a bar/restaurant that is part of his apartment complex. We each had a drink and split a Mediterranean plate, which was good. We talked about various things, from feminism, to our shared undergrad, to kink, and more. I did tell him about the fact that I wasn’t supposed to piss until I got home, and said that I doubted I’d be able to stick to it, and that I might feel bad about that. He was chill about all that, which was good.

When we finished, we went up to his apartment and sat on his couch. I took off my jacket, so I just had on leggings and a black bandeau (slut). We started doing negotiations and talked about limits, likes, dislikes, etc. Eventually we started making out, he was mean and pushed on my abdomen, and then picked me up and carried me to his bed.

We made out and grabbed at each other for a while, and then he told me to take my clothes off, and eventually his. I realized I actually hadn’t taken off another person’s clothes in a while, so I actually hesitated and he grabbed me and told me to hurry up. I did it and then explained that I’d hesitated because MLAM never really had me remove his clothes. Former President growled at me that he wasn’t MLAM and had his own expectations, which was a good reminder to me to stop being a stupid slut and treat the experience as its own thing.

After a bit, he started fingering me, and holy fuck did it hurt. That’s where I had to red out and go piss, violating MLAM’s instructions. After I came back, we relaxed a bit, and then started making out and stuff again. Somewhere along the way, he did spank me, which was good, but not hard enough, and in far too easy a position. Considering it was a first date, though, it was fine. He also did bite my bite, as requested. I said “harder” while he was biting, and immediately thought “Why the fuck do I even have that in my vocabulary anymore?” It was nice and painful. He’s also pretty into pressure to cause pain, so he got after spots on my sides a couple times, which did hurt a bit, so that was good.

I was kissing him and his neck and his nipples (which are super sensitive, which translates to super fun) and he told me to go lower, so I started licking and sucking his balls, and up the shaft a bit. He indicated that he wanted a blowjob and I looked up at him and said “Can I see those test results?” he reminded me they were from December, and did not press the issue, getting up and putting on a condom, instead. Responsible!LFB rules the day! So, I gave him a blowjob with the condom on. He actually has a smaller than average penis, which makes for enjoyable blowjob giving. Well, enjoyable if you’re given free reign. Less so when your head is being held down until you gag and choke. But of course, that’s enjoyable in its own way.

So, a little after that, we were about to have piv sex and for some reason I stopped him. I’m not entirely sure why. Part of it was actually wondering what Legal Lolita and MLAM would think, which is kind of fucking ridiculous of me because what? Then I was also getting some generalized societal slut shamey feelings, and a bit from myself. Former President backed off, except for continuing to tease me. He would grab me and move me like he would if we were fucking and uuuunf it was so rough and I wanted it and eventually I said, “Fuck it. Put on another condom.”

He fucked me nice and hard, slamming into me and moving my body and holding me and gods I needed that. The whole time he was saying/whispering/growling dirty things into my ear that I could only half understand, and I was saying things like “Fuck” and “Yes” and “Use me.” Well, at one point he was growling something and I was saying “Yes” at about the same time when I realized that he had said the word “Cum.” Whether that meant orgasm or ejaculate, I didn’t want to answer without being sure what the question was, so I said “What?” but then it was too late and he pulled out and and whipped the condom off and started cumming on me. It would have been fine, except that he got some on my vulva. I slapped my hand over my pussy and kind of froze and was thinking “Oh shit oh shit oh shit.” He finished and grabbed a towel and wiped me off but wasn’t exactly the most careful about that.

I was actually freaked out at that point, and when he came back to cuddle, I expressed that a little bit. He apologized but didn’t seem to be getting how upset I was. Then, I started to unfreeze and process and decided to just be open and honest and told him that it had been upsetting. He apologized again and seemed to actually realize what had happened and was super sorry. I took a deep breath and said “Don’t laugh, but I think I want EC.” He decidedly did not laugh, and was incredibly understanding. He acknowledged his fuck up, said he could understand if I was mad, and offered to pay half the cost, without any prompting. Best possible response.

We hopped in the shower and, while we were showering, did a bit of the relationship negotiation-type discussion that my friend, Sexy Librarian, had told me she did when she negotiated with MLAM, which is something he and I didn’t do at the time. Former President and I determined that we both are mostly looking for friends. Particularly friends with special interests.

When we went back into the bedroom, he noticed that he had bit out one of my earrings. I was a bit sad, but not actually upset. He, on the other hand, felt super bad for two unfortunate things happening at once, so he kept looking for it long past when I’d given up. We cuddled a bit more, and then I got tired of just cuddling, so I started playing with his nipples and licking his balls. Remembering something he had said online, I asked him, “You enjoy anal play, right?” and when he answered in the affirmative, I started playing with his ass. I decided to have some fun and tease him. I asked him questions and made him tell me things like about the best paper he wrote in undergrad, while I played with his balls, nipples, and ass. He kept interrupting himself to make all sorts of lovely sounds. I love teasing. It makes me feel powerful, but at the same time, it’s me serving my purpose, to provide pleasure to men.

While we were talking about pain, he offered me a back massage, and I gave him a skeptical “Are you actually being nice or are you going to be hurting me?” look, and he said he wouldn’t say. It did feel fantastic, but also hurt. He was straddling me while giving me the massage, and then he was on top of me, sort of grinding against me, and I told him I was thinking about him fucking me in the ass. He said, “Oh?” and I continued telling him what I was thinking. He grabbed some lube and fingered my ass while I kept talking. Then he got a condom and yeah, I gave up that third hole. Anal with him was not at all painful and was really enjoyable because of his cock size.

We cuddled a bit more and talked for a while. He likes how responsive I am, and how small I am. (They usually do.) I told him he should spank me more, and that I wanted more pain next time. We also discussed the fact that he does, indeed, smoke, and has a guy, so at least I don’t need to worry about not having a source. I haven’t been, and don’t, smoke very much, though, so what I have should last me quite a while. Then, before I left, we had piv sex again for a little while. After I asked, “You’re not gonna pull that trick with the condom again, are ya?” and he said “No.” in a way that meant he def still felt bad about things.

We left his apartment and walked back holding hands. I noticed he seemed to be in a bit of a negative place, so I asked how he was doing. He still felt bad about the semen spillage, and I told him that while I was glad he took responsibility and owned his mistake and everything, I definitely didn’t want him to beat himself up about it. He said he wasn’t really beating himself up, but that he did feel like he should have had more control. We also figured out that he had thought I understood his question. When he realized I hadn’t, I think he felt even a bit worse. We kept talking as we walked, and made vague plans to hang out the following Wednesday. Those did not pan out.

I think one big difference between MLAM and Former President is that, with MLAM, there is more of a power dynamic, which is partially him, and partially just something that takes time to develop. Also, while I certainly enjoyed the sex, maybe I’m not looking for something quite so sex heavy. One relationship like that is good, but I don’t really need or want more than a couple people I’m having piv with at a given time. I think in the future, it will be a good idea to meet and hang out with someone a couple times before playing or fucking. Definitely holding off on piv sex for a bit in the future. It’s too easy a way to be dominant over someone, and not my primary interest right now.

Pain and Mark Tally:
He spanked me, bit me nice and hard, and grabbed me hard.
I came away with some bruises on my shoulders and sides, and a couple on my inner thigh that neither Former President knew where they came from.

That feeling when the okcupid guy you messaged because his profile talks about how cool space is, he says consent and sex positivity are two of the things he couldn’t live without, he identifies himself as a feminist, he wants to talk about the “hard problems” in philosophy, and he has the same favorite games as you finally messages you back.

And says that yours might be the most thoughtful message he’s received in five years of being on okcupid.

I finally finished grad school! I kinda almost didn’t, but I explained my depression issues and they were super understanding about me not getting the type of grade I needed in one of my classes.

I completely forgot to post an update on my HPV status. I found out several weeks ago that I am now HPV-free. I’m so fucking relieved. I don’t have to worry about giving anything to anyone and I don’t have to worry about cancer.  Thank the metaphorical excuse for a goddess that people in my age group clear that shit out.

I’m also about to move out of A2 in a few days. I’ve been making a bunch of new friends over the past month, so I’m actually sad about it. I’ll be okay, and I know I’ll meet awesome new people in the DMV (I already have started to, in fact). It just sucks. I was finally getting a group of kinky/poly/feminist/sex positive/fucking awesome friends (as opposed to just multiple friends), and now I kinda have to start over. I mean, I’ll keep up with them, and visit them and they will visit me, but it does give me a bit of the sads.

I finally had sex with a lady! It was fun, and I really enjoyed it, even if she wasn’t exactly my type.  I apparently was not terrible, and definitely not as bad as teenage boy, which is how I felt.

I have three gentlemen (lol gentlemen) in my life right now. Since this is a navel-gazing sex blog, I’ll call them by nicknames that amuse me.

There’s British Lad ™. I actually met this guy on kik. I never thought I’d like someone from there, since it’s mostly terrible people, but I was wicked horny for a period of time (16 orgasms in about 10 hours, thank you!) and I found this guy who told me a really hot story. It was so good that I was willing to send him a picture of my tits. I never do that. He then sent me a picture of his cock when I asked, and when I saw it, I actually got turned on. I’m sorry, but cock shots never turn me on. So, I asked for more pictures, and he asked for more, and we’ve been going back and forth with pictures and stories and mmmph. He hasn’t told me his real name, and honestly, I don’t care. Someone whose pictures give me gina tingles (worst phrase)? I’ll take it. He’s somewhat dommy, and likes to play with that, which is fun.

Then there’s the lovely dommy guy I’ve been playing with in A2, who I met off OkCupid. (I’ll have full stories later). I told my Breastie* that I wanted an amusing nickname but couldn’t think of one. She came up with My Lord and Master (MLAM for short). It’s perfect because no. Not exactly his style. As in, he’s wickedly dominant when he wants to be, but most of the time he’s like a caffinated Labrador puppy. Just excited, and curious, extroverted as fuck, and genuinely interested in other people. He’s also nicely left-leaning and has enough feminist cred that I let him say shit about it when he’s domming me. I’m really sad to be leaving, because his style is perfect for me. More details later, but long story short, he’s ridiculously good about checking in and enthusiastic consent, he can read me pretty darn well, he likes reactions, so he’s interested in doing what his partners want, and he’s very good at the psychological side of things. (Holy fuck when he plays with my feminism…but that’s for another post. Basically, the term “feminist bitch” now makes my pussy wet in a way that slut no longer can.)

Finally, we’ve got my soon-to-be local boy (Or, rather, man. He does happen to be 6 years older than I am.), Former President (FP). This guy messaged me on the OkCupes, and PHEW. His first message referenced my rejection of mind-body dualism, our sexual compatibility, and said he was mostly “looking for a good conversation about feminism and deconstructing binaries.” Yes plz. Well, we did end up turning the conversation towards kinks pretty darn quickly, I’ll admit. What can I say? I was horny and excited to find someone good in my area. We’re very sexually compatible (and also have similar politics and interests outside of kink, in many ways). He does switch, and enjoys pegging as part of that, but is mostly dominant. He likes consensual nonconsent, rough sex, impact play, biting, hair pulling, spanking, etc. He shared a really hot story with me that definitely served as masturbation inspiration, and thinking about being handed over from MLAM to him (like a possession that you give to someone and show them how best to use) has definitely pushed me over the edge a few times during masturbation. He likes causing tears, which is interesting to me, since I’ve found I like being made to cry, at least through pain. We’ve been talking for a good couple weeks now, and we have a date set up for May 9th. Of course, I’ll share that story as soon as possible.

My only complaints are that he used “masculinity” instead of “cock” in a sexy story, and that he capitalized “Domly” in a message. The first thing is just kinda not hot to me, but the second I’m just like “Nope.” Because 1. Domly just sounds to serious for such things, in my opinion (I like “dommy” because it’s just a softer word, and is the right amount of playful) and 2. Capitalization games are absurd and obnoxious. I’m giving him a pass because it was in the context of the sentence “So even when I’m being Domly it’s extremely important to know my partner is getting exactly what she wants, as I’m hard-wired to get off on that approval.”

I have to finish writing up some entries about what I’ve been up to lately, but hopefully I’ll post those soon.

*because she has a large bust and is my bestie and ahahaha one of my other friends (Legal Lolita) came up with that one because I can only come up with nicknames easily when it comes to really obvious things or silly boys.

Apparently finding a hot dommy top has turned me into a high school girl, complete with asking my bestie what to say in texts, and getting all giggly and silly when he texts me.

And turned on. Like got warm and was uncomfortable that I was in public.

Hey okc people,

Refusal conversions may be a thing in survey methodology (where it’s still kinda squicky), but it’s not cool on a dating site. At. All.  Your attempt to turn my “not interested” and “no” into a “yes,” just makes me so much more uninterested in you. Especially when we literally just had a conversation about no meaning no.

xoxo

Okay, I have to admit.  Having lots of dudes all up on my P makes me feel pretty good.

Especially having M (a guy I’ve kinda hooked up with since getting with Z and someone I’ll have to write more about at some point) tell me
“maybe i come off as over-eager anyway.
but you know what?
i am, i’m really eager, i find you SO sexy.”

all of the boys on okcupid who like me are potheads
i don’t think you understand
like the BIGGEST potheads
.
.
.
it’s pretty great