Here’s all of my Lupin the Third fics that I’ve got currently written!!! Hope y'all enjoy!!!!
Here’s the newest masterlist for some of my newest fics! In case y'all didn’t know I try to keep all of them in masterlists so it’ll be easier to find the works I’ve done so y'all can enjoy reading them!!! Be warned though that I sometimes miss some stuff but I try my best to keep up with it!!! Hope y'all enjoy!!!!
Warning: Angst, mentions of blood, injuries, attempted murder and near death experiences. If this makes you uncomfortable I highly encourage y'all to check out my other works!
It’s always the same.
One moment things would be its normal routine, then the next everything would be completely and utterly shaken up. Then again wasn’t everything always this way when it came to him? Wasn’t it always Zenigata who shook things up, whether it be intentional or not? Wasn’t it not always Zenigata who changed the script at the worst time possible?
For as long as he could remember his rival had always been a man who did what he believed was right. Never truly following the rules that applied to the world whenever something of greater importance was on the line. Zenigata was in many ways a breed of his own making. A man who did things many men in his position would do, always following his morals and heart rather than his head when it really came down to it. It was a characteristic that wasn’t seen very often. A characteristic that always to some extent irked Lupin in some way, shape or form.
Especially when it resulted in situations like now.
Lupin gripped the cigarette in his fingers as he leaned on the balcony, trying to clear his head. His hands felt grimy and they were a dark shade of red from blood. His bright red jacket and blue shirt were stained in it as well yet he himself wasn’t bleeding.
No the blood belonged to the very man he was thinking about.
The thief felt his throat tighten slightly as he scrambled to get his lighter. He needed nicotine severely to help settle the underlying anxiety that threatened to overtake him. After searching through his pockets he finally found what he was searching for and quickly lit up his cigarette and took a deep inhale. The burning smoke and taste of tobacco filled his mouth and lungs, giving his senses a much needed relief even if small. Blowing out the smoke in a cloud, the thief stared out into the world below him. The slight bitter chill of the night air bit at him yet he didn’t dare move to go back inside the building where the rest of the gang was. The sounds of vehicles and other things filled his ears as he took another drag of his cigarette. Lupin suddenly tensed as the sounds of footsteps coming onto the balcony filled his hearing. He didn’t dare turn to look at who had joined him, knowing well enough who it was.
Feeling the body of another place itself next to him, he took another drag as he listened to the person next to him get a cigarette as well. It was silent for a beat, a thick uneasy tension in the air as Lupin tried to gather the nerve to speak up.
“How……how bad is it?”
The thief finally asked his usually, confident and chipper tone now soft and unsure.
“It’s……it’s not looking to good. We’re trying everything we can to make the bleeding stop but…..”
A scratchy deep voice, belonging to his partner Jigen, responded to his question. Lupin’s grip on his cigarette and the balcony tightened more his knuckles slightly white from the strain. Light grey eyes flickered over to his companion, meeting somber dark brown eyes filled with frustration and exhaustion. Lupin took in Jigen’s appearance noting that his usual hat was missing, instead his dark black bangs covered his eyes. However they were messy as if they’d been swiped through in the gunslinger’s anxious frustration. His suit much like Lupin’s was a mess of blood and wrinkled to hell and back. His eyes were tired and his expression drawn tight in his irritation.
All in all Jigen was just as much of a mess as Lupin.
“Who’s with him now?”
Lupin asked forcing the shakiness from his voice however it wavered by the end of his sentence. If Jigen noticed he didn’t comment on it.
“Goemon’s with him right now and Fujiko is helping him in my stead for the moment.”
Jigen replied taking a deep drag of his cigarette. Lupin gave a small noise of acknowledgement, knowing that the samurai and cat bulger would keep an eye on the inspector. Turning his eyes back to the streets Lupin couldn’t help but wonder how the night which was once a normal routine heist had taken such a horrific turn for the worst.
~~~~~
It was a simple heist. Just a quick in and out of another rich man’s home with his priceless riches in his and his gangs hands. It was supposed to be a piece of cake.
However it turned out to be much more challenging than it was supposed to be.
The heist had ended up getting complicated, the man who they were robbing having connections to the underworld of crime. The man known as Jonathan McCain wasn’t exactly the innocent man that he’d made himself to be. No underneath the supposed timid and cowardly persona was actually an unhinged lunatic. McCain was nothing more than a crazy man who wore his usual face like a facade and Lupin had underestimated him. This mistake was what made their heist go pear shaped. And to add more to the complex situation the gang had of course been tracked down by the inspector who was quickly thrown into the chaos that had broken out. Pops as soon as he realized the severity of the situation had quickly intervened and teamed up with them to get the group out of the mad man’s home. The group of five had fought through security and hired henchmen to try and get out, the original heist now completely forgotten. It was while the group had finally found the escape route and started to make a break for it that it’d happened.
Lupin was running, the priceless thing that he’d stolen in his inner jacket pocket after having managing to nick it while dodging bullets. He had managed to make a jump only for it to fall out of his pocket. Lupin hadn’t really thought about it, despite hearing Jigen’s shouts telling him to forget about it. He’d went to go and grab it again not noticing the gun that had been aimed at him. But the others had. He’d heard Fujiko scream and Jigen and Goemon’s shouts of his name as the loud explosive bang of the gun going off filled the air. It was at that moment that everything seemed to slow down. The thief turned realizing that he wouldn’t be able to get both the treasure and dodge the bullet, an uncharacteristic split second of hesitating on his part before his vision was filled with browns and tans covering a familiar figure.
Zenigata.
The sound of a bullet ripping through flesh and bone, the strong scent of blood filled the air, shocked dark brown eyes widening before the sight of Zenigata’s body beginning to fall filled his vision. Lupin felt like everything came to a halting stop and his body moved forward as his vision tunneled.
“POPS-!!!”
A scream tore from him as he went to catch the collapsing inspector. The thief barely managed to catch him as the two began to crumble to the ground. Lupin’s gaze frantically looked over the injured man and he swore his heart dropped out of his chest.
Blood.
Pop’s chest was stained in it, a horrible painting of crimson growing on his shirt at a rapid pace. His usually tan face was extremely pale and his eyes were filled with agony. Lupin stared at the sight, his entire being suddenly filled with a rage that he’d ever rarely felt. Sharp grey hues snapped up in the direction where the shooter was, seeing the hitman who had committed the deed. Lupin didn’t think, he only reacted on pure instinct. The hitman didn’t even realize that Lupin was already moving until the tall, monkey like man tackled him in a vicious and brutal manner. He didn’t notice his surroundings, didn’t notice that Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko had rushed over to them. Didn’t notice how Fujiko and Goemon had went to try and stop Zenigata’s bleeding. All he noticed was the man in his grasp and the ungodly need to make him suffer for what he’d just did.
‘He shot him. He shot Pops….’
The thought vicious and poisonous hissed in his head making the thief strangle the man under him.
'He hurt Pops, he hurt one of mine. I’m going to kill him with my bare hands-’
The murderous thoughts swirled as his body went into autopilot. Lupin would have killed him if he wasn’t grabbed from behind and yanked off of the gunner. With a livid snarl the thief struggled against the arms that were holding onto him.
“Lupin-!LUPIN STOP!”
A voice shouted in his ear making him pause in his fury driven actions.
Jigen.
It was Jigen talking to him. Jigen holding him back and dragging him away.
“Come on man we’ve got to go, we’ve got to get Pops out of here!”
Jigen said his voice gruff and filled with a hard edge as he dragged Lupin away from the now unconscious hitman for hire. Lupin turned his head angry that Jigen would even allow this scummy bastard off the hook when he caught sight of the gunman’s face. Jigen’s expression much like Lupin’s was filled with an ungodly fury, his dark gaze staring at the unconscious shooter with a look of pure disdain.
“We’ll get what’s ours later, but we need to go boss.”
Jigen said his gaze finally landing on the man in his hold. The gunslinger’s expression was full of a dark promise, one that the thief had only seen a few times during their partnership over the years of working together. It was a look that told Lupin that McCain would not get away with this, that he would pay for this. McCain would get what was coming to him, because Lupin knew that if he didn’t get to the rat first then Jigen most certainly would.
It was that reassurance that made Lupin stop his struggles against Jigen’s hold and allowed him to turn his back on the unconscious form. The duo rushed to the trio that was waiting for them. Goemon was pressing down on Zenigata’s chest where he bled out while Fujiko watched over them should anything else happen. Once they saw Lupin and Jigen coming back to them they relaxed a bit. Four pairs of eyes met before the group worked quickly to grab Zenigata and help him out of this God forsaken place. After that it was a bit of a blur to Lupin, just flashes of moments that would haunt him forever.
The Fiat speeding through the streets to get to their safe house.
Goemon’s hands overlapping his as they both pressed down to stop the bleeding.
The growing puddle of crimson that stained the seats and his hands.
Jigen and Fujiko’s voices speaking rapidly about what they would do once inside the safe house.
All of it burned into Lupin’s mind as he and his gang moved the now unconscious inspector out of the car and into the building. As soon as they were through the door Jigen and Fujiko were on the move. Goemon helped Lupin set Zenigata down so the gunslinger and samurai could get to work. Fujiko had went to grab the medical supplies from the bathroom cabinet while Jigen and Goemon tore off Pop’s trenchcoat and shirt. Lupin meanwhile just watched, his mind unable to believe that this was actually happening. Grey hues zoned in on the large body of his rival. After years of being chased by Zenigata it seemed almost impossible that something like this could happen to him. Zenigata was in a way larger than life, his presence was lively and always demanded attention in some way. A man who had been through hell and the ends of the Earth to chase down Lupin and the gang. He was almost invincible in some way. Yet now Lupin was having the harsh realities of the world being thrown into his face. Pops once full of life was now extremely pale. His lips were stained copper colored, and his chest rose and fell in light and uneven ways. His eyes were closed, and he was covered in blood, the bullet wound bleeding and not seeming to stop anytime soon.
'He’s going to die…..’
Lupin felt his stomach roll as the realization hit him. Suddenly the room felt too crowded, felt too small and before he even thought about it he was already leaving the room.
~~~~~
Lupin jumped when he felt Jigen touch his shoulder.
“Hey……you’re uh….”
The gunslinger started to say gesturing to his face. The thief blinked and went to wipe at his face only to come to the realization that he was crying. Tears, large and fat rolled down them silently, making Lupin embarrassed. He didn’t cry, he shouldn’t be crying and yet……
He thought about Jigen who always stood by his side no matter what. He thought about Goemon who stayed with them and kept them safe. He thought about Fujiko and how she watched over the three of them. He thought about Zenigata and how he was always there whenever they needed him.
Zenigata who chased him to the ends of the Earth.
Zenigata who was the kindest man Lupin had ever met.
Zenigata who was always doing things like protecting him and his gang from harm.
Lupin felt the tears run faster as a sudden bitterness hit him. Zenigata was always shaking things up at the most inconvenient of times. He was always doing things that threw Lupin through a loop and threw him off kilter. Zenigata had a role that he needed to play, a role that no one else could ever fill. He was supposed to be the inspector who was in charge of arresting him, he was supposed to be the cop who didn’t care about him other than to throw him behind bars. Not the man who would die for him and the gang, not the man who cared about a group of criminals.
Yet he did.
Zenigata Koichi was the man who cared as well as the cop, the man who would die for him and the others because he followed his heart more than the supposed rules made for their roles.
And it was because of this that Pops was possibly dying right now in the next room.
Lupin sucked in a sharp breath and wiped at his eyes more trying to get the tears to stop but it wasn’t possible. Not when a member of his group was dying, not when he was losing someone who was so important to him.
Not when he was the one who put him in this position.
The thief crumbled a bit and Jigen didn’t hesitate to go and steady his companion. As soon as Lupin was within range the man clung to his partner. Jigen stiffened for a second before wrapping his arms around Lupin. The two stayed in this position for a while, with Lupin breaking down silently while Jigen gave him the support. The gunslinger didn’t comment on it, knowing that Lupin wasn’t taking this easily. Hell none of them really were. Much like the gentleman thief, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko were just as messed up. The older inspector had grown on all of them and the thought of him no longer being there was a thought they didn’t ever want to become a reality. Yet tonight it seemed as if their worst nightmare was coming true.
After what felt like an eternity Lupin finally pulled away from Jigen, his eyes puffy but nevertheless he was pulled back together. The gunman patted his partner’s arm.
“It’ll be okay. Pops isn’t going to up and die on us. Not when he’s got Goemon on his case.”
Jigen said to try and reassure the other man. They both knew that there was no guarantees of Pops making it but it still brought them both a sense of comfort.
“You’re right…..he’ll be okay…..”
Lupin muttered offering a smile that was more of a grimace. Jigen took it anyway and gave him a smile back before they both jumped slightly at the sound of the door opening to the balcony. Heads snapping up their gazes landed on Goemon and Fujiko. The samurai’s white kimono was stained red, his sleeves splashed from him pushing them up while he worked. His gaze was tired yet calm as he spoke.
“We got the bleeding to stop. He’s going to be okay.”
The samurai stated yet his shoulders and gaze showed just how relieved he was. Lupin and Jigen seemed to collapse into themselves, the thief letting out a relieved yet slightly wet laugh while Jigen ran his hands through his hair a small smile on his face. Fujiko stepped around Goemon and went to stand next to Lupin while Goemon went to step next to Jigen.
“He’s very lucky to be alive. I honestly thought that….”
Fujiko said trailing off quietly, her sentence being left unsaid to the men around her. But they all knew what she meant and had shared her fears of nearly losing Zenigata. Lupin looked at her and noticed that she too had puffy eyes. It sent a shock to his system to know that he wasn’t the only one who broke down. The thief was interrupted from his revelation by Jigen.
“So now that Pops is going to be okay, I think it’s best to discuss something.”
The gunslinger stated his tone serious as he drew the attention of the others to him. A shared look of understanding passed between the four of them as they tensed.
“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m thinking that McCain needs a talking to of sorts.”
Jigen said his expression hard as he said McCain’s name.
“I agree with you gunman. He can’t be allowed to get away with what he’s done.”
Goemon spoke up his own voice sharp. It was rare for the usually calm samurai to sound so angry but given the circumstances it was understandable.
“Honestly he really deserves it. He was the fool who went for a thief’s prized possession.”
Fujiko said her tone light yet the three men knew that underneath it laid a hard edge that unless you knew the female thief you would have missed it. The three criminals turned their gazes towards Lupin, waiting for his thoughts to their unspoken question. Lupin placed a finger on his chin in thought, seemingly thinking about it.
“Ya know, I think you all are absolutely right. McCain needs to learn that messing with a thief and what’s theirs isn’t the wisest decision.”
Lupin said his tone professional and chipper in a way. Yet it was quite clear that the look in his gaze was hard and sharp. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, the lanky man was barely keeping that earlier fury he’d experienced before at bay. The four exchanged sharp and deadly looks to one another, a silent agreement between them.
“Till then we’ll just have to take care of Pops and make sure that he heals up alright.”
The gentleman thief said pushing himself from the balcony he’d been leaning against and starting to make his way inside. Jigen followed close behind him as well as Goemon and Fujiko. Once they were all inside Lupin locked the door to the balcony and made his way towards Zenigata’s room. He had to see for himself that he was okay. The others went their separate ways, leaving the thief be as they retired from the rough events of the evening. Lupin stepped into the room and quickly scanned it before finally landing on the limp form of the inspector. Zenigata was laying on his back, his chest naked and covered in bandages. The medical supply kit was sitting beside the small bedside table, having been put away back in its box. Lupin stepped further into the room grabbing a chair and setting it up beside the bed. Once seated the thief gently reached over and grasped one of the in inspector’s hands and looked him over.
Pops was out cold, his breathing still light and wheezing but it was easier than it had been. His face was still pale and his hand felt cold, yet the movement of his chest put Lupin at ease. Zenigata was okay, and that was all that mattered to him. Gazing at Pops with a small heartfelt look Lupin ran his thumb over the hairy knuckles of his rival in a soothing manner.
“It’s going to be okay now Pops. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
The younger man said softly, bringing the hand his was holding up to his lips and giving it a gentle kiss. It was always the same when it came to them. Yet at the same time it never truly was. They had their roles that they played, their games of cat and mouse that they had between them. They were each other’s rivals in the world and yet at the same time they had other roles too.
Zenigata was the cop who chased Lupin. He was also the cop who followed his heart, and did what he believed was right. Pops was the man who cared too much at times and who always had his back whenever things got too bad for him to handle alone. The unassigned shadow that always watched over him and made sure that he was safe. The man who was kind to him even when he didn’t deserve it. Yet he wasn’t the only one who got this protection and kindness.
His partners got it as well.
Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko were also in this category for Pops. They too were apart of Zenigata’s protection and watchful eye. They all where under the care of Zenigata Koichi when it really came down to it.
And just like Lupin, his partners also shared his feelings towards the inspector.
Lupin squeezed the older man’s hand and placed another kiss onto it, recalling the faces of his gang on the balcony and their unspoken agreement.
Jigen whose eyes were hard and sharp, holding that deadly promise of making McCain pay for hurting Pops.
Goemon whose entire being hid the raging hurricane of vengeance on behalf of the inspector.
Fujiko whose eyes held pure disdain and disgust for the man who had caused Zenigata to nearly lose his life.
All three of them wanting nothing more than to make the man suffer in some way or another. Just as he wanted to.
Zenigata may have their backs but they too had his back.
And it’d remain this way till the end of time.
After all……
It was one of their roles to play.
*OT5 make brain go brrrrrrrrrr. Okay so honestly I kinda just wrote this up to kinda get a feel for writing for these five wonderful fools. And I also wanted an excuse to write protective Lupgang over Pops because I absolutely live for it sue me lol. Also it’s implied that the five of them are somewhat romantically interested/involved with each other yet for the most part I focused on the LupZeni, JigLup and ZeniJig in this. (I’m not used to writing for so many pairings please bare with me). Anyways if any y'all read this I hope you enjoyed it!!!*
Rabbits were weird little critters. At least to Jigen they were. He’d never really had a solid opinion on them, remaining rather neutral on whether he liked them or not. But at the moment that once neutral feeling towards them had quickly went to pure dislike towards the animal. The gunslinger at this moment wanted nothing more than to shoot the little monsters. And why did he want to do such a thing to such a fluffy creature?
Well to put it bluntly, a rabbit had stolen his wallet.
Rabbits were weird little critters. At least to Jigen they were. He’d never really had a solid opinion on them, remaining rather neutral on whether he liked them or not. But at the moment that once neutral feeling towards them had quickly went to pure dislike towards the animal. The gunslinger at this moment wanted nothing more than to shoot the little monsters. And why did he want to do such a thing to such a fluffy creature?
Well to put it bluntly, a rabbit had stolen his wallet.
A white rabbit to be exact.
And come heaven or hell Jigen was going to get that wallet back even if it killed him. That had been his mindset when he’d chased the little menace in an open field, only to come to a stop at a rather large hole in the ground. Jigen glared at the large hole at the time not noting how strange it was for a small rabbit to have such a large burrow. If he hadn’t been blinded by the need to get the wallet back (it had all his money in it and it was a gift from Lupin), he would have noticed the ground giving way under his feet. But unfortunately he didn’t notice, not until the ground fell out from under him. The gunman let out a startled shout as he fell into the dark abyss that consumed him. As he fell into the dark he couldn’t help but think.
‘I hate rabbits.’
~~~~~
When Jigen had finally hit the ground he’d let out a pained hiss as his body absorbed the shock. Rubbing his aching hip and shoulder, the man looked up at where he’d fallen from and felt a sense of unease as he took in the sight. The hole which he’d fallen down from was now nothing more than a pin prick of light that shined down on him. The gunslinger cursed under his breath as the situation became more real.
“God damnit.”
He growled lowly not at all happy with how his day had turned out. He’d only wanted to relax and now here he was trapped and having his wallet taken from him. He briefly entertained the idea of contacting Lupin or Goemon only to quickly shut it down. Knowing how Lupin could be at times, Jigen knew that if the thief ever found out that he’d been robbed by a small rabbit and then fell into a hole chasing after it, he’d never hear the end of it. Pushing himself up more Jigen began to pick himself up off of the ground, dusting off his suit jacket and pants before looking at his surroundings.
“What the hell did I fall into?”
He asked baffled by how spacious the surrounding area was. As he looked his eyes quickly caught the sight of a flash of white racing away into a tunnel. Jigen didn’t hesitate as he began to race after the white rabbit which was steadily keeping a good distance from him as it raced away. The rabbit made a quick turn and disappeared around a corner, with Jigen in hot pursuit only to be greeted by the sight of the fluffy animal opening up a small door and rushing through it. The sound of the door’s lock clicking into place filled the room. Stunned by what he’d just witnessed Jigen stared at the small door, trying to process what he’d seen.
'It opened the door. That little fluffy bastard actually opened up a door can rabbits even do that????’
Jigen thought questioningly before deciding to dwell on the thought at a later date. Instead he had more important things to worry about such as the room he’d stepped into. Instead of dirt covered walls of a tunnel in a burrow, the room had actual walls in it. Elegant and homey like, complete with chairs and a table. A few paintings hung on the walls adding to the effect of the room. The gunslinger stared at the sight before him, eyes wide underneath his dark bangs and hat.
“What in the hell….?”
He breathed confused and suddenly very uneasy. What was before him shouldn’t be possible. It shouldn’t be possible for a dirty tunnel to have a fully furnished room in it. Stepping further into the room with cautious steps Jigen looked around for any sort of threats that could lurk within it. His hand was hovering over his hip, ready to grab the Magnum should the need arise. After a few beats of silence Jigen stepped further into the room taking note of the table that sat in it. It was a glass one, upon it sat a tray of treats and small cakes. Jigen reached to pick one up and examine it. The cake was small and cutesy, like something out of a little girls tea party. In elegant writing of white icing sat two words.
Eat Me.
Jigen furrowed his brow at the cake, mentally debating whether he should eat the sweet treat or not. After a bit of a mental argument with himself he finally decided to eat it. Probably not the wisest thing for him to do but he wasn’t one to turn down free food.
'What’s the worst that could happen?’
He thought as he took a bite out of the treat. An explosion of sweetness and creamy flavor hit his taste buds making him nearly choke on it. He wasn’t really a fan of sweets and it was quite obvious that whoever had made this cake had went all out with it. Placing the rest of it back down on the table Jigen made his way to the small door to try and get a good look at it. Crouching down he examined the door, noting that he was too big to fit through it. It was just big enough for the rabbit to get through it and he being human had no real chance of getting through it as well. With an annoyed frown Jigen went to stand up again only to realize that something was off. Eyes narrowed he looked over himself.
Had…..had he gotten bigger?
The gunman didn’t get a chance to really answer his question before his body seemed to grow instantaneously. With a loud shout of shock Jigen’s body grew bigger and bigger until he had to hunch over himself in order to fit into the room. His one foot was pressed up against the wall while the other was underneath his body to try and support himself. His head hit the ceiling and his shoulders were pressed up snugly against the wall as well. He could barely move from his position he realized in slight irritation and horror.
“I’m losing my mind what the hell is going on???”
Jigen asked his tone panicking just a bit before he forced himself to get a grip. He knew that if he completely lost his head, he’d be unable to get out of his current position. Scanning the room again to try and figure out a way to get himself out of the situation his gaze landed back onto the table. Surprisingly the delicate piece of furniture had remained unharmed during his insane growth spurt. However what was once on it’s clear surface was something completely different. The small cakes which once graced the tabletop were no longer there but rather a small glass bottle now sat in their place. With a small huff and a bit of squirming Jigen managed to grab it without breaking it in his large hand. Bringing it as close as he possibly could to his face he could finally make out a small note on the side of it.
Drink Me.
Staring at the bottle with an apprehensive look Jigen brought the bottle to his mouth careful not to accidentally swallow the bottle itself. The effect unlike with the cake was instantaneous. His body once huge and cramped in the room was suddenly shrinking rapidly. In a matter of moments he was suddenly the size of the rabbit he’d been chasing before. The table and chairs were giant now from his point of view. Playing with the rim of his hat Jigen tried not to let what had just occurred bother him. He had bigger fish to fry. With quick steps Jigen made his way to the door and grabbed the knob going to twist it open…..
Only for it to catch on the lock.
Jigen froze, his body tensing as frustration built up inside him. With a foreboding feeling his eyes went back to the table hoping that his suspicions would be wrong only to nearly scream in irritation as the familiar shape of a key looked through the glass at him.
“Oh fuck this.”
The gunslinger growled in irritation as he started to dig into his jacket pockets. There was no way in hell that he was going through that nonsense again. No Jigen was going to open this door his way or so help him there’d be hell to pay. After searching and emptying his pockets he finally found what he’d been looking for. A lock picking kit. The man didn’t waste anymore time and got to work to pick lock. After a few clicks and clangs he finally heard the lock unlocking. With a smug grin Jigen pushed the door open and with a confident stride made his way through its doorway.
~~~~~
When Jigen had finally stepped through to the other side he was nearly blinded by bright sunshine in his face. Blinking rapidly and pulling his hat further over his eyes Jigen took in the world around him. Sunshine and bright flowers and plants greeted him, the sounds of nature invading his ears. Mushrooms towered over him as well as grass and flowers. Jigen’s mouth opened up in a slight gap as he took it all in. He was so taken in by the insanity of it that he barely noticed the figure perched on top of one of the mushrooms.
“If you keep your mouth open like that you’re gonna catch flies!”
A chipper voice shattered the air. A familiar chipper voice, one that Jigen would know anywhere. Head snapping up his dark eyed stare landed on the person in front of him.
“Lupin????”
He asked dumbfounded by the sight of his friend. Jigen nearly let out a sound of relief at seeing a familiar face before he stiffened slightly as he took in the rest of Lupin. While his face and body were the same there were also differences on his friend.
Such as the two white rabbit ears sitting on top of his head.
Jigen let out a strained kind of noise at the sight of the rabbit ears and tried not to completely lose it.
“It’s official I must be tripping or suffering from a concussion.”
Jigen said not knowing whether he should lose it or laugh at how ridiculous Lupin looked with rabbit ears. The gunslinger then noticed that Lupin was holding something, something extremely familiar.
“My wallet-!”
Jigen hissed going to make a grab for it. Lupin or rather the white rabbit was quicker than Jigen however and evaded the swiping hands reaching for said wallet.
“Hey now that’s rather rude! Trying to grab things out of people’s hands! Haven’t you ever heard of manners?”
The rabbit asked his voice a bit huffy yet his light grey eyes were mischievous and playful.
“Manners?! You stole my wallet and I want it back Peter Cottontail!”
Jigen snapped somewhat at the Lupin look alike. Lupin just gave Jigen a raised eyebrow, his gaze still full of amusement and mischief. It was honestly unnerving how uncannily similar the white rabbit was to his Lupin. They had the same look, the same eyes, the same everything really. It was somewhat messing with Jigen’s head a bit which was making him react rather snappily.
“Peter Cottontail? That’s a new one! You’ve got a gift for nicknames huh?”
Lupin asked his tone playful. Jigen tried not to let it effect him too much given that this wasn’t actually Lupin and that none of this could be real. However it was rather difficult.
“As for your wallet I think I’ll keep it. It’s rather nice after all and I’ve been needing one myself.”
The man said with a small hum of satisfaction at his prize.
“Oi-! If you think I’m gonna let you run off with my wallet you’ve got another thing coming you little menace-”
Jigen began to spit only to be cut off by laughter. Snapping his focus on to Lupin, the other man was laughing clutching his stomach somewhat as his eyes crinkled with mirth.
“Calm down no need to get so worked up! I’ll happily give you back your wallet my dearest!”
Lupin said his tone light and full of laughter however Jigen was instantly on high alert. Lupin willingly given back what he’d stolen? That was nearly unheard of, in fact the whole thing was making Jigen tense. He knew his partner better than anyone and this whole thing was completely out there. Lupin wasn’t someone who just gave things back, not unless there was something in it for him.
“I’ll give back your wallet……after you catch me.”
Lupin said a sudden smirk on his face. Jigen barely had a chance to process it before Lupin disappeared from sight taking off leaving only a small dust cloud behind him. The gunslinger stared at the spot where Lupin had been before letting out a loud groan that echoed somewhat into the vastness of the surrounding area. A game of tag and chase where Lupin would get to have his fun and Jigen could possibly get his wallet back. This was exactly what he’d been waiting for somewhat. Jigen ran a hand over his face wondering why his mind would come up with something like this in the first place.
“Looks like I’ve got no choice.”
The gunman grumbled as he began to pursue the white menace with Lupin’s face on it. Despite the irritation at the situation Jigen was also somewhat amused by Lupin’s little game. At least he’d have something to focus on as he tried to either snap out of this weird thing he was in or if it was a real thing find a way out of it. With that in mind Jigen continued onwards after the white rabbit.
~~~~~
“Where the hell am I?”
Jigen muttered as he stared at the crossroads before him. Some time had passed since he continued his pursuit of the white rabbit with Lupin’s face and during this time he’d learned several things. The place he was in was apparently called Wonderland. It was a rather strange and ridiculous place where everything and everyone was either backwards or straight up full of nonsense. Nothing had any order to it and it was basically a game of Russian roulette in trying to figure out what was what. He’d also learned that his suit was no longer his suit when he’d passed by a stream of water on his journey.
His usual suit which was black with a royal purple dress shirt had been replaced with a bright white one. The shirt underneath this white ensemble was a mixture of light blue and teal. His hat was also white and the only thing that remained the same was his shoes and tie. It’d been quite a shock seeing the sudden change in his clothing yet he didn’t dwell on it. Another thing he’d learned was to never eat anything or drink anything with wording on it. After another incident involving him growing and shrinking he’d made sure to not go messing with that kind of thing. And the final thing he’d learned just recently was that signs in Wonderland were completely and utterly useless.
Which was why he was now stuck at the crossroads. The man stared at the signs, each of them saying nonsense things or things that were the complete opposite of what they should have been. It was a mess of random things and it made him grouchy somewhat when he couldn’t figure them out. Scratching at his beard mindlessly Jigen tried to figure out a plan for what he should do next when a voice spoke up, startling him.
“My, my it looks like someone’s lost.”
A voice purred in amusement. Jigen didn’t hesitate as he pulled out his gun and pointed it in the direction of where the voice came from.
“Come out and show yourself unless you want to have a face full of led.”
Jigen said his tone hard and leaving no room for argument. The voice let out a small huff not bothered by the gun before a body suddenly appeared before Jigen. A large feline of different shades of pinks and purples sat on a tree branch, it’s large fluffy tail flickering lazily. Large unfocused eyes stared straight into Jigen making the gunman’s skin break out into goosebumps.
“A face full of led doesn’t sound like a fun time, however I wouldn’t be above giving it a try.”
The cat said sounding unfazed by the threat of possibly being shot. Most people should Jigen had his gun focused on them wouldn’t be so calm and unbothered like this feline. Then again it seemed as if people of Wonderland didn’t really care about things like that. It was something that made Jigen uneasy.
“Where are you going if I may ask?”
The cat asked keeping its gaze on Jigen.
“I’m trying to find the white rabbit. Do you happen to know where he’d be at?”
The gunman asked his own gaze honed in on the feline. The cat seemed to perk up at the mention of Lupin and to Jigen’s horror a large smile grew on its face.
“Ah yes him! Let me guess he took something from you? He has a habit of doing that, in fact he’s quite famous for it. I personally don’t know where he’d be at….”
The cat said trailing off and making Jigen’s jaw tighten as he was met with what appeared to be a dead end.
“But I do know someone who knows what you want to know.”
The feline finished its large cheshire grin growing more.
“Oh?”
Jigen asked somewhat intrigued yet weary by the information. The large feline gave a small nod in confirmation.
“In fact he’s almost as infamous as your white rabbit. If anyone can give you some answers it’d be him. Just go straight to the right and continue on the road until you see a house. That’s where you’ll find him…..supposedly.”
The cheshire cat said ominously. The gunslinger gave a tight nod wanting nothing more than to leave and not see the creature again. Without another word Jigen began to make his way to the right side of the crossroads.
“Good luck Jigen~”
The cat said with an unhinged giggle making the man stop dead in his tracks. Whipping back around Jigen was met with nothing but the sight of trees and other natural things. The cheshire cat was no longer in the trees having disappeared into thin air. Jigen’s heart was pounding in his chest and his skin broke out into a cold sweat as he practically sped away from the area rattled.
'How did it know his name?’
He had no answer.
*Yeet tis I your boy back at it again with insanity! So I’d recently came across this blog in the lupin the third fandom and y'all they make the most amazing artwork!! In fact this Wonderland AU piece was inspired by their artwork!!! @theevilemster does amazing artwork for their AU and I’m telling y'all you need to check it out ASAP. Like for real their art is amazing. I basically wrote this because I was heavily inspired by their work and once I’d started writing it rolled away from me lol. I apologize in advance if this sucks and if the characters are OOC, I tried my best with it sgdgdgg. Anyways if any y'all read this I hope you enjoyed it!!! And please check out the artist their artwork is totally worth it!!*
Warning: This fic contains alcohol, smoking, some mature sexy moments, a bit of harrassment, and drunken one night stands. If you’re uncomfortable with these things I highly encourage y'all to check out my other works.
Mr. Hollywood, won’t you come back soon?~ She said, “Mr. Hollywood, won’t you come back soon?”~ She said, “Mr. Hollywood, won’t you come back soon?” (ayy, ayy)~ She said, “Mr. Hollywood, won’t you come back soon?” (ayy, ayy)~ She said~
Your mother had always warned you about being cautious around men. Telling you to keep your heart close to you and to be careful with who you gave it to.
‘You don’t want to give it to a man who’ll only break it (Y/N). Nothing hurts more than to give it away and to have it treated poorly.’
She’d always say to you, always to try and spare you from the heartaches of love. And you always took those words to heart, always cautious and careful. For years you kept men at a distance, afraid of the consequences of acting foolishly. And it’d worked rather well. You kept your heart safe from the heartbreak of love. However like many things in life, there were times when no matter how hard you tried all of your efforts would be in vain. And like many before you, you were unprepared for it. It’d been a late night in the city that you lived in, the lights and neon signs painting the town in a array of colors. Night owls roamed the streets, either to go out and party or do other things. It was on a night such as this that you’d found yourself going to the local bar, wanting nothing more than to get a drink and let lose. The day had been horrendous for you, full of your boss shouting at you and your coworkers being an even bigger pain than the usually were.
So from the moment you got off of work you beelined for the nearest bar, work clothes be damned. Hurrying down the sidewalk full of fellow night people you finally came to the place you desperately wanted to be. With little to zero hesitation you pushed open the door to the bar, your heels clicking against the hard floor. The bar was crowded with people who wanted a drink or hook up with someone for the night. Cigarette smoke clung to the air and the slight scent of several bodies in a somewhat warm area hit your face. Yet you paid none of it any mind, practically flying towards the bar and its stools. Grabbing a seat you collapsed into it, a low sigh of exhaustion coming from you. The bartender gave you a look, taking in your appearance of your wrinkled work uniform and your hair falling out of the style you had it in.
“What can I get cha?”
The bartender asked his tone gruff. You pulled out your wallet and grabbed a couple of bills and slamming them down on the counter.
“Whatever you have that’s the strongest. I don’t care just anything will do.”
You said not even caring about how you sounded like an alcoholic. The bartender took the money and went to the vast shelf to go get your drink while you waited patiently for it. With a small look you saw the bartender get called over by another customer and bit back the frustrated noise that wanted to come out. You knew that getting pissed at the bartender for doing his job was rather stupid so to distract yourself from your frustrations you pulled out your cellphone and began to scroll through your social media accounts. You were so distracted with your scrolling you didn’t notice the man who sat himself down next to you.
“Hey sweetheart, I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here all by yourself.”
A voice cocky and flirtatious spoke up next to you. You jumped at the voice turning your (E/C) hues towards him. The man looked like he was at least in his late fifties, with a balding head and a gross kind of smile. You stared at him, unamused by his greeting.
“Good for you. Now if you would please leave I’d like to keep it that way.”
You said softly, tone professional like. You were so not in the mood for this kind of thing. The man gave you a small look before trying again.
“Aw sugar surely you don’t mean that. After all a lovely lady such as yourself shouldn’t be alone on a Friday night.”
He said persistent. You felt your eyebrow twitch, the exhaustion and rising irritation of the day hitting you and wearing on your patience.
“Look sir, I would really appreciate it if you would just leave me alone. I’m not in the mood to talk to you nor am I in the mood to flirt or whatever else you wanna do. So please kindly buzz off.”
You said your tone full of irritation. The man looked at you, the cocky smirk he’d been wearing falling off of his face. His eyes narrowed in anger and he quickly grabbed your arm making you stiffen up in shock.
“Listen here you little-”
He began to growl his lips pulled up into a sneer when a hand gripped the man’s shoulder and a cold tone chimed in.
“Hey pal, you heard the lady. She said bug off. Now let go of her or you’re not gonna like what I do next.”
A man much younger than the one harassing you said. The older man turned his attention towards the other his eyes glaring.
“Oh yeah what are you gonna do about it-?”
The creep snarled before going silent as he looked towards the man’s coat. You couldn’t see what was happening but whatever he saw had made him let go of you and quickly turn tail muttering under his breath. Watching him disappear you finally turned your attention to your savior.
“You alright miss?”
He asked you. You nodded offering a tired smile.
“Yeah I’m alright. Thank you for helping me out with that. I really wasn’t in the mood for it.”
You said softly. Your savior gave you a nod seemingly satisfied that you were alright.
“You mind if I sit here? I could really go for a drink after that encounter.”
He said gesturing to the now empty seat next to you. Giving him a much more sincere smile you gestured for him to sit.
“Go right ahead and be my guest Mr…..?”
You asked trailing off. Your savior sat himself down on the stool and tipped his hat slightly upwards to meet your gaze.
“Jigen. You can call me Jigen, and can I get a name from you?”
The man Jigen asked earning a small amused look from you.
“(Y/N), my name’s (Y/N).”
Ooh, I just wanna lay right by your side~ We don’t gotta love each other right~ We just gotta make it through the night~ You don’t gotta say~ You’re not into me no more~ When we pass out on the floor~ See the sun rise through the door~
After the introductions you and Jigen talked as you waited for your drinks. You quickly came to realize that Jigen was a rather strange yet dry man. He was wearing a suit and a hat that covered his dark eyes that you’d only caught a glimpse of. A beard grew on his face and his hair was dark and shaggy yet it seemed to suit him. Jigen made a few sarcastic remarks here and there earning a bit of laughter from you. As you talked and got your drinks you came to learn more about your mysterious savior. He did odd jobs for a living and traveled a lot, he was a few years older than you, at least in his late twenties or early thirties. He was a smoker and he liked to drink though he didn’t really like being in crowded areas. He was sarcastic and charming in a weird rugged way and incredibly smart. And in return you told him about yourself. You told him about your job at your office and the things you liked and disliked.
With each word exchanged between the two of you the more at ease you both felt with one another. Laughing and joking and conversing while you drank through your drinks like the two of you knew each other for years. Before you even realized it hours had passed and you were more than a little bit tipsy. Jigen wasn’t much better off, his cheeks flushed from the alcohol and warmth in the bar.
“Ya know? This day was absolutely terrible, like…..like downright awful. But now…..now I don’t think it was all that bad.”
You said your voice slurred a bit. The alcohol had made you a little bit more honest than you usually were, making your thoughts hazy and your guard lowered. Jigen gave you a look, his dark brown eyes staring into your own (E/C) ones curiously.
“Oh? And what exactly made it not so bad?”
He asked his own voice slurred as well. You couldn’t help but feel your breath hitch slightly as you answered his question.
“You.”
You said softly sincere and hesitant. Jigen seemed to go still next to you, making you feel anxious and stupid all of a sudden.
'Why would you say that (Y/N)?? You just met the guy and now you’re saying things like that?? God what is wrong with you???’
You mentally berated yourself feeling embarrassed by your words.
“Haha I’m just kidding, I mean that would be really weird-”
You began to ramble slightly to try and do damage control when you felt a gentle but rough hand place itself on top of yours. You felt your cheeks burn as you snapped your attention to Jigen. The man was looking at you, his eyes which had been hidden for most of your conversation was now staring at you. His eyes held an unreadable look, yet they weren’t full of anything that was unkind. Squeezing your hand Jigen spoke.
“If that’s weird then it’s probably weird that I’m kinda glad I’d made your crummy day better.”
He said his gruff voice low and honest. You felt your heart skip at the naked honesty he’d shown you. You felt yourself squeeze his hand back gently, your mind fuzzy and your chest tight and warm. It was a feeling you’d never experienced before, so foreign and new but oh so addictive in a way. Without thinking about it you went with what your heart was saying.
“I see…….then I guess we’re both weirdos. Since we’re being weird would…..would you maybe like to possibly……accompany me home……?”
You asked shy and nervous despite the alcohol in your system. Jigen seemed to stop functioning, a dark look flashing in his gaze and you couldn’t help but shiver at it.
“Let me pay and we’ll head out.”
By the way you move, I know you want me to~ Tell you all the rules, I know I’m searching too~ Give me all your clues and things to guide me through~ The end of the world, the end of the world~ Don’t blow out the fuse when darkness comes to light~ So much I could do to make you come to life~ Fingers coming loose, I see there’s no more time~ Don’t tell me I’m gone, don’t tell me I’m gone~
It didn’t take long for Jigen to pay for your drinks before the two of you made your way out of the bar and into the chilly night. You and Jigen stumbled a bit on the walk to your place, you clinging to his arm and him keeping a firm arm around your waist. The sounds of you and his drunken laughter and soft whispers filled the night, the streetlights shining down upon the two of you. In an almost dreamlike manner the two of you finally made it to your place. Digging around in your purse you pulled out your keys and tried to unlock the door. After a few failed attempts you finally managed to get the keys in and unlock the door. Pushing it open you grabbed Jigen by his arm and pulled him inside with you. As soon as the front door was shut the two of you were on each other. Your lips met his in a drunken, lustful kiss. Your fingers laced themselves into his thick hair and his arms wrapped themselves around your waist pulling you closer to him. Stumbling through the living room the two of you barely separated from each other, exchanging kisses and touching wherever your hands could touch.
Jigen pulled away from you, his eyes dark and full of want as he looked at you. You felt your skin prickle a bit at the heated gaze, your heart pounding loudly in your chest and ears. Leaning down so his mouth was close to your ear he spoke, soft and low.
“Are you sure you want to do this (Y/N)?”
He asked his tone soft and questioning. You felt your heart swell at his question, a fuzzy bubbling warmth of emotion rising up. This was the time when you and him could leave it at the heated kisses, but something deep within you didn’t want to stop. You wanted Jigen, you wanted all of him even if it was only for the night. Giving consent you nodded and answered.
“I want it, I want you Jigen please…”
You spoke voice full of desire and sincerity. That was all he needed to know and his lips were once again kissing yours, trailing down to your neck. You gasped and clung to him.
“Jigen…..bedroom first door in the hallway……”
You breathed as you melted into a puddle. Jigen picked you up making your legs wrap around his waist. With stumbling steps he made his way towards the room. After that the rest of the night was a rush of lust and sensations, of kisses and heated looks of want and desire. Of touches and nips and breathless cries of carnal actions before collapsing into the pillows and sheets in a blissful sleep wrapped up in each other’s arms.
She said, “Mr. Hollywood, won’t you come back soon?” (ayy, ayy)~ She said, “Mr. Hollywood, won’t you come back soon?” (ayy, ayy)~ She said~ Ooh, I just wanna lay right by your side~ We don’t gotta love each other right~ We just gotta make it through the night~ You don’t gotta say~ You’re not into me no more~ When we pass out on the floor~ See the sun rise through the door~
You woke up to the sunrise and it’s pale rays. Your head hurt slightly and your body ached in a pleasant way. Blinking sleepily you looked around and saw that the other side of your bed, empty and turning cold. Sitting up you couldn’t help but feel your heart sink at the sight of the empty space. You had been hoping that perhaps Jigen would still be there with you but alas it appeared that he’d left earlier that morning. Clinging to the sheets slightly you recalled the time spent together last night. You could see the look in his eyes as the two of you mingled, the look of desire and another emotion that you couldn’t identify. You felt your heart stutter in your chest as a sudden feeling of sorrow hit you. You had known that Jigen would only be there for the night, that the time you two had together would come to an end. You had known this and accepted it, letting him have all of you and you taking all of him. What you hadn’t expected was this sudden painful ache in your chest.
It felt as if your heart was tearing itself apart, as if a piece of it was now missing. Your throat began to close slightly and tears began to burn at your eyes. To your confusion you felt them begin to overflow and slide down your cheeks. Wiping at them uselessly you tried to figure out why you were feeling like this. Tried to figure out why your heart and soul felt as if it was missing something important. As you cried your silent tears you froze as you came to a possible conclusion that you didn’t dare want to believe. The heartache, the tears, the sudden feeling of emptiness and sorrow. All of these were from one thing, all of them the consequence of the very thing you’d been warned about since you were young.
In the span of one night, you’d given your heart to Jigen.
You’d developed feelings for him.
You let out a loud pained mixture of a laugh and a sob as the truth finally hit you. After all of your efforts, after all your precautions when it came to your heart you’d still in the end had done the very thing you’d desperately tried to avoid. You’d carelessly given away your heart to a man who in return shattered it. The very thing your mother had warned you about and tried to prevent, only for it all to be in vain. As you began to drown in your heartbreak you couldn’t help but feel foolish. You’d let your guard down, had let your heart be put out there and like a thief in the night Jigen had taken it and in a way ruined you. And the thing that made it even worse was that you didn’t mind that Jigen had stolen your heart. If there was anyone that you’d choose to take it, it would be Jigen.
If only he felt the same way as you did.
Now you were left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.
~~~~~
Jigen stared out into the sunrise, his chest empty and full of regrets. The gunman had just left your place before the sun even broke over the horizon, his heart heavy as he left you behind. Jigen hadn’t meant to get so attached to you in the span of a night but he had. Like a moth to a flame he allowed himself to be drawn in by you. You with your shy and beautiful smile, you with your chiming laughter, you with your sparkling eyes and kind heart. You with your quick wit and sarcastic humor. Jigen bit back the wave of heartache that hit him as he thought about you. Last night had been the most magical night that he’d had in a very long time. He could still see you in the dark bedroom, your eyes dark and full of desire, your lips swollen from all the kisses and your neck covered in bite marks……
The gunman shook his head, pulling his hat further over his face. Spending the night with you had been amazing. It’d had been full of passion and want. It’d made his heart pound and his soul sing as the two of you touched. He could still feel the magnetic current that had sparked to life with every touch and kiss.
It had been beautiful.
It had been freeing.
It had made him feel alive, like he could finally breathe properly for the first time in his life.
And it was exactly why he had to leave. In his long life Jigen had learned the hard way that feeling that way towards a woman could only end in tragedy. Especially given his past occupation and his current one. Jigen being romantically involved with someone was always bound to end in either betrayal or death. It was rare for him and his lovers to come out of things unscathed and it was because of this that he left you. He couldn’t bare the thought of you facing the same fate as so many others had faced when he loved them. Plus there was another reason that made him leave you. Because even if Jigen was willing to risk your life for this, (which he wasn’t) there was no way he’d be able to give you a life that was normal.
Because Jigen was a criminal, specifically the partner of the world famous thief Lupin the Third. Also known as his best friend.
That alone killed any chances of him having something with you. So with a heavy heart that screamed at him Jigen left. He left so you could be safe. And even if it was killing him he wouldn’t regret it, just as he wouldn’t regret being with you. Even if it had only been a night he’d never regret it. If given the chance Jigen would do it all, all over again. As the gunman watched the sunrise he couldn’t help but think about of the irony of his whole situation. Jigen a criminal and thief had, had his heart unknowingly stolen by you. It was funny in a rather ironic way. Reaching into his suit Jigen pulled out a cigarette and lit it before making his way back to the hideout where Lupin and Goemon and possibly Fujiko would be waiting for him to plan the heist for the day. As he turned his back from the sunrise Jigen took one last glance towards the direction where your home was. He could picture it, you laying in your bed covered in your sheets fast asleep.
'This is for the best…..for both of us.’
He told himself tearing his eyes away.
'But is it really…..?’
The thought whispered traitorously in his head. The gunman scoffed not bothering to answer his mental question, knowing that deep down he wanted nothing more than to go back to your side. But those desires weren’t in his cards, no matter how much he wanted them to be. With an almost forced will Jigen continued on his way not looking back and leaving his heart with you.
By the way you move, I know you want me to~ Tell you all the rules, I know I’m searching too~ Give me all your clues and things to guide me through~ The end of the world, the end of the world~
*Nani??? A fanfic that isn’t Hetalia this time?????? You bet your cute ass it is!!!! So I’ve been getting into Lupin the Third a lot lately and I may or may not have gotten quite fond of Jigen (coughJigenmybelovedcough). So I decided to go with him as my first attempt at writing something for this series. To be honest I was heavily influenced by the song Mr. Hollywood by Joji. It’s a good song that has a somewhat bittersweet vibe to it. I’d highly recommend listening to it it’s so good. I also apologize in advance if Jigen is kinda weird I’m still trying to get a feel for him as a character sgsgsgdgf. Anyways if any y'all read this I hope you enjoyed it!!!*
Continuation of that SPY x FAMILY / Lupin crossover. Anya is the type of cute that inspires undying loyalty, and I am convinced that the Lupin gang would take one look at this child and forge adoption papers on the spot.
Meanwhile Sophie has one brain cell, and that brain cell is for tuna
