Hestia, *teaching sex ed to the couples of Olympus*: Alright, your partner just texted you ‘I want a baby’. What are your responses?
Zeus x Hera-
Hera: No
Zeus: why
Hera: I don’t need another child with emotional trauma, we already have six
Demeter x Hecate-
Demeter: depends.
Hecate: on what?
Demeter: are you going to neglect that child and then tell your brother to kidnap them so they can marry and not asking me?
Hecate: … No
Demeter: then possibly.
Artemis x Athena-
Athena *blushing furiously*: We-well that’s u-up to Arte.
Artemis: …
Athena: Artemis please this is killing me.
Artemis: *smiles mischievously*
Athena: don’t you dare.
Artemis: *runs away faster than Hermes*
Athena*runs after her: ARTEMIS PLEASE YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE SUSPENSE!!!
Ares x Aphrodite-
Aphrodite *seductively walks up to Ares*: well I- *wraps her arms around his neck* wouldn’t be apposed to the idea.
Ares *smirks*: what ever you want babe.
*Cue enthusiastic makeout*
Hestia: please dears, later
Hermes x Thanatos-
Thanatos: I don’t really want kids I just want to live a peaceful life with my boyfriend
Hermes: you’d do that bro?
Thanatos: of course bro
Hermes *grabs Thanatos’s hand*: bro
Poseidon x Amphitrite-
Amphitrite: we have enough kids
Poseidon: Agreed
Apollo x Ares-
Ares: can we even have kids?
Apollo: what?
Ares: I mean we are both male.
Apollo: Ares we are gods we can do anything and even if we weren’t there is this magical thing called ✨adoption✨
Ares: oh… Then yeah probs.
Apollo: *blushes*
Aphrodite x Hephaestus-
Aphrodite: well-
Hephaestus: it is pretty obvious the answer is no
Aphrodite: what
Hephaestus: it’s always been no so stop what your saying because is is just going to break my heart.
Aphrodite: actually Hephy I was thinking- *grabs Hephaestus’s hand* maybe we could try.
Hephaestus *shocked*: what?
Aphrodite: I have been treating you horribly for how long we have been married so I was thinking that we could try if you want.
Hephaestus *trying not to cry*: I- I would love that my dear
Both: *kiss*
Hera: I’m happy for you two but can we move on
Both: of course, sorry.
Dionysus xAriadne-
Dionysus: I am kinda feeling like Poseidon and Amphitrite I don’t really want kids at the moment, how about you Hun?
Ariadne: agreed my love
Hades x Persephone-
Hades: well I would want to talk to Persephone first about it and depending on the answer is where we’ll go from there but that is all I will say at the moment
Persephone: I love you so much *kisses him*
Hades: *Turns as red as a tomato* Hestia what are our scores?
People who look at the Rape of Persephone/the Hymn to Demeter and go ‘this needs to center men’ need to take a step back tbh. I don’t know why we need to take a myth about a mothers grief over her daughters forced marriage and rape and switch it around so that the rapist is sympathetic and soft hearted, and then disguise the product of that as a ‘feminist retelling’. So often Demeter is torn apart in these retellings too - like what part of feminism is it to take a mother with overwhelming sorrow and love for her daughter, and turn her into an abusive bitch. What part of feminism is it for a young woman to ‘change’, ‘fix’, or become some sort of live in sexual partner and caregiver for a much older, much more powerful man.
Like perhaps the Hymn to Demeter is one of the only Greek myths to center the feelings and anguishes of women, which were so common in old Greek society and still common today. Perhaps Demeter creating winter to force the hands of the gods and titans that loom over her into giving her her daughter back is a powerful thing to hold on to.
Hades: This is my wife Persephone, and these are Persephone’s girlfriends Minthe and Aphrodite. Then there’s Hephaestus who is Aphrodite’s husband and Ares who is her boyfriend. And that’s Ares’ boyfriend Apollo and his sister Artemis, who is also the girlfriend of Athena. Oh and that’s Artemis and Apollo’s mom Leto who is dating the mother of Athena, Metis. And she’s dating Maia who is Hermes’ mother and he is dating my worker Thanatos. Hypnos, Thanatos’ brother is dating Hermes’ brother Dionysus, and The mother of Dionysus, Demeter is dating both Hecate, and Dione who is the sister of Metis- Oh and Metis is also dating Hera, who is also in a polyamorus relationship with Maia and Leto as well. Hera is also married to my younger brother Zeus, and my other younger brother, Poseidon is married to Amphitrite, and that’s my eldest sibling Hestia who is dating Iris.
Hestia: 6’4, Slightly past shoulder length, coal black hair that covers her eyes, Dark brown skin, godly attire is, a dark red robe, a matching shawl, no shoes, mortal attire is, mostly sweatpants, and oversized hoodies, but her formal wear is a black suit, doesn’t wear shoes often, white eyes with flame like irises, most noticeable scar is one that starts at her right knee and ends at her left breast, has tons of other little scars along the back of her neck, has snake bite piercings on her bottom lip, ears pierced, has full body tattoos that she hides most of the time, most noticeable one is a crack on her neck with lava leaking down her shoulders and back, has a strong frame but doesn’t workout as much as the other gods.
Demeter: 7’2, long wavy dark golden brown hair, dark brown skin, godly attire is a black tunic with a silver belt with her symbol on it, covered by a long dark green cloak, mortal attire is ripped jeans, flannel with a white shirt underneath, doesn’t wear shoes often, Most noticeable scar is four long claw marks along her back starting at her shoulder and bicep and ending on her waist and hip, very muscular, has a scar along her eyebrow, and her hands are extremely scared as well, has a golden nose ring, ears are pierced as well, like Hestia she also has full body tattoos that she hides most of the time, most noticeable one is a large tree on her back that has the names of the other gods within its branches and it’s roots go down to her waist, has golden brown eyes.
Hera: 6’8, dark wavy brown hair that goes down to her mid back, has red and brown eyes, dark brown skin, lean muscular frame, godly attire is a white dress embroidered with her symbols a golden crown atop her head, white fingerless gloves, and heels, mortal attire is wide fishnet stockings and shorts or jeans, leather boots, leather jacket over a white button up shirt, sometimes with sunglasses, Most noticeable scar is one that starts at her shoulder and ends at her waist, has another scar along her chin, has a tongue piercing, ears are also pierced, like her sisters has full body tattoos, most noticeable is two connected rings on her back one having her name and the other having Zeus, Maia, Metis, and Leto’s names, and has the names of her family down her left arm.
The Theoi are alive and well. And one of them works at Denny’s.
First of all…happy Yule everyone! May everyone reading this post have the best and merriest that this holiday has to offer! Let your bellies be filled and your shelter be full of comfort and warmth. And let your life manifest all the gifts you need for the coming new year to be successful and fulfilled! ♡♡♡ Thank you so much, readers, for brightening up my life lately. From spontaneous messages of good will to the people who were with me from the very beginning of this blog last February during my darkest moments of 2018. You have taken what I thought to be the end of me and made it a beginning.
Now as for that Theoi comment? I’m seriously not making shit up. I met a Greek Goddess at Denny’s tonight while treating my friend to Yulemas dinner. Stop looking at me like that witchy naysayers, it’s true as fuck! I have the proof in pictures just like Alex Jones has them on video! So sit back, relax, and sip some skeptic tea while I regale you with today’s Alizar Adventure.
It all began when my landlord Jason (a more experienced Time Witch and actual physicist) told me that there was a “supernatural” Denny’s in our neighborhood.
“Like, there’s ghosts in it and shit?” I asked, then mentioned “That’s pretty typical though for a Denny’s.”
“No!” Jason exclaimed, “They have actual decent spaghetti and meatballs. Noodles that don’t feel like rubber!”
My eyes widened in reaction and Jason went on to ramble about how there must be some kind of faery cooking in the kitchens in order to pull that kind of culinary magic off at a seemingly-normal Denny’s. And it cemented in my mind that I had to go check it out some time when I had both the money and the chance. My funds have been pretty low for the holiday season but it’s the holidays. Everyone is broke.
So fast forward to yesterday. By luck and random chance, someone on Tumblr paid me for a reading. They paid me just enough to buy myself, my partner, and one other person a nice dinner. And through synchronicity, serendipity, and a little bit of fate…one of my friends with a car comes through to visit me. We decide, after realizing that we’re all pretty hungry, that we wanna go to a restaurant. But it’s too late in the evening to go anywhere but…you guessed right, the supernatural Denny’s. Because Denny’s is always open no matter what time it is.
So we go to the Denny’s. I sit down and order my favorite but also try some pumpkin pancake doughy fried bits. And true to Jason’s word, everything is fucking delicious! Everything. Even the coffee is fresh, hot, and served with excellent care by an extremely attentive waiter. I try to find anything out of place with my wizard eyes but there’s nothing really amiss. No energy vortex. Minimal ghost activity. It’s a normal Denny’s with no business having food this good! I decide to bide my time. Maybe something will come up when I’m not looking?
My friend and I talk about astrology, getting more serious about planning our goals in witchcraft, and the importance of intention. Also window shopping online for tarot decks. I have my eyes on the Ethereal Visions (illuminated) deck and she just bought the black and white heremetic deck. But she also has her eyes on some decks featuring an art nouveau style. We also talked about how this full moon is likely to catalyze some worker’s strikes from now until New Years.
And just when I’d forgotten about figuring out why this Denny’s was supernaturally good in both service and cuisine, I was thunderstruck by the answer. It was dangling in front of me the whole time, so in my face, and obvious that it was hidden! I was staring it dead in the face the whole time…
“Demetria”. There, hanging above the cash register, was the name of one of the Denny’s employees. And that name was Demetria…or Demeter.
When I saw that name, my eyes widened, and it clicked into place. Someone who worked here was named after the Goddess of Grain and the Harvest. Not thinking, I said the name outloud, and was answered quickly by a woman. A waitress. The woman was short, with tanned skin, and big brown eyes that were dark as coffee. She had wavy hair that was tied back into a bun. Her smile was warm. She asked me if I needed anything or if I needed to pay my check. I said that I’d already been helped and then complimented her on her name.
“I’m named after the goddess of the harvest.” She said.
“Well that makes sense that you’re here at Denny’s.” I replied.
She raised her eyebrow and asked me “Why is that?”
“Because you’re named after the Goddess of Harvest and you’re here helping to feed people when they’re hungry.”
And Demetria the waitress gave me a secret smile and then sauntered off with a pot of coffee in her hands.
Now I realize that maybe that waitress was just a person with a name but…
I also believe wholeheartedly that gods, goddesses, angels, demons, and all sorts of spiritual entities are also embodied in aspects of us humans. That we can serve as their equivalents here on Earth. And that when you meet people, you never actually know if you’re entertaining divinity. In fact, I would reckon that every person is an embodiment of a god, goddess, angel, demon, spirit (ect) regardless of how conscious they are of it. Sometimes, with some people, it’s just more obvious. That’s why I believe in being the best I can be to everyone I meet. Because everyone is a secret ambassador or chief of a magical realm that I have no understanding of.
So with that logic, I just met the Goddess of Harvest at a Denny’s. My Yule was made by this one interaction. @neil-gaiman was right. The Old Gods are alive and STILL KICKING.
honestly the greek gods are so funny and not even for the reasons and not even for the reasons you might normally think. like yeah i do get a good chuckle out of things like dionysus’s antics but one of the funniest stories to me in greek mythology is the one where demeter wants to thank a king for his hospitality towards her and the best way she can think to do that is to chuck his kid into a fire
