#jarley

Joker deserves better than Harley dedicating her whole life to him and then just breaking up with him ESPECIALLY in this specific universe and version where he doesn’t abuse her and dedicated it all to her too I’m-

Harley, jokingly: I should have Mr. J kill you for that.

Joker, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Harley:Wh- no Puddin, I was just kidding around.

Joker, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you?

Joker: *walks into the room with a giant stuffed animal* Guess who made 15 baskets in a row at the carnival?

Harley: Some kid we beat up!

Both: *High fives*

[Phone rings]

Frost: *holding the phone* Boss, it’s your girlfriend.

Joker: *grabs the phone* Harley is not my girlfriend.

Joker: *into the phone* What is it pumpkin?

Joker: Listen, Doctor-

Harleen: Please, call me Harleen.

Joker: I’d rather not. If I named you, I might get attached.

Ivy: If he doesn’t treat you right by now, you’re gone.

Harley: I’m gone.

Ivy: nOW GO CHOP HIS DICK OFF

Batman: I’m taking you in Joker.

Joker: Let me ask Harley.

Batman: That’s not how it work-

Joker: She said no.

Batman: What is it exactly that you do?

Harley: Kick names, take ass.

Joker:*facepalms*

Joker: Y'know, that doesn’t sound like an apology.

Harley: Bite me.

Joker:*Pins Harley to a wall*

Joker: If you’re not careful *Leans in*

Joker: I just might.

Harley: *is shook*

[Knocking on the door]

Harley: You wanna get that?

Joker: And interact with people? No, thanks.

Joker: *licks the chip Harley was about to eat* I licked it therefore it is mine.

Harley: *licks the Joker*

Joker: Well played.

Dr. Leland: Where have you been?

Harleen, coming back from a therapy session with the Joker: Emotional hell.

Joker: Harley, pumpkin pie let go of daddy’s leg.

Harley::(

Joker:my clients are staring.

Harley::(

Joker: get ahold of yourself woman.

Mob boss, being attacked by Harley: Get this bitch off of me!

Joker, unenthusiastically: Stop. Bad girl. No.

Joker: I’m ignoring you.

Harley:…

Joker: I said I’m ignoring you.

Harley:…

Joker: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!

Harley, throws her head on Joker’s lap and looks up at him: Puddin, tell me I’m pretty.

Joker, rests his hand on Harley’s cheek and smiles lovingly at her: You’re pretty fucking annoying that’s what you are.

Harley: My food’s too hot I can’t eat it.

Joker: You’re too hot but I still eat you.

Harley:

Harley: Fuck Mr. J!

Ivy: Yes, fuck Mr. J, I think you’d both like that.

[Harley, hiding behind a wall, waiting]

[Joker walks by]

Harley:BOO

Joker: AAAA, stooooop, I could’ve dropped my croissant!

Frost:*snorts*

Harley: When you said you did magic in bed, this isn’t what I expec-

Joker: (holding up ace of spades) Is this your card?

Harley: (softly) holy shit.

Harley: Puddin, someone set a fire in your car because you took too long and I got bored.