#incorrect greek mythology
Iliad init
Patroclus, at Achilles’ funeral: Can i have a moment alone with him?
Odysseus: Of course *leaves*
Patroclus, leaning over Achilles’ coffin: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.
Achilles: Yeah no shit
Odysseus: Hey, Patroclus, can you take out the trash?
Patroclus: I would, but you’re already outside.
Odysseus:
Patroclus: *high fives Achilles*
Patroclus: *completely serious* I have to get something off my chest…
Achilles:is it your shirt?? I hope its your shirt please
Patroclus: Just to be sure, are you asking me romantically or platonically?
Achilles, down on one knee, ring still out: You did not just fucking ask me that-
Odysseus:are you a cuddler?
Achilles: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION-
Patroclus: yeah he’s a cuddler.
Odysseus, reading a fortune cookie: if you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same.
Achilles, with a mouth full of takeout: kill two
Patroclus: please promise me you won’t die in battle. I’m scared.
Achilles: death?the onlythings that aredeadare my coremusclesbecause I’m alwayson myGRINDChiron 4:13
the song of achilles: basically
patroclus: oh no he’s hot
achilles: omg mom you’re embarrassing me get out of my room it isNT A PHASE
thetis: [homophobic hissing]
chiron: i ship it
odysseus: pff dude same
Patroclus: you know, Penelope gives Odysseus flowers everyday. I wish you’d do that too
Achilles:okay
*the next day*
Achilles: *gives Odysseus flowers*
Odysseus:??????
Achilles: I don’t know. I’m confused aswell
Patroclus: hey what do you want for dinner tonight?
Achilles: your dick
Achilles: *pick sorry autocorrect sucks
Patroclus:
Patroclus:
Achilles:
Patroclus: Achilles this is a verbal conversation
*Patroclus and Achilles sleeping together in Pelion*
Achilles: night night, sleep tight, don’t let the fury outside the cave drag you down to Tartarus
Patroclus: thaT DOESN’T EVEN RHYME-
Omg i just relised we hit 200 followers and, uhhh, were currently at 260!! So heres a random art dump/shit post to celebrate a late 200/early 300! :D
Love all 260 of you patrochilles trash<33
HEYY super cool, fun, exiting, super, mega cool news: I’m writing a book!! (Ok fine its a fanfic mais tu n'es pas amusant alors c'est nul)
My name on Wattpad is @Hcrmcs and I dont have AO3
Translation: Mon nom sur Wattpad est @Hcrmcs et je n'ai pas AO3
—————————————————————————
It gonna be a patrochilles one (obvs) but I’m currently struggling to get a plot down for one where theyre already friends (imposter syndrome do be playin up rn aha) so if you have any tips, a dm would be EXTREMELY appreciated et je t'aimerais tellement, mwah mwah<33 ❤
Also, just started summer break so expect more cool content ✌
(I do speak French, it’s my og language btw lmao si vous pouvez lire ceci, alors je t'aime, dm moi s'il vous plaît belle personne. ❤
Mais si vous avez utilisé Google Translate, alors uuhh continue de me dm, vous êtes un sournois, sournois bâtard )
Achilles: You’re a piece of shit!
Agamemnon: No, you’re a piece of shit!
Odysseus(being the smart ass he is): As far as I’m concerned, you’re BOTH pieces of shit. Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming anyway.
Hector: I’ll be honest, I feel like you don’t like me
Achilles: I thought I had made this clear after the 12th time I tried to kill you
IT IS DONE IT IS FINALLY DONE!!! I HAVE COMPLETED THE GODS DESCRIPTIONS AND WILL BE POSTING THEM SOON!!!
Zeus, *to his siblings*: I’d die for you.
Hades: Then perish.
Hera: You will!?
Demeter: Please don’t.
Poseidon: Cool.
Hestia: I’d die for you first.
Demeter: *casually taking four stairs at a time*
Hestia, *falling behind, taking two stairs at a time*: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-
Artemis: This bloodline ends with me.
Leto: That’s the fanciest way I’ve ever heard someone say “I’m gay”.
