#intp humor
To the people who say to combat the fear of public speaking by picturing everyone naked:
WALKING INTO A ROOM OF NAKED PEOPLE IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY WORST NIGHTMARES
HOW DOES THAT MAKE IT BETTER?!????
I would rather do public speaking
captainiwasntreadyforconcrete:
captainiwasntreadyforconcrete:
INTP: I can’t wait for cooler weather when I can break out my sweaters.
INTP: *gazes longingly at their fall clothes which consist entirely of oversized grey sweaters*
INTP: fall is truly for fashion
INTP: I can’t wait for warmer weather when I can break out my summer wardrobe
INTP: *gazes longingly at pile of black oversized t-shirts*
INTP: summer is truly for fashion
It is rather concerning so many of you relate to this because there is a definitely a correlation between the number of black sweaters you own and your need for therapy
Things on my dad’s bookshelf that just make sense:
My depression has been being a real jerk recently but then I remembered it’s now 13 years old. The poor thing is a teenager and I never told it about puberty. Now I am the jerk.
Today I was told I was a force of chaos that makes it feel like I actively choose to not be an adult
Thank you for noticing, sir
You call it hangry, I call it nourishing my soul off of the tears of my enemies
Today a coworker. Who is a Hispanic man in his 30s. Told me he never made it to the back.
And I was like “oh yes, gotta skip it for *aesthetic reasons*”
He looked at me like the idiot I am and just walked away.
Life is short. Might as well make it shorter by using spinning office chairs as ladders
Not to alarm anyone but I wrote my high school crush and he wrote me back. Nobody panic though. It’s not like he got cuter with age or anything.
I am one aggravation away from getting skull earrings and when people ask about them telling them my life is a memento mori
Person: do you even have friends?
INTP: wow, harsh. I will have you know I still occasionally text two people I knew in college, thank you
captainiwasntreadyforconcrete:
Professor: hey! How are you doing?!??
INTP: oh ya know, the usual. Gradually losing my mind.
Professor: hun, you know I love you like a daughter, but you should know you lost that years ago
Professor: *looks INTP up and down and sees rose quartz necklace*
Professor: you know rose quartz is supposed to attract love
INTP: that’s cool Professor
Professor: I think you are going to need some bigger stones. That one isn’t working
INTP: my personality cancels out the quartz
Professor: hey! How are you doing?!??
INTP: oh ya know, the usual. Gradually losing my mind.
Professor: hun, you know I love you like a daughter, but you should know you lost that years ago
When I was 13 I was making breakfast on a gas stove and caught a hot pad on fire. After standing there looking at the flaming hot pad in my hand, I dumped it in the sink setting off a plume of steam and smoke…just as my dad walked in.
He poured a cup of coffee, took a sip, nodded, and left.
Coworker *eying INTP making coffee at 9:00 PM with concern*
Coworker: just how much caffeine does it take to run an INTP?
INTP: a lot. I am not a very fuel efficient model
INTP: well, now that I work nights I am no longer a “normal person”
Friend:…um…you have never been a normal person???
INTP: I can’t wait for cooler weather when I can break out my sweaters.
INTP: *gazes longingly at their fall clothes which consist entirely of oversized grey sweaters*
INTP: fall is truly for fashion
Coworker: you are so awkward there is literally no way you aren’t the main character
INTP:…uh….thanks?
8 year old me: I am going to grow up to be tall, beautiful, and graceful
Adult me: just whacked my nose on a shelf while trying to put on a hat. A shelf that would only be nose height if you are below the national average.
INTP: I am thinking about being emo
ENTP: you….
ENTP: you still listen to My Chemical Romance
ENTP: pretty sure you are already Emo
INTP: …well then I definitely need some cooler clothes
INTP: hey quick question. I accidentally turned on “feeling” how do I switch it off? It’s getting depressing.
ENTP: tragically, once you open that jar you can never put the lid back on and it stinks
INFJ: first off guys, mixed metaphors. Gotta work on that
Mom: you should have dated him. He literally told me that he liked you because you weren’t like other girls
INTP: you are aware that is not an uncommon comment I get on my life, right?
Sometimes I scroll through my posts and I am like, man am I funny. Depressed, but funny
Dude: can I have your number?
INTP *loud buffering noise*
Dude: ?
INTPs be like, yes I need all 70 of these tabs. No I don’t remember what they all are I just know they are there for a very specific rabbit trail I wanna go down
INFJ: see like, I am always going to pick the individual over the whole. If INTP murdered a bunch of people I wouldn’t turn them in. Besides, if you were driven to murder they probably deserved it.
INTP: I am flattered but mildly concerned
