Horoscope: Things seem tough right now, but don’t worry. Godzilla never gives you more than you can handle.

Where there was only one giant footprint, that is where Godzilla carried you. 

Horoscope: Be assured that the Author of all Creation has a plan for you. Unfortunately, it involves a hackneyed “evil twin” plot twist you’ll see coming a mile away.

Several miles away. She’s been waiting for five minutes for this fight to start. 

Horoscope: You might have decided that you don’t believe in God, but that’s okay. He believes in Himself. 

Blue is a weird alien/god so he gets to defy the ‘grayed out if not about you’ rule. 

Horoscope: Years of enduring the constant, numbing pain of existence will end this week when you discover “whiskey,” a magical drink that makes your problems disappear.

This magical drink is called ‘high powered magnets’ for Lulu there. 

Horoscope: Much like the little mermaid, you will sell your soul to a dark power for the chance to become human. Unlike the little mermaid, however, you’re selling yours to get a shamrock shake.

So the magical wish-granting rock that made Mofurun human thought that humans had fluffy bear tails and ears. It’s either not sure what a human is or not that all-powerful. 

Horoscope: Your uniqueness as a human being is threatened when you find a person who enjoys ham just as much as you do. 

You can’t hear it, but there are bones crunching in that handshake.