#bungou stray dogs imagines
Y/N:If you have a “vine boom moment,” you can’t just play the sound. Like, you can’t just open your computer and play the noise. You have to feel it. It has to resonate with you like the comforting words of a true love. It has to be written into the very code of your being to know when it happens, and for the feeling to be drawn upon when it is needed most and not a second before… You know what I mean?
Fyodor:Y/N.Please go to fucking bed.
Chuuya: Look at us, bickering like schoolkids, looking around the room for things to hit each other with.
Y/N: …I don’t think we were doing that.
Chuuya: Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, my leg.
Y/N, Dazai, and Atsushi:[screaming]
Kunikida, running into the room: What’s wrong, Atsushi?!
Y/N: Why are you only asking Atsushi?!
Dazai: Yeah! We’re all screaming!
Kunikida: Because Atsushi doesn’t scream unless it’s an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.
Tachihara: Well, Y/N, I guess it’s just you and me here. Want to hang out?
Narrator: And then Y/N said something to Tachihara that insulted every fiber of his being.
Y/N:Nah.
Atsushi: Wow, i didn’t even know pineapple can taste this….sour.
Kenji: is it really that sour?
Y/N: Wait, did you just say pineapple?
Atsushi: Uhh, yeah. why? You want some?
Y/N: Hold on, is there any apple that has a taste of pine?
Kenji: What are you talking about?
Y/N: My dear Kenji, I’m talking about those pine infused apple.
Atsushi: Wait what? I’m eating pineapple right now, not some sort of pine infused apple! I don’t even know what that is!
Y/N: But, you say you’re eating pineapple, which is pine with apple-
Kenji: Pineapple is that fruit where if you touch the skin, you will get stabbed.
Y/N:
Y/N: OH.
Sigma: Saw a snail today… effervescent.
Yosano: The names Practice
Yosano: Mal Practice
Y/N, holding up Kenji: Nice to meet you Dr. Practice, could you please tell me what’s wrong with my son :)
Yosano: He needs surgery on all of his bones
Y/N: Very well, here is my credit card :)
Yosano: I accept no payment I do this because I love it
Y/N: Tell me your wildest fantasy.
Tanizaki: I’m on Wheel of Fortune and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.
Y/N: No, I meant like—
Tanizaki: Everyone claps.
Y/N: Something very LGBT just happened to me.
Also Y/N: [Visibly shaken, haggard and covered in blood]
Ango: Talking about your feelings is so important.
Y/N:…
Ango: I won’t do it, but you definitely should.
Y/N:…
Y/N, on the phone: Remember how I said I was going to have a calm night?
Kunikida:…Yes?
Y/N: Well, I’m in jail.
Kunikida:[Hangs up]
Y/N, bailing Dazai out of jail: What happened?
Dazai: You’ll never believe this.
Dazai: Actually you will because you always expect the worse from me.
Y/N:Ranpo offered me his drink because I mentioned I was thirsty.
Y/N:I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of a baja blast mountain dew at 7 in the morning.
Kajii: When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Motojiro Kajii lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Y/N: Are you crazy?!
Dazai: Legally, no. There’s not a word for my condition.
Y/N: I introduced Atsushi to Animal Jam.
Dazai: Ahhh, ‘cause he’s a tiger, I get it! …But why do you look so awfully guilty?
Y/N:Well…
Atsushi, bursting through the door, in tears:SOMEONE TOOK THE RED LONGS FROM MY INVENTORY, YOU ARE DEAD, Y/N.
Y/N: When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.
Fyodor: That’s a genius move.
Y/N: Thank you! :D
Fyodor: You’re welcome, [incorrect name.]
Tanizaki: True warriors don’t faint. We take unintended, decisive naps.
Dazai: I think the easiest way to feel “wanted” is to simply rob a bank.
Y/N: My name is Y/N L/N, and this is-
Dazai: von Matterhorn. Lorenzovon Matterhorn.
Y/N: …Osamu Dazai.
Y/N: Sigma! Truth or dare?
Sigma:Truth!
Y/N: Was the moon landing of 1969 faked?
Sigma:What?
Y/N: Answer the question, Sigma.
Poe: So apparently feeling like something is going to go wrong is called “Anxiety” and not “Portent.”
Y/N: I need your help.
Jouno: Great, who are we killing?
Jouno: I won’t do kids. That’s a rule.
Jouno: …But the rule is negotiable if the kid’s a dick.
Atsushi: I told my partner, Y/N, that I was having an episode earlier and they replied “is it the beach episode” and it shocked me so much that it grounded me immediately.
Atsushi: I hate how you’re just born out of nowhere, and you’re forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a chameleon? No one ever asked me if I want to be a chameleon!
[Dazai and Y/N are doing something absurdly dangerous]
Dazai:I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Y/N, deadpan: Well that’s encouraging.
Y/N: *is carrying all the groceries*
Higuchi: *holds out hand to help*
Y/N: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold Higuchi’s hand*
Dazai: I am very handsome.
Dazai: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think “I have committed horrible acts.”
Y/N: Your future self is hating you for the poor decisions you’re making today.
Ranpo, Kirby-inhaling all his candy: Bold of you to assume current me isn’t also hating myself for making the decisions that I am making.
Kunikida: College is extremely valuable! You should all value your education! Back in Nineteen-aught-seven, when I first graduated from University, I remember learning-
Y/N: Okay boomer, shut the fuck up!
Kenji: I haven’t eaten anything since eleven, I’m starving.
Y/N: Damn, and how old are you now?
Yosano: Time to test your reflexes.
Y/N:[grabs hammer from Yosano and hits her over the head with it]
Yosano: What the actual fuck.
