— kisses during valentine’s day ♡

gender neutral ficlets featuring: nakajima atsushi, ace trappola, mammon, luke pearce, minagi tsuzuru, kyan reki, kirishima ikuya, & oikawa tooru

fandoms: bungou stray dogs, twisted wonderland, obey me!, a3!, sk8 the infinity, free!, & haikyuu

a/n: just a special little valentine’s day thing featuring some of my favorite boys <3

the type of kiss and when it happened was all pulled out of a hat at random, but i think all of these are super cute! i hope all of you have a nice valentine’s day! love always, star

—♡ NAKAJIMA ATSUSHI / BUNGOU STRAY DOGS ♡;  LIPS / EVENING

it happens after dinner, as you get up from the table to wash the dishes. despite you and your boyfriend a few hours before giggling and swaying in each other’s arms as music played in the background of your new and unpacked apartment with equally flushed faces, it was this action that flustered you the most.

the heterochromic boy, feeling uncharacteristically bold, stands and pulls you back towards him by your wrist, your lips meeting his in an instant. you find yourself melting into the kiss as his gentle hands now find themselves on your waist and on your face tilting your head deepening the kiss a little more. you pull away first, flushed and needing air as you stare at grown boy in front of you. atsushi smiles softly at you as he brushes away stray hairs from your face. 

“you know you could’ve just asked me to stay?” you ask playfully, a faint blush still plastered on your features, making atsushi’s heart soar.

he only smiles cheekily at you as he retorts, “yeah, but then i wouldn’t get a kiss” the tone in his voice shifts however, to a familiar gentle and soothing tone, “happy valentine’s day (y/n)! thanks for coming into my life, i love you”

—♡ ACE TRAPPOLA / TWISTED WONDERLAND ♡ ; CHEEK / MORNING

it’s unexpected, came out of nowhere on the walk to campus after picking you up from ramshackle. grim no where in sight babbling something about wanting to sleep in a little longer. the kiss was long and sweet, not like the quick, chaste pecks ace usually gives. when he moves away, you know that there’s a dust of blush on your cheeks, but you know his are worse, but you know well by now not to call him out on it. you want to ask where it came from, but he cuts you off, voice evidently showing his embarrassment.

“d-don’t think too much of it!” he looks away from you as he stammers slightly. you giggle as you shake your head fondly choosing not to say anything, but smile contently and continue to look at him as it looks like he has more to say.

“…it’s just cause cater and trey senpai lectured me the other day…said that maybe lack of affection outside might make you worried or something like that, especially since it’s almost valentine’s day. well, today is valentine’s day but i think you get what i mean… right?”

you blink in surprise, but then giggle taking his hand in yours making him splutter as you speak softly giving him smile that makes his heart pound. “…thanks ace, i appreciate it. happy valentine’s day, i love you”

he looks away grumbling under his breath, but doesn’t pull his hand away instead intertwining your fingers together with his. 

“…yeah, i love you too prefect”

—♡ MAMMON / OBEY ME! ♡ ; HAND / EVENING

it was something you never saw coming as mammon has always been quite flustered with romantic words and actions, stumbling over them slightly even when it was just the two of you. it was same as always, you and mammon making your way back home to the house of lamentation after another day at RAD hands interlocked. you were talking about the plans you and your demon boyfriend had that evening, a movie in your room, snacks, cuddles, you know, the typical sleepover works, but when you look up at the white haired male, you find that he was already looking at you.

you stop walking and nudge mammon lightly, “hey, what’s up?”

“n-nothing’s up!”, he stumbled, “s-silly human, nothing’s wrong with the great mammon!”

you raise an eyebrow but your retort dies in your mouth as you realize that your boyfriend looks more serious than normal.

he says nothing but raises your intertwined hands up towards his lips making your breath hitch. he eyes are closed as he presses a warm and heartfelt kiss onto the top of your hands. your cheeks already feel warm, but you can tell they get darker as mammon opens eyes, full of emotion.

warmth. adoration.love.

“did ya think i forgot it was valentine’s day? ya really are stupid huh”

you give him a hard shove and he complains, but you both know that neither of you really mean anything because of the giant grins on your faces. the two of you fall back into a rhythm hands interlocked once more walking back home.

“i love you (y/n), ya better not forget it!”

—♡ LUKE PEARCE / TEARS OF THEMIS ♡ ; FOREHEAD / AFTERNOON

kisses from your boyfriend are random, but are sincere and sweet, just like your relationship. it’s valentine’s day and like you expected, luke shows up at your front door step with breakfast and your whole day planned.

for hours and hours, the two of you explore stellis, dropping by at little shops full of books, knickknacks, small cafes, pet shops, just about everywhere.

it was currently a bit into afternoon, and the detective found himself getting dragged into a little book store. it was quaint, but it had a certain charm to it; the atmosphere was calming and smelled like leather and old books. he watched fondly as you made your way through various shelved until one section caught your eye.

you pulled out a book and briefly scanned its contents before facing luke excitement practically vibrating off your figure babbling on about the contents. he admires your features, a soft look in his eyes making you freeze and feel a bit self conscious.

“hey! w-what are you looking at?”

your detective boyfriend chuckles lightly before placing his hands onto your cheeks bringing your head close to him. he places a loving kiss onto your forehead and he can feel your cheeks get warmer, something that makes a triumphant grin appear on his face.

his smile and the look in his eyes are enough to make you melt. but what really does it for you is what he says afterwards. as a lawyer, you’ve trained yourselves to be unwavering when listening to others, knowing that if you let your guard down, it can change the outcome of your case if you believe the lies and fall for the tricks.

“just someone special. my someone special to be completely specific, my watson~ happy valentine’s day, i love you. always had, always will.”

but you can’t help but break down all your walls for luke pearce.

—♡ MINAGI TSUZURU / A3! ♡ ; FOREHEAD / EARLY HOURS

you can’t help but snuggle deeper into tsuzuru’s hold, burying your face into his neck, the warmth radiating from him helping you drift off. but you control yourself knowing that once you pass out, your workaholic of a boyfriend would just tuck you in and get right back to work.

it’s two am, too early to be up, but for you and your boyfriend it’s the norm. especiallythe week a script is due, which it so happened to be. getting permission to stay over at mankai from izumi to take care of him during this crucial time period was an absolute blessing knowing tsuzuru’s sleep depriving habits.

it was only day two and said scriptwriter already has coffee and energy drinks for blood. so in light of that, a few moments ago, you’ve taken it upon yourself, (as quietly as you can to not wake masumi) to drag your boyfriend to bed to sleep, or at the very minimum take a small nap. it took a while, but you manage to get him in bed, but despite the longing of his body to sleep he just can’t.

there’s too many ideas for plot, character, lines all up in his head. he knows he can’t escape from you any time soon, and that you’re not gonna fall asleep before making sure he does first, so he might as well have someone to bounce ideas off of.

the two are practically pressed chest to chest, exchanging whimsical ideas for a play fit for mankai’s spring troupe, whispering everything knowing how bad of a temper his grouchy roommate could have. but as time went on, you both moved on from the theater talk to more random things.

whispers turning to giggles, and giggles turning to guffaws earning pillows thrown in your direction from masumi’s bed.

“you know what i just realized?” you whisper.

“if you say something about the laundry incident im going to hit you” he deadpans.

“tsuzuru! im serious!”

he rolls his eyes but a fond smile is present as he brushes hair out of your face, “okay what is it?”

“today’s valentine’s day!”, you whisper excitedly.

he blinks before realization dawns on his face, and you take the opportunity to make fun of him a little bit.

“for a scriptwriter and actor, you seem to be speechless. nothing to say? no sonnets to recite? you didn’t write a poem?”, you tease.

you laugh as he whisper yells at you, “don’t lump me in with homare-san!”

your laughs turn much quieter hearing a warning grunt from masumi, but you go silent as tsuzuru brings up a hand to your chin, tilting your head up and pressing an affectionate kiss to your forehead.

he then pulls you closer to him your face once again buried in the crook of your neck and you smile contently.

“sorry that you’re here taking care of me today and for the rest of week instead of us going out, but i really appreciate it”

your eyes begin to droop, but you fight it as you know he has more to say.

“and about those sonnets? and poems? i don’t think anything i write is going to express how much i love you. there isn’t enough words”, he chuckles, “but there are a few things that i can say”

his tone grows a little quieter knowing you’re on the bridge of drifting off, and you fall asleep with his sweet words the last thing on your mind.

“happy valentine’s day (y/n), i love you. more than anything.”

somehow, you have the feeling that tsuzuru wont be leaving this bed anytime soon.

—♡ KYAN REKI / SK8 THE INFINITY ♡ ; LIPS / MORNING

the weather is sunny and warm as always in okinawa and you wait outside the kyan household with your bike one hand, reki’s gift in another. it was valentine’s day after all.

you sigh, smile and shake your head fondly as you hear the chaos that was the kyan household on a regular morning. 

loud and full of life.

your smile only widens as your red headed boyfriend comes tumbling through his front door, in hand his beloved skateboard and roses…??

you raise an eyebrow and in return he sheepishly smiles at you, his hand scratching the back of his neck in slight embarrassment. but nonetheless, he beams at you and you can feel your knees weaken.

“i got them for you! happy valentine’s day!”

your heart melts and you accept the bouquet from reki wondering how you managed to snag such a sweet boyfriend.

as you admire the flowers, reki is busy admiring you. 

(it’s one of his favorite past times. even more than skateboarding! and who cares if miya and langa say he has a dumb dopey look on his face when he does!)

you catch him staring you and you giggle, his grin only widening. though his face changes to one of confusion as pink suddenly takes his vision. you move the small pink bag away from his face and give him a cheeky smile as you place the small gift in his palm.

he puts his skateboard on the ground and looks at you, and you encourage him to open it, “go ahead, it’s for you. but start with the envelope”

he does whaat you says and gasps in excitement, “are these stickers for my skateboard?!”

“yup! take a closer look!”

he gasps again as he looks at the designs of the stickers. on them are little doodles of you, him, and your friends; the same ones he doodles on his notebooks.

he looks at you adoration clear in his eyes, “did make my drawings into stickers?!”

he smile at him nodding as he looks through all of them. when he gets to the last one, he freezes as he soaks in the design. it was a heart shaped one of you and him, the doodle looking like it’s inspired by one of your selfies together. he also takes note that the whole doodle is in your art style making it 100 times more amazing he thinks.

he takes a peak at you and see that you’re already looking at him, a fond and peaceful look on your features that makes his cheeks flare up. he looks back into the bag and pulls out a bracelet. the sight of it lights up and fumble for something in his back pocket confusing you.

but that moment is short lived as he pulls out two matching bracelets. the action makes your eyes widen and you pull up the sleeve of your jacket showing off a bracelet that matched the one you gave him.

you looked at each other briefly before bursting out in joyful laughter.

after your laughing fit was over the two of you exchanged loving looks, the two of you both have dusty pink cheeks.

“so i guess two brains think alike! who would’ve thought we would’ve given each other matching bracelets!” reki gleefully exclaims.

you giggle before launching yourself into his arms, the action making him nearly drop his present, but he reacts quick and wraps his arms around your frame.

god, he truly is in love with you.

andman does he wanna kiss you right now.

and he does just that.

your eyes widen as you process his lips on yours, but just like your boyfriend, you react quick and kiss him back. you can feel him smiling through the kiss and you’re sure he can feel you smiling too. the kiss is warm and full of passion, just like reki.

when the two of you pull away, you’re both breathless. you lean your forehead against his and give him a quick peck on the nose, a peaceful smile on your lips.

“happy valentine’s day, (y/n). thanks for sticking around!”

—♡ KIRISHIMA IKUYA / FREE! ♡ ; HAND / EARLY HOURS

despite a long day of work (for you) and practice (for ikuya) and college (for the both of you unfortunately), you find yourself having a pleasant chat with your boyfriend on his bed. 

you’re both facing each other, blanket haphazardly thrown over your waists, and shy adoring smiles on your faces.

as ikuya talks about his iwatobi, his hometown, you take one of his hands and begin to play with it; you trace shapes like hearts and stars on his palms and play with his fingers, eventually interlocking his fingers with yours.

at the action, he pauses his story and raises an eyebrow at you, a knowing smile set on his features.

“what’s up?”

you hum as you squeeze his hand in yours, “nothing much, just admiring the look of our hands. they look good together yeah?”

the teal haired boy flushes and you laugh at him, your amusement evident.

you smirk at your boyfriend and he internally curses at you for being good looking. 

“you make it too easy ikuya”

“be quiet (y/n)”

your smirk turns to one of a mischievous grin to which ikuya only rolls his eyes in response. but afterwards, a thoughtful look makes its way onto his face making you confused.

“what’s wrong?” you ask worriedly.

he says nothing, but only brings your still intertwined hands close to him and places a long, loving kiss on the back of your hand. this time, you’re the one with a flushed face.

the way he looks at you after would have made your knees wobble if you standing up, but the affect on your heart would still be the same; it’s beating a little faster and you’re positive ikuya can hear it too.

“look at the time” he whispers softly.

you do as he says and turn behind to see the clock on the night stand.

3:27 AM

he chuckles as you turn back to him with a puzzled look on your tired features.

“it’s valentine’s day (y/n)”

your mouth forms into an “o” shape as the realization dawns on you.

“ah”

ikuya snorts before kissing your hand once again. contentment, peace, and love shining through in his smile and in his beautiful eyes.

“i love you (y/n), happy valentine’s day”

—♡ OIKAWA TOORU / HAIKYUU!! ♡ ; CHEEK / AFTERNOON

you wait by the door as you watch your stupidly handsome boyfriend wrap up practice. you find yourself sighing as you watch tooru get hit in the face by other volleyball by no other than iwaizumi hajime.

“he just never seems to learn does he,” you find yourself muttering, rolling your eyes.

looking back up, you find yourself making eye contact with makki and mattsun, and you give them a lazy salute as they grin lazily at you. but those lazy grins turn a little more mischievous as they make their way towards you at the door.

“hey (y/n)”

“hey makki, mattsun. what’s up?”

the two friends wrap an arm around each of your shoulders and you can feel an impending headache coming on, and surprisingly, it’s not from them.

you countdown from three in your head and lo and behold three seconds pass and before makki or mattsun have the chance to say anything you find yourselvs in your boyfriend’s arms.

“leave (y/n) alone! i’m the one going on a date tonight! not you two!”

you roll your eyes at your melodramatic boyfriend before shoving him off ignoring his whines and the other third year’s snickers.

“well there won’t be much of a date if we’re late, stupid”

“you’re spending too much time with iwa-chan!”, he screams, “iwa-chan! im banning you from (y/n)! 10 feet apart at all times!”

“leave me out of this shittykawa!”

“GEH (y/n)! iwa-chan’s being a brute aga—HEY (Y/N)! WAIT FOR ME”

not listening, you begin to walk faster only turning around to give your friends and boyfriend another lazy salute, only slowly down your pace when you hear rapid footsteps catching up to you.

you smile as he matches your pace, finding a rhythm and walking next to you, still slightly panting.

“you’re so mean you know that?” he whines.

you snorted and shove him with your shoulder lightly. “well someone has to be tooru”

“i beg to differ”

you raise an eyebrow at him, amusement and slight disbelief in your tone, “are you pouting?”

“no! no im not”

“i actually have a 5 year old for company”

“your company happens to be your beloved boyfriend thank you very much!”

“that doesn’t make me feel better”

“(y/n)!”

you laugh at the mock betrayal in his voice, finding amusement with the whole situation. afterwards, you smile at him knowing he’s still pouting and nudge him again with your shoulder.

“come on, this date won’t happen on its own now would it?”

the playfulness in your voice makes oikawa smirk slightly, but the fondness is there all the same.

he presses a swift but heartfelt kiss on your cheek making you laugh out in joy.

“happy valentine’s day (n/n)! love you so much kay?”, he flashes you a genuine grin, one he rarely shows in public, it’s full of childishness and excitement and you can help but but grin.

“now let’s go! we’ve got shops and cafes to visit!”

he begins to run and he grabs you by the wrist leading you to your next destination, another place to make more memories to last a lifetime.

you’re grinning so hard you think your face’ll fall off.

WOOO!! ITS STILL VALENTINE’S DAY HERE SO YES I DID IT

i love my boys all the same, but i think it’s obvious to see which ones i kind of struggled on. but! nonetheless this whole thing was really fun! i haven’t had this much fun writing in a while so it was really nice to just get back into the groove. i hope you all had a good valentine’s day!

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize, repost, or translate on here or any other sites!

Y/N:If you have a “vine boom moment,” you can’t just play the sound. Like, you can’t just open your computer and play the noise. You have to feel it. It has to resonate with you like the comforting words of a true love. It has to be written into the very code of your being to know when it happens, and for the feeling to be drawn upon when it is needed most and not a second before… You know what I mean?

Fyodor:Y/N.Please go to fucking bed.

Chuuya: Look at us, bickering like schoolkids, looking around the room for things to hit each other with.

Y/N: …I don’t think we were doing that.

Chuuya: Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, my leg.

Y/N, Dazai, and Atsushi:[screaming]

Kunikida, running into the room: What’s wrong, Atsushi?!

Y/N: Why are you only asking Atsushi?!

Dazai: Yeah! We’re all screaming!

Kunikida: Because Atsushi doesn’t scream unless it’s an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

Tachihara: Well, Y/N, I guess it’s just you and me here. Want to hang out?

Narrator: And then Y/N said something to Tachihara that insulted every fiber of his being.

Y/N:Nah.

Atsushi: Wow, i didn’t even know pineapple can taste this….sour.

Kenji: is it really that sour?

Y/N: Wait, did you just say pineapple?

Atsushi: Uhh, yeah. why? You want some?

Y/N: Hold on, is there any apple that has a taste of pine?

Kenji: What are you talking about?

Y/N: My dear Kenji, I’m talking about those pine infused apple.

Atsushi: Wait what? I’m eating pineapple right now, not some sort of pine infused apple! I don’t even know what that is!

Y/N: But, you say you’re eating pineapple, which is pine with apple-

Kenji: Pineapple is that fruit where if you touch the skin, you will get stabbed.

Y/N: 

Y/N: OH.

Sigma: Saw a snail today… effervescent.

Yosano: The names Practice

Yosano: Mal Practice

Y/N, holding up Kenji: Nice to meet you Dr. Practice, could you please tell me what’s wrong with my son :)

Yosano: He needs surgery on all of his bones

Y/N: Very well, here is my credit card :)

Yosano: I accept no payment I do this because I love it

Y/N: Tell me your wildest fantasy.

Tanizaki: I’m on Wheel of Fortune and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.

Y/N: No, I meant like—

Tanizaki: Everyone claps.

Y/N: Something very LGBT just happened to me.

Also Y/N: [Visibly shaken, haggard and covered in blood]

Ango: Talking about your feelings is so important.

Y/N:…

Ango: I won’t do it, but you definitely should.

Y/N:…

Y/N, on the phone: Remember how I said I was going to have a calm night?

Kunikida:…Yes?

Y/N: Well, I’m in jail.

Kunikida:[Hangs up]

Y/N, bailing Dazai out of jail: What happened?

Dazai: You’ll never believe this.

Dazai: Actually you will because you always expect the worse from me.

Y/N:Ranpo offered me his drink because I mentioned I was thirsty.

Y/N:I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of a baja blast mountain dew at 7 in the morning.

Kajii: When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Motojiro Kajii lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

Y/N: Are you crazy?!

Dazai: Legally, no. There’s not a word for my condition.

Y/N: I introduced Atsushi to Animal Jam.

Dazai: Ahhh, ‘cause he’s a tiger, I get it! …But why do you look so awfully guilty?

Y/N:Well…

Atsushi, bursting through the door, in tears:SOMEONE TOOK THE RED LONGS FROM MY INVENTORY, YOU ARE DEAD, Y/N.

Y/N: When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.

Fyodor: That’s a genius move.

Y/N: Thank you! :D

Fyodor: You’re welcome, [incorrect name.]

Elise:I get my news from the only reliable source!

Elise:Cryptic symbolism in my dreams.

Tanizaki: True warriors don’t faint. We take unintended, decisive naps.

Dazai: I think the easiest way to feel “wanted” is to simply rob a bank.

Y/N: My name is Y/N L/N, and this is-

Dazai: von Matterhorn. Lorenzovon Matterhorn.

Y/N: …Osamu Dazai.

Y/N: Sigma! Truth or dare?

Sigma:Truth!

Y/N: Was the moon landing of 1969 faked?

Sigma:What?

Y/N: Answer the question, Sigma.

Poe: So apparently feeling like something is going to go wrong is called “Anxiety” and not “Portent.”

Y/N: I need your help.

Jouno: Great, who are we killing?

Jouno: I won’t do kids. That’s a rule.

Jouno: …But the rule is negotiable if the kid’s a dick.

Atsushi: I told my partner, Y/N, that I was having an episode earlier and they replied “is it the beach episode” and it shocked me so much that it grounded me immediately.

Atsushi: I hate how you’re just born out of nowhere, and you’re forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a chameleon? No one ever asked me if I want to be a chameleon!

[Dazai and Y/N are doing something absurdly dangerous]

Dazai:I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!

Y/N, deadpan: Well that’s encouraging.

Y/N: *is carrying all the groceries*

Higuchi: *holds out hand to help*

Y/N: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold Higuchi’s hand*

Dazai: I am very handsome.

Dazai: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think “I have committed horrible acts.”

Y/N: Your future self is hating you for the poor decisions you’re making today.

Ranpo, Kirby-inhaling all his candy: Bold of you to assume current me isn’t also hating myself for making the decisions that I am making.

Kunikida: College is extremely valuable! You should all value your education! Back in Nineteen-aught-seven, when I first graduated from University, I remember learning-

Y/N: Okay boomer, shut the fuck up!

Kenji: I haven’t eaten anything since eleven, I’m starving.

Y/N: Damn, and how old are you now?

Yosano: Time to test your reflexes.

Y/N:[grabs hammer from Yosano and hits her over the head with it]

Yosano: What the actual fuck.

a world without you

genre: angst

warnings: suicide mentions

summary: the love story of you and dazai osamu. and it’s ending.

note: i wrote this at 2 in the morning so I might repost to fix stuff. Sorry for any errors, I’ll fix them later or smth idk. I got too poetic oops. (if you actually read this- ily)

word count: 1.1k

=============================

The first time you met, he’d grabbed your hand with a devilish smirk, asking you to commit double suicide with him around ten seconds into knowing you. His silver tongue drawing you into him so much that the expression on his face when you said yes was etched infinitely in your mind.

“But not yet-” you had said right after. “I’ll only die with you when I fall in love with you.” You knew it was your fault, your words that had ended you up here.

His smile did not falter when you spoke of your condition, instead he pulled you to your feet and had you experience memories so vivid you couldn’t ever forget them. “The only thing better then committing suicide with a beautiful person, is commiting suicide with a beautiful person you love.”

You remembered staying up till two in the morning, dancing to whatever song came on, eating old take out, laughing your hearts out. He grabbed your waist gently and twirled you around his living room, dipping you every now and then. The sharp pain on your hip from when he had accidentally dropped you and the long stream of apologies falling from his mouth felt like it was yesterday.

You remembered him taking you on little adventures throughout the city. Sometimes it was cafes, other times it was trails he had found in a park. He’d never failed to show you something that spiked your curiosity and made you want to kiss him for being so amazing.

You remembered how he’d grabbed your arm and pulled you into a Ferris Wheel telling you about how he’d jump from the top when the fireworks started. But when they did, he was too busy talking to you about what he was going to show you tomorrow then to remember his words. That was the moment you had finally started wanting to fulfill his wish. You were falling in love.

You remembered him giggling for ten minutes straight after you had touched one of his ticklish spots, and how he had immediately tried to find yours. Both of you were in tears by the end of the day, your ribs aching from laughing so much and your arms limp next to you. He had wrapped you in his arms right after, nuzzling his face into your neck, speaking softly into your collarbone every now and then.

You remembered every single time he smiled at you from across the room and waved you over, introducing you to his coworkers or bragging about you to random strangers in the store. It had always embarrassed you. But oh- the things you would do to have him do it again just one more time.

You remembered his hands on you. The gentle kisses he’d lain on your lips, his hair messed up from the night before and his bandages unraveled on the floor. You’re so beautiful, he had said, taking you into his arms and laying your head on his bare chest. The cold biting your skin, but his warmth enveloping you from the other side. And for a while, everything was ok.

“I love you, Osamu.”

Oh, how things had gone from there.

Everything became a memory. No more waking up in the morning with him beside you. No more holding his hands while walking around the shore. No more laughing at the TV at midnight. Gone, it was gone, everything was gone. Forever.

You didn’t know why it happened yourself. Why Dazai Osamu never showed up to your house the next day like he always did with food and a flower he picked on his way to you. He had just disappeared from your life.

He didn’t pick up his phone, nor did he reply to your texts. You knocked on his apartment door but no one answered. You called the agency, they said he wasn’t at work. At first you thought he might have needed to do something important, you knew how he was, always full of surprises.

But the grand finale he threw your way was nothing but cold and bitter abandonment.

Weeks had gone, and you hadn’t heard a word from the burnette. You knew that he was really, truly, gone. And it was finally settling on you. You hated the feeling more than anything in the world. You didn’t want it to settle on you. You wanted to stay in denial forever because then, at least you had hope that he’d come back. Even if that hope was so obviously fake.

And then the day came.

A single email, sent to you at noon on a rainy day. Sent by an unknown. But you knew exactly who “unknown” was.

Dearest-

I’m sorry.

Though it was me who offered, I have to back out of my request.

I’ve come to realize you cannot die, you have a whole life ahead of you to live. I’ve only spent a while with you but I can say with determination that I’ve never met anyone as vivid and fascinating. You are alluring to me, pulling me back again and again like some drug I took to feel something and ended up being addicted to. But it is impossible for me to keep tasting you like this. It’s dangerous, and will end only in tragedy worse then this one.

I cannot have you dying, love. I cannot imagine taking away such a beautiful creature from the Earth for my own selfish desires. What will this world do without your smile? Without your words? Without your touch? A world without your existence would hold some meaning- possibly. But what would that meaning be?

A meaning dull and rusted compared to what it was before, yes.

I apologize again but I will not commit suicide with you. It seems to me, almost like a crime. A horrendous crime even my inhuman self wouldn’t dare to commit. I cannot meet you again either, it will lead to complications. I hope you forgive me over time. If you do not, I understand.

I doubt a day will go by without you crossing my mind. I shall dream about holding you in my arms. About laying kisses on your body and going to sleep with you. Till the end of time, I shall think of you darling. Of reaching you. Of meeting you. And of loving you.

It ended there, no signature. You felt empty as you closed the tab and trudged to your empty, cold bed. It felt as if you were laying on ice, only the distant remembrance of warmth existing, a memory you never expected to experience again. Not in such a brilliant and aweing way at least.

How painful his words are, you thought as you closed your eyes. How beautiful and how painful.