#incorrect slytherin quotes
Snape:Yeah I’ll probably die alone.
Waiter:No Sir I said “will you be diningalone”.
Snape:Oh…
Snape:(Rambling on about lacewing flies)
Remus:*affectionately* You’re kinda weird, you know that?
Snape:I like being weird. Weirds all I’ve got.
…
Snape:That, and my sweet style.
Remus:True. All that black is iconic.
Snape:I don’t like people
Lily:Well, that’s not fair, Sev. Have you met all of them?
Snape: I’ve met enough of them … people … what a bunch of bastards
Hermione:Okay so I just logged on the the Cloud as Professor Snape and clicked ‘forgotten password’ and answered his security questions.
Hermione:First up: What is God?
Over text (3)
Slytherin:Answer your phone.
Ravenclaw:Wait a minute, I can’t find it.
Slytherin:Got it
Slytherin, after several minutes: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, rave.
Slytherin: Be the change you want to see in the world.
Slytherin: And if that change involves gaslighting, gatekeeping, and girlbossing, then go for it. You do you.
Over Text (2)
At 2:38, Today
Gryffindor: I love you
At 2:40, Today
Hufflepuff: I love you too <3
Gryffindor: too late
Hufflepuff: You texted me at 2:38, I replied at 2:40.
Gryffindor: What the hell you were doing at 2:39?
Over Text (1)
Hufflepuff: hey do you have anxiety prime.
Ravenclaw: yeah why
Hufflepuff: amazon**
Ravenclaw: I have that too.
Gryffindor: Did you just… agree with me?
Slytherin: Oh I wish I could take-
Gryffindor: Nope! You said it! No take-backs!
Ravenclaw: There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Slytherin: Whatever you say
*A few days later*
Gryffindor, to Ravenclaw: What’s in mango salsa?
Ravenclaw, to Slytherin: I stand corrected.
Slytherin : It’s dark in here
Hufflepuff : Don’t worry dude I got this
Hufflepuff : *Stomps their feet*
Hufflepuff : *Skechers light up*
Slytherin : This is such a bad idea.
Hufflepuff : Then why are you coming along?
Slytherin : One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.
Over the phone
Ravenclaw: How’s the meeting??
Slytherin:I want to stab everyone.
Ravenclaw: Oh, well don’t get blood on your outfit. We have a dinner reservation at seven.
Slytherin: Love you for enabling me.
Ravenclaw: Love you too.
I posted a quote on my main again accidentally -_-
Ravenclaw: This food is too hot. I can’t eat it.
Slytherin: You’re too hot and I still eat you.
Gryffindor:…
Hufflepuff: ONE DINNER! THAT’S ALL I WANTED! ONE DINNER!
Gryffindor and Slytherin: *are fighting*
Ravenclaw, to Slytherin: GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT!!!
Hufflepuff: Oh my god dude.
Ravenclaw: YOU TWIST THAT DICK!!!
Hufflepuff, getting into it: TWIST HIS DICK!
Ravenclaw: GOOD OL’ DICK TWIST!!!
Slytherin: I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here.
Everyone else:…
Slytherin: I’ve decided to live alone.
Everyone:*cheering*
Slytherin: *smiles* Your bags are in the driveway.
Ravenclaw: So in conclusion, you all now have a curfew, which is 10pm. I know a couple of you love that party night life, but i’m putting my foot down.. Any questions?
Gryffindor:*pouting*
Slytherin: Yes, I have a question.
Ravenclaw: Go ahead.
Slytherin: Who the FUCK do you think you are?
Gryffindor: Yeah! What they said!
Slytherin: Let me tuck you in, Gryff.
Gryffindor:
Gryffindor: You are holding a shovel.
Slytherin: Yes, I’ll make sure to spread the dirt as evenly as possible.
gryffindor: so are you straight?
ravenclaw: straight up dead inside.
gryffindor: do children actually like you?
ravenclaw: i’m actually really good with kids!
slytherin: he just despises being around them.
hufflepuff: slytherin isn’t all that bad!
ravenclaw: yeah, she’s a pretty good kisser.
hufflepuff and gryffindor:WHAT
ravenclaw:what
gryffindor: no- she wouldn’t- with you? wait-
hufflepuff: but if you- and then we-
slytherin, from the other room: wow babe, broke them in record time.
ravenclaw: *is hot, angsty, artistic, can bake and can cook*
slytherin: i mean, i hate men, but who knows?
slytherin: i got kicked out of the family because i’m “a liability” and “weak” and “slytherin.” the last one is just my name but you should hear my dad say it.
*Discussing how to deal with the Death Eaters*
Gryffindor: Who do we know that would have handcuffs?
Slytherin: Well, Ravenclaw and I-
Ravenclaw: *elbows Slytherin*
Slytherin: … wouldn’t know.
ravenclaw: wait are you flirting with me?
gryffindor: have been for the past couple of weeks but thank you for noticing.
ravenclaw: *talking about his ex boyfriends*
slytherin: does that mean you um, you just swing that way?
ravenclaw: of course not. i swing all ways. i wield a sword.
slytherin: that’s not what i meant-
slytherin: have you ever seen something that changes your life and you’re just like ‘huh’.
ravenclaw: i saw you.
slytherin: honestly that’s very sweet but it really makes this awkward because i was going to show you a photo of a five scoop ice-cream.
hufflepuff: dude are you even human?
ravenclaw: i’m human shaped.
hufflepuff:
hufflepuff: that was not the answer i expected nor wanted.
Gryffindor: What are your three best qualities?
Hufflepuff: I’m gay. I have soft hair. And sometimes I cry because I love my friends.
Slytherin: I’m also gay. I’m full of rage, and nothing can stop me once I’m in motion.
ravenclaw: i’m asexual. i look like a tiktok eboy, but i’ll actually care about your problems.
ravenclaw: are you vegetarian?
slytherin: no, i’m an aquarius
hufflepuff: sly you’re a taurus
gryffindor: i thought she was american
slytherin: i’ll destroy everything you love.
ravenclaw: i love you.
slytherin:
slytherin, flustered: w-well, jokes on you asshole! i’m self-destructive!
slytherin: have you been yelled at by ravenclaw?
gyffindor: i’m not scared of him.
slytherin: so that’s a no.
ravenclaw: slytherin pissed me off today so i told her i can’t wait to see what she has planned for our special day tomorrow.
ravenclaw: there is nothing special about tomorrow.
ravenclaw: but there is something special about watching the color leave her face as the panic takes over.