#dark academia writing

not a single piece of poetry
can ever express the ache within my heart-

tongue tied

i grasp for every opportunity
to talk to you
i’m sorry if it makes me seem weak
however you’re this drug everyone
tells me to stay away from
but tell me how can i stay away from those
glorious eyes and
precious smile

this is why i can’t have you
this is why i must be without you
you may be breathtaking
but the consequences are devastating-

forbidden fruit

i notice the way you look at me
when i’m crying or vulnerable
you rub the side of my arm but
you want to hug me
don’t you?
you hate seeing me like this,
don’t you?

i don’t know who you are

your name is engraved on my heart,
and the ghost of your touch lingers on my arm
yet i don’t know who you are

my sol, i have only seen you rising
what are you like setting?
i have only seen you out in the open
what do you look like, coyly hiding behind the moon?

grace me with your beauty
paint my waters with your red

-i want to see you, raw, unrefined, like mother nature intended

“happy valentines day,”
i whisper to no one but the moon
the clock strikes midnight, and i’m left awake;
awake with the silence of the night,
and the deafening sound of my thoughts
of course, you’re on my mind at this hour; when are you not?

you are like honeysuckle, mounting the walls of my heart
the walls that were built to protect, but you somehow
find the cracks and seep through
you wrap thick vines around my heart, planting a seed of
your sweet, sweet destruction
and let the white flowers blossom

you think i would stop you, but no;
the sweet taste is addictive

last day of school

i see you standing at the end of the hall
this is it, this is the last time i will see you in months
i want to feel your embrace once more,
i ache of longing, and wanting
i am sick of wishing, and waiting

i approach you, asking if i can hug you before i leave
my heart heaves in my chest; i feel sick, yet
i know i would regret it otherwise

a moment passes
you don’t quite hear me
i ask again
my voice is small, and i feel even smaller
another moment passes
i ask louder, on the edge of breaking down

and you say yes,
is this a dream?
you take me into your arms
god, you know i miss the feeling
you rub my back
i feel at home

we let go, and i smile
you tell me to stay in touch over the holidays
we say our final goodbyes

i shall say hello again in september

you complimented my makeup today;
i doubt you’ll ever know what that means to me
to have someone you have poured your soul,
your heart, the entirety of your being too,
mirror your adoration, even if it is a fraction of it

you were never mine in the first place
but the serpent of your name
carved in someone else’s heart
has the same poison in its fangs
as the serpent that would be
if you belonged to me

its bite intoxicated me with jealousy,
infecting my bloodstream, and every inch of my being
but i have no right to be this way,
for i am not yours, and you are not mine

yet, why do i present the same symptoms
as someone who watched their lover fall for someone else
doctor, oh doctor, can you cure me of this ailment
may i mistake these feelings for something
they are not

the tattoos adorned on your skin tell a story
let me trace every page; let me consume each word
i’m know you are aware of my desire for reading

there are moons inked on your back
i caught a glimpse of them, amidst last week’s heat
my cheeks reddened as if i imposed on something intimate
yet my eyes were bewitched and my gaze remained glued

i am intrigued, needless to say,
may i learn more of this tale?
or is this an instance of passing by a bookshop window
and never finding that windowsill display again

i barely even know you
you are not the woman you present yourself as
but, i know more about you than others like me do
so tell me please,

will there ever come a day i will learn of your moons?
-this is not something the textbooks can answer

i knew you were never attainable,
so i love you from afar
the idea of you so beautiful,
i refuse to seek the true reality

wonder is a synonym for beauty
we fall for things we do not understand
for the excitement of not knowing intoxicates our souls
the thrill of risking everything for the unknown is romantic

strip something of its essence, and replace it with fact and figure,
the appeal is no longer existent; the thrill cease to be
el sol glows as a gentle jewel hanging from my window
up close, she wields enchanting flames of destruction

what would it be like to be alone with you again?
it’s been so long, i have almost forgotten
the way my heart would pound against my chest,
the way your eyes would dive into my soul

you are an explorer, plummeting into the ocean of my heart
i usher you forward, daring you even
it’s dark, and dangerous; too deep and you may drown
but beneath it all is the gold
glistening dully, on its last thread of hope

the memories are fading into nothingness
but maybe it’s meant to be,
like letting go of blissful childhood, when
adulthood is ushering you forward
yet, i miss the way i felt when i was alone with you
don’t let this be something ordinary in pink tint

i ache, and i ache, but that will do nothing at all
please call for my name, i just want to feel special once more

but you are a painting and i am a bystander
you are as beautiful as sappho, and i say this with candour
i stop and i stare, but i’m not the only one
your world does not revolve around me for i am not the sun

the sun and the moon are not lovers
the sun and the universe are
the sun’s kisses to the universe are
known to you and i, as the stars

i search for you in everything i can
i scan the poetry books we both love,
scavenging for a glimpse of your words,
in someone else’s
i listen to the band we talked
about, with passion
and listen to how your heart crumbled
i look for la luna every night
to see your reflection

-sol, it is pains me too much to face you directly