#incorrect snape quotes

Random Person (flirting): Are you taken?

Snape:Yeah, for granted.

Snape:Trauma? Oh you mean the reason I’m fucking hilarious.

Harry:Sorry I’m late I had horrible… nightmares … visions.

Snape:Its called life Potter. Sit down.

Snape: I need to get laid-

Lupin:Oh?

Snape:To rest. Put me in my coffin and let my soul ascend.

Lupin(visibly disappointed):Oh.

Snape:Yeah I’m ok! I’m totally ok. I just (takes a deep breath) (starts screaming)

Snape:Did you just flirt with me?

Lupin: I have been for the past 5 months but thanks for noticing.

YoungSnape:Sup, I’m awkward.

(Werewolf Incident)

Dumbledore:10 points from each of your houses for breaking curfew. Also, you will all serve 2 weeks detention starting tomorrow evening.

Sirius:Yes Professor.

James:Sorry, again Professor.

Snape:

Dumbledore:Good I hope you all learn your lesson. Now off to bed with you.

Snape:Hi, excuse me, but what the actually, serious, and genuinefuck?

Lupin:Just overheard a conversation between some student. They think you’re a vampire.

Snape:I wish! Sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and turn into a million bats to get out of social situations. Sign me the fuck up.