#dazai osamu x reader

note: i wrote this at 2 in the morning so I might repost to fix stuff. Sorry for any errors, I’ll fix them later or smth idk. I got too poetic oops. (if you actually read this- ily)

word count: 1.1k

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The first time you met, he’d grabbed your hand with a devilish smirk, asking you to commit double suicide with him around ten seconds into knowing you. His silver tongue drawing you into him so much that the expression on his face when you said yes was etched infinitely in your mind.

“But not yet-” you had said right after. “I’ll only die with you when I fall in love with you.” You knew it was your fault, your words that had ended you up here.

His smile did not falter when you spoke of your condition, instead he pulled you to your feet and had you experience memories so vivid you couldn’t ever forget them. “The only thing better then committing suicide with a beautiful person, is commiting suicide with a beautiful person you love.”

You remembered staying up till two in the morning, dancing to whatever song came on, eating old take out, laughing your hearts out. He grabbed your waist gently and twirled you around his living room, dipping you every now and then. The sharp pain on your hip from when he had accidentally dropped you and the long stream of apologies falling from his mouth felt like it was yesterday.

You remembered him taking you on little adventures throughout the city. Sometimes it was cafes, other times it was trails he had found in a park. He’d never failed to show you something that spiked your curiosity and made you want to kiss him for being so amazing.

You remembered how he’d grabbed your arm and pulled you into a Ferris Wheel telling you about how he’d jump from the top when the fireworks started. But when they did, he was too busy talking to you about what he was going to show you tomorrow then to remember his words. That was the moment you had finally started wanting to fulfill his wish. You were falling in love.

You remembered him giggling for ten minutes straight after you had touched one of his ticklish spots, and how he had immediately tried to find yours. Both of you were in tears by the end of the day, your ribs aching from laughing so much and your arms limp next to you. He had wrapped you in his arms right after, nuzzling his face into your neck, speaking softly into your collarbone every now and then.

You remembered every single time he smiled at you from across the room and waved you over, introducing you to his coworkers or bragging about you to random strangers in the store. It had always embarrassed you. But oh- the things you would do to have him do it again just one more time.

You remembered his hands on you. The gentle kisses he’d lain on your lips, his hair messed up from the night before and his bandages unraveled on the floor. You’re so beautiful, he had said, taking you into his arms and laying your head on his bare chest. The cold biting your skin, but his warmth enveloping you from the other side. And for a while, everything was ok.

“I love you, Osamu.”

Oh, how things had gone from there.

Everything became a memory. No more waking up in the morning with him beside you. No more holding his hands while walking around the shore. No more laughing at the TV at midnight. Gone, it was gone, everything was gone. Forever.

You didn’t know why it happened yourself. Why Dazai Osamu never showed up to your house the next day like he always did with food and a flower he picked on his way to you. He had just disappeared from your life.

He didn’t pick up his phone, nor did he reply to your texts. You knocked on his apartment door but no one answered. You called the agency, they said he wasn’t at work. At first you thought he might have needed to do something important, you knew how he was, always full of surprises.

But the grand finale he threw your way was nothing but cold and bitter abandonment.

Weeks had gone, and you hadn’t heard a word from the burnette. You knew that he was really, truly, gone. And it was finally settling on you. You hated the feeling more than anything in the world. You didn’t want it to settle on you. You wanted to stay in denial forever because then, at least you had hope that he’d come back. Even if that hope was so obviously fake.

And then the day came.

A single email, sent to you at noon on a rainy day. Sent by an unknown. But you knew exactly who “unknown” was.

Dearest-

I’m sorry.

Though it was me who offered, I have to back out of my request.

I’ve come to realize you cannot die, you have a whole life ahead of you to live. I’ve only spent a while with you but I can say with determination that I’ve never met anyone as vivid and fascinating. You are alluring to me, pulling me back again and again like some drug I took to feel something and ended up being addicted to. But it is impossible for me to keep tasting you like this. It’s dangerous, and will end only in tragedy worse then this one.

I cannot have you dying, love. I cannot imagine taking away such a beautiful creature from the Earth for my own selfish desires. What will this world do without your smile? Without your words? Without your touch? A world without your existence would hold some meaning- possibly. But what would that meaning be?

A meaning dull and rusted compared to what it was before, yes.

I apologize again but I will not commit suicide with you. It seems to me, almost like a crime. A horrendous crime even my inhuman self wouldn’t dare to commit. I cannot meet you again either, it will lead to complications. I hope you forgive me over time. If you do not, I understand.

I doubt a day will go by without you crossing my mind. I shall dream about holding you in my arms. About laying kisses on your body and going to sleep with you. Till the end of time, I shall think of you darling. Of reaching you. Of meeting you. And of loving you.

It ended there, no signature. You felt empty as you closed the tab and trudged to your empty, cold bed. It felt as if you were laying on ice, only the distant remembrance of warmth existing, a memory you never expected to experience again. Not in such a brilliant and aweing way at least.

How painful his words are, you thought as you closed your eyes. How beautiful and how painful.

#dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #im sorry its three am #bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #gojo satoru #dazai bsd #send help

@sugawara5

Fri, 11 Jun 2021 06:06:29

❧ DAZAI OSAMU (bsd) + Save Your Tears (The Weeknd)

everything happened so quickly.

in mere minutes, your back was on him, and behind you, trailed a suitcase and a carry-on. for once, the man is frozen, silence pouring out of his open mouth. he tried pleading (“my sweet, please, maybe we can work this out?”), reasoning out (“it’s really not like that, my love! she was just thanking me for saving her life yesterday!”), and promising (“i promise this will never happen again”).

but is that really all he’s good at?

making promises?

“please?” he gets ahold of your wrist, finally managing to detach his feet from the hardwood floor. “please.”

“dazai,” you grit, “i said, we’re done.”

you pull yourself away from him and carry yourself out the door. you know better than to look back and peer at his abysmal eyes for the last time.

it’s not like you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into when you had said “yes” to the man in question. yes to his invite for love. yes to this deathly tango. yes to drinking from a chalice lined with poison from the very start. sure, there were happy and tender moments shared, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t happy being his doting sweetheart. but you were just so very tired.

tired to have to watch him repeatedly sweep things under the rug, quite literally with a sweep of his hand, and a dismissive “oh, it’s nothing really.” women were another problem, too. he knew how plentiful of them ogle him when he walks down the sidewalk, but he still had the audacity to wink at them and blow them a kiss with one hand while holding your hand with the other. those were swept under the rug, too, of course. another file placed under the “oh come on now, that was nothing!”cabinet.

so you decided to walk away from it all. dazai could only follow you around like a dog to its master as you collected the life littered around the shared apartment unit into a single suitcase, a carry on, and a backpack.

when you exited the unit and along with it, the man you once called home, you were certain that dazai’s eyes were still on you. you wished you could say something, but was there any more to say? the last you saw of him, was the glint of disbelief and defeat in his glassy eyes, mouth slightly agape, body frozen once again. your last image of him was, quite literally, like looking at a picture of a man, forever in the process of reaching out for something, but never quite being able to do so. //

㋡ : first post woohoo!! i really like making these little scenarios paired up with songs ,,, this has been laying around in my notes app for a while and so i might as well share it here. see you!!

>> all words by aero 2021. please do not plagiarize. //

#dazai x reader #dazai drabble #dazai angst #dazai osamu x reader #bungou stray dogs

@aeroplaine

Sun, 28 Nov 2021 22:17:59

wc: 1.1k

a/n: it’s angst time, friends

Dazai Osamu was an enigma to many, but not to you. He was a criminal, a murderer, a highly lethal and notorious executive for the Port Mafia. But he was a kid. He was just a kid who happened to be completely lost and constantly searching for something to give his life meaning, something to make him feel anything. However, he sought after life in death and light in the darkness.

Someone who understood this as well as you did was Odasaku. Being Dazai’s significant other, you were no stranger to Oda. There were occasions where you were able to actually talk to Oda, sometimes even helping him care for the orphans he looked after. However, you mostly knew Oda through Dazai and his countless mentions of him. Odasaku was a somewhat peculiar man, but he was most certainly kind, and he was someone Dazai needed. The more you observed the relationship between Oda and Dazai, the more it seemed to dance on the line of best friends and mentor-mentee. Either way, you knew that Odasaku was essential to Dazai as a person.

Oda Sakunosuke was one of the most important people to Dazai, which is why the way Dazai looks at you in this moment breaks your heart.

You aren’t sure how you know, but you do. The second you open the door, you can see his face filled with an intense sorrow he desperately tries to mask. Just the way he looks at you brings dread to the pit of your stomach. Without thinking or saying anything, you gather him and all his shattered pieces into your arms. He stands limply in the doorway, head falling onto your shoulder, as you try to place everything you want to say into the embrace.

Gently, you pull away from him and lead him into your apartment. He studies you as you shut the door and turn to face him. The room falls into a silence you simply can’t force yourself to break. You hold your breath, waiting for him to say or do something. In times like these, you would always let Dazai make the first move.

“I have to leave.”

His voice swiftly cuts through the tense air like a knife. Your eyes widen at his words. “Leave?” The word comes out of you quietly and breathily, almost an exhale. Leave what? Leave who?

“I can’t belong to the mafia anymore. But it’s not like I can just quit,” he elaborates. Your heart sinks in your chest, realizing what he was saying. “I have to leave, disappear. Somewhere they won’t find me.”

You clear your throat of any emotion that may seep into your words, shifting in your place. “Okay. Do you know where?” Dazai admires you for a moment. It may not be the proper time, but he can’t stop himself. Rather than try to stop him or beg him to take you with him, you immediately try to help him with his plan.

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.”

You sigh, running a quick hand through your hair. “Alright.” You pause, looking over him for a moment. You try to talk yourself out of even bothering to ask. “Are you okay?” Maybe you shouldn’t have asked, but you could never help yourself when it came to Dazai.

He looks at you curiously, feigning ignorance. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” You only respond with a pointed look. Dazai sighs, quickly reading the tiredness and worry resting on your face. This is why he shouldn’t have come. You could always see right through him, always pulled emotions it was best to avoid from him. It would have been safer and easier for the both of you if he had just vanished without a word, but Dazai could never help himself when it came to you.

You blink harshly when you feel the familiar sting of tears as you sit in a tense, bittersweet silence. Not right now. Taking a deep breath, you put on your mask. Smirking, you wave your finger at Dazai, “Well, you better stay safe. I don’t know what you’re going to do without me, but I’ll kick your ass if you don’t come back to me in one piece.”

Dazai huffs out a laugh, swiftly building up a mask similar to your own. He pushes your finger away from him playfully. “As if you could ever land a hit on me even if you wanted to.”

You observe the mischievous smile on his lips and empty look in his eyes. You try to push through it, to ignore the feeling of a breaking heart. You tell yourself to ignore everything for the sake of the moment. However, your mask begins to crack, and you pull Dazai into you before he has a chance to notice. You bury your face in his neck. You weren’t sure whether you were attempting to hide yourself from his peering gaze or attempting to combine your body with his own. The pain you feel in the depths of your heart eases as he gently wraps his arms around you. “I don’t care how long it takes, just please-”Your voice breaks. “Please, promise you’ll come back to me.”

Dazai doesn’t respond, simply holding you in your apartment’s entryway. You take the moment to listen to his breathing, his heartbeat. You breathe in his familiar scent and try to memorize the feeling of him in your arms so you never forget when he has to leave for God knows how long. Slowly, he pulls himself away from your embrace. As softly as he possibly can manage, he presses a tender kiss to the crown of your head.

I promise.

His arms trail up and back down your arms, holding your hands in his own for a moment, before he pulls away from you completely. He turns towards the door, twisting the knob. He doesn’t look back; he can’t afford to. This can’t be goodbye; you don’t want it to be.

“Dazai.” You catch his arm before he has the chance to disappear in front of you. He turns, awaiting what you have to say. You swallow the lump resting in your throat. “I…”Goodbye. “I’ll see you later.”

The bitter smile on his lips mirrors your own. Without a word, he turns and closes the door behind him. You wait by the door, listening as his footsteps fade further and further away. You know better than to believe he’ll change his mind and come running back, but you hope to hold onto him as long as you possibly could. Finally, he disappears and you can’t hear him no matter how much you strain your ears. Your limbs feel heavy and weak as you find tears falling down your cheeks like a summer storm.

That was the last time you saw Dazai Osamu.

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@dammitlogan

Wed, 17 Jun 2020 00:19:56