This is the second part of a three part mini-series. Part one is here and my masterlist is here. I hope you enjoy it, let me know if you want to be tagged in the final part! DOOWEEEOOOO!
Eventually, as she always does, River left. The Doctor stared at the space she once occupied. Something felt off… he felt off. He was alone in a way that he had not been since he met Rose all those years ago. Even the idea of reuniting with Amy and Rory did not ease his sense of heartache. There was something missing, something important. Something so important that it was written on his hearts, even if it was out of reach of his mind. He tried to shake the feeling, to bury it and move on, but he couldn’t, not with this.
Telling himself that it must’ve been some weird after effect of being drugged, he decided to ignore it and focus instead on Amy and Rory who he needed to pick up from Amsterduke. He maneuvered the controls and held on as the TARDIS took off. Finding the couple was easy as he merely had to ask where the humans were. They were both very glad to see him, as they had gotten into a bit of a pickle themselves. Once it was all said and done and everyone had made it back to the TARDIS, they all had a good laugh about it.
Though even as they were joking around, Amy could see the loss in her friend’s eyes. She wondered what had happened in the short time that they were separated, but decided that it was better that she didn’t ask.
The next morning, the Doctor was getting ready to wake everyone up for the upcoming adventure and doing some light ready as he journeyed through the halls as he had done countless times before. Head still in the book, he reached out for a doorknob that wasn’t there. He looked up to see that he stood before a blank wall. While the TARDIS did like to move things around on occasion, this was peculiar. The Doctor racked his brain but couldn’t remember anything ever being in that spot. Yet, he felt so drawn to it. There *was* something there, there had to be.
“Doctor?” Amy asked puzzled by his attention to the wall.
“Hmm? Yes. Sorry, just had a thought.”
‘That’s always dangerous. Should I start running or hide?’ she joked.
“Hey!” he feigned offense.
“What? I didn’t say anything,” Amy asked looking slightly concerned.
“Of course not, where were we?” he asked, an unsettling feeling taking over again.
“Are you alright?”
“Amy, sweet married Amy, in all our time together I thought by now you would have learned better than to ask such a silly question. I’m fine. No, I’m better than fine I’m great! Now go grab Rory and get ready to see Venice.”
Over the next two months, there were many moments like the one above. The Doctor would find himself with certain objects, places, or phrases and feel like there was something off. It was like they should mean something to him other than what they did. Sometimes he’d catch himself having two-way conversation, but whose words came to mind he couldn’t tell. All he knew is that the didn’t belong to him. It always came in short waves, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore. He’d spend his nights wandering through the TARDIS to see if anything would trigger something. He was grasping at straws, but had no choice. He felt incomplete, like whatever it was that he had forgotten or lost was the last piece of a puzzle that he hadn’t even truly been aware that he’d been solving. The problem was that he wasn’t able to see the whole picture without that piece, and he couldn’t find that piece without seeing the whole picture.
Amy and Rory noticed his change of demeanor regardless of how he tried to hide it. They were starting to get worried about him and tried to keep his mind busy. They purposefully avoided bringing it up, not wanting to upset him. That was until one day his distractedness had almost gotten him killed. It was on that day that once they were safely back in the TARDIS that Amy forced him to sit down.
“Okay, talk,” she ordered.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been hiding something from us, and it’s about time you clued us in,” she replied.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the Doctor lied.
“Yes, you do. It’s been happening for a while now. It’s like no matter where we are or what we are doing that part of your mind is somewhere else. And we’ve tried to give you your space, but obviously, that hasn’t helped, so spill it.”
“I’m fine, you are reading too much into things Amy.”
“No you’re not, and it almost got you killed today, so we aren’t leaving here until you talk about it.”
“Rory, tell Amy that I’m fine,” the Doctor sought help.
“Honestly, Doctor I agree with her. Something’s off and it’s obviously something important if it’s affecting you this much,” Rory agreed.
The Doctor felt like a child who’d gotten caught sneaking a cookie out of the cookie jar. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell them, but what was he supposed to say? He didn’t know what was wrong, not really. If he did, he would have been able to do something about it by now. But there was something missing, or rather someone. And they were important, incredibly important.
“Doctor?” Amy said voice changing from accusatory to concerned as she noticed a stray tear escaping his eye.
“It’s okay, whatever it is we’ll help you through it,” Rory added.
“That’s the problem,” he whispered.
“What is?” Amy pried.
“You can’t help me, I can’t even help me.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Something happened while you guys were in Amsterduke. I have no clue what it was, but I lost something-someone there. And no matter where I look or how hard I try to remember, it’s just missing. Someone’s missing, someone important, someone I think I loved. But there is no indication that they ever existed except in small traces of familiarity,” he paused for a moment before adding, “It’s like there are all of these memories just under the surface and without the I am but a shell of the person I should be.”
The Doctor was now close to tears. His heart hurt and talking about it didn’t make it better. Amy and Rory probably thought he was crazy. If he didn’t know any better, he’d probably think he was crazy. Maybe he was crazy.
“Okay, so tell us everything that you remember about that day,” Amy started.
“That’s just it, I remember dropping you lovebirds off at Amsterduke. Then I remember coming to only to see River. I had no idea where I was, only that I was in pain. She brought me back to the TARDIS and the two of us did our usual banter, she left, I picked you up, we went to Venice,” the Doctor explained.
“And what about these memories? What has been triggering them?” Rory asked.
“Different things, sometimes its phrases, like pieces of a conversation I’ve already had. Or it’s reaching for something or looking somewhere where there is nothing, but that I feel something should be. It’s hard to explain.”
“Maybe this mystery person was erased like Rory was? I couldn’t remember him, but nothing he did changed. The timeline just adjusted. Maybe we can’t remember because we are humans, but they aren’t completely erased from you because you are a timelord?” Amy suggested.
“Amy, the crack in your wall was an anomaly something like that was a one time thing. This is different.”
“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a different anomaly. Come on Doctor, even with all of the places and things that you have seen or heard of, surely it is possible that this is something similar,” Rory added.
“Even if you’re right, that doesn’t help. I don’t know where the anomaly was, when the anomaly was. And Amy was barely able to bring Rory back, so….” the Doctor’s face fell as he realized how hopeless the situation was.
“So it looks like we need to find River,” Rory interrupted.
“She’s the only one who can fill in the blanks of what happened that day. Maybe we can go back to that planet and find something or someone who knows something. We can’t give up on this without at least trying. You owe yourself that much,” she reasoned.
The Doctor sat there for a moment thinking everything over. Maybe, just maybe this could work. He had come out against worse odds in the past. It was at least worth a shot. He jumped up and spun around smile reappearing on his face as he readjusted his bowtie, “Off to see Professor River Song!”
Hi guys, this was an interesting concept that I thought I would try out. I haven’t quite decided if I want to leave it as a stand-alone or add a second part. Anyways, grab your bow-ties and enjoy!
You had gone on so many incredible adventures with The Doctor. As a side-effect, you had often been placed in dangerous situations, but you were never truly scared because you always knew that the Doctor would come for you. You knew that at the end of the day, everything was going to be okay because that was who he was, the man who saved the universe. You loved him with all of your heart and you chose willingly to put your faith in him.
But this time was different. This time you were absolutely terrified.
The Doctor and you had traveled to a planet to waste some time as Amy and Rory were ‘honeymooning’ in Amsterduke. You would never pass up a chance for one on one time with the Doctor and were excited to see what the day would bring.
And everything was going great, at least until the two of you were captured. When you woke up, you were being held in some type of pod. You couldn’t move to even begin to try to get out. You saw that across the room the Doctor was strapped down to some sort of table, the aliens were hovering over his seemingly unconscious body.
“Why are you doing this?” you yelled gaining their attention.
“We have been waiting for centuries to find someone with time vortex energy to use as a stabilizer. He refused us, so we are going to take away his option to disagree with us by making him autonomous,” one of the creatures said bluntly.
“What does that mean?” you asked already afraid of the answer.
“We will end his independent brain function, and put his body in a permanent state of homeostasis. But don’t worry, he won’t feel it.”
“You’re going to kill him!” you yelled.
“We have no other choice. But don’t worry, as he stabilizes the ruptures in time, his existence will be rewritten, you will not remember him,” the creature tried to reason.
Your mind rushed as you realized what it had just said and with complete confidence you said, “Use me.”
“What?” the creature, who you later learned was the leader, asked.
“I am covered with vortex energy, and am entirely willing, let me take his place,” you pleaded.
“Stop, what you are doing,” he order those that were working on the Doctor. He then turned back towards you. “You would be erased from time like you never existed.”
“I know, please, just let me take his place.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because he is the most important man, the last of his kind, the savior of the universe. Killing him would devastate the world, but me? It wouldn’t even leave a mark.”
“Do you love him?” he asked.
“More than anything in this world,” you answered sincerely.
“Okay, we will test you, if you are compatible we will make the trade and let him go free, you have my word.”
With that, you were escorted to another room where a female came in and ran tests.
“You are very brave,” she said.
“Thank you,” you mumbled.
“Don’t worry, we can make it to where you will never feel it.”
“What if you don’t? What if I want to stay cognizant? To be able to remember everything?”
“You would be in agonizing pain, why would you want that?”
“Because then I wouldn’t lose him.”
“It would ultimately be up to you, though I wouldn’t recommend it.”
The tests came back and it was confirmed that you were compatible. The leader came back in and said that it was the most honorable thing to make a sacrifice for love. He asked if there was anything that you wanted to do before they put you in the capsule. You asked him for the chance to say goodbye to the Doctor and the ability to make a phone call to assure he’d be taken care of afterward. He agreed.
As you were led back to the room, you tried to prepare yourself. You knew that you could never tell him what you were about to do. He would try to talk you out of it, but the leader had been clear that it was you or the Doctor. If you tried to escape, he would kill you both and after what you witnessed earlier, you knew that he could. You took comfort in the fact that the Doctor wouldn’t remember any of this. You knew that if he did he would blame himself and it would absolutely tear him apart. But it was okay because he never would.
You put a brave face on and pushed the door open. The doctor was now sitting up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He still looked awful, but managed to shoot you a weak smile as you entered.
“I don’t know how you did it, but you saved me, they are letting us go,” the Doctor said.
“Well, I figured it was my turn. You’re always saving me,” you replied taking a seat beside him. ‘But not this time’ you thought.
“I just need about an hour to recover and then we can go back to the TARDIS and forget any of this ever existed.”
Those words hurt you and you hadn’t really realized that you’d started crying until the Doctor reached up to wipe your tears.
“Y/n? What’s the matter?”
“It’s nothing, I’m just glad that you’re okay. I was scared for a minute there,” you answered.
‘Even if that means that I will never see you again’
“Come on Y/n, I’ll always be okay as long as I’ve got you,” he promised.
This sentence brought more tears, which caused him to pull you into his arms with a painful inhale. You had to remind yourself that this was the only way. It was either you or him. And he would be fine, he wouldn’t remember you, he’d still have the Ponds and River. He would still be the Doctor, alive to fight another day.
Without really thinking, you whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you too, Y/n,” he whispered into your hair.
The two of you stayed like that until there was a knock on the door signaling that your time was up. You felt like it wasn’t enough time, but you knew deep down that no amount of time could have ever felt like it was enough.
“That’s my cue, I have to go check on something. Just stay here and rest up,” you faked a reassuring smile.
“Oh, okay,” the Doctor said with confusion in his voice. He could tell that something was off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.
You gave him a tight squeeze and in a moment of weakness you kissed him. You hadn’t even really meant to do it, but something inside of you took over. The Doctor was slightly caught off guard, but happy nonetheless. Another knock was heard at the door and you pulled away, leaving the Doctor with a slight pout.
You walked towards the door, knowing better than to turn around and look at him again. He mistakenly took this for embarrassment over the kiss.
“Was I that bad?” he joked, longing for you to smile over your shoulder and laugh.
But as you refused to look at him, he realized that it was something else. You hesitated for a moment as you reached the door and said, “Goodbye Doctor, thanks for the adventures,” and without missing a beat exited the room.
“Wait? What do you mean goodbye? Y/n?” he asked trying to push himself to his feet ignoring the aching in his muscles and the fire in his lungs. He watched as the door shut behind you and tried to force it open. His hearts sank as he realized that his feeling that something was wrong was being confirmed. He forced himself over to his suit jacket to get his sonic, knowing deep down that he was running out of time. But it wasn’t there, someone must’ve taken it.
He was starting to panic, he was trapped in here while you were out there. He wasn’t there to protect you. He was also incredibly frustrated as he now knew that you were hiding something from him, him. That could only mean that you were about to do something incredibly stupid, something that you didn’t think he’d be able to fix, something you didn’t want him to see. A tear rolled down his cheek, that wasn’t your decision to make. He forced himself back over to the door, and tried to open it. The exertion eventually came to much and he sunk down with his back against the wall. He felt so helpless, this was all his fault. And for the first time in a very long time, the Doctor cried. But even as the tears fell, he started to forget why he was crying.
By the time the door opened, he was surprised to see who entered. For it was the woman who perplexed him endlessly. The one he was pretty sure that he was going to marry someday.
“Hello Sweetie,” River said with a smile, though he saw the sadness in her eyes, but, he knew better than to ask. Spoilers.
“River? What happened? Where am I? Where are the Ponds?”
“Amy and Rory are on a honeymoon adventure in Amsterduke. You decided to come here and waste some time, but bit off a little more than you could chew. Your captors almost killed you, but it’s okay, everything has been handled. Should we go find the TARDIS?” she asked pitching him his sonic.
“Of course,” he said, though he had this strange feeling that something was missing.
River grabbed his coat, which he gratefully accepted. Something was missing, where was his bow-tie? Oh well, he had plenty more in the TARDIS. Though he couldn’t help but feel a bit out of sorts. The two of them made their way back to the TARDIS and the Doctor made himself some tea to help his body rebalance itself. When he returned to the console room, he was surprised at River’s unusually quiet demeanor.
“So, aren’t you going to ask where we are this time? Pull out our diaries, do the whole nine yards?” the Doctor asked, trying to lighten the mood.
“Oh, of course,” she said smile brightening her face. River knew how to put on an act for him. She was practically the only person alive who knew what had actually happened that day. But she could never tell him, time didn’t work like that. If there was any chance of getting you back, the Doctor would have to remember you for himself.
In case you missed it! Zine sales extended to June 14th!
In case you didn’t see, we have all three editions of the zine back on sale in both physical and digital versions. And we are very happy to announce that we will be extending the sale of all three editions from May 24th to June 14th!
[image description: banner image that reads “Thirteen Fanzine: One Last Trip. Submissions now open. 31st October 2021-2nd January 2022. @thirteenfanzine.” End image description]
Applications are now open for the next edition of the fanzine!!!!!!
“take me to the book that you wish you could reread for the first time”
[Video transcript:
Narrator: Take me to the book you wish you could reread for the first time.
Claire [white person with gray hair in purple jacket, pronouns she/her]: (laughs) I love that question!
Christine [black person with black bandana and orange shirt, pronouns they/them]: sure!
Rosie [white person in patterned dress with black cardigan, pronouns she/they]: oo…
Amy [white person in brown cardigan and blue shirt, pronouns she/her]: okay!
Claire: not done yet! [runs off to find another book].
Claire: (sighs) I loved both of these books so much. [holds up a book titled The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner] This is The Thief. You read the whole book, you love the whole book, and the author does this revelation at the end that you go: what?! How did she do that!
Claire: [holds up a book titled Code Name Verity by Elizabeth E. Wein] Code Name Verity, also a fabulous book, set in World War II. This is a person who’s been captured by the Nazi’s and forced to write out a confession. And she also handles that amazing trick where you get to the end and you’re like: “what??” And you have to go right back to the beginning and start over again. I so wish I could experience these revelations again for the first time.
Rosie: [holds up a book titled Stay and Fight by Madeline Ffitch] Alright, this is Stay and Fight by Madeline Ffitch. If you’re a queer person, you probably have at least three friends who want to start a commune in the woods. This book is about a group of queer women who actually start living off the grid in Appalachia. It has the most, like, fiercely tender writing about found family and subverting family structures that I’ve ever read. I read this book a few years ago, I’m still thinking about it.
Christine: [holds up a book titled More Than This by Patrick Ness] Ah, this book would have to be More Than This by Patrick Ness. Um, it’s really hard to explain without giving it all away, but it’s essentially a kid who accidentally dies and wakes up in a coffin in a desolate world, not knowing what’s going on, and it’s just - you’re in for a huge roller coaster, it’s so much fun.
Amy: [holds up a book titled Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood] I wish I could read Alias Grace again. Um,it’s about a girl who is accused and convicted of killing her employers, but she has no memory of what happened. And so she’s being interviewed to try to figure out what happened, and it’s just every time she starts the story it’s a little bit different and the facts don’t line up so it’s an unreliable narrator. Um and you just - you get to the end and you’re still, your - your brain is just, “what happened?” It’s fascinating, it’s amazing, and they made it into a Netflix series so you should definitely check it out.
Summary: It happened during another crazy adventure, like always. It hadn’t been long since you both had to say goodbye to Donna, and you needed to be distracted from the sadness resting within yourself, so off you were to the next space & time-adventure. The one thing you hadn’t expected though, was for you to meet the future Doctor again - and this time he claims to be your husband. (Takes place during ‘Day of the Doctor’)
It was infuriating, to see the Doctor having to prance around with queen Elizabeth, acting like a couple, while you had to stay in the Tardis and check the readings. You knew that it was to save the world from a Zygon invasion, but still, you couldn’t help the jealousy and doubt arising in you. After all, even though the Doctor and you had gotten closer after the incident on Azitora 5, you still danced around each other, too unsure of how to proceed. You had no way to label your relationship with the Doctor, as you hadn’t had time for a proper conversation about it yet. And you knew why. The Doctor had a hardened shell around him, too hurt by previous experiences to want to open up fully. It had taken you a long time to learn about the time war, and even more time to learn the names of some of his previous travelling companions. At one point, you had wished that you could have been more like Martha, with how she had forced the Doctor to stop hiding his past from her. But alas, you found yourself gasping for air in the deep waves of regret and anger that rolled off the man, every time his past came up. One might think your worries were unfounded, seeing as his future self had told you about his romantic relationship with your future self. However, time can be rewritten, and you really didn’t want it to be. Didn’t want to risk it. It still hurt when the Doctor did his fake proposal to the queen, even if he sprung back on his feet seconds later and revealed his true intentions for doing so. But you did not have much time to dwell on it, making the decision to disobey the Doctor’s order and take off after the group when the horse had transformed into a Zygon. You were not close to them, as they had taken off running long before you could even comprehend what you saw on the Tardis’ screen. When you finally managed to catch up with them, they were standing in a clearing in the forest, and there were two Elizabeths’. That should have been what worried you, but instead, you fixated on the swirl of light in the air. ‘’…a tear in the fabric of reality. Anything could happen!’’ You heard the Doctor exclaim. A fez dropped out. And then, just a bit later, so did a man. A man you recognized very well, even after only meeting him once - or, well, seeing that face once. It only took a few moments, before your Doctor had understood what was happening, both of them taking out their sonic screwdrivers to show the other that they were indeed both the Doctor. ‘’…Compensating?’’ Your Doctor asked the other, ‘’For what?’’ ‘’Regeneration, it’s a lottery.’’ You couldn’t help laughing at that, pulling everyone’s attention towards yourself. ‘’Oh, hello love.’’ The future Doctor left your Doctor behind and hastily made his way to you. Before you had time to respond, you let out a small yelp as you found yourself dipped, his lips connecting with yours. In the background you heard a scandalized Oi, what? but found it hard to focus with the way he moved his lips against yours, holding you up with one hand around your waist and the other underneath your head, his fingers tangled in your hair. Just as he pulled you back on your feet, you felt someone pull on your hand, away from the one who had just kissed you. ‘’What do you think you’re doing? They’re my partner!’’ You Doctor tugged on your hand, trying to get you closer to him, and further away from the other Doctor, whom he was levelling with an angry glare. ‘’Well, they’re my spouse.’’ The future Doctor tugged at your other hand, though gently, as if to not hurt you during the tugging war between him and his other self, who had now gone still, eyes wide open and his jaw slack. ‘’…Spouse?’’ His voice was small, unsure and if you listened closely, filled with an undertone of disbelief. His grip on your hand has loosened, to the point where it slipped from his grip as you were pulled into the chest of the other Doctor, your hands on his shoulders to stabilize yourself, as he shot the Doctor a victorious smirk. ‘’Yes, spouse. Consider yourself a lucky fella, you’ve got that to look forward to.’’ He then shifted his eyes down to you, a gentle grin on his face, ‘’Hello again.’’ ‘’Partner? Doctor, what do you mean, partner? Who are these people?’’ Came the queens voices, understandably confused at the current events happening in front of them. The two Doctors glanced at each other, searching for words to explain, before the future Doctor took the word again. ‘’Well, you see, this lovely person,’’ He gestured to you, ‘’Is my spouse. Happily married for a few years now.’’ He then gestured to your Doctor, ‘’However, since I’ve been very busy, they’ve been travelling with this gentleman here for a short while - they’re travelling-partners, right?’’ He glanced at his past self, who was still glaring at his future self’s hand still placed on your waist, before snapping his eyes up again and giving a reluctant, ‘’Right.’’ ‘’Now, your majesties, probably a good time to run.’’ - A lot of things happened after that. You met another version of the Doctor. One, who was younger yet looked older than the Doctor’s you were with. The Doctor - your Doctor - and his future self seemed scared of him, but before you had time to ask, the queens’ soldiers emerged and took you all away. You then met the Doctor’s future companion, Clara. A lovely woman. Very quick, you noticed soon after meeting her. It had been a bit strange at first, since this woman too knew your future self, and spoke to you with a familiarity that you couldn’t reciprocate, but you soon found yourself chatting away with her, growing more and more accustomed to her. She was by your side at the Doctor’s wedding with queen Elizabeth, distracting you with funny stories of future adventures, so that you could do something besides staring at the man you loved getting married to someone else (even if he had no feelings for her). ‘’This future version of the Doctor, I mean your version of the Doctor, is he always this… affectionate?’’ You whispered to her. The future Doctor had indeed been very clingy with you since the moment you had met him during the incident on Azitora 5. You knew that with every new face came a new personality, but then again, you had only known one face for so long. It almost seemed impossible that the change would be this obvious. ‘’Oh no, he’s usually much worse.’’ Clara whispered in return, stifling a giggle, ‘’He’s clearly trying to hold back here. I think he realizes that this version of you probably isn’t very used to it yet. Future you is though. Oh, you two can’t go ten minutes without snogging, even when there’s a crisis going on.’’ She rolled her eyes with a grin on her face. ‘’It gets very embarrassing when the Doctor does it in the middle of explaining his plans to the terrified people around him.’’ ‘’He does that?’’ You gasped, embarrassed by just imagining such a situation. ‘’He does it often.’’ She laughed at your reaction. The future Doctor joined in on the conversation as well, just before the married couple had to kiss, slinging his arm around your neck and turning both of you away from the sight while recalling a story of a small planet that had the strangest traditions for birthday celebrations. - It was later, much later, that you met your future self. After stopping the zygons, after storing Gallifrey away, frozen in time, you stood with your future self before you. The Doctors’ were busy talking about the fate of Gallifrey just behind you, standing in front of the picture of their home planet. Your future self had appeared just then, a bit cross at being left out of the action, but mostly concerned about the Doctor and Clara. Their eyes locked with your own, both of you taking a moment to observe the other, taking in all the differences - big and small. Their hair was different, you noticed, and you could spot small scars on their exposed skin. No doubt from their adventures with the Doctor. Before you knew it, you were within a feet distance of each other, still silently looking at each other. ‘’Wow, that’s weird.’’ Your voice intermingled with your future self’s. Both of you let out a little laugh at that. The weirdness of the situation was indescribable. ‘’Alright, Doctor, if you could keep your attention on saying your goodbyes instead of making goo goo eyes at your spouse.’’ Came Clara’s voice from behind you. ‘’I am not making goo goo eyes.’’ Came the Doctors’ annoyed voices, spoken at the same time. - You were back in the Tardis, having said your last goodbyes to the others. The future Doctor had brought your knuckles to his mouth to leave a small peck, before turning back to your future self. The last glimpse you caught of them before the Tardis’ door closed, was future you leaning into the Doctors’ side, who was hugging them with one arm, leaning his head down on theirs and they looked at the picture once more, speaking in hushed voices. Saying goodbye had been hard. You were so glad to know that the Doctor’s home planet was safe after all, but it hurt to know that he wouldn’t remember it, that he would feel the guilt for so many years before he, perhaps, found Gallifrey again. But this was how it was, the best you could do was to be there for him until then. ‘’So, where to next? Any particular mood we’re going for? Or…-’’ ‘’Wherever you wanna go.’’ You interrupted him, ‘’I’m sure I’ll enjoy it anyway.’’ He shot you the excited toothy grin that made your heart do backflips, and started his usual ritual of twirling around the Tardis’ console, pushing buttons and pulling levers, before reaching the lever he always pulled last before takeoff. His hands stilled on the lever. ‘’(Y/n). You remember how I said we wouldn’t be able to remember any of this? Due to the paradox?’’ He spoke gently, eyes still locked onto the console panel, as if too shy to look at you. ‘’Hm? Oh, yeah, I do… Is there something else I should be aware of? Some side effect?’’ ‘’No! No, nothing like that. It’s just… I was thinking…’’ He trailed off, before standing upright and walking to stand in front of you. ‘’Doct…-’’ ‘’I love you.’’ You felt yourself flush immediately, butterflies going crazy in your stomach. With your head spinning, you tried to make yourself say something back to the Doctor, but no sound came out from your gaping mouth as you stared back at him. ‘’You and I won’t be able to remember that I said that.’’ He continued, ‘’And that’s exactly why I wanted to do it. Because I realized that this whole thing, I’ll experience it again in the future. The zygons, saving Gallifrey… getting married somewhere along the way. And… I wanted to experience this again too.’’ He admitted sheepishly, but not breaking eye contact, as your eyes searched his, confused. He continued; ‘’I know I love you. That’s not going to change just because we won’t remember this little adventure, and eventually, I’ll get to say it again for the first time. Or maybe, it’ll be you who says it then.’’ He paused for a moment. ‘’I’m… I’m not good at these romantic gestures, but this. This felt right. Like it was something I had to do, after everything that’s just happened… Or maybe I just couldn’t help myself.’’ The Doctor finally smiled. Just a small, nervous smile, and it strangled your heart. You had longed to hear those words for so long, to be sure that your affections were returned, and yet doubt clawed at your mind, unable to accept the reality that was unfolding in front of you. ‘’But, time can be changed, right? How do we know for sure that it’ll work out?’’ You asked him, reaching out to hold his hands in yours, trying to convince yourself that this was indeed reality and not some cruel illusion. His hands held yours gingerly, squeezing gently as he let out a low chuckle. ‘’Well, you did just spend a good portion of this crisis getting snogged by my future self, so I think we’re safe to assume that it will.’’ You let out a gasp, ‘’It wasn’t nearly that much! And besides, he’s you! It’s your fault for being such a sap in the future.’’ He laughed at that, tugging you behind him as he walked back to the lever, and then brought one of his hands up to cup your chin, the other one landing on the lever. ‘’You know, there’s one other thing I wanted to do.’’ He titled your head up, and tilted his own down, ‘’…If you don’t mind.’’ You brought your hand over his, leaning in closer with a smile on your face, ‘’I don’t think I do. So go ahead, Doctor.’’ As he brought his lips against yours, you heard the telltale sound of the lever being pulled and the Tardis began to hum, as everything faded. You felt a bit tired. The sort of tired you feel when you’ve just woken up from a long night’s sleep - at peace and very unwilling to move. You felt a puff of warm air against your face, prompting you to finally open your eyes slowly, before they jumped wide open when you saw the Doctor’s face just inches from yours. His eyes were closed as well, but began to slowly blink open as you took a step backwards. That’s when you noticed his hands holding yours. He noticed too, and let go of your hands with a nervous laugh. He scratched his neck as he looked to the floor for a moment, but then focused on the Tardis’ screen. ‘’Well, looks like we’ve landed somewhere, somewhen. I’ll just… go have a quick look.’’ He muttered, striding towards the door. You didn’t answer, too busy trying to get your giddy nerves under control, your heart beating much too fast for your liking. ‘’Oh, huh, doesn’t look like the worst place to have landed. Should we go take a look?’’ He offered his hand to you. The light from outside caught in his hair, and you almost tripped over your own feet as you walked closer, those cursed butterflies zooming around in your guts, as you slid your hand into his. ‘’Of course. Anywhere with you Doctor.’’
Summary: Time travel is always a bit unpredictable, and you’re never totally sure where you’re gonna end up. Travelling with the Doctor had made you prepare for many scenarios, but never one where his future self would be the one to declare that he adores you, before your own Doctor could.
Meeting the Doctor had been lifechanging. And life- saving , considering you’d most likely be dead if he hadn’t showed up when he did. That first wacky adventure had led to so many more, and you wouldn’t change it for the world. The trips amongst the stars was definitely something you couldn’t imagine yourself living without now. And your travelling buddy, oh that man. Or that alien , to be correct. You had found the thought funny at first - a time travelling alien who was somehow enamoured with humans and all their silly little habits. His overwhelming enthusiasm about everything human even made you appreciate your fellow humans a little more.
The Doctor was truly amazing. Everywhere he went, he explored with a sense of wonder and challenged any danger head on - willing to risk his own life multiple times in order to save others. But it was also the small things that made you so fond of him. It was the way he carried himself, confident yet somehow one of the most clumsy people you had ever met. The warm tone of his voice, all his small french phrases, his hugs. It filled you with feelings you shouldn’t have, for many reasons. The Doctor was busy with this life of travelling, he would live much longer than you ever would, and then there was you. No matter how many times the Doctor had exclaimed that you were brilliant, no matter how enthusiastically he claimed it, you couldn’t believe it would ever be enough to rival all of that which he could have instead. You didn’t want to look down on yourself, anybody back on earth would be lucky to have you, but what hope did you have with someone who could have anyone in the entirety of space and time - and already had an incredible amount of wannabe-flirts. It pained you to keep such a tight lid on your feelings, but you dared not do anything else. You would suffocate the urge to kiss him when he babbled on about something you could only hope to ever understand, you’d keep your lovesick thoughts to yourself when he complimented you. There was too much to lose to ever let him know.
‘’Oh, (y/n), this one you’ll love! The Market Festival of Azitora 5! It’s a tradition that every 40th year, merchants from all sorts of different galaxies bring their most precious and interesting goods, and meet at this planet. It’s always very crowded, because everyone wants to see what interesting goods the merchants have brought with them from the corners of the universe, and there’s even a competition, where the merchant with the most special item gets a prize! And of course, you can’t forget…’’ The Doctor rambled on, as he circled the Tardis’ control panel, pushing buttons and pulling levers with little effort. You had tuned out the Doctor’s voice, and stared longingly at his animated form instead. You had to be careful that he didn’t catch you in the act, but you couldn’t help but let yourself indulge in moments like this.
‘’(y/n)?’’
You blinked, before quickly snapping out of your trance and answering the Doctor, who was now looking at you with an almost unsure gaze, his bushy eyebrows knitted in concern, an unknown emotion swimming in his brown eyes, ‘’Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry Doctor, I guess I zoned out a little bit. I’m just a little tired, went to bed late last night.’’ You were rambling, flustered, and you knew it must have been obvious. Luckily, the Doctor seemed content with having your full attention now, beckoning you to his side as he opened the door of the Tardis with his signature ‘’Allons-y!’’, before dragging you out into the market of Azitora 5 with him.
‘’Now, feel more than free to have a look around, but don’t let yourself get talked into buying something strange! And by strange, I mean anything that might threaten your life!’’ He said, as he mingled into the huge crowd, with you struggling to follow behind him.
‘’But Doc, how am I supposed to know? I’ve never seen any of this stuff before!’’ You counterpointed. At that, he stopped and turned around to look at you.
‘’Well… You’re right. I guess we better just stick together then, eh?’’ He asked with a light laugh, his varm fingers enclosing around your hand, squeezing it softly, before pulling you to his side. The butterflies in your stomach would not settle down, even after he shifted his attention to the surrounding stalls that you passed, your hand gripped tightly in his, rubbing his thumb over your skin gently every so often.
The next few hours were spent with the Doctor dragging you to nearly every stall to have a look (Obviously not nearly all of them, but it sure felt like it.) Every so once in a while, the Doctor would grab an item and show it off to you, claiming to have seen it many times before on his travels. The merchants weren’t too happy with this, and you found yourself dragging the Doctor away before they could get too agitated. That’s how you found yourself in an arena of sorts, the seats slowly being filled by the other visitors of the festival.
‘’What is this place? Why are they all sitting down?’’ You inquired.
‘’Oh! You remember that contest I mentioned? Well, this is where it happens. Now, quickly, let’s find a seat before they’re all taken.’’ He tugged you after him, as he sprinted up to the closest available seats. Your side pressed against his, making your skin burn beneath your clothes. It was almost painful. You noticed that his hand had yet to let go of yours, and when you tried to loosen your grip, he intertwined your fingers with his. Heat rushed to your cheeks, and you thanked whatever was out there, that the Doctor was too busy looking around the arena to notice the state of you.
‘’Any moment now, the merchants will go to the middle of the arena, one by one, and show off their item.’’ He let out a chuckle, ‘’This part of the festival is always a riot. One time, one of the merchants had brought a willowplik with her, and the problem was, that willowpliks aren’t very fond of crowds, so it started spewing nasty goo everywhere. That poor merchant wasn’t even aware that it could do that. Oh lord, the smell. It was so bad.’’ You couldn’t help but join in his laughter, the image of people fleeing the area in a panic to avoid some smelly goo was enough to make you forget your lovesick infatuation for just a moment.
Even with the Tardis translating everything the merchants said, you were grateful that the Doctor still took the time to explain the items they had brought in terms that you could understand. At some point, an alien took the stage, with a small cube in their hands. Their four blue fingers gripped it tightly in their hands, before raising it up into the air to show it off. It just looked like a grey metallic cube, but it lit up with blue lines when the alien pressed at a specific point.
The Doctor let out a whistle, ‘’Hard to believe they let one of those on the planet.’’
‘’One of those what? Is it something dangerous they’ve brought?’’ You tensed. Surely they wouldn’t allow anything into the competition that was dangerous. But then again, if it was supposed to be a showing of strange new items, there was a chance that the officials wouldn’t be sure if the item was dangerous or not.
‘’It’s an infinity cube. It’s named that way, because every time it is activated, something new will happen - you know, infinite possibilities. They’re banned on most planets, because of their unpredictability. Aaaand they’re going to activate it here… (y/n)! We have to get down there!’’. With that, he jumped out of his seat, and raced down, shouting ‘’Sorry!’’, whenever he hit someone with his lanky legs.
When you finally reached the ground, he whipped out his trusty sonic screwdriver, and pointed it at the cube, which had begun to rise into the air. The merchant was desperately trying to grab it, seemingly unaware of the item’s power.
The Doctor lowered his screwdriver with a frustrated groan, ‘’Ugh, you always act up like this when I need you the most! (Y/n), don’t get too close to…-’’ He turned around to look at you, and sucked in a quick breath, his eyes widening in terror.
‘’Doctor?’’ You had no idea why he was looking at you like that. You tried to reach out to him, but as you did, you noticed the blue shimmer surrounding your arm, ‘’Doctor? What is happening?’’
‘’(y/n)… Just, stay right there, I’m coming over to you. Don’t move!’’ He pleaded, slowly moving towards you, reaching his hands out to you. The crowd around you was restless, their murmurs and confusion slowly morphing into panic, as they realized that the merchant had no control over their item. You tuned it all out, unable to tear your eyes away from the Doctor’s, which were fixed on your form, as if trying to keep you in your spot.
‘’That’s it, (y/n). Come on, give me your hand. I’ll figure out what is happening and put you back to normal, alright? Just come here.’’ His fingers were so close to touching yours now.
Your voice came out weak, as if it came from another room, ‘’Doctor?’’. The colors of your surroundings were slowly fading, turning into a light blue, the shapes of the aliens in the crowd blurring. You felt queasy, almost weightless. You struggled to move your body.
When the Doctor tried to grab your hand, his fell right through yours, as if you weren’t really there.
‘’(Y/N)!’’ His voice turned to panic, his hands desperately trying to grab you, but you hardly heard it, your mind slowly getting lost in the strange blue fog. Then, it all turned white.
Whatever you were laying on, it felt somehow familiar. Opening your eyes, the first color you noted was the light blue. But this time, it seemed that it was merely the normal color of your surroundings, the blue glow from the infinity cube nowhere to be seen. You felt sore, your arms like jelly as you stood up, gripping tightly onto the railing.
While you were still trying to get your wits about you, you missed the sound of a door opening and footsteps. You let out a low groan, as you rubbed your temple, eyes still fixed on the floor, before you heard a quiet, ‘’(Y/n)?’’. It was an unfamiliar voice, and when your eyes fell on the person before you, you saw an unfamiliar face as well. Green eyes, brown locks combed to the side, and a noticeable chin. However, his eyes looked at you with such familiarity, that you couldn’t help but feel that you must’ve met him somewhere before. Perhaps on one of your adventures with the Doctor? But, surely you would’ve remembered a handsome face like his, you admitted to yourself, feeling a bit ashamed of your attraction to this unknown man.
‘’Who are you? Where am I? I was just at Azikorlaka, and then I woke up here. I didn’t mean to break into your ship, or home or whatever.’’ You felt flustered under his gaze, which was now filled with an emotion you couldn’t place, but if you listened to the small voice in the back of your head it would say disbelief , amazement, adoration. But you wouldn’t listen.
His eyes crinkled, as the corners of his lips lifted into a small grin, ‘’Azikorlaka? You wouldn’t by any chance mean Azitora 5?’’
‘’…Yes, that is what I meant, but, how would you know that?’’ You questioned him, your words laced with hesitance. Did this man have something do with you being teleported here? He didn’t seem dangerous, but at the same time you had no reason to trust him, no matter how silly and non-threatening he looked, fiddling with his bowtie and hair while looking at his reflection on a screen - wait, why was he doing that?
‘’I remember this. The day you disappeared - Although, only for a little while. But I always did wonder where you went. How ironic that it would be here, at this moment.’’ He sighed almost wistfully, looking at you in that particular way that felt too intimate for someone you swear you hadn’t met before.
‘’What do you mean you remember this? I haven’t met you before.’’
He stood in front of you now, close enough to reach you with his hand, which he gently placed on your cheek. Suddenly you noticed how tired he looked. Despite the quick fix-up he had just done, his clothes were still slightly ragged and askew. His other hand he slowly placed on your other cheek, his breath washing over your face as he leaned down.
‘’Oh, (y/n)…’’
You felt like you should move. That you should create some distance from this… stranger , but you felt frozen, unwilling to part from him. Sadness emanated from him, and it felt familiar. Why did it feel familiar ? He rubbed your cheek with his thumb, eyelids drooping.
‘’Wha…-’’
He kissed you. Without thinking, your hands grabbed onto the lapels of his jacket, your eyes blown wide. His lips moved gently against yours, as his warm hands kept you pressed against his tall form. You could feel the tips of his fingers getting tangled in your hair, dragging down your neck and all the way down to your waist. Somehow, he managed to pull you even closer, your eyes finally closing. The kiss made you weak in the knees, not used to being handled like this. To be kissed like you were the most important person in the world, as his soft lips molded against yours. You wondered if the Doctor would ever kiss you like this.
The Doctor.
Snapping out of your daze, you pushed the man away, his lips leaving yours with a small pop .
‘’What… is happening?’’ You asked, taking greedy gulps of air into your lungs. You had asked that in regards to the kiss, though it seemed your makeout-buddy interpreted it differently.
‘’I sent you away. It was too dangerous for you to be here. but of course this happens. You show up anyway. Oh, you never did listen to orders did you?’’ A fond chuckle passed over his lips, though the sadness in his eyes grew stronger. With his hands still on your waist, he suddenly pulled you in again for a quick peck on the lips.
‘’He…-’’ Another peck. He pulled away slightly, just enough to separate his lips from yours as he pressed his forehead against your own, looking directly into your eyes.
‘’I suppose… This must all be very confusing to you.’’ He let out a nervous laugh, ‘’I apologize. I couldn’t help myself, I miss you too much already and it hasn’t even been that long since I dropped you off.’’
‘’What are you…-’’
‘’Really, the universe might be ending and you’re just standing there, looking so… kissable! ’’ He exclaimed with vigor, as if it annoyed him, moving away from you as he continued, ‘’I might die and never see you again and then you show up just to distract me! You absolute vixen! If I survive this, you better say yes when I ask you to marry me!’’ He threw his hands up in the air, before twirling around the console you hadn’t noticed before, pulling levers and pressing buttons.
‘’When you ask me to marry you?’’ You whispered to yourself, letting out a shaky sigh and rubbing your fingers against your temple, ‘’Why would you… Why would you ask me to marry you, I don’t even know you.’’ You managed to choke out, growing frustrated at the lack of answers. You just wanted to go back to the Doctor. You needed him to know that you were safe, you dare not imagine what he would do if you were lost forever.
The handsome stranger stopped his movement, looking at you again, now as if he had just been hit by a sudden realization. Removing his hands from the console, he slowly made his way over to you again, gently taking your hands in his.
He gave you a soft smile, ‘’(Y/n), look around you.’’
You blinked, confused at his request, before finally taking your eyes off him and letting them roam around the room you were in. It was blue, just as you had noticed when you first woke. But the layout of the room, it seemed so familiar. It was at the tip of your tongue. It was when you looked upwards, towards the ceiling, that’s when you saw the final piece of evidence. Gallifreyan. You still didn’t know how to read it, but you recognized the symbols from the small impromptu lessons you had had with the Doctor. Lowering your eyes again, you locked gazes with the man in front of you - The Doctor.
‘’We’re in the Tardis.’’ You gasped.
‘’You really only noticed now? What, too busy looking at your handsome Doctor?’’ He teased you, lifting one eyebrow with a smirk, seeming so damn pleased with himself, as your cheeks grew warm.
‘’I- You- Shut up!’’ You tried to remove your hands from his, your face hot with embarrassment. The Doctor had other plans, pulling you into a hug, burying his face in the crook of your shoulder, his own shaking with a warm laughter.
You let yourself enjoy the hug for a moment. He was the Doctor, and since he recognized you, it had to be one of his future regenerations. Part of you grew worried about the possibility of you messing up the timelines, but another part of you was concerned about something entirely different. He had kissed you - more than once. He wanted to propose to you. Something was wrong, it couldn’t be true.
‘’You’re gonna ask me to marry you.’’ It came out mumbled from your head pressed against his neck.
‘’It seemed like the natural next step, so yes.’’ He hummed, cheek nuzzling further into your neck, swaying you softly in the hug.
‘’…Why?’’
He pulled away to give you a bewildered look, ‘’Why? Well why wouldn’t I? I mean, you’re you , (y/n). And I lo…- Oh, you don’t know that yet, do you? Of course,’’ He let out a frustrated groan, his eyebrows knitting together as he slapped his hand against his temple, ‘’Of course! You were just on Azitora 5. Oh, I’m so stupid. Stupid Doctor! That’s why your behavior changed after that day… It’s all because of this!’’
‘’Doctor, I don’t understand…’’ You lifted your hand to place it on his cheek, only to notice the blue shimmer surrounding it.
‘’…Looks like we’re out of time. It’s time for you to go back to your Doctor, (y/n).’’ He murmured, looking slightly crestfallen.
‘’But wait! I can’t go now! You’ll be all alone!’’ You gripped onto his shoulders, shaking him, ‘’You shouldn’t have to face… whatever is happening alone!’’ Your voice was shaky, on the verge of breaking.
The Doctor’s hands found yours, squeezing them gently, before bringing them to his lips for a small kiss, ‘’(Y/n), there’s someone who is much more scared than I am right now, and that’s someone who thinks that he’s already lost you. He needs you, (y/n), you have to go back to him.’’ He leaned in to kiss your forehead, and smiled at you.
‘’But… You’re gonna be all alone.’’ You mumbled, sadness welling up in your chest at the Doctor facing yet another disaster with no one by his side. Your hands were now phasing through his, a sign that you only had a few seconds left.
‘’No, (y/n), you’re still with me. Even when you aren’t right by my side, I always feel you with me. And even though I know you’ll be extremely cross with me, when I go back to pick you up, I know you’ll stay. I couldn’t ask for anything more.’’
The blue shimmer was now clouding your vision, your eyelids felt unbelievably heavy as you blinked, your pleading gaze locked onto the Doctor.
‘’Oh,’’ He breathed, ‘’I almost forgot. (Y/n), I’m sorry to put the responsibility onto your shoulders, but when you get back to your Doctor, please, cut the poor guy some slack and take charge, would you? He may act charming and all that, but… Well, I was never too good at being totally honest about my feelings, was I…?’’
His words slowly faded into nothingness, as a blinding white filled your vision. The last thing you remember was his green eyes.
‘’(Y/N)!’’
Waking up now was harder than it had been before, as if you had just been in a deep sleep and was now being woken up by your parents, reminding you to get up for school.
‘’(Y/n)! (Y/n) please look at me.’’ Whoever was talking was cradling you in their arms, their body trembling just enough to be noticed.
Groaning, you attempted to swat the person away, ‘’Uggh, five more minutes, is that too much to ask for…’’
Wait.
Your eyes snapped open, worried brown eyes meeting yours. Concern was replaced with relief, as a tiny smile slipped onto the Doctor’s face.
‘’Hey.’’ He murmured to you, as if indeed speaking to a person who just woke up.
‘’Hi.’’ You replied back, unable to stop yourself from smiling in return. It was then you noticed your position, your cheek pressed against his clothed chest, one of his arms under your back, while his other hand was supporting your head.
‘’Good to have you back.’’ He said, his smile growing wider on his face, adjusting your position so you could sit up properly in front of him.
You took a look around you. You were still in the arena, but it was completely empty, deserted, except for you and the Doctor.
Sensing your confusion, the Doctor was quick to explain, ‘’All the guests were evacuated off the planet. It took some explaining, but they thankfully listened and are now parked in the planet’s orbit, until the threat is gone. The infinity cube may be dangerous, but all times it has ever been used in history, it has only affected the surroundings within a certain range. Now, I’ll put this little fella somewhere safe, and then we can give them the signal that it’s safe to come back.’’ He stood quickly, pulling you up with him and setting off towards where you left the Tardis, ‘’Do you remember what happened after you disappeared? I’m not entirely sure myself, but I’m almost certain that you were teleported somewhere else, but it was impossible to know for sure.’’ He mused the last part to himself, getting lost in thought.
‘’You didn’t know? …But, how did you get me back then? How could you reverse something you didn’t understand… wait, you said you sent the people away from the planet…’’ Realization slowly dawned on you, a terrible feeling in your gut. You stopped walking, the Doctor stopping a few steps ahead of you. His neck was craned forward, looking down at the ground, as if ashamed.
‘’It was the only option I had at the moment. And I… couldn’t just let you slip away, not when there was a chance I could get you ba- bring you back, I mean!’’ He turned his head slightly to look at you, with the face of a kicked puppy.
‘’You used the cube… You idiot! That could’ve been incredibly dangerous! What would I have done if you get hurt?’’ Marching up to the time lord, he backed up slightly as your face came close to his, ‘’You’re not the only one who gets to be worried, you know.’’ You pulled him down to your level, so you could lean your head on his.
He gaped at you, lost for words, ‘’I, uh, I’m sorry. I was just getting a little desperate, but, hey. Nothing too bad happened. Except for the pixies, those were a bit annoying.’’ He trailed off, his cheeks flushed as he broke eye contact.
‘’Well,’’ You started, pulling away before skipping ahead of the Doctor, turning around to yell, ‘’Why don’t you tell me all about that when you take me on a date to make up for this disaster of a trip.’’ You grinned at him, before turning around once again, leaving the Doctor behind, his eyes growing wide.
Chapters: 13/13 Fandom:Doctor Who (2005),Doctor Who,Doctor Who & Related Fandoms,Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio),Doctor Who (1963) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler Characters: Thirteenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Tony Tyler, Original Characters, Yasmin Khan, Ryan Sinclair, Graham O'Brien Additional Tags: Pete’s World (Doctor Who), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Smut, Slash, Lesbian Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Telepathic Sex, Telepathic Bond, bondmates, Soulmates, Mutual Pining, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler (past), Femslash, Humor, Fluff and Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor Summary:
*Finished 5 April 2022*
“The drawer containing the intricate fob watch stands open like a trap, and Rose and the Doctor remain frozen in their places for several moments, looking back and forth from the ancient-looking timepiece, and then to each other.
It’s static, the fob watch. Still.
But it has momentum in itself— the quantum-level hum of its particle vibrations not the only thing giving it potentiality. It’s as if it’s dangling in space, swinging like a pendulum on a clock, dragging time—along with its event horizon—unrelentingly forward like a tidal wave.
Rose tentatively speaks first, voice breaking from frayed nerves.
“When…you touched the console, you left a handprint. It looked a lot like residual background radiation, like when I touched that Dalek way back in Van Statten’s museum—but it is clearly linked to your DNA only. I have come up here and touched that console many times over the last six years…it’s the only thing in this room I felt that I could touch.”
She swallows, her jaw flexing, mind racing at breakneck speed.
“What I’m trying to say is, that whatever is in that watch is meant for you alone, Doctor.”
The Doctor looks down at the watch, taking in a breath sharply, and nodding.
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
She takes the watch from its hiding place and holds it flat in her palm, and she studies it. It’s unremarkable at first— a simple, brushed metal pocket watch with a chain coming from a loop on the top, and a clasp to attach to one’s trousers. On the front surface, there are characters etched in Circular Gallifreyan. It’s still ticking, somehow, as though it had been powered by some other source for all these years.
But almost as soon as the timepiece makes contact with the Doctor’s skin, she stumbles back like she’s been struck, and there are voices heard, as though from a recording. To Rose they sound distant, like from an old phonograph.
However, she can tell by the look on the Doctor’s face, and by her eyes squeezing shut that she is actually experiencing these memories with all of her senses.
It’s his voice she hears next, all swaggery and dripping with overconfidence, as he pulls the vowels out through his bottom teeth in spot-on archetypical conformity with himself.
“Hello! I’m Doctor John Smith, and this is my wife, Doctor Rose Tyler-Smith. We are welllll aware that you are a Zygon so you might as well morph back into your big, red, rubbery self. On behalf of the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce, you are officially trespassing on this planet, and if you don’t bugger off we will be forced to toss you against a glass wall and see if you stick. Oh, I haven’t done that in yeeeeears!”
The voices become louder. The giggling of a child can be heard, along with footfalls and splashing noises.
“Oi! Tony, that’s far enough! Come on, your mother and sister will kill me if I let you go any further into that pond… oh look, a frog!! Be careful, it might be a Salarian from the planet Sur'Kesh! Alright I’m coming in—quick, zap it with your water pistol…er…laser!”
The Doctor presses her palm to the middle of her forehead, wincing in pain, and she leans against one of the trees for support.
Then they hear his voice again, it’s in Gallifreyan, and full of emotion as if he’s swallowed the moon. The words are silky and sublime and familiar and yet brand new in his mouth as he gleans them from his soul.
“I, the Doctor, take you Rose Tyler, to be my eternal partner and bondmate. I bind my consciousness to yours. You are the star of each night, you are the brightness of every morning. You are the face of my sun. We are one for all time, we are one for no time, our minds bound as well as our hearts. I promise to watch over you until the stars turn cold…until time unravels.“
The watch itself begins to glow, and the Doctor wrenches her eyes open long enough to tap the little button at the top, making the device spring open, and for even more light to escape. She quickly tosses the watch away, and pulls her hand back painfully as though it has burned her.
She crouches on the ground, clamping her hands onto her head, Rose rushing to her side. Rose’s own brain feels like it’s on fire, no doubt due to the telepathic bond, and when she is finally able to chisel her eyes open, she freezes.
Without warning, there is a massive explosion as the watch bursts open, sending gears and springs flying about, and Rose instinctively shields the Doctor from it.
After several moments, the pain in each of their heads subsides, and they slowly look up.
Out of the blast, behind one of the armchairs, a tall, lanky, spectral figure appears, standing up on very wobbly legs.
Long limbs, sticky-uppy hair, blue suit, and a manic grin to match the one the Time Lord Doctor currently has plastered on her face.”
@sherl-grey tagged me to do a list of my top five fics. Thanks for the tag, darling! I wasn’t entirely sure if this was a top 5 kudos’ed or my top five favorite that I’ve written, but I’ve gone with the latter
1.Catalysis series – This series (currently just two stories) grew into something I didn’t anticipate. At first, it was just a fun little college AU that I wanted to play around with, but as I started writing Chemical Potential, these characters took on a life of their own and really guided the story. Then with its sequel Chemical Reaction, I had anticipated it to be a short little ten-chapter thing to guide me through their courtship, but once again, James and Rose took the story in a very different direction. I hadn’t realized how much trauma Rose was still holding on to, and I hadn’t realized how insecure James was about himself and his ability to be a good romantic partner. Chemical Reaction is by far one of my all-time favorite fics, and I suspect will continue to be one of my favorites.
2.What Makes a Family – Once again, this story grew beyond what I expected it to be. I knew right from the start that there were two halves of the plot: James and Rose falling in love, and River returning. I expected each half to be approximately 50-75,000 words, give or take. Well, the story is currently sitting at 212,000 words, and I’ve barely skimmed the surface of the River plot, so God only knows how long this will end up being. But I am having the time of my life writing it. I love this little family. I love James and Rose and their kids, and I love destigmatizing “broken” families, and that dads can be really wonderful caregivers, and, as Rose said, “What makes a family isn’t blood or biology or DNA. It’s about love. Above all, love. And feeling safe and happy with the people you choose.”
3.Perfect Match – This was my first baby. I’d never written a really long fic before, and certainly not such a long AU fic. But I’d read a prompt on tumblr that had me wondering how a soulmateship such as theirs would work, and how they would slowly fall into many forms of love with each other over the course of their youth, and how it would help them through tumultuous times. This series is a behemoth now, but I will always hold a spark of fondness for this story–it was definitely my gateway drug into long-fic AUs, and I haven’t really looked back since. I’m in the process of rewriting/editing this story because I’m lowkey mortified at my past writing skill/style. Which means I grew a lot since I first wrote it in 2016/2017, but still, I cringe to go back and reread some parts of it
4.Sacred New Beginnings – This story kinda crept up on me and demanded it be written. I was just vibing to Taylor Swift and suddenly ideas started tugging at my sleeve. I was so curious to explore how a relationship could begin and blossom when at least one half of the partnership was constantly in the public eye, and what it would mean for the couple. I wanted to know what sorts of trials and tribulations they would face, and also the joys and victories they would celebrate. This story let me play around with grimmer, grittier versions of James and Rose, which was a nice breath of fresh air for me.
5.In a Heartbeat – This is an oldie of mine, something I wrote back in 2017 when I was fully in my soulmates trope obsession. It was a lot of fun to write and fairly short, it’s about soulmates who wear rings in which you’re able to feel your soulmate’s heartbeat. It was a slightly angstier/more dramatic fic than I typically write, but I really enjoyed myself.
The Doctor had just finished sending the TARDIS into the Time Vortex. “Well, I guess that’s enough adventures for the day, eh?”
“Doctor?”
Donna’s call had him spinning around back towards the console. “Or not! Tell you what, maybe this time we really will make it to that spa planet,” he rambled.
“Doctor,” she repeated his name impatiently. “I’m not going to some bloody spa planet, ta.”
“Right, well, er, you want to go home?”
Donna rolled her eyes and huffed. “Maybe it hadn’t been the best timing to say it, but I meant what I said. I do love you. And not just because you fought it off with a water pistol,” she said, a touch angrily that he wasn’t listening properly.
“Ah,” the Doctor ran his hand through his hair. “Right.”
“Look, you’re really the best mate I’ve had. So, yeah, I do love you,” Donna continued. “So I want to know if you’re really in a better place than when we first met or are you still, to put it bluntly, trying to off yourself?”
The Doctor froze. “Donna, I…”
“Just answer the question, Doctor. And I want the truth. Because you can’t be alone if you are, and I can’t stay with you if you’re lying.”
“Occupational hazard?”
“Don’t deflect the question,” Donna crossed her arms. “Or I’ll ask the TARDIS to take us to see Martha (because she’s quite literally amazing) and she’ll get the UNIT higher-ups involved. Said you’re sort of their employee.”
The Doctor sighed heavily. “You’ve already talked to her about this, haven’t you?”
“Course I have,” Donna jutted her chin defiantly. “She may have chosen to leave the TARDIS, but you’re still her friend. She cares about you. I care about you. In fact, I’d be willing to bet actual money that there’re a lot more people in the world, the bloody universe, that care about you.”
“Even if I did die, I’d just regenerate again,” the Doctor muttered.
“Not the point I’m making, Space Man,” Donna countered. “You need to let people help you. When my dad died… well, Mum’s not the same. Gramps had to plead with her just to see a counsellor. And she didn’t go very long. But she managed to stay long enough that she started processing her grief.” Donna angrily wiped away the tears that fell when she thought of her recently deceased father. “I reckon losing the one you love to a parallel universe feels about the same.”
The Doctor said nothing.
“Not wanting to live can be just as dangerous as wanting to die,” Donna said stiffly.
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got you onboard,” the Doctor said with forced cheer. “Weren’t you saying something about Planet of the Hats? You know, I think I’ve managed to find it. Go find your hatbox and we’ll take a look around, what do you say?”
“If you’ve landed us in the middle of a war again, Space Man…” Donna laughed loudly, overcompensating her enthusiasm, but she saw the Doctor crack a genuine smile. It was worth it, to see her friend starting to heal from the massive trauma he kept hidden from the universe.
