#zodiac meme

Pisces

Driver Signs: A Zodiac Guide to Your Road Habits 

ARIES  ( March 21-April 20 )

Most likely to: speed up through an intersection if the traffic light is yellow, look in the rearview mirror, and mutter “suckers” under their breath at those now stuck at the red light. Enthusiastic and assertive, these fireballs are the pioneers of the road who create “new ways” out of traffic jams (this can include shoulder-driving and tearing through grassy medians).

Least likely to: sit still in rush-hour traffic without yelling “Moooooove!” and shaking their steering wheel with a white-knuckle grip at 10 and 2.

Vehicle of choice: all-wheel drive (in case the need arises to go off-road), and anything with let’s-open-this-baby-up-on-the-highway speed.

TAURUS ( April 21-May 21 )

Most likely to: sing in the car with the windows down. These lovers of nature also enjoy indulging in the good things in life, and will persevere through heavy traffic to hit the specialty cheese shop across town for its mimolette.

Least likely to: let their car registration tags expire. Taureans often call bull on paying a late fee. They are practical, careful with their money, and have enough patience to diligently shop around for the least expensive gas prices.

Vehicle of choice: anything with loads of legroom, great lumbar supports, and suspension that allows the vehicle to “ride like a marshmallow.”

GEMINI ( May 22-June 21 )

Most likely to: multitask and chat it up while driving (bad news for Geminis who live in states that ban using cell phones while driving). Geminis make the best road-trip partners as their conversation never  dulls, and they are always in a state of wonder no matter how rural Farm Road Where the Eff Are We gets.

Least likely to: sit on their hands while talking. This enthusiastic lot talks with their hands with the energy of a child hopped up on Otter Pops.

Vehicle of choice: zippy compacts

CANCER ( June 22-July 22 )

Most likely to: fume over the unsafe driver who cut them off, trail him all the way to a stoplight while shaking a fist in the air, and then make mean-eyes at said driver when he glances back in the rearview mirror.

Least likely to: hit a squirrel, pigeon, Canadian goose, cat, deer, you get the idea. Cancerians are the warmest and fuzziest of the zodiac signs, with a knack for nurturing.

Vehicle of choice: the vehicle with the highest safety ratings, a quadruple-seatbelt system, and a Jumbotron-size rearview backup camera.

LEO ( July 23-August 22 )

Most likely to: grab the attention of other drivers on the road with a creative vanity plate, their beaming smile, or their courage to boldly lead a caravan of speedsters in the fast lane. These natural leaders love the spotlight, love to play, and love to love. They adore an appreciative audience, even when entertaining a small, sitting-room  crowd while waiting to get an oil change.

Least likely to: talk their way out of a traffic ticket. Although Leos are all heart and have a warm and sunny disposition perfect for winning over Officer Oh-No-You-Didn’t, they cannot, will not, MUST NOT admit they are wrong.

Vehicle of choice: Leos feels confident in any ride, but opt for one that garners them the lion’s share of attention.

VIRGO ( August 23-September 22 )

Most likely to: wash their windows every time they get gas and even volunteer to squeegee their pump-mate’s windshield to validate their own self-worth. Well that, and to temper neuroses that arises over spots, specks, and dashes of dirt.

Least likely to: botch a parking job. Virgos are true perfectionists and have the ability to park with all three sides of their vehicles equidistant from each of the bordering white lines. Their attention to detail also shows in their ability to maintain a highly organized trunk. Often nicknamed the “Killers of Clutter.”

Vehicle of choice: A fuel-efficient vehicle that doesn’t break the bank. Duh.

LIBRA ( September 23-October 22 )

Most likely to: wave hello while driving past strangers, neighbors, dogs even, often garnering a “What tha? Who was that?” look on the recipients’ faces. These light-hearted socialites would go so far as to share the road with a rollerblader because “everyone deserves his own equally proportionate slice of asphalt.” These diplomats will bend over backward to skirt disharmony and keep the peace, but balance things out with a sprinkling of occasional road rage.

Least likely to: make a decision on which tires to buy without asking the clerk 15 questions and then still calling their partner (Librans are rarely without a significant other, or sweets for that matter).

Vehicle of choice: Oh wait, you want me to pick?

SCORPIO ( October 23-November 21 )

Most likely to: psychically anticipate the lane change of fellow drivers, even before they signal. Because they belong to the most passionate of the zodiac signs, Scorpios also will feel deeply hurt if said lane-changers forget to wave “thank you.”

Least likely to: give up. Even when faced with a hellacious line at the DMV, Scorpios persevere, love an intense challenge, and often refuse defeat. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes (of burned out drivers waiting in line for their number to be called), a Scorpio has the ability to be reborn with a new understanding of life (and how to renew their vehicle registration). But don’t sit next to one because they’ll probe until you give them your whole life story without sharing an ounce of their own.

Vehicle of choice: hot-blooded muscle car

SAGITTARIUS ( November 22-December 21 )

Most likely to: reply “You know it!” when asked to road trip on a whim. These free spirits are always up for an adventure and have a burning desire to expand their horizons. At the same time, they have a taste for the extravagant and likely wouldn’t be cool with breaking for a night in any crusty, old, motel.

Least likely to: settle. Sagittarians’ idealism is hard to suppress. Their pie-in-the-sky way of thinking leaves them saying things such as, “If only the DMV had a couple of blackjack tables and a roulette wheel. Then it wouldn’t suck so badly to wait in line.”

Vehicle of choice: sparkling convertible

CAPRICORN ( December 22-January 20 )

Most likely to: heed the posted speed limit, even when running late to the airport. It’s not like there’s only one flight per lifetime, right? When Capricorns have a goal in mind, they possess unwavering determination and patience to achieve it—even if it takes f—o—r—e—v—e—r. These cautious drivers rarely get speeding tickets, yet take their time paying off parking citations.

Least likely to: let another driver into their lane at the last second. This usually goes something like: “Oh I’m sorry, did you want to cut me off and squeeze into my lane because you didn’t patiently wait in line to merge like everyone else? Fat chance!”

Vehicle of choice: sturdy vehicles they can trust (and nickname).

AQUARIUS ( January 21-February 19 )

Most likely to: give a few bucks to the gent standing at the street corner with a cardboard sign that reads: OBAMA ISN’T THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS CHANGE. Plus, these humanitarians can detach themselves from a rush-hour jam to see how each driver is really just a part of a larger organism (called traffic) that moves in the same (albeit slow) direction as one unit.

Least likely to: take orders. Sure, this friendly and helpful lot are all about unity. Just don’t infringe on their freedom to do, think, and drive as they please.

Vehicle of choice: anything electric to match their personality. Original and trendsetting, Aquarians drive today what others will be driving tomorrow.

PISCES ( February 20-March 20 )

Most likely to: daydream while stuck in jeez-this-sucks traffic about some iridescent, far-off wonderland where traffic flows like a bubbling stream and car insurance comes in seven flavors.

Least likely to: fight you for a parking space in the Whole Foods parking lot (and that’s saying a lot. I mean, have you tried peacefully parking at that joint after 5 pm?). In line with their uplifting nature, they might even offer to give you a piggyback ride into the store should they sense you’ve had a long day. That’s because Pisceans are the least selfish and most deeply compassionate fish in the sea.

Vehicle of choice: whatever feels right to them.

Source:https://www.dmv.org/articles/driver-signs-a-zodiac-guide-to-your-road-habits/

Horoscope: Actually, Frankenstein is the doctor. The monster is you.

Be fair, the doctor ain’t jockeying for first in the halo-handout line. 

Horoscope: You know what they say, gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelette. Unfortunately for you that means sacrificing someone close to you to gain immortality. Your lucky color today is yellow.

Please bear in mind that Kurumi here is one of my favorites, and not one of the ones I’d leave behind at a gas station on a long car trip. 

I’m guilty of a lot but playing favorites ain’t one of them. 

Horoscope: Look at you. Barely a month into the new year and you’re already breaking your resolution to stop falling into gorges and getting obnoxiously loud at the sight of babies. 

You’d think gorges would at least be easy to avoid but here we are- stuck in a gorge. 

Horoscope: No matter how bad things get, or how hopeless life may seem, you can always go home again and take it out on your family.

Especially that b*tch Elizabeth. 

Horoscope: Your eyes go black and birds fall out of the sky as you smile for the first time in centuries. All is transpiring according to prophecy.

Picked a bad day to visit the bird sanctuary. 

Horoscope: Give yourself a little credit today. Not everyone could screw up so badly in such a variety of ways. 

Her face is just “I know but-!” 

Horoscope: You’ve always been a fashion-forward trendsetter, which is why, after next Thursday, they’ll all be saying that getting shot in the face is the new Black. 

“And it costs how much!?” 

Horoscope: The stars are just getting: “ Don’t tell me that I scared the goddamn dog. I’m not going to let some goddamn dog tell me how to run my life!” Do you have any idea what that means, Leo? 

Unfortunately, Chiyu knew all too well what that meant. 

Horoscope: Years of enduring the constant, numbing pain of existence will end this week when you discover “whiskey,” a magical drink that makes your problems disappear.

This magical drink is called ‘high powered magnets’ for Lulu there. 

Horoscope: A passionate and intelligent debate over semantics this week will unfortunately get bogged down by pragmatics.

Tag yourself and your friend- or however this hellsite works I don’t know anymore. 

Horoscope: Your idea was brilliantly executed, but even in today’s instant-gratification culture, you won’t sell more than a few dozen copies of Learn Rock Guitar In 45 Seconds.

Call now and receive a free cookbook! It’s all one cake recipe. It’s that strawberry cake. That’s all you EVER GET. 

Horoscope: That high school experiment where you had to take care of an egg for a week like it was your baby will prove nightmarishly prophetic.

Here’s hoping she doesn’t try to give her a bath. 

Horoscope: Exciting changes await you in the coming days as Evolution decides you’ve been getting a little TOO comfy in your unique evolutionary niche.

Laura is pure evil and she’s not even trying to hide it. I haven’t seen this level of pure big-bitch debochin energy since Milk Prime. 

To be clear, this is a VERY VERY GOOD THING. 

See you all on friday! 

Horoscope: The little voice inside your head will be powerless to stop the barrage of Q-tips this week.

Finally, she had managed to get that song out of her head. 

Horoscope: One day you’ll buy the underwear you will die in. Go love somebody.

If she’s taking it as encouragement, so should you. 

Horoscope: The stars want to encourage you in your core beliefs, specifically your saying of: “If you can’t handle me at my worst (crying in the shower), you don’t deserve me at my best (crying in the shower while eating cake).”

The only version of ‘Cooking by the Book’ Hime has heard is the one with Lil’ Jon in it. It got awkward when Megumi and Yuko first brought it up. 

Iona sang along with Hime. 

Horoscope: Conflicts at work and at home are cleared up instantly this week when you decide that all women are basically just crazy bitches.

You, most of all.