#bsd incorrect quotes
chuuya:we need to perform a tactical retreat
tachihara:what’s that?
chuuya: it’s like running away, but manlier
poe:honestly, i’m just so evil. so full of darkness. i feed off the souls of the living. i strike fear into—
ranpo:you have a pet raccoon named karl
poe:HE’S MY SECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS
fukazawa:i have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn’t factor into the solution at least in some way
chuuya: met a dumbass today. awful.
yosano:you looked in a mirror?
chuuya:someday you will have to answer for your actions and God may not be so merciful
lucy: twain just learned that humans can fit a lightbulb into their mouth with ease but cannot get it out without shattering it
lucy: I had to physically restrain a grown man from putting a lightbulb in his mouth
kenji knows all sorts of disturbing animal facts and he will bring them up at the most random moments. the agency could be having a game night (minor detail: the moment uno cards are brought out, everyone’s out for blood!) and he’d be like: “hey did you guys know if ducks are bored enough, they will literally eat each other?” :D
chuuya to kenji: you are too good and pure for this world, but that’s okay. i’ll be the asshole for the both of us
15!chuuya:i hate the rain
kouyou: i know, but it doesn’t always stay the same weather. It’ll be hot again tomorrow!
15!chuuya:…hmph.
kouyou: listen unless you want to live in an active volcano there’s not much I can do for you
chuuya: you never say anything romantic to me
dazai:i literally JUST called you the rootinest tootinest cowboy the world has ever seen
Y/N:If you have a “vine boom moment,” you can’t just play the sound. Like, you can’t just open your computer and play the noise. You have to feel it. It has to resonate with you like the comforting words of a true love. It has to be written into the very code of your being to know when it happens, and for the feeling to be drawn upon when it is needed most and not a second before… You know what I mean?
Fyodor:Y/N.Please go to fucking bed.
Chuuya: Look at us, bickering like schoolkids, looking around the room for things to hit each other with.
Y/N: …I don’t think we were doing that.
Chuuya: Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, my leg.
Y/N, Dazai, and Atsushi:[screaming]
Kunikida, running into the room: What’s wrong, Atsushi?!
Y/N: Why are you only asking Atsushi?!
Dazai: Yeah! We’re all screaming!
Kunikida: Because Atsushi doesn’t scream unless it’s an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.
Tachihara: Well, Y/N, I guess it’s just you and me here. Want to hang out?
Narrator: And then Y/N said something to Tachihara that insulted every fiber of his being.
Y/N:Nah.
Sigma: Saw a snail today… effervescent.
Yosano: The names Practice
Yosano: Mal Practice
Y/N, holding up Kenji: Nice to meet you Dr. Practice, could you please tell me what’s wrong with my son :)
Yosano: He needs surgery on all of his bones
Y/N: Very well, here is my credit card :)
Yosano: I accept no payment I do this because I love it
Y/N: Tell me your wildest fantasy.
Tanizaki: I’m on Wheel of Fortune and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.
Y/N: No, I meant like—
Tanizaki: Everyone claps.
Y/N: Something very LGBT just happened to me.
Also Y/N: [Visibly shaken, haggard and covered in blood]
Y/N:Ranpo offered me his drink because I mentioned I was thirsty.
Y/N:I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of a baja blast mountain dew at 7 in the morning.
Kajii: When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Motojiro Kajii lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Y/N: Are you crazy?!
Dazai: Legally, no. There’s not a word for my condition.
