#king of gotham

Harley, jokingly: I should have Mr. J kill you for that.

Joker, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Harley:Wh- no Puddin, I was just kidding around.

Joker, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you?

Joker: *walks into the room with a giant stuffed animal* Guess who made 15 baskets in a row at the carnival?

Harley: Some kid we beat up!

Both: *High fives*

Therapist: Describe yourself in one word.

Joker:Indescribable.

[Phone rings]

Frost: *holding the phone* Boss, it’s your girlfriend.

Joker: *grabs the phone* Harley is not my girlfriend.

Joker: *into the phone* What is it pumpkin?

Joker: Listen, Doctor-

Harleen: Please, call me Harleen.

Joker: I’d rather not. If I named you, I might get attached.

Arkham Guard: This area is off limits to patients.

Joker: I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.

Ivy: If he doesn’t treat you right by now, you’re gone.

Harley: I’m gone.

Ivy: nOW GO CHOP HIS DICK OFF

Batman: I’m taking you in Joker.

Joker: Let me ask Harley.

Batman: That’s not how it work-

Joker: She said no.

Batman: What is it exactly that you do?

Harley: Kick names, take ass.

Joker:*facepalms*

Joker: Y'know, that doesn’t sound like an apology.

Harley: Bite me.

Joker:*Pins Harley to a wall*

Joker: If you’re not careful *Leans in*

Joker: I just might.

Harley: *is shook*

[Knocking on the door]

Harley: You wanna get that?

Joker: And interact with people? No, thanks.

Joker: *licks the chip Harley was about to eat* I licked it therefore it is mine.

Harley: *licks the Joker*

Joker: Well played.

Joker: Harley, pumpkin pie let go of daddy’s leg.

Harley::(

Joker:my clients are staring.

Harley::(

Joker: get ahold of yourself woman.

Mob boss, being attacked by Harley: Get this bitch off of me!

Joker, unenthusiastically: Stop. Bad girl. No.

Joker: I’m ignoring you.

Harley:…

Joker: I said I’m ignoring you.

Harley:…

Joker: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!

Harley, throws her head on Joker’s lap and looks up at him: Puddin, tell me I’m pretty.

Joker, rests his hand on Harley’s cheek and smiles lovingly at her: You’re pretty fucking annoying that’s what you are.

Harley: My food’s too hot I can’t eat it.

Joker: You’re too hot but I still eat you.

Harley:

Arkham guard: Sir, you can’t be here.

Joker: But I AM here.

Arkham guard: I understand that, but you can’t be in this area.

Joker: I think I’ve definitely shown that is not true.

Harley: Fuck Mr. J!

Ivy: Yes, fuck Mr. J, I think you’d both like that.

[Harley, hiding behind a wall, waiting]

[Joker walks by]

Harley:BOO

Joker: AAAA, stooooop, I could’ve dropped my croissant!

Frost:*snorts*