There’s something about how Crowley throws out that line: what if the Almighty planned it like this all along? that is just so empathetic and caring and selfless… He knows that Aziraphale has had the ground ripped out from under him, he’s lost all faith in Heaven, he’s literally lost Heaven in fact, he will have to discover what exactly being on his own side with Crowley means (Crowley has been on his own side for a very long time now I think, not so much has changed for him). But Crowley sees there’s something that could make it easier. Aziraphale could retain his faith in God herself choosing to believe that it was all God’s plan, including Aziraphale and Crowley forming their own side. I don’t for a moment believe Crowley actually thinks that’s likely (possible perhaps but not likely) or even particularly cares in a sense (he does what he thinks is right, he follows his own compass and doesn’t need to be told it is in the plan to be alright with that). But he gets where Aziraphale is and he just offers this up as a gift, says it casually like it is no big deal and let’s the seed take root. Like he could have tried to get Aziraphale to see it all as he does but he doesn’t, he helps Aziraphale to make his own peace with it all, to figure it out in his own way. Wow, even here he’s the ultimate defender of free will isn’t he?
Select additional comments:
@fuckyeahisawthatreply: Oh interesting! I like this interpretation because this has always seemed like…not a very Crowley line to me. (So much so that I had convinced myself it was Aziraphale’s line until I went back and watched the scene again.) But I really like this take on it!
@amuseoffyrereply: Here’s a thing, though: Crowley does believe in God and he questions Her so many times. This is such a him thing to say because when we saw him yelling at Her in the privacy of his own home, he said “You’re testing them, I know you said you’d be testing them”.
To me, this line reads as him realising that humanity wasn’t the only thing being tested. God was testing her angels and demons and everything else in between. She planned it all like this, knowing Aziraphale and Crowley, the only morally grey, imaginative, enthusiastically loving creatures of Heaven and Hell, would be there. She let them share the gift of free will that humanity had and watched them run with it knew they wouldn’t let her down :)
@theniceandaccurategoodomensblogreply: I definitely think God is testing the angels and the demons too and that Crowley realises that, yes. I personally, don’t have faith that God’s plan is all for the ultimate good, that she ensured it would all specifically end up as it does (rather than just testing and seeing the results which is quite different I think). I don’t think Crowley has that faith either, but he’s ok with Aziraphale having that faith as it helps him. The whole “believes in” thing doesn’t really apply. Crowley knows God exists. He believes in God like we believe in the ground under our feet. He is incapable of being either an atheist or a theist in any human sense. The only faith relevant is faith in the plan, faith that God doesn’t just exist but is to be trusted, is a force for the good, is actually in control. I don’t read Crowley as having that personally. He doubts her the whole damn time.
@here-for-analysis-and-squeereply: It echoes his doubts in the garden “what if we both did the wrong thing”, and questioning the God’s plan back then, all the way back
Sometimes self destruction feels like self care. Be mindful of whether your coping methods are actually helping you.
Ask yourself…
Does this coping method leave me with more problems than it solves? Does this coping method put my health and/or safety and/or that of other people at risk? Does this coping method drain away all my money? Or cause me to spend money I don’t have (or need to allocate towards other things like rent or groceries), or borrow from other people? Does this coping method only distract me, leaving me with all my problems and feelings after the rush wears off? Does this coping method damage or destroy any of my relationships? Does this coping method keep people in my life that aren’t good for me? Does this coping method have a negative effect on my physical and/or mental health? Does this coping method jeopardize my ability to hold a job, or to get one? Has it already gotten me reprimanded, demoted, fired, etc.? Does this coping method put me at risk of getting in trouble with the law? Has it already gotten me in trouble with the law? Does this coping method harm myself, or others, or both? Does this coping method make me act out my worst self? Does this coping method make me feel guilty or ashamed? Does this coping method diminish my performance at work or school? Does this coping method keep me from my responsibilities towards myself and/or others? Does this coping method come at the expense of eating, drinking water, bathing, sleeping, or other basic needs? Does this coping method require me to neglect or betray myself and/or others? Does this coping method cause me to neglect my family, my partner, my friends, my pets, etc.? Does this coping method make me feel angry, sad, scared, etc. when I’m forced to do without it? Does this coping method require people in my life to make extraordinary sacrifices for me? Does this coping method cause people to worry about me? Does this coping method jeopardize my ability to stay in my home? Has it already gotten me kicked out, evicted, or foreclosed? Does this coping method make me feel even worse once the rush wears off? Does this coping method cause me to snap at or get into fights with other people? Does this coping method make my life worse instead of better? Does this coping method keep me from actually solving my problems and working on myself? Does this coping method feel like I’m doing something wrong? Do I feel the need to hide it or lie about it?
To be clear, this isn’t about hustle culture, or optimizing productivity at the expense of necessary rest and play. This isn’t about the glorification of busy. This is like…
* Do I need to give up an unhealthy coping mechanism and find healthier ways to cope with my feelings and problems?
* Do I need to distance myself from this person or group?
* Do I need to take a step back from the news, or social media for a while?
* Is this thing causing more problems for me than it solves?
* Is this job or career path costing me my well-being?
11.04.21 // having unhealthy coping mechanisms doesn’t make you a bad person. (this is not the way I plan on living the rest of my life, but right now it’s the only thing getting me by.)
You might not want to hear this but people with anger issues and/or violent impulses need social accommodations. And no by accommodation I don’t mean walking on eggshells around them, actual accommodations for people with these issues comes down to giving them a space away from what’s triggering them to process their emotions and calm themselves down same as what kind of accommodations people who get sensory overload or just any kind of overwhelmed. There is no moral value to having anger issues or violent impulses, people with them are deserving of accommodation the same as everyone else.
I had severe anger issues growing up, and the only way I was ever taught to deal with them was deep breathing. For some reason, deep breathing just triggers me to get angrier. But it’s the only coping skill I ever got taught for it. Here’s a few better ones.
Go and exercise. Get all of that energy out and away from the people you love.
Get a hang of when you’re winding up to a rage and learn to tell people that you need to step away. I will warn you that the first time that someone refuses to let you go once you learn this skill will spook the hell out of you if you don’t have a backup skill, so figure out ahead of time what you’re gonna do if they won’t let you leave.
Learn to set boundaries. One of the best things I ever did for my anger issues was tell people that I can’t deal with people stealing food off my plate. Second best was when I’m mad, telling people not to touch me. I spook easily when I’m already angry.
Get a pack of pencils and if nothing is working, break one. Sometimes you really do need to break something in order to feel better, and pencils are cheap.
Don’t cook with a knife when you’re mad. If you get too much adrenaline, the knife can slip and hurt you.
If you have anger issues that pop up without any seeming reason and frighten you, I would strongly recommend going over the situation and over your mental health. If there’s anything consistent with a mental health condition or with something particular happening to trigger it, seek to eliminate the trigger or treat the issue. Depression, anxiety, trauma, you name it, it can probably present as anger issues under the right circumstances.
Some quick notes for people without anger issues that want to help someone who has anger issues:
Fear transmutes into anger really, really well if someone’s fear response is “fight”. One of my guesses for why so many men have anger issues is that we’re told we’re not men if we have any other response to fear. However, this issue is far from exclusive to men.
Don’t box people in when you’re arguing with them or soothing them. If someone is backed up against a wall and upset, then getting closer to them without permission is a bad call for your safety and for their soothing, because that removes the ability to get away from you. Ask before getting close. This goes double if someone is injured or otherwise vulnerable.
Teaching angry people that are distressed about being angry the pencil trick on the spot is really easy and works more often than you can think.
Respect people’s requests and boundaries. A lot of people think that some of the boundaries I set up are silly or that once we’re pals, they can ignore them. No, because a lot of my boundaries are related to trauma, and crossing them will trigger me and bring up my anger.
All of this goes for children with anger issues as well. I was a child with anger issues, and a lot of disrespect for my boundaries and needs was because my anger was dismissed because I was a child. Respect children’s anger.
Walking on eggshells is not and will never be a good way to treat anger issues. Recognizing that people with anger issues deserve to have their boundaries respected and to be treated like human beings is.
An end note: Anger issues are not the same thing as being abusive, because emotions are not abusive. Someone with anger issues can become abusive if they take them out on people, but so can someone with suicidal thoughts who takes them out on people. The issue is targeting another person in order to feel better, not having a mental health issue.
An end note for people with anger issues: It really can get better. You can find coping skills and perhaps meds that help cool you down and settle you. You can find people that will accept that doing that one weird thing spooks the fuck out of you, and will let you leave if you’re scaring yourself. You can gain control of yourself without shutting down emotionally. It’s achievable.
Every time I’ve thought about beginning to write about this it turns into a list of questions. Rhetorical questions that I don’treally want anyone’s damn answers to, but questions all the same.
I’ve lost many things over the past two years; things that are both very dear to me and also vital for my mental functioning and wellbeing. I’ve also gained many things; namely symptoms, struggles, disabilities.
These two facts are so closely entwined that it’s like playing a game of Pairs; match the gain with the loss.
Let’s back up a little. I’ve always struggled with various forms of depression, anxiety and many other mental and neurologically divergent issues that I won’t go into. Mostly, with these particular paragraphs I want to focus on the depression and anxiety. I don’t think I’ve ever done that publicly before. I’ve probably never so much as named it, except perhaps in fleeting tweets.
Over the years, since I was about 16 or so (I’m 33 now), doctors tried to put names on any one of the forms of depression or anxiety I exhibited at the time. There was a lot of misdiagnosis and general doctor fuckery and victim blaming which led to the mistrust of doctors that, in turn, let my physical conditions run away with themselves for so long. I’m not sure how close any of them got to the root causes or definitions for my particular experiences, but looking back over my life, at least in terms of depression and anxiety, it’s been a state of flux. Perhaps this was why it was so difficult to pin anything on me.
So, I’ve been medicated (occasionally heavily), labeled, blamed, and one doctor even persistently referred to my whole mental health cornucopia as my ‘moods’. ‘How’s your moods doing?’, she would ask me; even when I was in to see her for any physical ailment, including simple UTIs. 'How’s your moods?’
The truth is that my mental health and neurodivergent presentations were the forefront of my disabilities in life for almost 15 years. I’ve always had a connective tissue disorder. I’ve always been physically sick with one thing or another, but it was often not enough to take centre stage, and even when it was, I dismissed it (for many reasons, although one of them was always because so many doctors attributed everything from severe physical pain to explosive, disabling diarrhea to depression or anxiety).
Let’s not get off track, though. I don’t want to give you a history lesson. That’s not why I’m writing right now. A state of flux. That’s always been my various struggles with depression or anxiety. At times it has been severe enough for me to self harm or want/try to commit suicide. Thankfully, it hasn’t been that bad for many years now. It was touch and go from time to time between my teens and mid-twenties. As I said, I was medicated on and off, sometimes heavily. I don’t believe the medications ever worked for me, aside from occasionally pulling me out of suicidal tendencies. I’ve never had therapy: I’ve never been offered it (until recently that is, and now, I’m in BC, I’d have to pay an arm and a leg for it).
I also don’t believe I’ve ever really had the executive function to truly deal with my strongest emotions; even the so-called positive ones. (Wow, I’m using semi-colons a lot in these paragraphs!)
I get overwhelmed incredibly easily and I can’t control or even understand my emotional responses to some things. It has sometimes taken me months to comprehend how I truly feel about something, and to carefully dissect the moments. The most emotionally stressful and difficult moments of my life so far, I don’t think I’ve ever fully dissected or understood. I am most certainly a delayed emotional processor.
This can lead me to trouble with many things, but most especially random bouts of depression and anxiety that seem completely unrelated to anything. (Not to mention in the moment meltdowns or shutdowns, but again, not here to discuss that right now). I’ve become quite the advanced backwards engineer, in working out what causes some particularly strong or persistent bouts.
Sometimes, though, as recently, the cause is terribly obvious and it wouldn’t take a master to work out why. Working out the cause doesn’t actually do much good for me, though. Knowing what is causing any particular round of depression or anxiety doesn’t actually give me the (seemingly) magical functions in being able to deal with those emotions.
I don’t know what it feels like to really 'deal with’ an emotion, so I’m not sure I’ve ever actually been able to do it. I suppose, as in the example of, say, love, if you’d experienced it, you would know. I’ve always just sort of kept going, kept trundling along, moving through time and eventually emotions give way to new ones.
Truly, I’m not sure if depression and anxiety are classed as emotions, or just mental health statuses. In a way I’ve probably constantly been depressed since puberty started at the young age of 7 or 8. As I said before, in fluctuations of strength and severity. Anxiety, for me, on the other hand, has a much greater range of severity. Sometimes it’s barely perceptible (although always there for one reason or another, and as far as I can work out, it always has been).
My experiences with both depression and anxiety, I would liken to my experience of physical pain (which I have also experienced as a constant fluctuation since at least my teenage years). Oftentimes it’s there, and it’s at a level where I can push through and do other things, despite, the anxiety or depression. Then other, less frequent times, it becomes stronger and impossible to distract myself from. Occasionally it completely consumes me and I literally cannot think of anything else.
Now, the crux of why I’m finally writing about depression and anxiety, is that so much of what I’ve lost in the past two years are the things that helped me 'deal’ with depression, anxiety and even physical pain. As I touched on, now, when I actually analyze this (in so far as I’m truly able to), I’m not sure I’ve ever really 'dealt’ with my depression or anxiety. In all likelihood I’ve probably lived a life of distraction; again the similarities to my life of physical pain are alarmingly striking.
I realize now that I’ve, until the past two years, been fortunate in my abilities and position of distraction. This isn’t to say that there haven’t been periods where my depression or anxiety haven’t been utterly crippling where no distraction would help (remember where I discussed seeing doctors, being labeled and getting medicated). But, at my most functional periods of fluctuation I’ve supposedly coped. In losing so much, I’ve also come to see how I did so.
I think it’s amazing, that as a species, as diverse as we are, that we have basic built in circuits that provide positive feedback. This positive feedback is so powerful that, in some of the less functioning individuals (me), it allows us to continue to live with physical and mental anguish alike.
I’m talking about eating, about exercising, about sex, about making progress on and accomplishing almost anything, about socializing, about laughter, about having a damn good sleep. These things (and more) provide enough positive feedback that they make us feel good; even when we feel bad. Of course, everything in moderation - too much and we can start to feel bad - and everyone has their own personal limits. (for example my limits of socialisation are very low and have many prerequisites that must be fulfilled in order to actually make me feel good).
I’m likely stating the obvious, and it’s something that’s discussed often. All of these things are standard 'deal with stress’ recommendations. What’s rarely discussed is what happens if you lose the ability to do these things. What happens when you no longer have these avenues of feel-good, positive feedbacks.
I can tell you because it’s happened to me, and quickly. It’s not good.
I can no longer eat without severe pain or nausea. I can no longer really exercise; not at the levels needed for endorphins. I can rarely have sex anymore due to pain, physical issues and recent surgery. I can no longer work or make art, I can’t even perform many basic household chores for a sense of accomplishment or progress; I can barely get out of bed every day and look after myself enough to stay clean and run my enteral feeds. The times I’ve socialized in the past 8 months or more I can probably count on one hand. Sometimes I can still laugh, at television, at movies, at things people say on the Internet, but often these days laughter causes pain, and like eating, the bad cancels out the good. I don’t even want to get started on sleep and the pain being in a bed causes me; it would be much longer than even these trundling paragraphs.
Perhaps you can finally see where I’m going with this. Where the endless, rhetorical questions come from. What happens when everything you’ve ever done to keep the depression and anxiety at bay disappears? Almost overnight? What do you do when there is so little left that you become a deer in headlights that occasionally flails around in a desperate panic? What do you do when the very things you’ve lost that helps with depression makes you incredibly depressed. What do you do when your very existence, your current state, your disabilities, your pain, the progression of your diseases causes you complete mental anguish, from which there is very little relief?
I could keep going with questions, but if you’ve come this far I owe it to you to stop. I never truly realized how many of these things were so vital to the distraction from my mental dysfunction. I mean, I always knew I was an 'emotional eater’, a 'workaholic’, that I have an 'addictive personality’. But it was never truly clear to me how utterly important those things were to my mental health.
The latest I’ve lost, and second only to working/making art, is eating. It’s not even losing the emotional eating. Emotional eating provides a surplus of 'feel-good’ on top of regular eating. Regular eating, for nourishment, provides an essential basic level of positive feedback. I was aware of my emotional eating from when I was a teenager, but what never really struck me was just how much pleasure and comfort I got from my basic meals and snacks. Of course, many people know how amazing your favourite meal can make you feel, but I think many of us probably ignore the every day, functional eating and the mental nourishment it provides us too. Only when I lost the ability to eat (and even drink) in any real quantity did I discover how that repetitive, day to day, task of providing simple nourishment is essential to mental levels of well being.
Right now, as I feel I’m swimming in this thick, muggy, smokey heat, I don’t know how I can continue to 'cope’. Oh, I have some small things, enough to provide small mental breaks here and there: the one cup of coffee or tea I can enjoy a day, the few video games I can sometimesplay, the cat that follows me around and makes me feel loved, the boy that does the same, the rare and occasional times I’m able to see the couple of friends I still have, the photos I can still manage to take on my phone, the beauty I can still appreciate in things, the car drives I’m still able to take with my love. You see, there are things. But they are now so small, so infrequent, so inconsistent from the day to day positive feedback loops that I so desperately relied on to keep that darkness at bay. And with so little left to lose, I am also left thinking about what if natural disease progressions means I lose more?
I am depressed. The causes are truly obvious. The depression is not as severe as it has been at other times in my life. I have anxiety, now often for different reasons than in the past. It also isn’t as severe as it’s been at other times. The difference is, that now, I have so little left as a defence force. And here come those questions. Ah, and there’s the lightbulb; the questions are anxiety manifest.
shout out to all the people who identify with gifted kid burnout syndrome who are probably just neurodivergent but werent diagnosed as a child, who used to devour books like it was nothing and never really understood why the protagonist would leave their cool fantasy world behind to go back home at the end of the story, and who are now extremely disappointed in reality and use escapism as their primary coping mechanism. how’s that bisexuality and deep-rooted anger at the school system going for you?
Pick a category of objects and try to think of as many objects as possible that fit within that category (e.g., types of dogs, cities, types of trees, crayon colors, sports)
Pick a letter and think of emotionally positive or neutral words that begin with that letter
Pick a color and look for things of that color. Notice differences in their exact shades
Say or think the alphabet backwards or alternate letters and numbers (A1, B2, C3, D4, etc)
Count backwards from 100 by 3s, 6s, or 7s or count up by prime numbers or perfect squares
Play “fizz-buzz” with yourself. Begin counting to 100 (or over!), but replace any number that contains the number 5 or is a multiple of 5 with the word “fizz” and any number that contains the number 7 or is a multiple of 7 with the word “buzz.” For example, 1-15 would be “1, 2, 3, 4, fizz, 6, buzz, 8, 9, fizz, 11, 12, 13, buzz, fizz.” When you mess up, compliment yourself and start over
Think of the words to your favorite song or poem or think of facts related to a specific theme
Pick a word or your name and see how many other words you can make from the letters in it
Describe an every day event or process in great detail, listing all of the steps in order and as thoroughly as possible (e.g., how to cook a meal, how to get from your house to your place of work or school, how to do your favorite dance)
Read something technical or meant for children or read words backwards to focus on the process of reading and not the words
Watch a children’s television show or movie or watch cute or funny videos on Youtube; it might help to have a playlist already prepared for this
Look at a current news article that is not likely to be upsetting or distressing
Distract yourself with Tetris, Solitaire, Sudoku, word searches, or other puzzle games
Reorientation Techniques
Say or think to yourself: “My name is _________. I am safe right now. I am _____ years old. I am currently at _____________. The date is _____________. If I need help, I am with ________/can call _________. Everything is going to be alright.”
List reaffirming statements (“I am fine. Everything is going to be okay. I am strong. I can handle this.”)
Ask yourself where you are, what day of the week it is, what day of the month it is, what month it is, what year it is, what season it is, how old you are, and other present-focused questions
Notice things in your surroundings that indicate to you that you’re safe or that you’re in the present (e.g., locks on your door, electronics that didn’t exist when you were younger, the presence of trusted people, a phone so that you can call for help if you need it)
Describe your surroundings in detail, including sights (objects, textures, shapes, colors), sounds, smells, and temperature
Name five things that you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, and two that you smell or taste, and then name one good thing that you like about yourself
Pick four or five brightly colored objects that are easily visible and move your focus between them. Be sure to vary the order of your gaze and concentrate briefly on each one before moving to the next
Think about a fun time that you recently had with a friend or call that friend and ask them to talk about it with you
Sensory-Based Grounding Techniques
Run cool or warm (but not too cold or hot) water over your hands or take a cool or warm bath or shower
Spritz your face (with eyes closed), neck, arms, and hands with a fine water mist
Spray yourself with your favorite perfume and focus on the scent
Feel the weight of your body in your chair or on the floor and the weight of your clothing on your skin
Touch and hold objects around you. Compare the feel, weight, temperature, textures, colors, and materials
Keep a small object with you to touch or play with when you get triggered. Good examples include a smooth stone, a fidget toy, jewelry, or a tiny plushy
Bite into a lemon, orange, or lime, suck on a sour or minty candy or an ice cube, chew cinnamon-flavored gum, or put a few drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue. Notice the flavor, scent, and texture
Eat something or drink warm tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, and describe to yourself the taste and texture in great detail
Place a cool wash cloth on your face or hold something cold like a can of soda
Listen to soothing or familiar music. If possible, dance to it
Hum, sing, recite poetry, or make up a silly poem or story as you go
Pick up a book and read the first paragraph out loud
Hug another person (if interpersonal touch isn’t a trigger). Pay attention to your own pressure and the physical sensations of doing so
Hug a tree! Register the smells of being outside, the wind, and the sights around you
Movement-Based Grounding Techniques
Breathe deeply and slowly and count your breaths
Grab tightly onto your chair or press your feet against the ground as firmly as you can
Rub your palms and clap your hands or wiggle your toes within your socks. Pay attention to the physical sensation of doing so
Stretch out your arms or legs, roll your head on your neck, or clench and unclench your fists
Stomp your feet, walk around, run, jump, ride a bike, do jumping jacks, or do yoga
While walking, notice each footstep and say to yourself “right” and “left” to correspond with the foot currently moving
Squeeze a pillow, stuffed animal, or ball
If you have a soft pet (dog or cat), brush its fur and stroke it. If you don’t, brush your own hair slowly and without pulling too much
Color in an adult coloring book, finger paint, or draw anything that comes to mind without worrying about quality
Write whatever comes to mind even if it’s nonsense. Try not to write about whatever is upsetting you until you’re more capable of doing so without increasing the upset
Write a list of things that make you happy or look for cheerful pictures to make into a collage
Pop bubble wrap or blow and pop actual bubbles
Dig in the dirt or garden, jump on a pile of leaves, or splash around in puddles or mud
Rip up paper or stomp on aluminum cans to crush them
Imagery Techniques
Picture yourself breathing in relaxation, calm, positive feelings, or strength. Picture yourself breathing out whatever is upsetting you. It may help to pair this with imagery of breathing in soothing colors (usually blue, purple, or green) and out more intense colors (usually red or black)
If you need to relax, envision a soothing white or golden light slowly moving up your body, warming and relaxing every part of you that it touches. You can also think of it as protecting you from negativity or from harm
If the problem is intense or uncomfortable emotions, physical sensations, or memories, picture them being surrounded and neutralized by a bright and healing light, temporarily placed in a mental box to be stored for later, or dialed back by an internal controller of intensity
If you have a clear mental picture of what’s upsetting you, mentally change it to something silly or harmless. If you’re a fan of Harry Potter, cast a mental “riddikulus” to banish the negativity
Picture yourself calm, focused, and able to tackle whatever problems you’re facing. Focus on how that would feel in the moment. What would your expression and posture be like? Make whatever changes you need to in order to make your reality reflect your goal
How to Make a Grounding Box
Get a box or basket
Personalize and decorate it with construction paper, wrapping paper, ribbon, stickers, drawings, paint, photographs, glitter, sequins, or anything else that you like
Keep within it:
A list of grounding techniques that you know work for you
A list of positive affirmations and happy memories
A list of the contact information of trusted friends or family who are willing to help and support you
Small sensory objects such as: scented candles, perfumes, or lotions; hard candies or gum; soft fabrics, a stress ball, a stuffed animal, or a fidget toy; happy pictures of you with friends; a CD with relaxing music or meditation tracks. Try to cover all of the senses
A list of possible distractions such as books to read or movies to watch
Small portable distractions such as a pack of playing cards, a small game, or a joke book
A list of comforting things to do such as taking a bubble bath, snuggling up in bed, or meditating
A small journal or notebook
In the Case of a Flashback
Tell yourself that you are having a flashback and are safe now
Remind yourself that the worst is over, and you survived it. What you’re feeling now is just a reminder of that trauma and does not fit the present moment
Remind yourself of when and where you are, who you’re currently with, and who you can contact if you need help (use the reorientation-focused grounding techniques)
Breathe deeply and slowly. Count your breathes and make sure that you’re getting enough air
Use other mental, sensory, movement, and imagery techniques in order to distract yourself, calm yourself, and reorient yourself within the present
If possible or necessary, go somewhere where you can be alone or with a close friend, where you will feel safe, or where you feel protected or shielded
If there is anyone who you can trust or who will support you, reach out to them, let them know what happened, and let them know what you need, what would be best for you, or what they could do to help
Be gentle with yourself and take the time to really recover. If what helps you to recover is to color, take a bubble bath, hug a stuffed animal, or watch a children’s movie and if it would not be disruptive to do such things at that point in time, embrace those options whole-heartedly
If possible, note or write down what triggered the flashback, what techniques you tried to use to disrupt the flashback, and what techniques helped
These are some of my go-to mantras/affirmations for anxiety, panic attacks, stressful or triggering situations and even daily as a maintenance activity. I hope these provide help or solace to anyone who needs these. Please feel free to use, edit, adapt, or even add to the ones I have listed here.
As scary as this feeling is, I know I can get through this.
I am safe
This is a feeling and that is valid, but I know I am okay
I may feel out of control, but I still control my actions
I am more than my anxiety
The past is over, the present is in my control, the future will be okay.
I will calm down
I can calm myself down
I am capable of solving the problems that come my way.
I am not doing this on my own
This feeling is temporary, I will feel better soon.
My brain is just trying to keep me safe
This stress will pass
This trigger will pass
These feelings will pass
I will be okay
This is not the end of the world.
I have survived, and I will do it again
This will not be how I feel forever
I have felt this before and it does end
I am safe and in control
I can relax my body
I will persevere
I am capable of being calm
I am allowed to make mistakes
One mistake will not define me
One bad day will not define me
I can and I will push through
I can do this
All those who are struggling with stress and anxiety right now: Please now that you are stronger than these feelings, you can get through this and you deserve to feel safe and calm. You are not alone, you are deserving and capable of a calmer, happier life. Keep fighting!
let’s talk about a ptsd thing that’s called sense of foreshortened future. i don’t see anyone ever talking about it here and i think that it’s important that people know that what they experience is nothing but another symptom of their mental illness.
So what is it?
Basically, sense of foreshortened future is a feeling or a belief that for some reason you won’t have a long and fullfilling life. You feel like you will die soon – or sooner than expected – and therefore you shouldn’t make any long-term plans. You try to avoid long-term relationships, you don’t have any career plans, reaching your birthday - hell, sometimes even managing to surivive the week surprises you.
You feel like you’ll never have a normal life because you’re not only broken beyond repair but also can’t trust anyone anymore. It is an incredibly depressing feeling that makes you feel like there’s no point in… anything, really? Every activity becomes dull and pointless and you don’t know what drags you though life at this point.
I know it won;t make the feeling go away but I want you to know that this feeling is NOT a reflection of reality. You’re not broken beyond repair and you will have a normal happy life if you work on your recovery. making plans is not pointless. You deserve to be happy and you will be happy. Don’t let PTSD and its symptoms convince you otherwise.
Speaking from experience as someone who has worked on emotional management for a while– these feelings still happen, but they pass much more quickly than they used to.
Telling myself to just take it one day at a time during the harder parts has helped a lot. I never understood that idea until, like, a month ago. For me, it’s “I only have to deal with making it through today.” And I tell myself that the next day, until I feel like I can start planning two days ahead, three days ahead, etc. It’s sp much less overwhelming to think that you only have a few hours to manage, and then just telling yourself that again when those hours have passed.
One thing I’ve realized during the pandemic is that NTs are actually pretty rigid. Despite the fact that a certain rigidity of thinking and need for routine are often mentioned as hallmarks of neurodivergence (most often for people on the spectrum, but it does come up occasionally for other things like ADHD, anxiety, etc), the antimask crowd is overwhelmingly NT.
Among ND people I know, the response to masks has varied. Some really like them, because they don’t need to spend a ton of energy thinking about their facial expressions. Some have basically gone “I don’t like them, but whatever. It is what it is.” And a small few have had sensory issues they can’t figure out a work around for, so they just do curbside pickup and avoid situations where a mask is needed as much as possible.
And when you think about it, it’s not very surprising. ND people, whatever our individual issues, are pretty used to having to move through a world not designed for us. Why would a pandemic be any different?
Meanwhile, we got to witness NTs having meltdowns because they couldn’t get a haircut. The pandemic had interrupted their routine, and they couldn’t handle it. For the first time, they were living in a world that wasn’t designed around their desires.
So apparently rigidity and a need for routine aren’t a ND thing, so much as what happens when human beings live in a society that isn’t designed around their preferences.
yep, 95% of nt life is ritual, it’s just so normalised it’s invisible to them but we damn well notice
[ID: tags which read, “#i didnt think about it till now but plenty (caps) plenty (end caps) of NTs were exhibiting the maladaptive behaviors that have defined many ND disorders #so turns out they arent really symptoms of being ND but of living in a world where ur routine isnt respected and ur needs arent met always #so then why are we using those as criterion for diagnosing ND people? instead of idk. meeting them where theyre at #or anything else really. anything else”. a minor typo has been corrected in this transcription for accessibility. end ID]
